And I kept coming as he crooked his fingers, rubbing against my g-spot until I was pushing at his hands, needing a different sort of relief.
He looked entirely too pleased with himself as he pushed up onto his knees but considering the fact that I still had mini-orgasms going off inside me, he wasn’t exactly being immodest.
“Have you ever recorded yourself?” he asked as he ran his hands up my legs. “You should really see your face when you come. Gorgeous.” He smirked. “Unless you only come like that for me.”
“Come like what?” I tried for casual and failed spectacularly.
He leaned over me until his mouth was only inches from mine. “Like a fucking freight train.”
I flushed, but the heat in his eyes told me he meant it as a compliment. “Maybe we should test the theory. See if you’re as good with your cock as you are with your fingers and tongue.”
“Challenge accepted.” He took my mouth in a bruising kiss, his tongue thrusting into my mouth at the same time his cock entered me.
I dug my nails into his shoulders as I wrapped my legs around him. My heels thumped against his ass, urging him to move harder and faster. As if his strokes weren’t already making me see stars. I scratched long stripes down his back, his body bucking against mine with each one.
“J,” I panted, tearing my mouth from his. “I need I need I need I need...”
“Fucking tight,” he grunted, his expression strained. “I’m going to…”
White spots danced in front of my eyes, and I tightened every muscle in my body.
“Fuck, Rona, fuck…” The last word turned into a groan, and a shudder ran through him. “I need you to go first. Please. I can’t…please…”
It was the desperation in his voice that pushed me over the edge. I’d never had anyone need me like that. Not even Clay.
I didn’t recognize the sound that came out of my mouth as I exploded. Scream. Cry. Wail. I should have been embarrassed, self-conscious, but I couldn’t think about anything other than the pleasure coursing through me. I barely even registered Jalen’s body stiffening above mine as he came, emptying inside me with pulse after pulse of cum.
There was something about that last bit that I needed to consider, but I would come back to it once my brain was functioning again. For right now, I gave myself over to the freight train rumbling over me.
Twenty-One
“Shit, Rona, I’m sorry.” Jalen had started apologizing about thirty seconds ago when he realized that he hadn’t used a condom. I was trying to get a word in, but he kept looking down at me like he’d fucked up worse than before.
Finally, I put my hand over his mouth, stopping the next outpouring of words. “First, I appreciate the apology, but it’s on both of us. We both got caught up in the moment. Second, I’m on the pill, and I’m clean, so no worries from my end.”
“I am too,” he said quickly. “I’ve gotten tested regularly after everything that went down with Elise.”
I reached up and brushed his hair away from his face. He wasn’t a business suit and insanely expensive haircut kind of guy, but he dressed nicely. Still, I had to admit, I preferred this rumpled, freshly fucked version of him.
“Then we write it off as impulsivity,” I said matter-of-factly. “But no freak outs.”
“Agreed.” He stretched out next to me, hooking his arm around me to pull me back against his body.
I was a little surprised we fit. The couch wasn’t huge, but it was bigger than average, probably because Jalen was bigger than average.
An understatement to say the least.
“Can I ask you a question?” He ran his hand over my hip and then down to the bare skin between my belly button and the aching place between my legs.
“You just came inside me,” I teased. “I think I can handle a question.”
“Both times we were together, you made it clear that you didn’t want your shirt off.”
I tensed but managed to keep my voice light. “That doesn’t sound like a question.”
“Is it like that with everyone…or just me?”
The trace of vulnerability in his voice was the only thing that kept me from telling him that it was none of his damn business. “Everyone.”
After a second of silence, he nodded. “All right.”
And that was it. I doubted his curiosity would be satisfied with my answer for long, but that was okay. This wasn’t a relationship. It was comfort and distraction. That was all.
As if on cue, Jalen’s phone rang.
He leaned over me to pick it up from next to his still half-full mug of coffee before sitting up to answer it. “Chet?”
I sat up and waited, watching his expression as he listened to what the commissioner had to say. The moment I saw relief on his features, a weight lifted off my shoulders. It was good news. I’d wait until I actually heard it to be completely at ease, but I felt far more hopeful than I had a moment before.
“Thanks, Chet. Yes, please pass along my thanks to the police department, and I’ll see everyone at the annual ball later this year.” As he ended the call, he turned toward me, a smile spreading across his face. “They got all of the girls out safely, all of the guys arrested without a shot fired. They confirmed Meka was there and gave her a phone to call her dad. They’re all on their way to the hospital to be checked over, and Theo’s going to meet them there.”
I put my hands over my face as a surge of emotion threatened to overwhelm me. Meka was okay. The other girls were okay. They’d need to talk about what happened to them, get into counseling, but if we’d gotten to them in time to prevent any assaults, they’d be able to move past it. Have normal lives.
“You did great work,” Jalen said softly as he put his hand on my shoulder. “You saved Meka, and you saved those girls.”
I nodded but didn’t trust myself to speak just yet. Since I’d gotten kicked out of training, I hadn’t wanted to think much about how much I’d always wanted to help people, to save them. I’d known that I’d lost my chance when I’d lost the FBI, but now, I’d actually helped someone. Real help.
