LETTER XXXIV
MISS HOWE, TO MISS CLARISSA HARLOWETHURSDAY, MAY 18.
I have neither time nor patience, my dear friend, to answer everymaterial article in your last letters just now received. Mr. Lovelace'sproposals are all I like of him. And yet (as you do) I think, that heconcludes them not with the warmth and earnestness which we mightnaturally have expected from him. Never in my life did I hear or read ofso patient a man, with such a blessing in his reach. But wretches of hiscast, between you and me, my dear, have not, I fancy, the ardors thathonest men have. Who knows, as your Bell once spitefully said, but hemay have half a dozen creatures to quit his hands of before he engagesfor life?--Yet I believe you must not expect him to be honest on thisside of his grand climacteric.
He, to suggest delay from a compliment to be made to Lord M. and to givetime for settlements! He, a part of whose character it is, not to knowwhat complaisance to his relations is--I have no patience with him! Youdid indeed want an interposing friend on the affecting occasion which youmention in yours of yesterday morning. But, upon my word, were I to havebeen that moment in your situation, and been so treated, I would havetorn his eyes out, and left it to his own heart, when I had done, tofurnish the reason for it.
Would to Heaven to-morrow, without complimenting any body, might be hishappy day!--Villain! After he had himself suggested the compliment!--AndI think he accuses YOU of delaying!--Fellow, that he is!--How my heart iswrung--
But as matters now stand betwixt you, I am very unseasonable inexpressing my resentments against him.--Yet I don't know whether I am ornot, neither; since it is the most cruel of fates, for a woman to beforced to have a man whom her heart despises. You must, at least,despise him; at times, however. His clenched fist offered to hisforehead on your leaving him in just displeasure--I wish it had been apole-axe, and in the hand of his worst enemy.
I will endeavour to think of some method, of some scheme, to get you fromhim, and to fix you safely somewhere till your cousin Morden arrives--Ascheme to lie by you, and to be pursued as occasion may be given. Youare sure, that you can go abroad when you please? and that ourcorrespondence is safe? I cannot, however (for the reasons heretoforementioned respecting your own reputation,) wish you to leave him while hegives you not cause to suspect his honour. But your heart I know would bethe easier, if you were sure of some asylum in case of necessity.
Yet once more, I say, I can have no notion that he can or dare mean yourdishonour. But then the man is a fool, my dear--that's all.
However, since you are thrown upon a fool, marry the fool at the firstopportunity; and though I doubt that this man will be the mostungovernable of fools, as all witty and vain fools are, take him as apunishment, since you cannot as a reward: in short, as one given toconvince you that there is nothing but imperfection in this life.
And what is the result of all I have written, but this--Either marry,my dear, or get from them all, and from him too.
You intend the latter, you'll say, as soon as you have opportunity.That, as above hinted, I hope quickly to furnish you with: and then comeson a trial between you and yourself.
These are the very fellows that we women do not naturally hate. We don'talways know what is, and what is not, in our power to do. When someprincipal point we have long had in view becomes so critical, that wemust of necessity choose or refuse, then perhaps we look about us; areaffrighted at the wild and uncertain prospect before us; and, after a fewstruggles and heart-aches, reject the untried new; draw in your horns,and resolve to snail-on, as we did before, in a track we are acquaintedwith.
I shall be impatient till I have your next. I am, my dearest friend,
Your ever affectionate and faithfulANNA HOWE.