What can be done with a woman who is above flattery, and despises allpraise but that which flows from the approbation of her own heart?
Well, Jack, thou seest it is high time to change my measures. I must runinto the pious a little faster than I had designed.
What a sad thing it would be, were I, after all, to lose her person,as well as her opinion! the only time that further acquaintance, and noblow struck, nor suspicion given, ever lessened me in a lady's favour!A cursed mortification!--'Tis certain I can have no pretence for holdingher, if she will go. No such thing as force to be used, or so much ashinted at: Lord send us safe at London!--That's all I have for it now:and yet it must be the least part of my speech.
But why will this admirable creature urge her destiny? Why will she defythe power she is absolutely dependent upon? Why will she still wish tomy face that she had never left her father's house? Why will she deny meher company, till she makes me lose my patience, and lay myself opento her resentment? And why, when she is offended, does she carry herindignation to the utmost length that a scornful beauty, in the veryheight of her power and pride, can go?
Is it prudent, thinkest thou, in her circumstances, to tell me,repeatedly to tell me, 'That she is every hour more and moredissatisfied with herself and me? That I am not one who improve upon herin my conversation and address?' [Couldst thou, Jack, bear this froma captive!] 'That she shall not be easy while she is with me? That sheknows better than to value herself upon my volubility? That if I thinkshe deserves the compliments I make her, I may pride myself in thosearts, by which I have made a fool of so extraordinary a person? Thatshe shall never forgive herself for meeting me, nor me for seducing heraway?' [Her very words.] 'That her regrets increase instead of diminish?That she will take care of herself; and, since her friends thing itnot worth while to pursue her, she will be left to her own care? That Ishall make Mrs. Sorlings's house more agreeable by my absence?--And goto Berks, to town, or wherever I will,' [to the devil, I suppose,] 'withall her heart?'
The impolitic charmer!--To a temper so vindictive as she thins mine! Toa free-liver, as she believes me to be, who has her in his power! Iwas before, as thou knowest, balancing; now this scale, now that, theheaviest. I only waited to see how her will would work, how mine wouldlead me on. Thou seest what bias here takes--And wilt thou doubtthat mine will be determined by it? Were not her faults, before this,numerous enough? Why will she put me upon looking back?
I will sit down to argue with myself by-and-by, and thou shalt beacquainted with the result.
If thou didst but know, if thou hadst but beheld, what an abject slaveshe made me look like!--I had given myself high airs, as she calledthem: but they were airs that shewed my love for her: that shewedI could not live out of her company. But she took me down with avengeance! She made me look about me. So much advantage had she over me;such severe turns upon me; by my soul, Jack, I had hardly a word to sayfor myself. I am ashamed to tell thee what a poor creature she made melook like! But I could have told her something that would have humbledher pretty pride at the instant, had she been in a proper place, andproper company about her.
To such a place then--and where she cannot fly me--And then to seehow my will works, and what can be done with the amorous see-saw; nowhumble, now proud; now expecting, or demanding; now submitting, oracquiescing--till I have tried resistance.
But these hints are at present enough. I may further explain myself asI go along; and as I confirm or recede in my future motions. If shewill revive past disobligations! If she will--But no more, no more, as Isaid, at present, of threatenings.