Chapter 15
June 2004
The small bedroom was void of all noise save the slow beep of machinery. Blankets lay just right across the man’s chest but there was no sign of appreciation on his face; there was no sign of life at all.
“Ellis, I’d like you to meet Jake,” Sara said as she sat in a chair beside the man’s bed and took his hand.
Ellis lingered halfway between the door and Jake’s bed. The man before him was pale and thin. Medical machinery surrounded his bed, and there were vases of flowers, predominantly dandelions, scattered about the room. He noticed a small shelf by the window with a single snow globe on it. Its white flakes rested around the small church within, unstirred.
It was as if all life had halted within these four walls. Ellis was standing in the presence of death and it felt all too familiar.
Knowing how important and difficult bringing him here must have been for Sara, Ellis willed himself to sit in a chair opposite her. The first thing he noticed was that Jake’s eyes were partially opened but void of life. Then he noticed the round scar just beneath the hairline where he assumed Office Clem’s bullet had entered.
“He’s in a coma?”
“Permanent vegetative state,” Sara corrected.
“Is there a difference?”
“It started as a coma, but then he woke up and there was nothing there. This was it. His condition was labeled a vegetative state at that point. They classified it as a persistent vegetative state after four weeks, and it became permanent after a year.”
“How long has it been?” Ellis asked softly.
“Seven years,” a feminine but wispy voice answered from the doorway.
Jake turned to find a frail looking woman, possibly aged beyond her years, with dark gray hair and wrinkles surrounding her eyes and mouth. Like Jake, there was little sign of life in her face.
“My son has been gone for seven years, now.”
“I’m sorry, ma’am,” Ellis said.
“Ellis, this is Rachel,” Sara said with a half-smile. “She and Jake are the ones I visit every Sunday if you remember my mentioning that.”
Ellis nodded and wondered if he should shake Rachel’s hand but ultimately decided that it would be unnecessary. Jake’s mother joined them and checked a few readings on the medical equipment that Ellis recognized from his time sitting beside Mandy. Unsure of what to say, Ellis opted to simply remain silent. Rachel kissed her son on the forehead before turning to go.
“Stay as long as you like, Sara. And it was nice meeting you, Mr. Barnes. Beverly Campbell and Melba Acres speak highly of you.”
Rachel vanished through the doorway, and Ellis was engulfed by the silence that followed. The slow beep of machinery only added to the hopelessness filling the room. He wished he could think of something to say—anything.
“Dandelions were our flower,” Sara finally said, nodding toward a vase on the end table. “He gave me some the first day we met, and it became a thing between us. I know they’re just weeds, but it doesn’t matter.” She grew quiet again as she stared at them. Then she looked at the door, at Jake, and then back at Ellis. Her face was etched with a tiredness that he had never seen before. “Do you understand now?”
Ellis stared at Sara and her deep, green eyes stared back. He had once been so turned on by those eyes, but now he felt as if gazing into them violated her somehow. He looked away.
“Seven years is a long time to be alone,” he said, “but how can you move on when he’s still here?”
“Yes,” she whispered. “Thank you for understanding that. A lot of people can’t see why I stay with him, why I don’t move on. Not even my own mother.”
“Do you still love him?”
“I’ll always love him, just like you’ll always love Mandy.”
Ellis genuinely cared for Sara, but not in the way he cared for Mandy. He loved Mandy. He wasn’t sure if anyone could ever fill that void. That was the reason he wanted to stop himself from talking to Sara on that first day; it wasn’t fair to her. He wasn’t ready to pursue another relationship.
He took a quiet breath and opted to change the subject.
“Is the machinery keeping him alive?” he asked.
“They’re just for monitoring. He only needs fed and cleaned; his body does the rest on its own.”
“Is there any hope?”
“I’d like to think so.”
Despite her words, Sara shook her head no. This confused Ellis at first, but then he remembered something Buck had told him while Mandy was sick. Some believed that comatose victims could still hear while unconscious, and Sara was staying positive for Jake’s sake—just in case—but her hope had long run out.
“What’s been done for him?”
“Everything.”
He nodded and studied the man that had once been her world. He watched the way she caressed his hand but there was something lacking in it. How often had she done this? How long before it became habit? He wondered whether she realized she was doing it or not.
Seven years.
Sara had kissed Ellis before bringing him to meet Jake, and now he understood why. It wasn’t romantic. It was a gesture of understanding. He sat beside Mandy for three weeks before she died, and now Sara thought she’d found someone who understood her because of that. Three weeks wasn’t seven years. He had no idea what Sara was going through or how she continued to move forward day after day.
“Would you like to go?” she asked.
He nodded.
She kissed Jake’s scruffy cheek and they left the room, closing the door behind them. They had just reached the bottom of the stairs when Ellis stopped and began patting his pockets.
“I’ve dropped my keys.”
“Go get them. I’ll let Rachel know we’re leaving.”
Ellis hesitated as he approached the door. The feeling of walking into a room, knowing the condition of the person inside, reminded him far too much of Mandy’s last days. He took a long, deep breath and held it as he entered. Nothing had changed in the past minute, so he exhaled slowly and took his keys from the chair he’d been sitting in.
Then, though he wasn’t planning to, Ellis sat back down and rested his elbows on the side of the bed. He studied the scar near Jake’s hairline and cautiously slid his hand beneath the man’s head. There was no damage to the back of the skull. The bullet hadn’t gone clean through. Jake’s right hand, however, was horribly scarred, and Ellis wondered if perhaps his hand had slowed the bullet enough to keep it from killing him. Not that this form of living was much better. Maybe it would have been best if Office Clem’s bullet had finished the job—for Sara at least.
“You have a good girl, Jake,” he found himself saying. “I don’t know if you can hear me or not, but she’s still waiting for you.” He laughed at himself for doing this. “My name’s Ellis Barnes. I just met Sara a few days ago, and I’ll be honest, I could have easily fallen in love with her. She’s yours, though, and I won’t step on your toes. I’m not what she needs, anyway.”
He sighed, not really sure why he was talking to Jake to begin with, and stood to leave. He stopped before reaching the door, however, and looked back hesitantly, choking back tears. “I don’t understand your condition, but if you’re maybe halfway here and there—if you see a girl named Mandy Gable, tell her I still love her and that I miss her.” He knew it made no sense. He laughed humorlessly at himself. “I’ll talk to you later, Jake. It was nice meeting you.”