* * * * *
After the service the next Sunday, pastor Walling approached Chris. “How are things going, son?”
Son, a word that would have made Chris attack when he arrived here now made him feel warm and loved. It was a word that meant acceptance rather than ridicule.
“As well as can be expected.” Chris answered. “It took a lot, but I finally convinced Hanna that I was telling the truth. We have been preparing for my departure to be tomorrow night.”
Pastor Walling lowered his head.
“I wanted to talk to you about something, if I may..” Chris began waiting for an accepting nod from the pastor. “For the well being of Hanna and our child, we have decided that it would be best that it be presumed that I am dead. A death certificate would allow Hanna to eventually move on. I have not mentioned to her that you know of my circumstances and I would like to keep it that way until I am gone. If she approaches you for support later, then I don’t mind that you offer that support with your knowledge of the truth, she may feel less alone, knowing that you know and understand as well.”
The pastor gave another nod but with wondering eyes.
“I am not asking you to lie, I could never..” Chris continued. “but if you could possibly go along with our plan for my ‘death’, it would be appreciated. I just feel it’s further protection for the loved ones I’m leaving behind.”
“I understand how you feel Christopher.” The pastor replied. “I can assure you that I will follow what God tells me to do. I cannot make you a promise for your plan unless it is God’s plan as well. I hope you understand that.”
“Yes, I do pastor. Thank you.” Chris said. Pastor Walling placed his hand on Chris’ shoulder, gave it a squeeze and lowered his head.
“Son, you have been a great asset to this town and I wish you safe travels. I will also pray for your life success and happiness, Chris. You will be missed.” He gave Chris’ shoulder another squeeze and turned from him.
Chris looked over to the wagon which held his family. Mr. and Mrs. Browley, Hanna, Priscilla and Mason. “You ‘bout ready?” Mr. Browley shouted out.
“Hanna, Priscilla, would you give me a hand setting the table?” Mrs. Browley asked her daughters. Chris, Mason and Mr. Browley relaxed in the parlor after finishing the milking.
“Sir.” Chris stated knowing that he could not leave this place without telling everyone how he felt. “something has been weighing heavy on my mind lately that I have never thanked you for the help and guidance that you have offered me during my time here. It has been a blessing to me to have stumbled upon such a wonderful family who took me in, no questions asked and with no judgment. I give a huge amount of credit to you all for what I have learned about love, acceptance, faith and of myself. I again thank you.”
“Well, son. Thank you. I remind you, though that you did the foot work yourself. Between you and God is what made you strong. I felt him working through me to give you the nudge but you should give the credit to our Almighty.” Chris nodded, knowing he was right. “I do appreciate that, though. What brought that on?”
“Oh, nothing. Like I said, it was just weighing on my mind, is all.” Chris said, clearing his throat.
“Dinner is ready.” Mrs. Browley announced from the kitchen.
They all gathered around the table taking their seats. ‘This is it.’ Chris thought. ‘This is the last time I will be with this family. Please God, make my thoughts be incorrect. Please allow me to stay and enjoy next Sunday’s meal with Hanna and the whole family. I beg of you, Lord. Hear my prayer.’
Chris looked at Hanna until her eyes met his. He offered her a subtle nod asking nonverbally of her permission to say what they had rehearsed the day before. She lowered her eyes to the table then looked up at him with a slight nod. Chris could tell she was fighting back the tears.
“I was planning a trip to Branson tomorrow.” Chris began trying to sound convincing.
“What on Earth for?” Mrs. Browley asked handing Chris a bowl of green beans.
“I wanted to check out the supplier that Mr. Kinsley had mentioned for his ore’s. He had said something about trying something new.” Chris vaguely stated.
“It’s awfully odd for Mr. Kinsley to send you on a trip when you no longer work for him.” Mr. Browley stated wrinkling his brow.
“Oh, Mr. Kinsley is not sending me. This is something I thought of on my own. A bit of a surprise for him, I guess. I figured now is the time to go, before the harvest, before Hanna starts school and she is over her morning sickness. I should only be gone..” Chris started choking on his words. “for a few days.”
“Hmm.. would you like me to join you?” Mr. Browley asked.
“That would be nice but you have so much to tend to here. I would welcome some time to myself. Thank you for offering though. I would appreciate if someone could check on and tend to my animals for me while I am gone. It goes without saying, as well, that you all take good care of my Hanna.”
Chris looked to Hanna who’s eyes drooped heavier. “If you will all excuse me, I need to use the necessary.” She exclaimed pushing her chair back and almost running from the table.
