Something flickered in his eyes before his expression went teasing. “Making out? Or fucking each other’s brains out?”
“Both. But right now I just meant the kissing part.” She pressed her lips to the center of his throat before lifting her head with a laugh. “I didn’t get my first kiss until I was seventeen, you know.”
“That late?” He sounded intrigued. “Are you telling me all those teenage city boys didn’t have the balls to lock lips with someone as gorgeous as you?”
“They were all too terrified of my brother,” she admitted. “He had a strict hands-off policy when it came to me.”
“Yeah? So who was brave enough to face your brother’s wrath?”
“Timothy.” She blushed. “He was the cutest boy I’d ever met, and I had the biggest crush on him. And trust me, he wasn’t brave at all. I cornered him in the hallway after math class one day and told him that if he didn’t kiss me, I’d just tell D—” She halted. Shit, she’d almost said Dominik. “I’d tell my brother,” she quickly amended, “that Timothy had done it anyway, so since he was already going to get in trouble, he might as well get something out of it.”
Connor’s laughter was the sweetest sound she’d ever heard. “Jesus. Your first kiss was the result of blackmail?”
“Yep.” She offered a self-deprecating smile. “But it was totally worth it. It gave me tingles and everything.”
That got her another chuckle, and another happy squeeze of her heart.
“Did your brother ever find out?”
“No. I kept my mouth shut, and so did Timothy. It only happened once, though.” Sadness washed over her. “All the boys were too scared to be with me. It sucked.” She forced another smile. “What about you? Do you remember your first kiss?”
“Sure. It was with this girl Kara. We were both thirteen.” He grinned. “Snuck away from camp one night and made out in the woods for hours.”
She wanted to ask for more details – about his camp, his life, him – but his increasingly uneasy expression told her to tread carefully. Instead of talking, she bent down and kissed him again. Their lips met, just briefly, a soft brush of their mouths, and Hudson sensed it the moment he shut down. There was no outward change in his appearance, no stiffness in his touch, but something had shifted and suddenly he was out of reach again.
“Let me stay with you tonight,” she whispered.
The change was visible now. A tic in his jaw. A flicker of unhappiness in his eyes.
“Not a good idea,” he said roughly.
“Why not?”
“Because that’s not what this is about.”
She was so frustrated she felt like throwing something. Instead, she rolled off him and sat at the edge of the bed. “What is it about, then?”
“Fucking.”
The blunt reply shouldn’t have stung, but it did.
She couldn’t stop the bitter note in her voice. “I’m not in love with you, if that’s what you’re worried about. I’m still following the rules you set, Connor. I just don’t see the big deal in sharing a bed.”
He sat up, and she noticed that his cock was still hard, which annoyed her. How could he be aroused right now? Didn’t he care that he was being… what? Rude? Disrespectful? But he wasn’t. He was simply being honest about what he wanted. He’d been honest from the start.
“I sleep alone,” was all he said.
That stung too, especially since those three words were the equivalent of a dismissal. “Fine. I guess I sleep alone too, then.”
Feeling more defeated than she ought to, she rose from the bed and ducked into the bathroom to find her clothes.
Damn it. She was getting too attached to this man. She was working too hard to “solve” him. But maybe there was nothing to solve. Maybe he really was a cold bastard who just happened to burn hot in bed.
Well, fine. She’d take it, she supposed. Stop pushing him, keep it just about sex, and take all the pleasure he was willing to give until she’d gotten him out of her system.
Anything more than that was an exercise in futility.
Connor waited until Hudson was gone before he stepped onto the porch and lit a cigarette. He didn’t smoke unless he was feeling rattled. And he was feeling pretty fucking rattled right now.
His shoulders snapped straight when he heard footsteps, then relaxed as Rylan’s shadowy figure ambled over from the cabin next door. The other man’s face was revealed in a flash of orange light as Rylan lit a smoke of his own.
“It’s okay to like her, you know.”
Connor frowned. “I never said I didn’t like her.”
“That’s not what I’m talking about and you know it. It’s obvious you like her. But it’s just as obvious that you don’t want to.”
His fingers tightened on his cigarette, nearly crushing it in half. “She wanted to sleep in my bed.” He kept his voice low so it didn’t carry in the night air.
“Lucky bastard.” Rylan sighed. “It’s been ages since I fell asleep tangled up with a woman.”
“Next time I’ll send her your way,” he muttered. Except that brought an angry clench to his chest. He didn’t mind sharing during sex, because it got Hudson off. It got him off. But he didn’t like the idea of Hudson snuggling up in Rylan’s bed. In Rylan’s arms.
Why should it bother him, though? It wasn’t like he was looking to make her his wife. He’d already had one of those, and she was buried under six feet of dirt, along with everyone else he’d ever cared about.
“Nah, you won’t do that,” Rylan said with a chuckle.