I needed a few minutes to compose myself. As I shifted, I became all too aware of what I wasn’t wearing, as well as the mess between my legs. I needed to clean up.
“Up the stairs, second door on the left. Towels are in the linen closet next to the sink. Use whatever you need. Take as long as you need.”
“Thanks,” I whispered.
I couldn’t look at him as I got up. We’d had amazing sex, and he didn’t act weird this time. He didn’t push when I didn’t tell him the reason why I kept my shirt on. That, on top of the huge win with Meka, should’ve had me on cloud nine. Instead, I felt uneasy, like I’d gone a step too far, let him too close. We hadn’t spent a lot of time together. Had sex twice. He wasn’t my friend like Clay.
So why did I feel like he saw far more than I wanted him to?
It wasn’t until I stepped under the showerhead that the white noise of water against skin drowned out the chaos in my head. I let the hot water soothe my aching muscles, drive away all of the confusion. It’d come back, I knew, but for right now, I was thankful for the quiet.
If I’d been at home, I probably would’ve taken a bath and fallen asleep, but that wasn’t exactly the safest thing to do when I was this tired, which meant it was probably a good thing that I’d cleaned up here. It almost made up for the fact that his shampoo and soap had that faint spicy scent that immediately sent my mind back to the two of us on the couch. The feel of him. The smell.
I winced as I stepped out of the shower and mentally cursed myself for how rough things had gotten. Not because I hadn’t wanted it, but because I was going to be feeling it for a while.
I was still drying myself off when I realized that I’d left my pants and underwear downstairs by the couch. Shit. Sure, I’d walked into the bathroom wearing only my bra and shirt, but it just felt weird to put those back on and return to the living room bare-assed. I should’ve thought
things through better, but I’d been so overcome with so many emotions, I hadn’t been thinking.
I set aside the towel and picked up my bra. I’d put it and my shirt back on, then wrap the towel around my waist until I gathered my other clothes. Simple. As I began to put on my bra, I averted my eyes from my reflection like I always did.
I didn’t need the reminders, especially right now.
“Rona, I thought you might want some clean clothes to wear home…” Jalen’s voice trailed off as he opened the door…and saw what I’d hidden from everyone since I was thirteen years old.
The ugly, jagged scar that began right under my collarbone and went down between my breasts, then under the right side of my ribcage and all the way back to my spine. I had nice breasts, but no one saw them because when my shirt was off, I knew the only thing anyone would ever see was the scar.
And now, it’d be the only thing Jalen ever saw when he looked at me.
I grabbed the clothes in his hands and yanked them on as he apologized and asked questions and swore that he hadn’t meant to invade my privacy. I ignored all of it and avoided even looking at him. It wasn’t his fault. He hadn’t done anything wrong. But I couldn’t even reassure him because I had to focus on breathing, putting one foot in front of the other.
Running away. Because that’s what I did when things went wrong. I ran.
Twenty-Two
I drove back to my apartment in a complete daze, barely remembering any of the trip itself. In the back of my head, I knew I’d been lucky not to hurt myself or someone else, but the majority of my brain was caught up with the horror of Jalen having seen my scar.
Jenna explained that she hadn’t gotten plastic surgery on any of her scars because, to her, the scars meant she’d survived. Mine was the result of surviving when I shouldn’t have, but it was also a reminder of everything I’d lost, of the life I could never get back.
I’d managed to put all of that behind me, and while my life was far from perfect, I’d been as happy as I’d ever expected to be. Then I’d taken Jalen’s case, and everything had gone to hell. I’d been willing to accept things being complicated when I planned on being an FBI agent, but once that dream was no longer a possibility, I’d been great with settling for something simple.
I closed the apartment door behind me, finally letting out the choking sob that had been clawing at my throat from the moment Jalen walked into the bathroom. I sank to the floor next to the door and pressed my face against my knees.
It was too much happening all at once. The physical strain of being beaten up, not sleeping or eating right, and rough sex combined with the adrenaline from all of that plus the investigation itself. My emotions had been subjected to as much of a rollercoaster ride as the rest of me, and that had been the last straw.
“Rona?”
My name was followed by a knock on the door.
“Go away, Jalen.” My voice was muffled, but I didn’t doubt he could hear me. “The case is done.”
“I’m not here about the damn case, and you know it.”
He sounded annoyed, and that was enough to get me to raise my head. I wiped my cheeks and took a couple shaky breaths.
“We don’t need to have the talk,” I said, closing my eyes. “I get it. You can walk away without feeling guilty.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” He slapped the door with his palm. “Do you really think I’m so shallow that I’d care about a scar?”
A stab of guilt cut through my self-pity. I was being unfair to him. He at least deserved to say his piece. Maybe hearing it would let me deal with things out of anger rather than this unbearable mixture of grief and longing.
I pushed myself to my feet and opened the door mid-knock. I stepped back and let him inside, not looking at him as he passed by.
“You said we could start over,” he began. “I wanted to do this right. Talk to each other instead of jumping to conclusions.”
