LETTER XLIV
MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE [THE PRECEDING LETTER NOT RECEIVED.]SATURDAY AFTERNOON.
Already have I an ecstatic answer, as I may call it, to my letter.
'He promises compliance with my will in every article: approves of allI propose; particularly of the private lodging: and thinks it a happyexpedient to obviate the censures of the busy and the unreflecting: andyet he hopes, that the putting myself into the protection of either ofhis aunts, (treated as I am treated,) would be far from being lookedupon by any body in a disreputable light. But every thing I enjoinor resolve upon must, he says, be right, not only with respect to mypresent but future reputation; with regard to which, he hopes so tobehave himself, as to be allowed to be, next to myself, more properlysolicitous than any body. He will only assure me, that his whole familyare extremely desirous to take advantage of the persecutions I labourunder to make their court, and endear themselves to me, by their bestand most cheerful services: happy if they can in any measure contributeto my present freedom and future happiness.
'He will this afternoon, he says, write to Lord M. and to Lady Betty andLady Sarah, that he is now within view of being the happiest man in theworld, if it be not his own fault; since the only woman upon earth thatcan make him so will be soon out of danger of being another man's; andcannot possibly prescribe any terms to him that he shall not think ithis duty to comply with.
'He flatters himself now (my last letter confirming my resolution) thathe can be in no apprehension of my changing my mind, unless my friendschange their manner of acting by me; which he is too sure they willnot.* And now will all his relations, who take such a kind and generousshare in his interests, glory and pride themselves in the prospects hehas before him.'
* Well might he be so sure, when he had the art to play them off, by his corrupted agent, and to make them all join to promote his views unknown to themselves; as is shewn in some of his preceding letters.
Thus does he hold me to it.
'As to fortune, he begs me not to be solicitous on that score: that hisown estate is sufficient for us both; not a nominal, but a real, twothousand pounds per annum, equivalent to some estates reputed a thirdmore: that it never was encumbered; that he is clear of the world, bothas to book and bond debts; thanks, perhaps, to his pride, more than tohis virtue: that Lord M. moreover resolves to settle upon him a thousandpounds per annum on his nuptials. And to this, he will have it, hislordship is instigated more by motives of justice than of generosity; ashe must consider it was but an equivalent for an estate which he hadgot possession of, to which his (Mr. Lovelace's) mother had betterpretensions. That his lordship also proposed to give him up eitherhis seat in Hertfordshire, or that in Lancashire, at his own or at hiswife's option, especially if I am the person. All which it will be in mypower to see done, and proper settlements drawn, before I enter into anyfarther engagements with him; if I will have it so.'
He says, 'That I need not be under any solicitude as to apparel: allimmediate occasions of that sort will be most cheerfully supplied by theladies of his family: as my others shall, with the greatest pride andpleasure (if I allow him that honour) by himself.
'He assures me, that I shall govern him as I please, with regard to anything in his power towards effecting a reconciliation with my friends:'a point he knows my heart is set upon.
'He is afraid, that the time will hardly allow of his procuring MissCharlotte Montague's attendance upon me, at St. Alban's, as he hadproposed she should; because, he understands, she keeps her chamber witha violent cold and sore throat. But both she and her sister, the firstmoment she is able to go abroad, shall visit me at my private lodgings;and introduce me to Lady Sarah and Lady Betty, or those ladies to me, asI shall choose; and accompany me to town, if I please; and stay as longin it with me as I shall think fit to stay there.
'Lord M. will also, at my own time, and in my own manner, (that is tosay, either publicly or privately,) make me a visit. And, for his ownpart, when he has seen me in safety, either in their protection, or inthe privacy I prefer, he will leave me, and not attempt to visit me butby my own permission.
'He had thought once, he says, on hearing of his cousin Charlotte'sindisposition, to have engaged his cousin Patty's attendance upon me,either in or about the neighbouring village, or at St. Alban's: but, hesays, she is a low-spirited, timorous girl, and would but the more haveperplexed us.'
So, my dear, the enterprise requires courage and high spirits, yousee!--And indeed it does!--What am I about to do!
He himself, it is plain, thinks it necessary that I should beaccompanied with one of my own sex.--He might, at least, have proposedthe woman of one of the ladies of his family.--Lord bless me!--What am Iabout to do!--
*****
After all, as far as I have gone, I know not but I may still recede:and, if I do, a mortal quarrel I suppose will ensue.--And what if itdoes?--Could there be any way to escape this Solmes, a breach withLovelace might make way for the single life to take place, which Iso much prefer: and then I would defy the sex. For I see nothing buttrouble and vexation that they bring upon ours: and when once entered,one is obliged to go on with them, treading, with tender feet, uponthorns, and sharper thorns, to the end of a painful journey.
What to do I know not. The more I think, the more I am embarrassed!--Andthe stronger will be my doubts as the appointed time draws near.
But I will go down, and take a little turn in the garden; and depositthis, and his letters all but the two last, which I will enclose in mynext, if I have opportunity to write another.
Mean time, my dear friend----But what can I desire you to prayfor?--Adieu, then!--Let me only say--Adieu--!