LETTER XXX
MR. BELFORD, TO MR. ROBERT LOVELACE, ESQ.FRIDAY NOON, JULY 21.
This morning I was admitted, as soon as I sent up my name, into thepresence of the divine lady. Such I may call her; as what I have torelate will fully prove.
She had had a tolerable night, and was much better in spirits; thoughweak in person; and visibly declining in looks.
Mrs. Lovick and Mrs. Smith were with her; and accused her, in a gentlemanner, of having applied herself too assiduously to her pen for herstrength, having been up ever since five. She said, she had restedbetter than she had done for many nights: she had found her spirits free,and her mind tolerably easy: and having, as she had reason to think, buta short time, and much to do in it, she must be a good housewife of herhours.
She had been writing, she said, a letter to her sister: but had notpleased herself in it; though she had made two or three essays: but thatthe last must go.
By hints I had dropt from time to time, she had reason, she said, tothink that I knew every thing that concerned her and her family; and, ifso, must be acquainted with the heavy curse her father had laid upon her;which had been dreadfully fulfilled in one part, as to her prospects inthis life, and that in a very short time; which gave her greatapprehensions of the other part. She had been applying herself to hersister, to obtain a revocation of it. I hope my father will revoke it,said she, or I shall be very miserable--Yet [and she gasped as she spoke,with apprehension]--I am ready to tremble at what the answer may be; formy sister is hard-hearted.
I said something reflecting upon her friends; as to what they woulddeserve to be thought of, if the unmerited imprecation were notwithdrawn. Upon which she took me up, and talked in such a dutifulmanner of her parents as must doubly condemn them (if they remainimplacable) for their inhuman treatment of such a daughter.
She said, I must not blame her parents: it was her dear Miss Howe's faultto do so. But what an enormity was there in her crime, which could setthe best of parents (they had been to her, till she disobliged them) in abad light, for resenting the rashness of a child from whose educationthey had reason to expect better fruits! There were some hardcircumstances in her case, it was true: but my friend could tell me, thatno one person, throughout the whole fatal transaction, had acted out ofcharacter, but herself. She submitted therefore to the penalty she hadincurred. If they had any fault, it was only that they would not informthemselves of such circumstances, which would alleviate a little hermisdeed; and that supposing her a more guilty creature than she was, theypunished her without a hearing.
Lord!--I was going to curse thee, Lovelace! How every instance ofexcellence, in this all excelling creature, condemns thee;--thou wilthave reason to think thyself of all men the most accursed, if she die!
I then besought her, while she was capable of such glorious instances ofgenerosity, and forgiveness, to extend her goodness to a man, whose heartbled in every vein of it for the injuries he had done her; and who wouldmake it the study of his whole life to repair them.
The women would have withdrawn when the subject became so particular.But she would not permit them to go. She told me, that if after thistime I was for entering with so much earnestness into a subject so verydisagreeable to her, my visits must not be repeated. Nor was thereoccasion, she said, for my friendly offices in your favour; since shehad begun to write her whole mind upon that subject to Miss Howe, inanswer to letters from her, in which Miss Howe urged the same arguments,in compliment to the wishes of your noble and worthy relations.
Mean time, you may let him know, said she, that I reject him with mywhole heart:--yet, that although I say this with such a determination asshall leave no room for doubt, I say it not however with passion. On thecontrary, tell him, that I am trying to bring my mind into such a frameas to be able to pity him; [poor perjured wretch! what has he not toanswer for!] and that I shall not think myself qualified for the state Iam aspiring to, if, after a few struggles more, I cannot forgive him too:and I hope, clasping her hands together, uplifted as were her eyes, mydear earthly father will set me the example my heavenly one has alreadyset us all; and, by forgiving his fallen daughter, teach her to forgivethe man, who then, I hope, will not have destroyed my eternal prospects,as he has my temporal!
Stop here, thou wretch!--but I need not bid thee!----for I can go nofarther!