LETTER XXV
MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE TUESDAY, MARCH 7.
By my last deposit, you will see how I am driven, and what a poorprisoner I am.--No regard had to my reputation. The whole matter is nowbefore you. Can such measures be supposed to soften?--But surely theycan only mean to try and frighten me into my brother's views!--All myhope is, to be able to weather this point till my cousin Morden comesfrom Florence; and he is soon expected: yet, if they are determined upona short day, I doubt he will not be here in time enough to save me.
It is plain by my brother's letter, that my mother has not spared me, inthe report she was pleased to make of the conference between herself andme: yet she was pleased to hint to me, that my brother had views whichshe would have had me try to disappoint. But indeed she had engaged togive a faithful account of what was to pass between herself and me: andit was, doubtless, much more eligible to give up a daughter, than todisoblige a husband, and every other person of the family.
They think they have done every thing by turning away my poor Hannah:but as long as the liberty of the garden, and my poultry-visits, areallowed me, they will be mistaken.
I asked Mrs. Betty, if she had any orders to watch or attend me; orwhether I was to ask her leave whenever I should be disposed to walk inthe garden, or to go feed my bantams?--Lord bless her! what could I meanby such a question! Yet she owned, that she had heard, that I was not togo into the garden, when my father, mother, or uncles were there.
However, as it behoved me to be assured on this head, I went downdirectly, and staid an hour, without question or impediment; and yet agood part of the time, I walked under and in sight, as I may say, of mybrother's study window, where both he and my sister happened to be.And I am sure they saw me, by the loud mirth they affected, by way ofinsult, as I suppose.
So this part of my restraint was doubtless a stretch of the authoritygiven him. The enforcing of that may perhaps come next. But I hope not.
TUESDAY NIGHT.
Since I wrote the above, I ventured to send a letter by Shorey to mymother. I desired her to give it into her own hand, when nobody was by.
I shall enclose a copy of it. You will see that I would have it thought,that now Hannah is gone, I have no way to correspond out of the house. Iam far from thinking all I do right. I am afraid this is a little pieceof art, that is not so. But this is an afterthought. The letter wentfirst.
HONOURED MADAM,
Having acknowledged to you, that I had received letters from Mr.Lovelace full of resentment, and that I answered them purely to preventfurther mischief, and having shewn you copies of my answers, which youdid not disapprove of, although you thought fit, after you had readthem, to forbid me any further correspondence with him, I think it myduty to acquaint you, that another letter from him has since come to myhand, in which he is very earnest with me to permit him to wait on mypapa, or you, or my two uncles, in a pacific way, accompanied by LordM.: on which I beg your commands.
I own to you, Madam, that had not the prohibition been renewed, and hadnot Hannah been so suddenly dismissed my service, I should have madethe less scruple to have written an answer, and to have commanded herto convey it to him, with all speed, in order to dissuade him from thesevisits, lest any thing should happen on the occasion that my heart achesbut to think of.
And here I cannot but express my grief, that I should have all thepunishment and all the blame, who, as I have reason to think, haveprevented great mischief, and have not been the occasion of any. For,Madam, could I be supposed to govern the passions of either of thegentlemen?--Over the one indeed I have had some little influence,without giving him hitherto any reason to think he has fastened anobligation upon me for it.--Over the other, Who, Madam, has any?--I amgrieved at heart, to be obliged to lay so great a blame at my brother'sdoor, although my reputation and my liberty are both to be sacrificedto his resentment and ambition. May not, however, so deep a sufferer bepermitted to speak out?
This communication being as voluntarily made, as dutifully intended,I humbly presume to hope, that I shall not be required to produce theletter itself. I cannot either in honour or prudence do that, because ofthe vehemence of his style; for having heard [not, I assure you, by mymeans, or through Hannah's] of some part of the harsh treatment I havemet with; he thinks himself entitled to place it to his own account, byreason of speeches thrown out by some of my relations, equally vehement.
If I do not answer him, he will be made desperate, and think himselfjustified (thought I shall not think him so) in resenting the treatmenthe complains of: if I do, and if, in compliment to me, he forbears toresent what he thinks himself entitled to resent; be pleased, Madam, toconsider the obligation he will suppose he lays me under.
If I were as strongly prepossessed in his favour as is supposed, Ishould not have wished this to be considered by you. And permit me, asa still further proof that I am not prepossessed, to beg of you toconsider, Whether, upon the whole, the proposal I made, of declaring forthe single life (which I will religiously adhere to) is not the best wayto get rid of his pretensions with honour. To renounce him, and not beallowed to aver, that I will never be the other man's, will make himconclude (driven as I am driven) that I am determined in that otherman's favour.
If this has not its due weight, my brother's strange schemes must betried, and I will resign myself to my destiny with all the acquiescencethat shall be granted to my prayers. And so leaving the whole to yourown wisdom, and whether you choose to consult my papa and uncles uponthis humble application, or not; or whether I shall be allowed to writean answer to Mr. Lovelace, or not [and if allowed to do so, I beg yourdirection by whom to send it]; I remain,
Honoured Madam, Your unhappy, but ever dutiful daughter, CL. HARLOWE.
WEDNESDAY MORNING.
I have just received an answer to the enclosed letter. My mother, youwill observe, has ordered me to burn it: but, as you will have it inyour safekeeping, and nobody else will see it, her end will be equallyanswered, as if it were burnt. It has neither date nor superscription.
