LETTER XXXVI
MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ.
This debate between the Captain and me was hardly over when the threewomen, led by Miss Rawlins, entered, hoping no intrusion, but verydesirous, the maiden said, to know if we were likely to accommodate.
O yes, I hope so. You know, Ladies, that your sex must, in these cases,preserve their forms. They must be courted to comply with their ownhappiness. A lucky expedient we have hit upon. The uncle has his doubtsof our marriage. He cannot believe, nor will any body, that it ispossible that a man so much in love, the lady so desirable--
They all took the hint. It was a very extraordinary case, the two widowsallowed. Women, Jack, [as I believe I have observed* elsewhere,] have ahigh opinion of what they can do for us. Miss Rawlins desired, if Ipleased, to let them know the expedient; and looked as if there was noneed to proceed in the rest of my speech.
* See Letter XXIV. of this volume.
I begged that they would not let the lady know I had told them what thisexpedient was; and they should hear it.
They promised.
It was this: that to oblige and satisfy Mr. Harlowe, the ceremony was tobe again performed. He was to be privately present, and to give hisniece to me with his own hands--and she was retired to consider of it.
Thou seest, Jack, that I have provided an excuse, to save my veracity tothe women here, in case I should incline to marriage, and she shouldchoose to have Miss Rawlins's assistance at the ceremony. Nor doubted Ito bring my fair-one to save my credit on this occasion, if I could gether to consent to be mine.
A charming expedient! cried the widow. They were all three ready to claptheir hands for joy upon it. Women love to be married twice at least,Jack; though not indeed to the same man. And all blessed thereconciliatory scheme and the proposer of it; and, supposing it came fromthe Captain, they looked at him with pleasure, while his face shined withthe applause implied. He should think himself very happy, if he couldbring about a general reconciliation; and he flourished with his headlike my man Will. on his victory over old Grimes; bridling by turns, likeMiss Rawlins in the height of a prudish fit.
But now it was time for the Captain to think of returning to town, havinga great deal of business to dispatch before morning. Nor was he certainthat he should be able again to attend us at Hampstead before he wenthome.
And yet, as every thing was drawing towards a crisis, I did not intendthat he should leave Hampstead that night.
A message to the above effect was carried up, at my desire, by Mrs.Moore; with the Captain's compliments, and to know if she had anycommands for him to her uncle?
But I hinted to the women, that it would be proper for them to withdraw,if the lady did come down; lest she should not care to be so free beforethem on a proposal so particular, as she would be to us, who had offeredit to her consideration.
Mrs. Moore brought down word that the lady was following her. They allthree withdrew; and she entered at one door, as they went out at theother.
The Captain accosted her, repeating the contents of the message sent up;and desired that she would give him her commands in relation to thereport he was to make to her uncle Harlowe.
I know not what to say, Sir, nor what I would have you to say, to myuncle--perhaps you may have business in town--perhaps you need not see myuncle till I have heard from Miss Howe; till after Lady Betty--I don'tknow what to say.
I implored the return of that value which she had so generouslyacknowledged once to have had for me. I presumed, I said, to flattermyself that Lady Betty, in her own person, and in the name of all myfamily, would be able, on my promised reformation and contrition, toprevail in my favour, especially as our prospects in other respects withregard to the general reconciliation wished for were so happy. But letme owe to your own generosity, my dearest creature, said I, rather thanto the mediation of any person on earth, the forgiveness I am an humblesuitor for. How much more agreeable to yourself, O best beloved of mysoul, must it be, as well as obliging to me, that your first personalknowledge of my relations, and theirs of you, (for they will not bedenied attending you) should not be begun in recriminations, in appeals?As Lady Betty will be here soon, it will not perhaps be possible for youto receive her visit with a brow absolutely serene. But, dearest,dearest creature, I beseech you, let the misunderstanding pass as aslight one--as a misunderstanding cleared up. Appeals give pride andsuperiority to the persons appealed to, and are apt to lessen theappellant, not only in their eye, but in her own. Exalt not into judgesthose who are prepared to take lessons and instructions from you. Theindividuals of my family are as proud as I am said to be. But they willcheerfully resign to your superiority--you will be the first woman of thefamily in every one's eyes.
This might have done with any other woman in the world but this; and yetshe is the only woman in the world of whom it may with truth be said.But thus, angrily, did she disclaim the compliment.
