LETTER VII
MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ.MONDAY, MAY 29.
Now have I established myself for ever in my charmer's heart.
The Captain came at seven, as promised, and ready equipped for hisjourney. My beloved chose not to give us her company till our firstconversation was over--ashamed, I suppose, to be present at that part ofit which was to restore her to her virgin state by my confession, afterher wifehood had been reported to her uncle. But she took her cue,nevertheless, and listened to all that passed.
The modestest women, Jack, must think, and think deeply sometimes. Iwonder whether they ever blush at those things by themselves, at whichthey have so charming a knack of blushing in company. If not; and ifblushing be a sign of grace or modesty; have not the sex as great acommand over their blushes as they are said to have over their tears?This reflection would lead me a great way into female minds, were Idisposed to pursue it.
I told the Captain, that I would prevent his question; and accordingly(after I had enjoined the strictest secrecy, that no advantage might begiven to James Harlowe, and which he had answered for as well on Mr.Harlowe's part as his own) I acknowledged nakedly and fairly the wholetruth--to wit, 'That we were not yet married. I gave him hints of thecauses of procrastination. Some of them owing to unhappymisunderstandings: but chiefly to the Lady's desire of previousreconciliation with her friends; and to a delicacy that had no example.'
Less nice ladies than this, Jack, love to have delays, wilful and studieddelays, imputed to them in these cases--yet are indelicate in theiraffected delicacy: For do they not thereby tacitly confess, that theyexpect to be the greatest estgainers in wedlock; and that there isself-denial in the pride they take in delaying?
'I told him the reason of our passing to the people below as married--yetas under a vow of restriction, as to consummation, which had kept us bothto the height, one of forbearing, the other of vigilant punctilio; evento the denial of those innocent freedoms, which betrothed lovers neverscruple to allow and to take.
'I then communicated to him a copy of my proposal of settlement; thesubstance of her written answer; the contents of my letter of invitationto Lord M. to be her nuptial-father; and of my Lord's generous reply.But said, that having apprehensions of delay from his infirmities, and mybeloved choosing by all means (and that from principles of unrequitedduty) a private solemnization, I had written to excuse his Lordship'spresence; and expected an answer every hour.
'The settlements, I told him, were actually drawing by CounsellorWilliams, of whose eminence he must have heard--'
He had.
'And of the truth of this he might satisfy himself before he went out oftown.
'When these were drawn, approved, and engrossed, nothing, I said, butsigning, and the nomination of my happy day, would be wanting. I had apride, I declared, in doing the highest justice to so beloved a creature,of my own voluntary motion, and without the intervention of a family fromwhom I had received the greatest insults. And this being our presentsituation, I was contented that Mr. John Harlowe should suspend hisreconciliatory purposes till our marriage were actually solemnized.'
The Captain was highly delighted with all I said: Yet owned, that as hisdear friend Mr. Harlowe had expressed himself greatly pleased to hearthat we were actually married, he could have wished it had been so. But,nevertheless, he doubted not that all would be well.
He saw my reasons, he said, and approved of them, for making thegentlewomen below [whom again he understood to be good sort of people]believe that the ceremony had passed; which so well accounted for whatthe lady's maid had told Mr. Harlowe's friend. Mr. James Harlowe, hesaid, had certainly ends to answer in keeping open the breach; and ascertainly had formed a design to get his sister out of my hands.Wherefore it as much imported his worthy friend to keep this treaty assecret, as it did me; at least till he had formed his party, and takenhis measures. Ill will and passion were dreadful misrepresenters. Itwas amazing to him, that animosity could be carried so high against a mancapable of views so pacific and so honourable, and who had shown such acommand of his temper, in this whole transaction, as I had done.Generosity, indeed, in every case, where love of stratagem and intrigue(I would excuse him) were not concerned, was a part of my character.
He was proceeding, when, breakfast being ready, in came the empress of myheart, irradiating all around her, as with a glory--a benignity andgraciousness in her aspect, that, though natural to it, had been longbanished from it.
