LETTER XLVIII
MR. BELFORD, TO ROBERT LOVELACE, ESQ.THURSDAY, JULY 27.
I went this morning, according to the lady's invitation, to breakfast,and found Mr. Hickman with her.
A good deal of heaviness and concern hung upon his countenance: but hereceived me with more respect than he did yesterday; which, I presume,was owing to the lady's favourable character of me.
He spoke very little; for I suppose they had all their talk outyesterday, and before I came this morning.
By the hints that dropped, I perceived that Miss Howe's letter gave anaccount of your interview with her at Col. Ambrose's--of your professionsto Miss Howe; and Miss Howe's opinion, that marrying you was the only waynow left to repair her wrongs.
Mr. Hickman, as I also gathered, had pressed her, in Miss Howe's name, tolet her, on her return from the Isle of Wight, find her at a neighbouringfarm-house, where neat apartments would be made ready to receive her.She asked how long it would be before they returned? And he told her, itwas proposed to be no more than a fortnight out and in. Upon which shesaid, she should then perhaps have time to consider of that kindproposal.
He had tendered her money from Miss Howe; but could not induce her totake any. No wonder I was refused! she only said, that, if she hadoccasion, she would be obliged to nobody but Miss Howe.
Mr. Goddard, her apothecary, came in before breakfast was over. At herdesire he sat down with us. Mr. Hickman asked him, if he could give himany consolation in relation to Miss Harlowe's recovery, to carry down toa friend who loved her as she loved her own life?
The lady, said he, will do very well, if she will resolve upon itherself. Indeed you will, Madam. The doctor is entirely of thisopinion; and has ordered nothing for you but weak jellies and innocentcordials, lest you should starve yourself. And let me tell you, Madam,that so much watching, so little nourishment, and so much grief, as youseem to indulge, is enough to impair the most vigorous health, and towear out the strongest constitution.
What, Sir, said she, can I do? I have no appetite. Nothing you callnourishing will stay on my stomach. I do what I can: and have such kinddirectors in Dr. H. and you, that I should be inexcusable if I did not.
I'll give you a regimen, Madam, replied he; which, I am sure, the doctorwill approve of, and will make physic unnecessary in your case. And thatis, 'go to rest at ten at night. Rise not till seven in the morning.Let your breakfast be watergruel, or milk-pottage, or weak broths: yourdinner any thing you like, so you will but eat: a dish of tea, with milk,in the afternoon; and sago for your supper: and, my life for your's, thisdiet, and a month's country air, will set you up.'
We were much pleased with the worthy gentleman's disinterested regimen:and she said, referring to her nurse, (who vouched for her,) Pray, Mr.Hickman, let Miss Howe know the good hands I am in: and as to the kindcharge of the gentleman, assure her, that all I promised to her, in thelongest of my two last letters, on the subject of my health, I do andwill, to the utmost of my power, observe. I have engaged, Sir, (to Mr.Goddard,) I have engaged, Sir, (to me,) to Miss Howe, to avoid all wilfulneglects. It would be an unpardonable fault, and very ill become thecharacter I would be glad to deserve, or the temper of mind I wish myfriends hereafter to think me mistress of, if I did not.
Mr. Hickman and I went afterwards to a neighbouring coffee-house; and hegave me some account of your behaviour at the ball on Monday night, andof your treatment of him in the conference he had with you before that;which he represented in a more favourable light than you had doneyourself: and yet he gave his sentiments of you with great freedom, butwith the politeness of a gentleman.
He told me how very determined the lady was against marrying you; thatshe had, early this morning, set herself to write a letter to Miss Howe,in answer to one he brought her, which he was to call for at twelve, itbeing almost finished before he saw her at breakfast; and that at threehe proposed to set out on his return.
He told me that Miss Howe, and her mother, and himself, were to begintheir little journey for the Isle of Wight on Monday next: but that hemust make the most favourable representation of Miss Harlowe's badhealth, or they should have a very uneasy absence. He expressed thepleasure he had in finding the lady in such good hands. He proposed tocall on Dr. H. to take his opinion whether it were likely she wouldrecover; and hoped he should find it favourable.
As he was resolved to make the best of the matter, and as the lady hadrefused to accept of the money offered by Mr. Hickman, I said nothing ofher parting with her clothes. I thought it would serve no other end tomention it, but to shock Miss Howe: for it has such a sound with it, thata woman of her rank and fortune should be so reduced, that I cannotmyself think of it with patience; nor know I but one man in the world whocan.
This gentleman is a little finical and formal. Modest or diffident menwear not soon off those little precisenesses, which the confident, ifever they had them, presently get above; because they are too confidentto doubt any thing. But I think Mr. Hickman is an agreeable, sensibleman, and not at all deserving of the treatment or the character you givehim.