Yes, indeed!--[and there she stopt a moment, her sweet bosom heaving witha noble disdain]--cheated out of myself from the very first!--A fugitivefrom my own family! Renounced by my relations! Insulted by you!--Layinghumble claim to the protection of your's!--Is not this the light in whichI must appear not only to the ladies of your family, but to all theworld?--Think you, Sir, that in these circumstances, or even had I beenin the happiest, that I could be affected by this plea of undeservedsuperiority?--You are a stranger to the mind of Clarissa Harlowe, if youthink her capable of so poor and so undue a pride!
She went from us to the farther end of the room.
The Captain was again affected--Excellent creature! I called her; and,reverently approaching her, urged farther the plea I had last made.
It is but lately, said I, that the opinions of my relations have beenmore than indifferent to me, whether good or bad; and it is for yoursake, more than for my own, that I now wish to stand well with my wholefamily. The principal motive of Lady Betty's coming up, is, to purchasepresents for the whole family to make on the happy occasion.
This consideration, turning to the Captain, with so noble-minded a dearcreature, I know, can have no weight; only as it will show their valueand respect. But what a damp would their worthy hearts receive, werethey to find their admired new niece, as they now think her, not only nottheir niece, but capable of renouncing me for ever! They love me. Theyall love me. I have been guilty of carelessness and levity to them,indeed; but of carelessness and levity only; and that owing to a pridethat has set me above meanness, though it has not done every thing forme.
My whole family will be guaranties for my good behaviour to this dearcreature, their niece, their daughter, their cousin, their friend, theirchosen companion and directress, all in one.--Upon my soul, Captain, wemay, we must be happy.
But, dearest, dearest creature, let me on my knees [and down I dropt, herface all the time turned half from me, as she stood at the window, herhandkerchief often at her eyes] on my knees let me plead your promisedforgiveness; and let us not appear to them, on their visit, thus unhappywith each other. Lady Betty, the next hour that she sees you, will writeher opinion of you, and of the likelihood of our future happiness, toLady Sarah her sister, a weak-spirited woman, who now hopes to supply toherself, in my bride, the lost daughter she still mourns for!
The Captain then joined in, and re-urged her uncle's hopes andexpectations, and his resolution effectually to set about the generalreconciliation; the mischief that might be prevented; and the certaintythat there was that her uncle might be prevailed on to give her to mewith his own hand, if she made it her choice to wait for his coming up.but, for his own part, he humbly advised, and fervently pressed her, tomake the very next day, or Monday at farthest, my happy day.
Permit me, dearest lady, said he, and I could kneel to you myself,[bending his knee,] though I have no interest in my earnestness, but thepleasure I should have to be able to serve you all, to beseech you togive me an opportunity to assure your uncle that I myself saw with my owney
es the happy knot tied!--All misunderstandings, all doubts, alldiffidences, will then be at an end.
And what, Madam, rejoined I, still kneeling, can there be in your newmeasures, be they what they will, that can so happily, so reputably, Iwill presume to say, for all around, obviate the present difficulties?
Miss Howe herself, if she love you, and if she love your fame, Madam,urged the Captain, his knee still bent, must congratulate you on suchhappy conclusion.
Then turning her face, she saw the Captain half-kneeling--O Sir! O Capt.Tomlinson!--Why this undue condescension? extending her hand to hiselbow, to raise him. I cannot bear this!--Then casting her eye on me,Rise, Mr. Lovelace--kneel not to the poor creature whom you haveinsulted!--How cruel the occasion for it!--And how mean the submission!
Not mean to such an angel!--Nor can I rise but to be forgiven!
The Captain then re-urged once more the day--he was amazed, he said, ifshe ever valued me--
O Captain Tomlinson, interrupted she, how much are you the friend of thisman!--If I had never valued him, he never would have had it in his powerto insult me; nor could I, if I had never regarded him, have taken toheart as I do, the insult (execrable as it was) so undeservedly, soungratefully given--but let him retire--for a moment let him retire.
I was more than half afraid to trust the Captain by himself with her. Hegave me a sign that I might depend upon him. And then I took out of mypocket his letter to me, and Lady Betty's and Miss Montague's, and LordM.'s letters (which last she had not then seen); and giving them to him,procure for me, in the first place, Mr. Tomlinson, a re-perusal of thesethree letters; and of this from Lord M. And I beseech you, my dearestlife, give them due consideration: and let me on my return find the happyeffects of that consideration.
