As the days wear on, a comforting sense of apathy wraps its arms around me. For the first time since discovering the mark inscribed upon my wrist, there are hours and sometimes days when I cannot find the energy to worry about the prophecy and my place in it. Times when I think I would be just as happy to see it end with Samael ruling our world in darkness as I would to see him banished from it forever.
Now it does not always seem to matter how it ends. So long as it ends.
I believe I manage to hide my growing sense of complacency behind casual conversation and forced smiles, but I cannot be certain. I no longer trust my perception of anything at all. It is entirely possible that Brigid, Dimitri, and Gareth are already aware of my frightening lack of commitment to ending the prophecy. Yet even this leaves me unconcerned. I am resigned to my fate, whatever it may be.
By the eighth night of our travel, I have become accustomed to staying up well after Brigid goes to bed and Gareth has taken up his post at the other side of camp. I will not be able to delay sleep forever. But every hour spent by the warmth of the campfire, a blanket wrapped around my shoulders, is one less I’ll spend with the Souls haunting my slumber. I stare into the flames, my mind terrifyingly blank.
“Here. Have some of this.” Dimitri approaches from the periphery of my vision, handing me a steaming cup of tea. He lowers himself to the ground beside me. “It will help you sleep.”
I take the cup but do not drink from it. “I don’t want to sleep.”
Dimitri sighs. It is a heavy, tired sigh, and I feel a moment’s regret for causing him worry. “Lia, you must. There is still much to do, and you must be strong for what’s ahead.”
I glance at him sharply. “I am strong.”
He reaches over, taking my hand in his. When he speaks, his voice is soft and full of sadness. “I’m only trying to care for you at a time when it is difficult for you to care for yourself.”
A lump of sadness suddenly blocks my throat, and I squeeze Dimitri’s hand. “I’m sorry. It’s just…”
I feel his gaze on my face even as I stare into the fire. “What is it?”
I turn to look at him, wanting to lose myself in the depths of his inky eyes. “I’m afraid to sleep. My dreams are… well, they’re frightening, Dimitri.”
“So, tell me. Tell me about your dreams so I can share your burden.”
I hesitate, wondering how much to tell him in the moment before I decide to tell him everything.
“They chase me.” It is a whisper, and I wonder if I have even spoken aloud.
“Who chases you?”
I stare down at my cup as if the murky liquid within will make it easier to speak of the demons that hunt me in my dreams. “The Souls. The Hounds. Samael. Everyone.”
Dimitri’s fingers wrap around my own and remove my hand from the cup. Taking it from me, he sets it on the ground at my feet and pulls me into his arms, tucking my head under his chin.
“Are they dreams? Or are the Souls pulling you into the Plane as you sleep?”
I burrow closer to his chest, finding comfort in the scent of him. It is wood and fire smoke and chill spring air. “I don’t believe I’m traveling. But they seem to be more than simple dreams as well.”
“What do you mean?” His voice is a rumble from his chest under my ear.
“It’s difficult to explain. I don’t feel as if I am on the Plane, and yet each time I dream of the Souls, they’re closer. And somehow I’m certain they’ll continue to get closer with each passing day, and that if ever they’re allowed to catch me, dream or not, I’ll never wake again. I’ll be stranded in the Void forever.”
There is a moment when he says nothing, and I wonder if I’ve gone mad after all. If he is contemplating my madness and his response to it. But then he breathes deeply and begins to speak, his voice gentle.
“They cannot take you to the Void unless they capture your Soul on the Plane, and you have already said you don’t believe you’re traveling.”
“Yes.”
“Then… what? If you don’t believe you’re traveling, why do you fear capture and banishment to the Void?”
I hear the dread in his voice. It makes me hesitant to tell him, for what if he no longer trusts me? What if he doubts my commitment to closing the Gate? I think of James, of my unwillingness to share myself with him fully and the consequences of keeping my secrets. Am I willing to lose Dimitri to the same fate? To the wedge that will be driven between us if I cannot be wholly myself in his presence?