It pissed him off how well his friend knew him. “Yeah, well, maybe I should.” He took a quick drag. “You deserve to be happy.” He exhaled in a rush. “She can make you happy.”
“Brother, that sounds great in theory, but we both know she’s not into me like that. Yeah, she’ll ride my cock until we’re both limp, but she doesn’t want to cuddle with me. She doesn’t want to be with me.” Rylan shrugged. “I’m cool with that, by the way. I’m not looking to settle down.”
Neither was Connor. He’d tried it once, and all he’d gotten in reward was death and bloodlust.
“Don’t be so quick to dismiss it,” Rylan said quietly. “I think you need a woman like that in your life.”
Discomfort twisted his gut. “A woman like what?”
“Who’s not scared to call you on your bullshit.”
An unwitting grin sprang up. “I have you for that.”
“It’s not the same, jackass. She challenges you.” Rylan crumpled his cigarette in the ashtray on the ledge. “And she still gets your dick hard even after, what, two weeks? That’s a record for you. You usually tire of them after a couple hours.”
Connor didn’t deny it, though it wasn’t that he tired of women so much as distanced himself from them. It was too easy to get attached in this world, and getting close weakened you. It left you exposed to heartache that he wasn’t willing to endure again. He didn’t want anyone relying on him. He didn’t want to be placed in an impossible situation again, where his choices impacted other people’s lives.
“I’m turning in,” he said abruptly. “Go wake up Xan if you need some more girl talk.”
“You’re a stubborn bastard sometimes – you know that?”
“Well aware of that. ’Night, brother.”
He went inside and shut the door, putting a much-needed physical barrier between him and Rylan. Him and Hudson.
Him and the whole fucking world.
13
Cleaning out the barn was tedious work, but Hudson enjoyed having a regular task to perform. She had no idea what the men would end up using the space for, though. It would serve as a great gathering place or meeting area, but Connor remained staunchly opposed to opening the camp to outsiders.
She was dusty and grimy as she trudged back to her cabin after spending the afternoon with Kade, carrying furniture from one end of the barn to the other. Kade had agreed they probably shouldn’t throw out anything
they might be able to use later, so they’d dubbed one area of the barn the “storage corner” and proceeded to lug everything there.
She wanted to wash up and change before dinner, but once she got out of the shower, she decided to skip dinner altogether. It was Xander’s turn to cook, and her stomach churned just thinking about the cardboard-tasting meal he’d probably serve tonight. No, thank you. She could sneak into the kitchen later and raid the pantry.
Or maybe Connor would bring her some food when he showed up at her door tonight. Last she’d checked, he was in the lodge talking to Pike about the generator, but she knew he’d track her down sooner or later. He always did.
And now that she’d decided to accept their relationship for what it was – and what it wasn’t – she had no problem making her demands known to him. Though, really, there was only one demand: sex. Lots and lots of sweaty, dirty sex.
Luckily, he seemed more than happy to give it to her.
A knock sounded on her door, bringing a wry smile to her lips. Looked like Connor had decided to skip dinner too and go straight to dessert.
But it wasn’t Connor at the door. It was Rylan, and Hudson took one look at him and ushered him inside.
“What happened?” she demanded.
He gave her a sheepish grin. He was cradling his left arm, which sported a deep gash from his biceps to his elbow. The cut wasn’t gushing blood, but oozing it, and there were bits of dirt lodged in his flesh.
“I fell out of a tree.” He thrust out the first aid kit that was tucked under his other arm. “Can you patch me up?”
She didn’t know whether to laugh or to lecture him about his complete and total recklessness. She now understood why the men needed to stock up on bandages and antibiotics so often – Rylan really was an injury magnet.
“And don’t say a word about this to Con,” he added. “I already feel stupid enough without having to deal with a tongue-lashing.”
Her lips twitched as she pointed to the bed. “Sit.” As he settled on the edge of the mattress, she dug around in the first-aid kit. “Do I even want to ask why you were out climbing trees?”
He sighed dramatically. “No, you do not.” He cursed when she pressed an antiseptic-drenched gauze to the cut. “Son of a bitch. I forgot about your mean bedside manner.”
“Hey, there’s no nice way to clean a wound. Suck it up.” She dabbed at the blood before reaching for more gauze. “I changed my mind. I do want to know what happened.”
Rylan remained silent.
She held up a bottle of rubbing alcohol. “Don’t make me dump this entire thing on your arm.”
He winced. “You’re the devil, Blondie.” His gaze found hers, sheepish again. “If you must know, I was hunting. Lost track of my prey and needed a better vantage point, so I climbed a tree. The end.”
“Uh-huh.” In the two weeks she’d lived at their camp, she hadn’t seen Rylan go hunting even once. That was Pike’s forte. “What were you hunting?”
“An animal.”
“No, really? You mean you weren’t tracking human prey?”
“Smart-ass.”