I then withdrew; with slow feet, however, and a misgiving heart.
The Captain insisted upon this re-perusal previously to what she had tosay to him, as he tells me. She complied, but with some difficulty; asif she were afraid of being softened in my favour.
She lamented her unhappy situation; destitute of friends, and not knowingwhither to go, or what to do. She asked questions, sifting-questions,about her uncle, about her family, and after what he knew of Mr.Hickman's fruitless application in her favour.
He was well prepared in this particular; for I had shown him the lettersand extracts of letter of Miss Howe, which I had so happily come at.*Might she be assured, she asked him, that her brother, with Singleton andSolmes, were actually in quest of her?
* Vol. IV. Letter XLIV.
He averred that they were.
She asked, if he thought I had hopes of prevailing on her to go back totown?
He was sure I had not.
Was he really of opinion that Lady Betty would pay her a visit?
He had no doubt of it.
But, Sir; but, Captain Tomlinson--[impatiently turning from him, andagain to him] I know not what to do--but were I your daughter, Sir--wereyou my own father--Alas! Sir, I have neither father nor mother!
He turned from her and wiped his eyes.
O Sir! you have humanity! [She wept too.] There are some men in theworld, thank Heaven, that can be moved. O Sir, I have met with hard-hearted men--in my own family too--or I could not have been so unhappyas I am--but I make every body unhappy!
His eyes no doubt ran over.--
Dearest Madam! Heavenly Lady!--Who can--who can--hesitated and blubberedthe dog, as he owned. And indeed I heard some part of what passed,though they both talked lower than I wished; for, from the nature oftheir conversation, there was no room for altitudes.
THEM, and BOTH, and THEY!--How it goes against me to include this angelof a creature, and any man on earth but myself, in one world!
Capt. Who can forbear being affected?--But, Madam, you can be no otherman's.
Cl. Nor would I be. But he is so sunk with me!--To fire the house!--Anartifice so vile!--contrived for the worst of purposes!--Would you have adaughter of your's--But what would I say?--Yet you see that I have nobodyin whom I can confide!--Mr. Lovelace is a vindictive man!--He could notlove the creature whom he could insult as he has insulted me!
She paused. And then resuming--in short, I never, never can forgive him,nor he me.--Do you think, Sir, I never would have gone so far as I havegone, if I had intended ever to draw with him in one yoke?--I left behindme such a letter--
You know, Madam, he has acknowledged the justice of your resentment--
O Sir, he can acknowledge, and he can retract, fifty times a day--but donot think I am trifling with myself and you, and want to be persuaded toforgive him, and to be his. There is not a creature of my sex, who wouldhave been more explicit, and more frank, than I would have been, from themoment I intended to be his, had I a heart like my own to deal with. Iwas always above reserve, Sir, I will presume to say, where I had nocause of doubt. Mr. Lovelace's conduct has made me appear, perhaps,over-nice, when my heart wanted to be encouraged and assured! and when,if it had been so, my whole behaviour would have been governed by it.
She stopt; her handkerchief at her eyes.
I inquired after the minutest part of her behaviour, as well as after herwords. I love, thou knowest, to trace human nature, and moreparticularly female nature, through its most secret recesses.
The pitiful fellow was lost in silent admiration of her. And thus thenoble creature proceeded.
It is the fate in unequal unions, that tolerable creatures, through them,frequently incur censure, when more happily yoked they might be entitledto praise. And shall I not shun a union with a man, that might lead intoerrors a creature who flatters herself that she is blest with aninclination to be good; and who wishes to make every one happy with whomshe has any connection, even to her very servants?
She paused, taking a turn about the room--the fellow, devil fetch him, amummy all the time:--Then proceeded.
Formerly, indeed, I hoped to be an humble mean of reforming him. But,when I have no such hope, is it right [you are a serious man, Sir] tomake a venture that shall endanger my own morals?
Still silent was the varlet. If my advocate had nothing to say for me,what hope of carrying my cause?
And now, Sir, what is the result of all?--It is this--that you willendeavour, if you have that influence over him which a man of your senseand experience ought to have, to prevail upon him, and that for his ownsake, as well as for mine, to leave me free, to pursue my own destiny.And of this you may assure him, that I will never be any other man's.
