LETTER XV
MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE SUNDAY AFTERNOON
I am in great apprehension. Yet cannot help repeating my humble thanksto your mother and you for your last favour. I hope her kind end isanswered by the contents of my last. Yet I must not think it enough toacknowledge her goodness to me, with a pencil only, on the cover of aletter sealed up. A few lines give me leave to write with regard to myanonymous letter to Lady Drayton. If I did not at that time tell you, asI believe I did, that my excellent Mrs. Norton gave me her assistance inthat letter, I now acknowledge that she did.
Pray let your mother know this, for two reasons: one, that I may not bethought to arrogate to myself a discretion which does not belong to me;the other, that I may not suffer by the severe, but just inference shewas pleased to draw; doubling my faults upon me, if I myself should actunworthy of the advice I was supposed to give.
Before I come to what most nearly affects us all, I must chide you oncemore, for the severe, the very severe things you mention of our family,to the disparagement of their MORALS. Indeed, my dear, I wonder atyou!--A slighter occasion might have passed me, after I had written toyou so often to so little purpose, on this topic. But, affecting asmy own circumstances are, I cannot pass by, without animadversion, thereflection I need not repeat in words.
There is not a worthier woman in England than my mother. Nor is myfather that man you sometimes make him. Excepting in one point, I knownot any family which lives more up to their duty, than the principals ofours. A little too uncommunicative for their great circumstances--thatis all.--Why, then, have they not reason to insist upon unexceptionablemorals in a man whose sought-for relationship to them, by a marriagein their family, they have certainly a right either to allow of, or todisallow.
Another line or two, before I am engrossed by my own concerns--upon yourtreatment of Mr. Hickman. Is it, do you think, generous to revenge uponan innocent person, the displeasure you receive from another quarter,where, I doubt, you are a trespasser too?--But one thing I could tellhim; and you have best not provoke me to it: It is this, That no womanuses ill the man she does not absolutely reject, but she has it in herheart to make him amends, when her tyranny has had its run, and hehas completed the measure of his services and patience. My mind is notenough at ease to push this matter further.
I will now give you the occasion of my present apprehensions.
I had reason to fear, as I mentioned in mine of this morning, that astorm was brewing. Mr. Solmes came home from church this afternoon withmy brother. Soon after, Betty brought me up a letter, without sayingfrom whom. It was in a cover, and directed by a hand I never saw before;as if it were supposed that I would not receive and open it, had I knownfrom whom it came.
These are the contents:
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TO MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE SUNDAY, MARCH 26.
DEAREST MADAM,
I think myself a most unhappy man, in that I have never yet been ableto pay my respects to you with youre consent, for one halfe-hour. Ihave something to communicat to you that concernes you much, if you bepleased to admit me to youre speech. Youre honour is concerned in it,and the honour of all youre familly. It relates to the designes of onewhom you are sed to valew more than he desarves; and to some of hisreprobat actions; which I am reddie to give you convincing proofes ofthe truth of. I may appear to be interested in it: but, neverthelesse,I am reddie to make oathe, that every tittle is true: and you willsee what a man you are sed to favour. But I hope not so, for your ownehonour.
Pray, Madam, vouchsafe me a hearing, as you valew your honour andfamilly: which will oblidge, dearest Miss,
Your most humble and most faithful servant, ROGER SOLMES.
I wait below for the hope of admittance.
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I have no manner of doubt, that this is a poor device to get this maninto my company. I would have sent down a verbal answer; but Bettyrefused to carry any message, which should prohibit his visiting me. SoI was obliged either to see him, or to write to him. I wrote thereforean answer, of which I shall send you the rough draught. And now my heartaches for what may follow from it; for I hear a great hurry below.
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TO ROGER SOLMES, ESQ.
SIR,
Whatever you have to communicate to me, which concerns my honour, may aswell be done by writing as by word of mouth. If Mr. Lovelace is anyof my concern, I know not that therefore he ought to be yours: for theusage I receive on your account [I must think it so!] is so harsh, thatwere there not such a man in the world as Mr. Lovelace, I would not wishto see Mr. Solmes, no, not for one half-hour, in the way he is pleasedto be desirous to see me. I never can be in any danger from Mr.Lovelace, (and, of consequence, cannot be affected by any of yourdiscoveries,) if the proposal I made be accepted. You have beenacquainted with it no doubt. If not, be pleased to let my friends know,that if they will rid me of my apprehensions of one gentleman, I willrid them of their of another: And then, of what consequence to them, orto me, will it be, whether Mr. Lovelace be a good man, or a bad? And ifnot to them, nor to me, I see not how it can be of any to you. But ifyou do, I have nothing to say to that; and it will be a christian partif you will expostulate with him upon the errors you have discovered,and endeavour to make him as good a man, as, no doubt, you are yourself,or you would not be so ready to detect and expose him.