Next to prostration lowly bowed the Captain. O how the sweet creaturesmiled her approbation of him! Reverence from one begets reverence fromanother. Men are more of monkeys in imitation than they thinkthemselves.--Involuntarily, in a manner, I bent my knee--My dearestlife--and made a very fine speech on presenting the Captain to her. Notitle myself, to her lip or cheek, 'tis well he attempted not either. Hewas indeed ready to worship her;--could only touch her charming hand.
I have told the Captain, my dear creature--and then I briefly repeated(as if I had supposed she had not heard it) all I had told him.
He was astonished, that any body could be displeased one moment with suchan angel. He undertook her cause as the highest degree of merit tohimself.
Never, I must need say, did an angel so much look the angel. All placid,serene, smiling, self-assured: a more lovely flush than usual heighteningher natural graces, and adding charms, even to radiance, to her charmingcomplexion.
After we had seated ourselves, the agreeable subject was renewed, as wetook our chocolate. How happy should she be in her uncle's restoredfavour!
The Captain engaged for it--No more delays, he hoped, on her part! Letthe happy day be but once over, all would then be right. But was itimproper to ask for copies of my proposals, and of her answer, in orderto show them to his dear friend, her uncle?
As Mr. Lovelace pleased.--O that the dear creature would always say so!
It must be in strict confidence then, I said. But would it not be betterto show her uncle the draught of the settlements, when drawn?
And will you be so good as to allow of this, Mr. Lovelace?
There, Belford! We were once the quarrelsome, but now we are the polite,lovers.
Indeed, my dear creature, I will, if you desire it, and if CaptainTomlinson will engage that Mr. Harlowe shall keep them absolutely asecret; that I may not be subjected to the cavil and controul of anyothers of a family that have used me so very ill.
Now, indeed, Sir, you are very obliging.
Dost think, Jack, that my face did not now also shine?
I held out my hand, (first consecrating it with a kiss,) for her's. Shecondescended to give it me. I pressed it to my lips: You know notCaptain Tomlinson, (with an air,) all storms overblown, what a happyman--
Charming couple! [his hands lifted up,] how will my good friend rejoice!O that he were present! You know not, Madam, how dear you still are toyour uncle Harlowe!
I am still unhappy ever to have disobliged him!
Not too much of that, however, fairest, thought I!
The Captain repeated his resolution of service, and that in so acceptablea manner, that the dear creature wished that neither he, nor any of his,might ever want a friend of equal benevolence.
Nor any of this, she said; for the Captain brought it in, that he hadfive children living, by one of the best wives and mothers, whoseexcellent management made him as happy as if his eight hundred pounds ayear (which was all he had to boast of) were two thousand.
Without economy, the oracular lady said, no estate was large enough.With it, the least was not too small.
Lie still, teasing villain! lie still.--I was only speaking to myconscience, Jack.
And let me ask you, Mr. Lovelace, said the Captain; yet not so much fromdoubt, as that I may proceed upon sure grounds--You are willing toco-operate with my dear friend in a general reconciliation?
Let me tell you, Mr. Tomlinson, that if it can be distinguished, that myreadiness to make up with a fa
mily, of whose generosity I have not hadreason to think highly, is entirely owing to the value I have for thisangel of a woman, I will not only co-operate with Mr. John Harlowe, asyou ask; but I will meet with Mr. James Harlowe senior, and his lady, allthe way. And furthermore, to make the son James and his sister Arabellaquite easy, I will absolutely disclaim any further interest, whetherliving or dying, in any of the three brothers' estates; contenting myselfwith what my beloved's grandfather had bequeathed to her: for I havereason to be abundantly satisfied with my own circumstances andprospects--enough rewarded, were she not to bring a shilling in dowry, ina woman who has a merit superior to all the goods of fortune.--True asthe Gospel, Belford!--Why had not this scene a real foundation?
The dear creature, by her eyes, expressed her gratitude, before her lipscould utter it. O Mr. Lovelace, said she--you have infinitely--And thereshe stopt.
The Captain run over in my praise. He was really affected.