Impossible, Madam! I know that Mr. Lovelace would not hear me withpatience on such a topic. And I do assure you that I have some spirit,and should not care to take an indignity from him or from any man living.
She paused--then resuming--and think you, Sir, that my uncle will refuseto receive a letter from me? [How averse, Jack, to concede a tittle inmy favour!]
I know, Madam, as matters are circumstanced, that he would not answer it.If you please I will carry one down from you.
And will he not pursue his intentions in my favour, nor be himselfreconciled to me, except I am married?
From what your brother gives out, and effects to believe, on Mr.Lovelace's living with you in the same--
No more, Sir--I am an unhappy creature!
He then re-urged, that it would be in her power instantly, or on themorrow, to put an end to all her difficulties.
How can that be? said she: the license still to be obtained? Thesettlements still to be signed? Miss Howe's answer to my lastunreceived?--And shall I, Sir, be in such a HURRY, as if I thought myhonour in danger if I delayed? Yet marry the man from whom only it canbe endangered!--Unhappy, thrice unhappy Clarissa Harlowe!--In how manydifficulties has one rash step involved thee!--And she turned from himand wept.
The varlet, by way of comfort, wept too: yet her tears, as he might haveobserved, were tears that indicated rather a yielding than a perversetemper.
There is a sort of stone, thou knowest, so soft in the quarry, that itmay in
manner be cut with a knife; but if the opportunity not be taken,and it is exposed to the air for any time, it will become as hard asmarble, and then with difficulty it yields to the chisel.* So this lady,not taken at the moment, after a turn or two across the room, gained moreresolution! and then she declared, as she had done once before, that shewould wait the issue of Miss Howe's answer to the letter she had sent herfrom hence, and take her measures accordingly--leaving it to him, meantime, to make what report he thought fit to her uncle--the kindest thattruth could bear, she doubted not from Captain Tomlinson: and she shouldbe glad of a few lines from him, to hear what that was.
* The nature of the Bath stone, in particular.
She wished him a good journey. She complained of her head; and was aboutto withdraw: but I stept round to the door next the stairs, as if I hadbut just come in from the garden (which, as I entered, I called a verypretty one) and took her reluctant hand as she was going out: My dearestlife, you are not going?--What hopes, Captain?--Have you not some hopesto give me of pardon and reconciliation?
She said she would not be detained. But I would not let her go till shehad promised to return, when the Captain had reported to me what herresolution was.
And when he had, I sent up and claimed her promise; and she came downagain, and repeated (as what she was determined upon) that she would waitfor Miss Howe's answers to the letter she had written to her, and takeher measures according to its contents.
I expostulated with her upon it, in the most submissive and earnestmanner. She made it necessary for me to repeat many of the pleas I hadbefore urged. The Captain seconded me with equal earnestness. At last,each fell down on our knees before her.
She was distressed. I was afraid at one time she would have fainted.Yet neither of us would rise without some concessions. I pleaded my ownsake; the Captain, his dear friend, her uncle's; and both re-pleaded theprevention of future mischief; and the peace and happiness of the twofamilies.
She owned herself unequal to the conflict. She sighed. She sobbed. Shewept. She wrung her hands.
I was perfectly eloquent in my vows and protestations. Her tearful eyeswere cast down upon me; a glow upon each charming cheek; a visibleanguish in every lovely feature--at last, her trembling knees seemed tofail her, she dropt into the next chair; her charming face, as if seekingfor a hiding place (which a mother's bosom would have best supplied)sinking upon her own shoulder.
I forgot at the instant all my vows of revenge. I threw myself at herfeet, as she sat; and, snatching her hand, pressed it with my lips. Ibesought Heaven to forgive my past offences, and prosper my future hopes,as I designed honourably and justly by the charmer of my heart, if oncemore she should restore me to her favour. And I thought I felt drops ofscalding water [could they be tears?] trickle down upon my cheeks; whilemy cheeks, glowing like fire, seemed to scorch up the unwelcomestrangers.