I pull away to look at him. “Sometimes I feel as if they’re inside my head. As if everything is not as it seems and they’re manipulating me to their own cause. As if all the things I believe to be true are only a figment of my imagination, so that I’m never quite sure if my reality is accurate. It makes me think of my father and his fall into the Plane. I understand now why he would be vulnerable to the Souls masked as my mother.” I force myself to continue. If I am to be true to Dimitri, to our love, I must say it all. “I may not be traveling while I sleep, but the truth of it is, I don’t trust myself enough to be sure.”
He pulls me closer, his arms wrapping me tightly. I feel in this moment that nothing could separate us, in this world or any other.
“It doesn’t matter.” He kisses the top of my head. “I trust you, Lia.”
And I know from his fevered embrace that the words he speaks are true.
28
We are still miles from London when we see the smoke from the city’s street lamps rising into the darkening sky. I would like to say that I’m happy to see the city looming in the distance. It is the closest thing I have had to a home since leaving Birchwood and New York. But it is impossible to assign so simple an emotion to the feelings that swirl through my heart. I’m happy that I’ll be able to sleep in a proper bed, though sleep is no longer the release it once was. I’m happy that I’ll see Aunt Virginia, for I crave her unique brand of motherly attention and quiet strength.
Yet, there are other matters that cause my stomach to tighten with worry.
I will have to face Sonia and Luisa and my own lack of forgiveness, even as I tell them about my betrayal at the hands of the Souls. I will have to come to terms with the fact that there are now four keys instead of three, and it will be necessary to bring Brigid into the already tense fold.
Most worrisome of all, I will have to confront Alice. I will have to attempt to bring her to our side, though at this moment, nothing seems more impossible.
“Are you worried, Lia?” Brigid’s voice is soft beside me as we pass a weary young mother and her two small children on the road leaving London.
I nod, both embarrassed and relieved that my emotions now show so easily on my face. I suppose I no longer have the energy to contain them.
She smiles. “There is great kindness in your heart. Your friends must see it, too. I feel sure they’ll understand.”
I reach down to stroke Sargent’s neck as I speak. “I hope so. I’m afraid… Well, I’m afraid I’ve not been much of a friend.”
“We all fall short at times, don’t you think?” she asks. “But we forgive others their shortcomings and hope they will do the same for us.”
“Perhaps. But that’s the thing; I have not forgiven their shortcomings as readily as you forgave mine. Now…” I sigh. “Well, now I suppose it seems unfair to expect them to extend that kindness to me.”
She smiles. “The closest I’ve come to friendship is what I’ve read in books. That, and this journey with you,” she laughs. “But it does seem that it’s more about acceptance than fairness. Unless I’m just being naive.”
I find a measure of comfort in the simplicity of her ideals. Perhaps she is right, and we can all find a way to forgive one another after all.
I grin at her. “You’re very wise for so sheltered a girl. And brave, too.”
She throws her head back and laughs. “Then I am putting a good face on things. I assure you, I’m trembling on the inside.”
??
?Well, you’re not alone, Brigid.” The lightheartedness of the moment evaporates as I look toward the city. “You’re not alone.”
I am surprised when Dimitri dismounts, handing his horse off to one of the stable hands at Milthorpe Manor.
“Board him with the others, will you?” he says.
I give Sargent to the same stable boy and turn to Dimitri in surprise. “But… don’t you have to get back to the Society?”
Dimitri shakes his head. “I told you I was going to stay with you until this is over, and that is what I mean to do.”
It takes me a moment to understand. “You plan to stay here? At Milthorpe Manor?”
“I plan to stay with you while you sleep, as I promised.”
“In my bedroom?” I cannot keep the incredulity from my voice.
He raises his eyebrows, and even now I think I see a hint of his wicked charm. “Unless you plan to sleep elsewhere, yes, I imagine that’s where I’ll have to stay.”
Brigid looks on, pressing her lips together in an attempt to hold back the smile.