Excuse me, Sir: but, after my former letter to you, and your ungenerousperseverance; and after this attempt to avail yourself at the expense ofanother man's character, rather than by your own proper merit; I seenot that you can blame any asperity in her, whom you have so largelycontributed to make unhappy.
CL. HARLOWE.
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SUNDAY NIGHT.
My father was for coming up to me, in great wrath, it seems; but waspersuaded to the contrary. My aunt Hervey was permitted to send me thisthat follow.--Quick work, my dear!
TO MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE
NIECE,
Every body is now convinced, that nothing is to be done with you by wayof gentleness or persuasion. Your mother will not permit you to stay inthe house; for your father is so incensed by your strange letter to hisfriend, that she knows not what will be the consequence if you do. So,you are commanded to get ready to go to your uncle Antony's out of hand.
Your uncle thinks he has not deserved of you such an unwillingness asyou shew to go to his house.
You don't know the wickedness of the man for whose sake you think itworth while to quarrel with all your friends.
You must not answer me. There will be no end of that.
You know not the affliction you give to every body; but to none morethan to
Your affectionate aunt, DOROTHY HERVEY.
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Forbid to write to my aunt, I took a bolder liberty. I wrote a few linesto my mother; beseeching her to procure me leave to throw myself at myfather's feet, and hers, if I must go, (nobody else present,) to begpardon for the trouble I had given them both, and their blessings; andto receive their commands as to my removal, and the time for it, fromtheir own lips.
'What new boldness this!--Take it back; and bid her learn to obey,' wasmy mother's angry answer, with my letter returned, unopened.
But that I might omit nothing, that had an appearance of duty, I wrotea few lines to my father himself, to the same purpose; begging, that hewould not turn me out of his house, without his blessing. But this, tornin two pieces, and unopened, was brought me up again by Betty, with anair, one hand held up, the other extended, the torn letter in her openpalm; and a See here!--What a sad thing is this!--Nothing will do butduty, Miss!--Your papa said, Let her tell me of deeds!--I'll receive nowords from her. And so he tore the letter, and flung the pieces at myhead.
So desperate was my case, I was resolved not to stop even at thisrepulse. I took my pen, and addressed myself to my uncle Harlowe,enclosing that which my mother had returned unopened, and the tornunopened one sent to my father; having first hurried off a transcriptfor you.
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My uncle was going home, and it was delivered to him just as he steppedinto his chariot. What may be the fate of it therefore I cannot knowtill to-morrow.
The following is a copy of it:
TO JOHN HARLOWE, ESQ.
MY DEAR AND EVER-HONOURED UNCLE,
I have nobody now but you, to whom I can apply, with hope, so much asto have my humble addresses opened and read. My aunt Hervey has given mecommands which I want to have explained; but she has forbid me writingto her. Hereupon I took the liberty to write to my father and mother.You will see, Sir, by the torn one, and by the other, (both unopened,)what has been the result. This, Sir, perhaps you already know: but, asyou know not the contents of the disgraced letters, I beseech you toread them both, that you may be a witness for me, that they are notfilled with either complaints or expostulations, nor contain any thingundutiful. Give me leave to say, Sir, that if deaf-eared anger willneither grant me a hearing, nor, what I write a perusal, some time hencethe hard-heartedness may be regretted. I beseech you, dear, good Sir,to let me know what is meant by sending me to my uncle Antony's house,rather than to yours, or to my aunt Hervey's, or else-where? If it befor what I apprehend it to be, life will not be supportable upon theterms. I beg also to know, WHEN I am to be turned out of doors!--Myheart strongly gives me, that if once I am compelled to leave thishouse, I never shall see it more.
It becomes me, however, to declare, that I write not this throughperverseness, or in resentment. God knows my heart, I do not! But thetreatment I apprehend I shall meet with, if carried to my other uncle's,will, in all probability, give the finishing stroke to the distresses,the undeserved distresses I will be bold to call them, of
Your once highly-favoured, but now unhappy, CL. HARLOWE.