I then arose, not doubting of an implied pardon in this silent distress.I raised the Captain. I whispered him--by my soul, man, I am in earnest.--Now talk of reconciliation, of her uncle, of the license, of settlement--and raising my voice, If now at last, Captain Tomlinson, my angel willgive me leave to call so great a blessing mine, it will be impossiblethat you should say too much to her uncle in praise of my gratitude, myaffection, and fidelity to his charming niece; and he may begin as soonas he pleases his kind schemes for effecting the desirablereconciliation!--Nor shall he prescribe any terms to me that I will notcomply with.
The Captain blessed me with his eyes and hands--Thank God! whispered he.We approached the lady together.
Capt. What hinders, dearest Madam, what now hinders, but that LadyBetty Lawrance, when she comes, may be acquainted with the truth of everything? And that then she may assist privately at your nuptials? I willstay till they are celebrated; and then shall go down with the happytidings to my dear Mr. Harlowe. And all will, all must, soon be happy.
I must have an answer from Miss Howe, replied the still trembling fair-one. I cannot change my new measures but with her advice. I willforfeit all my hopes of happiness in this world, rather than forfeit hergood opinion, and that she should think me giddy, unsteady, orprecipitate. All I shall further say on the present subject is this,that when I have her answer to what I have written, I will write to herthe whole state of the matter, as I shall then be enabled to do.
Lovel. Then must I despair for ever!--O Captain Tomlinson, Miss Howehates me!--Miss Howe--
Capt. Not so, perhaps--when Miss Howe knows your concern for havingoffended, she will never advise that, with such prospects of generalreconciliation, the hopes of so many considerable persons in bothfamilies should be frustrated. Some little time, as this excellentlady had foreseen and hinted, will necessarily be taken up in actuallyprocuring the license, and in perusing and signing the settlements. Inthat time Miss Howe's answer may be received; and Lady Betty may arrive;and she, no doubt, will have weight to dissipate the lady's doubts, andto accelerate the day. It shall be my part, mean time, to make Mr.Harlowe easy. All I fear is from Mr. James Harlowe's quarter; andtherefore all must be conducted with prudence and privacy: as your uncle,Madam, has proposed.
She was silent, I rejoiced in her silence. The dear creature, thought I,has actually forgiven me in her heart!--But why will she not lay me underobligation to her, by the generosity of an explicit declaration?--Andyet, as that would not accelerate any thing, while the license is not inmy hands, she is the less to be blamed (if I do her justice) for takingmore time to descend.
I proposed, as on the morrow night, to go to town; and doubted not tobring the license up with me on Monday morning; would she be pleased toassure me, that she would not depart form Mrs. Moore's.
She should stay at Mrs. Moore's till she had an answer from Miss Howe.
I told her that I hoped I might have her tacit consent at least to theobtaining of the license.
I saw by the turn of her countenance that I should not have asked thisquestion. She was so far from tacitly consenting, that she declared tothe contrary.
As I never intended, I said, to ask her to enter again into a house, withthe people of which she was so much offended, would she be pleased togive orders for her clothes to be brought up hither? Or should Dorcasattend her for any of her commands on that head?
She desired not ever more to see any body belonging to that house. Shemight perhaps get Mrs. Moore or Mrs. Bevis to go thither for her, andtake her keys with them.
I doubted not, I said, that Lady Betty would arrive by that time. Ihoped she had no objection to my bringing that lady and my cousinMontague up with me?
She was silent.
To be sure, Mr. Lovelace, said the Captain, the lady can have noobjection to this.
She was still silent. So silence in this case was assent.
Would she be pleased to write to Miss Howe?--
Sir! Sir! peevishly interrupting--no more questions; no prescribing to me--you will do as you think fit--so will I, as I please. I own noobligation to you. Captain Tomlinson, your servant. Recommend me to myuncle Harlowe's favour. And was going.
I took her reluctant hand, and besought her only to promise to meet meearly in the morning.
To what purpose meet you? Have you more to say than has been said? Ihave had enough of vows and protestations, Mr. Lovelace. To what purposeshould I meet you to-morrow morning?
I repeated my request, and that in the most fervent manner, naming six inthe morning.
'You know that I am always stirring before that hour, at this season ofthe year,' was the half-expressed consent.
She then again recommended herself to her uncle's favour; and withdrew.
And thus, Belford, has she mended her markets, as Lord M. would say, andI worsted mine. Miss Howe's next letter is now the hinge on which thefate of both must turn. I shall be absolutely ruined and undone, if Icannot intercept it.
END OF VOL.5
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