“But Aunt Virginia will never allow it! People will… Well, they’ll talk!” It seems a bit late to worry about our impropriety, but staying together on Altus or in the woods of England seems a different matter from allowing a gentleman in my private chamber in the heart of the city.
“I think we have bigger problems than the gossips of London, don’t you?” He doesn’t wait for my answer. He simply takes my arm and looks up at Gareth, still on horseback. “Do you remember the address?”
Gareth nods. “I’ll get settled and come back here tomorrow.”
“You’re staying in London?” Obviously, plans have been made without my knowledge, but I cannot bring myself to mind when I think of how safe I feel in Gareth’s company.
He nods. “I am, my Lady. I cannot see you this far only to turn my back. Dimitri informed me of your, er, trouble, after—”
I turn to Dimitri, my face flushing with shock. “You told him? About our journey, about… everything?”
There is no apology in Dimitri’s eyes. Only resolve. “It makes no sense to keep it from him after everything that has happened. Besides, we need every trusted ally we have, and I think we can agree there are few more trusted than Gareth.”
Gareth has held me in such high esteem. I wonder how this new knowledge, the prophecy and my dark place in it, will affect his feelings for me. But when I turn to him there are only compassion and affection in his kind blue eyes.
“Of course,” I say, trying to smile. “I’m happy to have you with us, Gareth, though it does add to my concern. I wouldn’t like for you to be hurt or used.”
“No need to worry over me, my Lady. It is those who dare to threaten you for whom you should pray.” He smiles, but there is no pleasure in it. For a moment, I fear for anyone on the other end of that smile. He continues, “I’ll stay and make the trip to Avebury with you as an added assurance against trouble along the way. I do believe Lady Abigail, may she rest in peace and harmony, would approve.”
“I do believe you’re right,” I say softly.
He turns his horse with a nod. “I’ll see you in the morning then.” Looking back, he flashes Dimitri and me a devious grin. “Sleep well.”
It is not Sonia and Luisa, standing quietly near Helene, that garner my attention, but Aunt Virginia. Even in the dim glow of the fire and small lamps scattered throughout the parlor, I can see that she does not look well.
“Lia! You’re home!” She rises to meet us, with help from Helene.
Hurrying to her side, I cannot help but notice the slight stoop in her posture, or the wrinkles that seem deeper, despite the fact that I have been gone for only a month.
“Aunt Virginia! I’m so happy to be back!” I wrap her in a gentle embrace. “I wanted to send word that we were on our way, but there was no one whom we trusted with the message.”
“It’s quite all right, my dear. I was worried, but I had a feeling you would appear soon.”
I pull back, staring into her face. “Was everything well while we were gone?”
She nods, but I see the hesitation in her eyes and know she has much to tell me in private. “Everything was fine. Sonia and Luisa became better acquainted with Helene, and they all kept me good company.” She looks past me to Brigid standing to the side of the parlor doors. “And who is this?”
I step back, taking Brigid’s hand and pulling her into the room. “This is Brigid O’Leary.” I look from Aunt Virginia to Sonia, Luisa, and Helene. “She is the final key.”
There is a moment of utter silence in which I can nearly feel the shock reverberating through the room. Luisa is the first to speak.
“The last key? But…” She shakes her head, looking from me to Brigid and back again. “I thought you were going to Ireland in search of the Stone.”
I nod. “I was. And I found it. But it turns out that Father put everything in place before his death. He hid the Stone near the final key so they would be found together. And there’s something else.”
Sonia’s eyes shine bright with unspoken questions. “What is it?”
“The Rite was there, too, written on the wall of a cave where the Stone was supposed to be hidden.”
“What do you mean ‘supposed to be’?” I am surprised to hear Helene speak. I had forgotten the uniquely low quality of her voice. “Were you not able to locate it?”
I nod, beginning to see how very difficult to understand this must be for anyone who wasn’t at Loughcrew. “Eventually. It was in Brigid’s hands for safekeeping, you see.”