“You’re right,” I admitted. “I shouldn’t have run away.”
“Why did you?” He closed the distance between us and hooked his finger under my chin, tipping my head back until I could meet his eyes. “Because of a scar? Do you honestly think I’d care about that?”
Sadness filled the small smile that curved my lips. “Even if you didn’t mean to, it’d be on your mind, wanting to know what happened. Thinking about it every time you touch me. Something like that, people don’t look past, no matter how good their intentions.”
He grasped my chin to keep me from looking away and something fierce burned in his eyes. “I won’t lie and say that I don’t want to know the story, and I won’t apologize because it’s as much a part of you as your childhood, your adolescence. It’s one of many things that all make up the amazing woman you are, so yes, I’d like to know. But I’m not going to push you. I’ll only say that I’m here to listen if and when you’re ready to tell me.”
A small ray of hope bloomed inside me. “Are you sure you can handle that?”
He rested his palm on the side of my face as he wrapped one arm around my waist. “I’m not rushing us into anything. Right now, it’s about us liking to spend time together.”
“You mean we like fucking each other.”
He laughed. “Definitely that.” His thumb brushed against the corner of my mouth. “What do you say we give this a shot? Slow. No labels or expectations other than neither one of us hooking up with anyone else. We talk and ask questions, but if we don’t feel comfortable answering, we let it go. Secrets are okay but lies aren’t.”
I thought for a moment, turning his words over and over in my mind. “Okay.”
The hand on my cheek moved to cup the back of my head as he lowered his mouth to mine. The tip of his tongue traced the seam of my mouth as he pulled me flush against him. My nipples hardened into little points, and without my bra, they were on display for anyone who cared to look. It didn’t matter that I was still sore from being with him only a couple hours ago. I wanted him again. Whatever this connection was between us, my appetite for him was proving to be insatiable.
He slid the hand on my waist down to my ass, squeezing as he kept our bodies pressed together. He was hard, and I knew if I took him in my hand right now, it would be so easy to have him inside me again. Zipper down. Pull him out. Pants down. One thrust, and he could take me right here against the wall, and all I’d do was beg for more.
Before any of that could translate from imagination to reality, my phone rang.
I reluctantly disentangled myself from Jalen and dug in my purse. The screen showed a number I didn’t recognize, but with everything that had been going on recently, it was better to answer the phone and deal with a sales call than miss something important.
“Hello?”
“Hello. May I speak with Rona Quick?”
“This is she.”
“My name is April, and I was asked to call you.”
I froze. Had my father contacted someone to reach out to me and try to talk me out of testifying against him again? “Asked by who?”
“Adare Burkart. She’s in the hospital.”
Twenty-Three
The nurse hadn’t told me anything other than the fact that my boss was in the hospital and was asking for me, but that had been enough to get my brain working overtime, thinking of all the possible things that could be wrong. I was no doctor, but even I could come up with plenty of reasons why she’d be in the hospital, and each one was worse than the last.
“Rona?” Jalen reached over and took my hand. “I know you’re worried about Adare, but don’t get caught up in trying to figure out what’s going on. It’ll just drive you crazy. We’re only a few minutes away.”
I nodded but didn’t say anything. He was right, I knew, and I appreciated all he’d done for me since I’d gotten the call. Found me something appropriate to wear. He hadn’t asked a question other than wanting to know which hospital, and that had been because he’d insisted on driving. Not that I’d protested m
uch. Or at all. I wasn’t safe to be on the road right then.
“I mean it, Rona.” He squeezed my hand. “We’re almost there.”
“Thank you,” I managed. “For everything.”
“I’m not going to cut and run again,” he said. “I promise.”
Neither one of us spoke again until we reached the hospital. He pulled up in front of the doors and told me to go on in. He’d follow after he parked the car. Once I was inside, it didn’t take me long to get the room information. She was up on the sixth floor, but I didn’t realize what that meant until I made it to the elevator and saw the sign.
Oncology, sixth floor.
My stomach dropped, and all I could hear was the blood rushing in my ears. Cancer. She was here because of cancer.
Sure, there were kinds of cancer that didn’t have as high mortality rates as others, and there was treatment, but my gut told me things weren’t going to be that simple. This was bad. Really bad.
“Rona?” Jalen’s arm slipped around my shoulders. “I got the room number. We can go now. Sixth floor…shit, Rona…”
His voice trailed off, and I knew he’d seen the same thing I had. His arm tightened around me, but he didn’t say anything. Instead, he led me on to the elevator and pushed the right button. Less than a couple minutes later, we walked onto the sixth floor and down the hallway until we got to the right room.
I wanted to tell him that I could take it from here, that he didn’t need to stay, but as I stood in the doorway of that room, I found that I couldn’t send him away. Not yet.
“It’s okay,” he said quietly. “I won’t go until you’re ready.”
I nodded.
“Rona.”
Adare’s voice was weaker than I’d ever heard it. I took a few steps into the room and my stomach twisted. She wasn’t a big woman, but she’d been solid when I’d first met her. A former athlete, a woman who’d always done things on her own, for herself. I’d seen her a week ago, and she’d been fine.