LETTER XIV
MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ.TUESDAY, AUG. 22.
I must write on, to divert myself: for I can get no rest; no refreshingrest. I awaked just now in a cursed fright. How a man may be affectedby dreams!
'Methought I had an interview with my beloved. I found her all goodness,condescension, and forgiveness. She suffered herself to be overcome inmy favour by the joint intercessions of Lord M., Lady Sarah, Lady Betty,and my two cousins Montague, who waited upon her in deep mourning; theladies in long trains sweeping after them; Lord M. in a long black mantletrailing after him. They told her they came in these robs to expresstheir sorrow for my sins against her, and to implore her to forgive me.
'I myself, I thought, was upon my knees, with a sword in my hand,offering either to put it up in the scabbard, or to thrust it into myheart, as she should command the one or the other.
'At that moment her cousin Morden, I thought, all of a sudden, flashed inthrough a window, with his drawn sword--Die, Lovelace! said he; thisinstant die, and be d----d, if in earnest thou repairest not by marriagemy cousin's wrongs!
'I was rising to resent this insult, I thought, when Lord M. ran betweenus with his great black mantle, and threw it over my face: and instantlymy charmer, with that sweet voice which has so often played upon myravished ears, wrapped her arms around me, muffled as I was in my Lord'smantle: O spare, spare my Lovelace! and spare, O Lovelace, my belovedcousin Morden! Let me not have my distresses augmented by the fall ofeither or both of those who are so dear to me!
'At this, charmed with her sweet mediation, I thought I would haveclasped her in my arms: when immediately the most angelic form I had everbeheld, all clad in transparent white, descended in a cloud, which,opening, discovered a firmament above it, crowded with golden cherubs andglittering seraphs, all addressing her with Welcome, welcome, welcome!and, encircling my charmer, ascended with her to the region of seraphims;and instantly, the opened cloud closing, I lost sight of her, and of thebright form together, and found wrapt in my arms her azure robe (allstuck thick with stars of embossed silver) which I had caught hold of inhopes of detaining her; but was all that was left me of my belovedClarissa. And then, (horrid to relate!) the floor sinking under me, asthe firmament had opened for her, I dropt into a hole more frightful thanthat of Elden; and, tumbling over and over down it, without view of abottom, I awaked in a panic; and was as effectually disordered for halfan hour, as if my dream had been a reality.'
Wilt thou forgive my troubling thee with such visionary stuff? Thou wiltsee by it only that, sleeping or waking, my Clarissa is always presentwith me.
But here this moment is Will. come running hither to tell me that hislady actually returned to her lodgings last night between eleven andtwelve; and is now there, though very ill.
I hasten to her. But, that I may not add to her indisposition, by anyrough or boisterous behaviour, I will be as soft and gentle as the doveherself in my addresses to her.
That I do love her, I all ye host of Heaven, Be witness.--That she is dear to me! Dearer than day, to one whom sight must leave; Dearer than life, to one who fears to die!
The chair is come. I fly to my beloved.