It is not my imagination that the other girls survey Brigid with new suspicion, and I drop my eyes to her wrist, covered by the sleeve of her shirt. “Will you…” Raising my gaze to hers, I hope she knows that I am her friend. “Would you mind showing them?”
She nods, moving to roll the cuff of her sleeve.
Sonia and Luisa lean slightly forward, wanting a better look but trying to be polite. When the mark is finally exposed, I lift Brigid’s hand gently in their direction. “See? It’s just like yours. Father found her many years ago and installed Brigid’s father as caretaker of the cairns. He told Brigid we would come for the Stone, and she kept it hidden while she awaited our arrival.”
No one speaks for a long moment. When the silence is broken, it is by the low murmur of Aunt Virginia’s voice. “So that is it. The keys. The Stone. The Rite.” She looks into my eyes. “Everything is in place.”
I shake my head, not wanting to tell them the thing I have known since shortly after Chartres. “Not everything.”
“What else is there?” Luisa asks with a shrug.
I look at them, one by one, trying to find the words and wishing I had not been so stubborn about filling them in sooner. There is no gentle way to say it.
“Alice,” I say simply, finally ready to banish this last secret from our midst. “The missing page declares that Guardian and Gate must work together to deny Samael entry with the Rite of the Fallen.” I pause. “Which means we need Alice.”
For a moment, I do not think they’ve heard me. No one speaks. No one moves. In the end, it is Luisa who breaks the silence.
“Alice? Why,” her laugh is harsh and cold, “you may as well expect the Queen Mother to help us. In fact, I’d say you would have a better chance with her!”
Her dismissiveness frightens me. But I cannot stop now. I must tell them everything if we are to begin again. If we are to have any hope of regaining our friendship.
“I’m afraid that’s not all.”
Sonia steps forward. “What do you mean?”
I take a deep breath. “We must have Alice’s help—and we must have it by the eve of May first. The eve of Beltane.”
Helene’s gaze drifts to the fire. “But that’s…” She turns her head back to meet my eyes.
I nod. “Only four weeks away.”
I bid Sonia, Luisa, and Helene good night, entrusting Brigid to their care while I wait in the parlor wit
h Aunt Virginia and Dimitri. We have much to discuss, and even as I hope to mend the bridge of my friendship with Sonia and Luisa, there are some things that must be done privately.
We tell Aunt Virginia about Brigid and her father, the backstone in the cave that held the Rite, and the journey to London and all its challenges. I expect her to be shocked, or at least dismayed, to learn of the Souls’ use of my power, but she only nods in understanding.
“I, too, am suffering at their hands. In fact, I believe we all are, though the girls are younger and show the signs less obviously.”
“What do you mean, Aunt Virginia?” I try to imagine all the things that could have happened while I have been gone. “What’s happened?”
She dismisses the worry in my voice with a wave of her hand. “We are hunted in our dreams, tempted to travel the Plane.”
I shake my head. “All of you?”
“Yes, to one degree or another.” She hesitates, as if trying to decide whether to continue. “Sonia seems to be bearing the worst of it, but I do believe she is holding her own.”
I do not tell my aunt that it looks as if she is bearing the worst of it, for she seems to have aged ten years in the last month. I know she will not acknowledge the extent of her struggle, however difficult, and instead turn my thoughts back to Sonia.
“How can you be sure, Aunt Virginia? How can you be sure Sonia is holding her own?” As soon as the words leave my mouth, I feel guilty for my distrust, but to leave the question unasked would be to put us all in even more danger.
Her sigh is not one of exasperation but of sadness. “She is fighting them with every ounce of strength she has. She loves you. You are her dearest friend, even now. She wants only to help you. To make up for her earlier betrayal. I think she would die before turning to the Souls’ cause again.”
I nod. “All right.”
I find I must fight the urge to go to Sonia this very minute. To apologize and beg her forgiveness. To see if there is anything I might do to help her. It will have to wait, for there is one more thing that must be discussed this night.