“Oh, the joys of being with child..” Mrs. Browley stated with a smile. “Of course we will take care of things while you’re gone, Chris. It does go without saying.”
Chris’ heart hung heavy as he watched Hanna quickly walk through the parlor, hearing the back door slam shut. He had hurt her again but they both decided that it would be best to start her story of what happened to him early, giving a larger possibility of it being believed. ‘If God answers my prayer and he keeps me here, I could just tell everyone that I decided to postpone the trip.’ Chris thought.
He wanted to go after Hanna but decided not to. It would be hard to explain why he followed her to the outhouse. He knew she was in there in tears though and that broke his heart in two.
“You’re such a wonderful cook, Mrs. Browley.” Chris exclaimed trying to clear his thoughts.
“Why thank you, Chris.” she thankfully replied.
“You have taken such good care of me since I’ve met you. I really appreciate it and you have shown me what a true mother can be like.”
“That is very sweet of you to say. I appreciate it.” she smiled and gave Chris a wink.
“I couldn’t have asked for a better little brother or sister, either.” he said with a wink to Priscilla and Mason.
There was so much more he wanted to say to the four of them but thought against it as more would have caused questions and wonderings. He got out what he needed to get out. Oh, how he would miss this family.
Monday morning, afternoon and evening flew past. Chris decided to walk his property, soaking in as much as he could, storing it away in the back compartments of his brain. The field flowed with golden precision, the tree line behind the field looked as though they held up the sun as it slowly sunk behind them.
‘The last sunset I’ll see in 1869?’ Chris thought looking toward the heavens. He took off his hat and closed his eyes allowing the breeze to flow through his hair. He took in a deep breath of the fresh, clean, country air.
“Baa..aaa.” Trudy bleated as she nudged Chris’ behind. He turned and gave her a pat on the head. “You be a good girl, now.” he said to her. Chris turned and headed for the barn.
“Oh, Gus and Gertie.” He said when he approached the horse pen. “I can’t believe how much I’ll miss you two as well. I think it’s just the fact that I will miss everything about this entire place.” he said to them as if they understood. He reached out and stroked each of their noses.
An overwhelming feeling consumed him to where he dropped to his knees right onto the hay covered floor of the barn.
“God, please allow me to stay. I can’t tell you the emptiness that I already feel inside leaving this world behind. Why did you send me here to find the love of my
life just to rip her away from me? I need Hanna, dear Lord. I need my child with me. I cannot fathom the thought of leaving them behind. Please God, please allow me to stay here with them.”
Chris dropped down into the hay and began sobbing uncontrollably. ‘This is it.’ He thought. ‘I am leaving the place I feel I belong. Last year, this would have been welcomed. I tried to leave this place that I thought horrid but now... now, I’m home. I finally feel that I’m home and now I have to go back.’
“Please, God!” He said out loud in one final plea.
Chris took in some deep breaths and stood, brushing the hay from himself. He took one last look around the barn and headed through the yard and back up to the house. He turned from the front door and took one last look at where this all started. The sod house. The bed of only criss-crossed ropes, the windowless, door-less home he used to live in by himself. That was only months ago but so many wonderful things have happened since. Helping with the construction of his new home and both barns, marrying his love, learning to blacksmith and finding out of his first child. His first child that he may never be able to meet.
Chris placed his hand on the door but looked up, first, with another silent plea. No words were necessary for God knew what was in his heart.
* * * * *
Hanna clung to Chris when they crawled into bed that night as if she was ready to fight God to keep her husband. “Oh, Christopher.” she wailed.
“It’s alright, Hanna. It’s Gods will where ever I go. Please remember all of the things you helped teach me. Trust, obedience. Please also remember how much I have always and will always love and adore you. You have changed my life and you will always be in my heart."
"You will always be in mine.” she said, barely audible through her tears. “I love you so much, Christopher. I cannot imagine my life without you.”
“I have said countless prayers, pleading for God not to take me from my family. We don’t know yet what will happen. We need to go to sleep tonight with complete trust in our creator.”
Hanna nodded and squeezed out the last of her tears. Her blue eyes shined and sparkled even in the darkness of the night. Chris brushed the hair from her face and gave her a long, firm but tender kiss. “Goodnight, my love.” He said to her.
After Hanna had fallen asleep, Chris watched her. Her every breath, the way her forehead slightly crinkled. He stroked her cheek with the back of his hand and inhaled her scent, determined that he would never forget it.
Exhaustion consumed his eyes. He gave Hanna one last kiss on the cheek and whispered one last plea to God. He wrapped his arms tightly around his wife and quickly drifted off to sleep.
###
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