O that I had not such a mixture of revenge and pride in my love, thoughtI!--But, (my old plea,) cannot I make her amends at any time? And is nother virtue now in the height of its probation?--Would she lay aside, likethe friends of my uncontending Rosebud, all thoughts of defiance--Wouldshe throw herself upon my mercy, and try me but one fortnight in the lifeof honour--What then?--I cannot say, What then--
Do not despise me, Jack, for my inconsistency--in no two letters perhapsagreeing with myself--Who expects consistency in men of ourcharacter?--But I am mad with love--fired by revenge--puzzled with my owndevices--my invention is my curse--my pride my punishment--drawn five orsix ways at once, can she possibly be so unhappy as I?--O why, why, wasthis woman so divinely excellent!--Yet how know I that she is? What havebeen her trials? Have I had the courage to make a single one upon herperson, though a thousand upon her temper?--Enow, I hope, to make herafraid of ever more disobliging me more!--
***
I must banish reflection, or I am a lost man. For these two hours pasthave I hated myself for my own contrivances. And this not only from whatI have related to thee; but for what I have further to relate. But Ihave now once more steeled my heart. My vengeance is uppermost; for Ihave been reperusing some of Miss Howe's virulence. The contempt theyhave both held me in I cannot bear.
The happiest breakfast-time, my beloved owned, that she had ever knownsince she had left her father's house. [She might have let this alone.]The Captain renewed all his protestations of service. He would write meword how his dear friend received the account he should give him of thehappy situation of our affairs, and what he thought of the settlements,as soon as I should send him the draughts so kindly promised. And weparted with great professions of mutual esteem; my beloved putting upvows for the success of his generous mediation.
When I returned from attending the Captain down stairs, which I did tothe outward door, my beloved met me as I entered the dining-room;complacency reigning in every lovely feature.
'You see me already,' said she, 'another creature. You know not, Mr.Lovelace, how near my heart this hoped-for reconciliation is. I am nowwilling to banish every disagreeable remembrance. You know not, Sir, howmuch you have obliged me. And O Mr. Lovelace, how happy I shall be, whenmy heart is lightened from the all-sinking weight of a father's curse!When my dear mamma--You don't know, Sir, half the excellencies of my dearmamma! and what a kind heart she has, when it is left to follow its ownimpulses--When this blessed mamma shall once more fold me to herindulgent bosom! When I shall again have uncles and aunts, and a brotherand sister, all striving who shall show most kindness and favour to thepoor outcast, then no more an outcast--And you, Mr. Lovelace, to beholdall this, with welcome--What though a little cold at first? when theycome to know you better, and to see you oftener, no fresh causes ofdisgust occurring, and you, as I hope, having entered upon a new course,all will be warmer and warmer love on both sides, till every one willperhaps wonder, how they came to set themselves against you.'
Then drying her tears with her handkerchief, after a few moments pausing,on a sudden, as if recollecting that she had been led by her joy to anexpression of it which she had not intended I should see, she retired toher chamber with precipitation; leaving me almost as unable to stand itas herself.
In short, I was--I want words to say how I was--my nose had been made totingle before; my eyes have before been made to glisten by thissoul-moving beauty; but so very much affected, I never was--for, tryingto check my sensibility, it was too strong for me, and I even sobbed--Yes, by my soul, I audibly sobbed, and was forced to turn from her beforeshe had well finished her affecting speech.
I want, methinks, now I have owned the odd sensation, to describe it tothee--the thing was so strange to me--something choking, as it were, inmy throat--I know not how--yet, I must needs say, though I am out ofcountenance upon the recollection, that there was something very prettyin it; and I wish I could know it again, that I might have a more perfectidea of it, and be better able to describe it to thee.
But this effect of her joy on such an occasion gives me a high notion ofwhat that virtue must be [What other name can I call it?] which in a mindso capable of delicate transport, should be able to make so charming acreature, in her very bloom, all frost and snow to every advance of lovefrom the man she hates not. This must be all from education too--Must itnot, Belford? Can education have stronger force in a woman's heart thannature?--Sure it cannot. But if it can, how entirely right are parentsto cultivate their daughters' minds, and to inspire them with notions ofreserve and distance to our sex: and indeed to make them think highly oftheir own! for pride is an excellent substitute, let me tell thee, wherevirtue shines not out, as the sun, in its own unborrowed lustre.