LETTER LIV
MR. BELFORD, TO ROBERT LOVELACE, ESQ.SUNDAY EVENING, SEPT. 3.
I wonder not at the impatience your servant tells me you express to hearfrom me. I was designing to write you a long letter, and was justreturned from Smith's for that purpose; but, since you are urgent, youmust be contented with a short one.
I attended the lady this morning, just before I set out for Edgware. Shewas so ill over-night, that she was obliged to leave unfinished herletter to Miss Howe. But early this morning she made an end of it, andjust sealed it up as I came. She was so fatigued with writing, that shetold me she would lie down after I was gone, and endeavour to recruit herspirits.
They had sent for Mr. Goddard, when she was so ill last night; and notbeing able to see him out of her own chamber, he, for the first time, sawher house, as she calls it. He was extremely shocked and concerned atit; and chid Mrs. Smith and Mrs. Lovick for not persuading her to havesuch an object removed form her bed-chamber: and when they excusedthemselves on the little authority it was reasonable to suppose they musthave with a lady so much their superior, he reflected warmly on those whohad more authority, and who left her to proceed with such a shocking andsolemn whimsy, as he called it.
It is placed near the window, like a harpsichord, though covered over tothe ground: and when she is so ill that she cannot well go to her closet,she writes and reads upon it, as others would upon a desk or table. But(only as she was so ill last night) she chooses not to see any body inthat apartment.
I went to Edgware; and, returning in the evening, attended her again.She had a letter brought her from Mrs. Norton (a long one, as it seems byits bulk,) just before I came. But she had not opened it; and said, thatas she was pretty calm and composed, she was afraid to look into thecontents, lest she should be ruffled; expecting now to hear of nothingthat could do her good or give her pleasure from that good woman's dearhard-hearted neighbours, as she called her own relations.
Seeing her so weak and ill, I withdrew; nor did she desire me to tarry,as sometimes she does, when I make a motion to depart.
I had some hints, as I went away, from Mrs. Smith, that she hadappropriated that evening to some offices, that were to save trouble, asshe called it, after her departure; and had been giving orders to hernurse, and to Mrs. Lovick, and Mrs. Smith, about what she would have donewhen she was gone; and I believe they were of a very delicate andaffecting nature; but Mrs. Smith descended not to particulars.
The doctor had been with her, as well as Mr. Goddard; and they bothjoined with great earnestness to persuade her to have her house removedout of her sight; but she assured them that it gave her pleasure andspirits; and, being a necessary preparation, she wondered they should besurprised at it, when she had not any of her family about her, or any oldacquaintance, on whose care and exactness in these punctilios, as shecalled them, she could rely.
The doctor told Mrs. Smith, that he believed she would hold out longenough for any of her friends to have notice of her state, and to seeher; and hardly longer; and since he could not find that she had anycertainty of seeing her cousin Morden, (which made it plain that herrelations continued inflexible,) he would go home, and write a letter toher father, take it as she would.
She had spent great part of the day in intense devotions; and to-morrowmorning she is to have with her the same clergyman who has often attendedher; from whose hands she will again receive the sacrament.
Thou seest, Lovelace, that all is preparing, that all will be ready; andI am to attend her to-morrow afternoon, to take some instructions fromher in relation to my part in the office to be performed for her. Andthus, omitting the particulars of a fine conversation between her andMrs. Lovick, which the latter acquainted me with, as well as anotherbetween her and the doctor and apothecary, which I had a design thisevening to give you, they being of a very affecting nature, I haveyielded to your impatience.
I shall dispatch Harry to-morrow morning early with her letter to Miss Howe: an offer she took very kindly; as she is extremely solicitous to lessen that young lady's apprehensions for her on not hearing from her by Saturday's post: and yet, if she write truth, as no doubt but she will, how can her apprehensions be lessened?