But you are really a strange mortal: because you have advantages in yourperson, in your air, and intellect, above all the men I know, and a facethat would deceive the devil, you can't think any man else tolerable.
It is upon this modest principle that thou deridest some of us, who, nothaving thy confidence in their outside appearance, seek to hide theirdefects by the tailor's and peruke-maker's assistance; (mistakenlyenough, if it be really done so absurdly as to expose them more;) andsayest, that we do but hang out a sign, in our dress, of what we have inthe shop of our minds. This, no doubt, thou thinkest, is smartlyobserved: but pr'ythee, Lovelace, let me tell thee, if thou canst, whatsort of a sign must thou hang out, wert thou obliged to give us a clearidea by it of the furniture of thy mind?
Mr. Hickman tells me, he should have been happy with Miss Howe some weeksago, (for all the settlements have been some time engrossed;) but thatshe will not marry, she declares, while her dear friend is so unhappy.
This is truly a charming instance of the force of female friendship;which you and I, and our brother rakes, have constantly ridiculed as achimerical thing in women of equal age, and perfections.
But really, Lovelace, I see more and more that there are not in theworld, with our conceited pride, narrower-souled wretches than we rakesand libertines are. And I'll tell thee how it comes about.
Our early love of roguery makes us generally run away from instruction;and so we become mere smatterers in the sciences we are put to learn;and, because we will know no more, think there is no more to be known.
With an infinite deal of vanity, un-reined imaginations, and no judgmentsat all, we next commence half-wits, and then think we have the wholefield of knowledge in possession, and despise every one who takes morepains, and is more serious, than ourselves, as phlegmatic, stupidfellows, who have no taste for the most poignant pleasures of life.
This makes us insufferable to men of modesty and merit, and obliges us toherd with those of our own cast; and by this means we have noopportunities of seeing or conversing with any body who could or wouldshow us what we are; and so we conclude that we are the cleverest fellowsin the world, and the only men of spirit in it; and looking down withsupercilious eyes on all who gave not themselves the liberties we take,imagine the world made for us, and for us only.
Thus, as to useful knowledge, while others go to the bottom, we only skimthe surface; are despised by people of solid sense, of true honour, andsuperior talents; and shutting our eyes, move round and round, like somany blind mill-horses, in one narrow circle, while we imagine we haveall the world to range in.
***
I threw myself in Mr. Hickman's way, on his return from the lady.
He was excessively moved at taking leave of her; being afraid, as he saidto me, (though he would not tell her so,) that he should never see heragain. She charged him to represent every thing to Miss Howe in the mo
stfavourable light that the truth would bear.
He told me of a tender passage at parting; which was, that having salutedher at her closet-door, he could not help once more taking the sameliberty, in a more fervent manner, at the stairs-head, whither sheaccompanied him; and this in the thought, that it was the last time heshould ever have that honour; and offering to apologize for his freedom(for he had pressed her to his heart with a vehemence, that he couldneither account for or resist)--'Excuse you, Mr. Hickman! that I will:you are my brother and my friend: and to show you that the good man, whois to be happy with my beloved Miss Howe, is very dear to me, you shallcarry to her this token of my love,' [offering her sweet face to hissalute, and pressing his hand between her's:] 'and perhaps her love of mewill make it more agreeable to her, than her punctilio would otherwiseallow it to be: and tell her, said she, dropping on one knee, withclasped hands, and uplifted eyes, that in this posture you see me, in thelast moment of our parting, begging a blessing upon you both, and thatyou may be the delight and comfort of each other, for many, very manyhappy years!'
Tears, said he, fell from my eyes: I even sobbed with mingled joy andsorrow; and she retreating as soon as I raised her, I went down stairshighly dissatisfied with myself for going; yet unable to stay; my eyesfixed the contrary way to my feet, as long as I could behold the skirtsof her raiment.
I went to the back-shop, continued the worthy man, and recommended theangelic lady to the best care of Mrs. Smith; and, when I was in thestreet, cast my eye up at her window: there, for the last time, I doubt,said he, that I shall ever behold her, I saw her; and she waved hercharming hand to me, and with such a look of smiling goodness, andmingled concern, as I cannot describe.
Pr'ythee tell me, thou vile Lovelace, if thou hast not a notion, evenfrom these jejune descriptions of mine, that there must be a more exaltedpleasure in intellectual friendship, than ever thou couldst taste in thegross fumes of sensuality? And whether it may not be possible for thee,in time, to give that preference to the infinitely preferable, which Ihope, now, that I shall always give?
I will leave thee to make the most of this reflection, from
Thy true friend,J. BELFORD.