LETTER XXX
MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE SUNDAY NIGHT, MARCH 12.
This man, this Lovelace, gives me great uneasiness. He is extremely boldand rash. He was this afternoon at our church--in hopes to see me, Isuppose: and yet, if he had such hopes, his usual intelligence must havefailed him.
Shorey was at church; and a principal part of her observation was uponhis haughty and proud behaviour when he turned round in the pew where hesat to our family-pew. My father and both my uncles were there; so weremy mother and sister. My brother happily was not.--They all came home indisorder. Nor did the congregation mind any body but him; it being hisfirst appearance there since the unhappy rencounter.
What did the man come for, if he intended to look challenge anddefiance, as Shorey says he did, and as others, it seems, thought hedid, as well as she? Did he come for my sake; and, by behaving in sucha manner to those present of my family, imagine he was doing me eitherservice or pleasure?--He knows how they hate him: nor will he takepains, would pains do, to obviate their hatred.
You and I, my dear, have often taken notice of his pride; and you haverallied him upon it; and instead of exculpating himself, he has ownedit: and by owning it he has thought he has done enough.
For my own part, I thought pride in his case an improper subject forraillery.--People of birth and fortune to be proud, is so needless,so mean a vice!--If they deserve respect, they will have it, withoutrequiring it. In other words, for persons to endeavour to gain respectby a haughty behaviour, is to give a proof that they mistrust their ownmerit: To make confession that they know that their actions will notattract it.--Distinction or quality may be prided in by those to whomdistinction or quality is a new thing. And then the reflection andcontempt which such bring upon themselves by it, is a counter-balance.
Such added advantages, too, as this man has in his person and mien:learned also, as they say he is: Such a man to be haughty, to beimperious!--The lines of his own face at the same time condemninghim--how wholly inexcusable!--Proud of what? Not of doing well: the onlyjustifiable pride.--Proud of exterior advantages!--Must not one be ledby such a stop-short pride, as I may call it, in him or her who has it,to mistrust the interior? Some people may indeed be afraid, that ifthey did not assume, they would be trampled upon. A very narrow fear,however, since they trample upon themselves, who can fear this. But thisman must be secure that humility would be an ornament to him.
He has talents indeed: but those talents and his personal advantageshave been snares to him. It is plain they have. And this shews, that,weighed in an equal balance, he would be found greatly wanting.
Had my friends confided as they did at first, in that discretion whichthey do not accuse me of being defective in, I dare say I should havefound him out: and then should have been as resolute to dismiss him, asI was to dismiss others, and as I am never to have Mr. Solmes. O thatthey did but know my heart!--It shall sooner burst, than voluntarily,uncompelled, undriven, dictate a measure that shall cast a slur eitherupon them, or upon my sex.
Excuse me, my dear friend, for these grave soliloquies, as I may callthem. How have I run from reflection to reflection!--But the occasion isrecent--They are all in commotion below upon it.
Shorey says, that Mr. Lovelace watched my mother's eye, and bowed toher: and she returned the compliment. He always admired my mother. Shewould not, I believe, have hated him, had she not been bid to hate him:and had it not been for the rencounter between him and her only son.
Dr. Lewen was at church; and observing, as every one else did, thedisorder into which Mr. Lovelace's appearance* had put all our family,was so good as to engage him in conversation, when the service was over,till they were all gone to their coaches.
* See Letter XXXI, for Mr. Lovelace's account of his behaviour and intentions in his appearance at church.
My uncles had my letters in the morning. They, as well as my father,are more and more incensed against me, it seems. Their answers, ifthey vouchsafe to answer me, will demonstrate, I doubt not, theunseasonableness of this rash man's presence at our church.
They are angry also, as I understand, with my mother, for returninghis compliment. What an enemy is hatred, even to the common forms ofcivility! which, however, more distinguish the payer of a compliment,than the receiver. But they all see, they say, that there is but one wayto put an end to his insults. So I shall suffer: And in what will therash man have benefited himself, or mended his prospects?
I am extremely apprehensive that this worse than ghost-like appearanceof his, bodes some still bolder step. If he come hither (and verydesirous he is of my leave to come) I am afraid there will be murder. Toavoid that, if there were no other way, I would most willingly be buriedalive.
They are all in consultation--upon my letters, I suppose--so they werein the morning; which occasioned my uncles to be at our church. I willsend you the copies of those letters, as I promised in my last, whenI see whether I can give you their answers with them. This letter isall--I cannot tell what--the effect of apprehension and displeasureat the man who has occasioned my apprehensions. Six lines would havecontained all that is in it to the purpose of my story.
CL. H.