CLARISSA,
Say not all the blame and all the punishment is yours. I am as muchblamed, and as much punished, as you are; yet am more innocent. Whenyour obstinacy is equal to any other person's passion, blame not yourbrother. We judged right, that Hannah carried on your correspondencies.Now she is gone, and you cannot write [we think you cannot] to MissHowe, nor she to you, without our knowledge, one cause of uneasiness andjealousy is over.
I had no dislike of Hannah. I did not tell her so; because somebody waswithin hearing when she desired to pay her duty to me at going. I gaveher a caution, in a raised voice, To take care, wherever she went tolive next, if there were any young ladies, how she made parties, andassisted in clandestine correspondencies. But I slid two guineas intoher hand: nor was I angry to hear that you were still more bountiful toher. So much for Hannah.
I don't know what to write, about your answering that man of violence.What can you think of it, that such a family as ours, should have sucha rod held over it?--For my part, I have not owned that I know you havecorresponded. By your last boldness to me [an astonishing one it was,to pursue before Mr. Solmes the subject I was forced to break fromabove-stairs!] you may, as far as I know, plead, that you had mycountenance for your correspondence with him; and so add to theuneasiness between your father and me. You were once my comfort,Clarissa; you made all my hardships tolerable:--But now!--However,nothing, it is plain, can move you; and I will say no more on that head:for you are under your father's discipline now; and he will neither beprescribed to, nor entreated.
I should have been glad to see the letter you tell me of, as I saw therest. You say, both honour and prudence forbid you to shew it to me.--OClarissa! what think you of receiving letters that honour and prudenceforbid you to shew to a mother!--But it is not for me to see it, if youwould choose to shew it me. I will not be in your secret. I will notknow that you did correspond. And, as to an answer, take your ownmethods. But let hi
m know it will be the last you will write. And, ifyou do write, I won't see it: so seal it up (if you do) and give it toShorey; and she--Yet do not think I give you license to write.
We will be upon no conditions with him, nor will you be allowed to beupon any. Your father and uncles would have no patience were he to come.What have you to do to oblige him with your refusal of Mr. Solmes?--Willnot that refusal be to give him hope? And while he has any, can we beeasy or free from his insults? Were even your brother in fault, as thatfault cannot be conquered, is a sister to carry on a correspondence thatshall endanger her brother? But your father has given his sanction toyour brother's dislikes, your uncles', and every body's!--No matter towhom owing.
As to the rest, you have by your obstinacy put it out of my power to doany thing for you. Your father takes it upon himself to be answerablefor all consequences. You must not therefore apply to me for favour.I shall endeavour to be only an observer: Happy, if I could be anunconcerned one!--While I had power, you would not let me use it as Iwould have used it. Your aunt has been forced to engage not to interferebut by your father's direction. You'll have severe trials. If you haveany favour to hope for, it must be from the mediation of your uncles.And yet, I believe, they are equally determined: for they make it aprinciple, [alas! they never had children!] that that child, who inmarriage is not governed by her parents, is to be given up as a lostcreature!
I charge you, let not this letter be found. Burn it. There is too muchof the mother in it, to a daughter so unaccountably obstinate.
Write not another letter to me. I can do nothing for you. But you can doevery thing for yourself.
***
Now, my dear, to proceed with my melancholy narrative.
After this letter, you will believe, that I could have very littlehopes, that an application directly to my father would stand me in anystead: but I thought it became me to write, were it but to acquit myselfto myself, that I have left nothing unattempted that has the leastlikelihood to restore me to his favour. Accordingly I wrote to thefollowing effect:
I presume not, I say, to argue with my Papa; I only beg his mercy andindulgence in this one point, on which depends my present, and perhapsmy future, happiness; and beseech him not to reprobate his child for anaversion which it is not in her power to conquer. I beg, that I may notbe sacrificed to projects, and remote contingencies. I complain of thedisgraces I suffer in this banishment from his presence, and in beingconfined to my chamber. In every thing but this one point, I promiseimplicit duty and resignation to his will. I repeat my offers of asingle life; and appeal to him, whether I have ever given him cause todoubt my word. I beg to be admitted to his, and to my mamma's, presence,and that my conduct may be under their own eye: and this with the moreearnestness, as I have too much reason to believe that snares are laidfor me; and tauntings and revilings used on purpose to make a handle ofmy words against me, when I am not permitted to speak in my own defence.I conclude with hoping, that my brother's instigations may not rob anunhappy child of her father.
***
This is the answer, sent without superscription, and unsealed, althoughby Betty Barnes, who delivered it with an air, as if she knew thecontents.
WEDNESDAY.
I write, perverse girl; but with all the indignation that yourdisobedience deserves. To desire to be forgiven a fault you own, andyet resolve to persevere in, is a boldness, no more to be equaled,than passed over. It is my authority you defy. Your reflections upon abrother, that is an honour to us all, deserve my utmost resentment. Isee how light all relationship sits upon you. The cause I guess at,too. I cannot bear the reflections that naturally arise from thisconsideration. Your behaviour to your too-indulgent and too-fondmother----But, I have no patience--Continue banished from my presence,undutiful as you are, till you know how to conform to my will.Ingrateful creature! Your letter but upbraid me for my past indulgence.Write no more to me, till you can distinguish better; and till you areconvinced of your duty to
A JUSTLY INCENSED FATHER.
***
This angry letter was accompanied by one from my mother, unsealed, andunsuperscribed also. Those who take so much pains to confederate everyone against me, I make no doubt, obliged her to bear her testimonyagainst the poor girl.
My mother's letter being a repetition of some of the severe things thatpassed between herself and me, of which I have already informed you, Ishall not need to give you the contents--only thus far, that she alsopraises my brother, and blames me for my freedoms with him.