“What was it?” she prompted. “A deer? Elk?”
“Sure, one of those.”
His vague response heightened her suspicion, until a thought suddenly occurred to her, making her groan. “It was that damn wolf, wasn’t it? Seriously, when are you going to give up?”
“Never,” he shot back. “Not until the she-devil is good and dead. She’s— Don’t look at me like that. I’m not crazy, okay? If I don’t kill her, she’ll keep trying to ruin my life.”
Hudson snorted. “Jesus Christ, Ry. That wolf doesn’t have it out for you. You’re imagining it.”
“Jesus Christ?” he echoed, grinning at her.
She faltered as she realized what she’d said. Two weeks in the outlaw world and she was already starting to talk like one. Come to think of it, she’d shouted Oh God over and over again last night when Connor had been inside her.
Connor’s ears must have been burning, because the door swung open and his broad frame appeared in the threshold. When he spotted Rylan, he stopped short and let out a sigh. “What the hell did you do now?”
Despite the grumbled demand, Hudson didn’t miss the flash of concern that passed through his eyes. It disappeared the second their gazes locked, but not quickly enough. He could act like a heartless bastard all he wanted, but she was onto him. Just because she’d stopped pushing him to talk didn’t mean she hadn’t been watching him carefully the past few days. And she’d discovered that Rylan was right. Connor really was easy to figure out if you looked hard enough.
He cared deeply about his men, but he tried valiantly to hide it. He barked out orders like a military leader, but he wasn’t comfortable doing it. And whatever inner battle he was fighting… well, it obviously took a toll on him. It made him moody at times and somber at others, but Hudson didn’t walk on eggshells around him the way his friends did. Turned out she and Pike had at least one thing in common – they weren’t afraid to call Connor out when he was acting like an ass.
“What makes you think it was my fault?” Rylan said with a scowl.
“Because it always is.” Connor glanced at Hudson. “Is he gonna live?”
She grinned. “Unfortunately, yes.”
“Shit. We were this close to being rid of him.”
The lighthearted quip made her heart somersault. It happened so infrequently, seeing him let down his guard and actually laugh about things.
“Fuck you both very much,” Rylan muttered.
Hudson slapped some antibiotic gel on his arm and bandaged it up. “There. All done.”
She stood up, and was surprised when Connor walked up and kissed her. Which was equally infrequent – he kissed her only during sex, and if he touched her during the day, it was only to tease and taunt and drive her wild with anticipation for sex.
It was almost pathetic how eagerly she snatched up the affection he was dangling. She deepened the kiss before he could pull back, her tongue sneaking into his mouth and summoning a groan from him.
The naughty swirl of her tongue got her a groan from Rylan too. “Hell. You two are so hot together.”
She broke the kiss at the sound of his voice, but when she turned toward him, she saw no trace of jealousy. Simply appreciation, as if he genuinely enjoyed the sight of them kissing. A glance at his crotch revealed how much he liked it.
Connor followed her gaze, and Hudson held her breath. She and Rylan hadn’t messed around since the day in the garden. She’d wondered if maybe Connor had decided he wasn’t interested in company anymore, but now his eyes gleamed thoughtfully.
“How’s your dick doing?” he asked his friend. “Or did you injure that too?”
Rylan flipped up his middle finger. “My dick is just fine, asshole.”
“Yeah? Then pull it out.” Connor’s voice went raspy. “I’m in the mood for an audience tonight.”
Hudson’s breath flew out. She wasn’t sure she’d ever get used to the frank way these men talked about sex.
Connor raised his eyebrows at her, as if asking for permission. When her head jerked in a nod, he stepped closer and swiftly rid her of her shirt. She shivered when his rough hands cupped her aching breasts, and her nipples instantly puckered against his palms.
“What do you say, Ry? Should I make her come fast, or torment her for a bit?” Laughing softly, he drew her leggings and panties off her body.
Rylan grinned. “You already know the answer to that, brother.”
Fast, she prayed. Oh God, please let him do it fast. They hadn’t even gotten started yet and she was already a bundle of hot, tight nerves, so close to detonating she had to squeeze her thighs together to ease the burn.
“Torment, it is,” Connor decided.
Hudson gulped as he led her to the armchair across from the bed and forced her to sit. Strong hands parted her legs as he knelt in front of her, and then his heavy-lidded gaze settled on her
pussy. “Christ. You’re already so wet.”
She gasped when he slipped one finger inside her. Her nerve endings crackled to life, pulses of heat prickling along her skin.
Her gaze shifted to Rylan, who’d eased his pants down and was now gripping his very impressive erection. There was a rakish glimmer in his eyes as he stared at Connor’s finger buried inside her.
Then that finger moved, and Hudson gasped again, because Connor had switched from a motionless tease to a furious tempo in the blink of an eye. Two fingers now, fucking her hard enough to bring a jolt of pain-laced pleasure.