LETTER XIX
MISS HOWE, TO MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE [IN ANSWER TO LETTERS IX. XV.]
Do not be so much concerned, my dearest friend, at the bickeringsbetween my mother and me. We love one another dearly notwithstanding.If my mother had not me to find fault with, she must find fault withsomebody else. And as to me, I am a very saucy girl; and were not thisoccasion, there would be some other, to shew it.
You have heard me say, that this was always the case between us.You could not otherwise have known it. For when you was with us, youharmonized us both; and, indeed, I was always more afraid of you than ofmy mother. But then that awe is accompanied with love. Your reproofs,as I have always found, are so charmingly mild and instructive; soevidently calculated to improve, and not to provoke; that a generoustemper must be amended by them. But hear now, mind my good mamma, whenyou are not with us--You shall, I tell you, Nancy. I will have it so.Don't I know best, I won't be disobeyed. How can a daughter of spiritsbear such language; such looks too with the language; and not have alonging mind to disobey?
Don't advise me, my dear, to subscribe to my mother's prohibition ofcorrespondence with you. She has no reason for it. Nor would she of herown judgment have prohibited it. That odd old ambling soul your uncle,(whose visits are frequenter than ever,) instigated by your maliciousand selfish brother and sister in the occasion. And they have onlyborrowed my mother's lips, at the distance they are from you, for a sortof speaking trumpet for them. The prohibition, once more I say, cannotcome from her heart: But if it did, is so much danger to be apprehendedfrom my continuing to write to one of my own sex, as if I wrote to oneof the other? Don't let dejection and disappointment, and the courseof oppression which you have run through, weaken your mind, my dearestcreature, and make you see inconveniencies where there possibly cannotbe any. If your talent is scribbling, as you call it; so is mine--andI will scribble on, at all opportunities; and to you; let them say whatthey will. Nor let your letters be filled with the self-accusations youmention: there is no cause for them. I wish that your Anna Howe, whocontinues in her mother's house, were but half so good as Miss ClarissaHarlowe, who has been driven out of her father's.
I will say nothing upon your letter to your sister till I see the effectit will have. You hope, you tell me, that you shall have your money andclothes sent you, notwithstanding my opinion to the contrary--I am sorryto have it to acquaint you, that I have just now heard, that they havesat in council upon your letter; and that your mother was the onlyperson who was for sending you your things, and was overruled. Icharge you therefore to accept of my offer, as by my last: and giveme particular directions for what you want, that I can supply you withbesides.
Don't set your thought so much upon a reconciliation as to prevent yourlaying hold of any handsome opportunity to give yourself a protector;such a one as the man will be, who, I imagine, husband-like, will letnobody insult you but himself.
What could he mean by letting slip such a one as that you mention? Idon't know how to blame you; for how you go beyond silence and blushes,when the foolish fellow came with his observances of the restrictionswhich you laid him under when in another situation? But, as I told youabove, you really strike people into awe. And, upon my word, you did notspare him.
I repeat what I said in my last, that you have a very nice part to act:and I will add, that you have a mind that is much too delicate for yourpart. But when the lover is exalted, the lady must be humbled. He isnaturally proud and saucy. I doubt you must engage his pride, which hecalls his honour: and that you must throw off a little more of the veil.And I would have you restrain your wishes before him, that you had notmet him, and the like. What signifies wishing, my dear? He will not bearit. You can hardly expect that he will.
Nevertheless, it vexed me to the very bottom of my pride, that anywretch of that sex should be able to triumph over Clarissa.
I cannot, however, but say, that I am charmed with your spirit. So muchsweetness, where sweetness is requisite; so much spirit, where spirit iscalled for--what a true magnanimity!
But I doubt, in your present circumstances, you must endeavour after alittle more of the reserve, in cases where you are displeased with him,and palliate a little. That humility which he puts on when you rise uponhim, is not natural to him.
Methinks I see the man hesitating, and looking like the fool you painthim, under your corrective superiority!--But he is not a fool. Don't puthim upon mingling resentment with his love.
You are very serious, my dear, in the first of the two letters beforeme, in relation to Mr. Hickman and me; and in relation to my mother andme. But as to the latter, you must not be too grave. If we are not welltogether at one time, we are not ill together at another. And while I amable to make her smile in the midst of the most angry fit she ever fellinto on the present occasion, (though sometimes she would not if shecould help it,) it is a very good sign; a sign that displeasure cannever go deep, or be lasting. And then a kind word, or kind look, toher favourite Hickman, sets the one into raptures, and the other intolerable humour, at any time.
But your case pains me at heart; and with all my levity, both the goodfolks most sometimes partake of that pain; nor will it be over, as longas you are in a state of uncertainty; and especially as I was not ableto prevail for that protection for you which would have prevented theunhappy step, the necessity for which we both, with so much reason,deplore.
I have only to add (and yet it is needless to tell you) that I am, andwill ever be,
Your affectionate friend and servant, ANNA HOWE.