LETTER VI
MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWESUNDAY, APRIL 30.
[Mr. Lovelace, in his last letters, having taken notice of the most material passages contained in this letter, the following extracts from it are only inserted.
She gives pretty near the same account that he does of what passed between them on her resolution to go to church; and of his proposal of St. Paul's, and desire of attending her.--She praises his good behaviour there; as also the discourse, and the preacher.--Is pleased with its seasonableness.--Gives particulars of the conversation between them afterwards, and commends the good observations he makes upon the sermon.]
I am willing, says she, to have hopes of him: but am so unable to knowhow to depend upon his seriousness for an hour together, that all myfavourable accounts of him in this respect must be taken with allowance.
Being very much pressed, I could not tell how to refuse dining with thewidow and her nieces this day. I am better pleased with them than I everthought I should be. I cannot help blaming myself for my readiness togive severe censures where reputation is concerned. People's ways,humours, constitutions, education, and opportunities allowed for, mydear, many persons, as far as I know, may appear blameless, whom others,of different humours and educations, are too apt to blame; and who, fromthe same fault, may be as ready to blame them. I will therefore make ita rule to myself for the future--Never to judge peremptorily on firstappearances: but yet I must observe that these are not people I shouldchoose to be intimate with, or whose ways I can like: although, for thestations they are in, they may go through the world with tolerablecredit.
Mr. Lovelace's behaviour has been such as makes me call this, so far asit is passed, an agreeable day. Yet, when easiest as to him, mysituation with my friends takes place in my thoughts, and causes me manya tear.
I am the more pleased with the people of the house, because of thepersons of rank they are acquainted with, and who visits them.
SUNDAY EVENING.
I am still well pleased with Mr. Lovelace's behaviour. We have had agood deal of serious discourse together. The man has really just andgood notions. He confesses how much he is pleased with this day, andhopes for many such. Nevertheless, he ingenuously warned me, that hisunlucky vivacity might return: but, he doubted not, that he should befixed at last by my example and conversation.
He has given me an entertaining account of the four gentlemen he is tomeet to-morrow night.--Entertaining, I mean for his humourous descriptionof their persons, manners, &c. but such a description as is far frombeing to their praise. Yet he seemed rather to design to divert mymelancholy by it than to degrade them. I think at bottom, my dear, thathe must be a good-natured man; but that he was spoiled young, for wantof check or controul.
I cannot but call this, my circumstances considered, an happy day to theend of it. Indeed, my dear, I think I could prefer him to all the men Iever knew, were he but to be always what he has been this day. You seehow ready I am to own all you have charged me with, when I find myselfout. It is a difficult thing, I believe, sometimes, for a young creaturethat is able to deliberate with herself, to know when she loves, or whenshe hates: but I am resolved, as much as possible, to be determined bothin my hatred and love by actions, as they make the man worthy or unworthy.
[She dates again Monday, and declares herself highly displeased at Miss Partington's being introduced to her: and still more for being obliged to promise to be present at Mr. Lovelace's collation. She foresees, she says, a murder'd evening.]