LETTER I
MR. BELFORD[IN CONTINUATION.]SOHO, SIX O'CLOCK, SEPT. 7.
The lady is still alive. The Colonel having just sent his servant to letme know that she inquired after me about an hour ago, I am dressing toattend her. Joel begs of me to dispatch him back, though but with oneline to gratify your present impatience. He expects, he says, to findyou at Knightsbridge, let him make what haste he can back; and, if he hasnot a line or two to pacify you, he is afraid you will pistol him; for heapprehends that you are hardly yourself. I therefore dispatch this, andwill have another ready, as soon as I can, with particulars.--But youmust have a little patience; for how can I withdraw myself every halfhour to write, if I am admitted to the lady's presence, or if I am withthe Colonel?
SMITH'S, EIGHT IN THE MORNING.
The lady is in a slumber. Mrs. Lovick, who sat up with her, says she hada better night than was expected; for although she slept little, sheseemed easy; and the easier for the pious frame she was in; all herwaking moments being taken up in devotion, or in an ejaculatory silence;her hands and eyes often lifted up, and her lips moving with a fervourworthy of these her last hours.
TEN O'CLOCK.
The Colonel being earnest to see his cousin as soon as she awoke, we wereboth admitted. We observed in her, as soon as we entered, strongsymptoms of her approaching dissolution, notwithstanding what the womenhad flattered us with from her last night's tranquillity.--The Coloneland I, each loth to say what we thought, looked upon one another withmelancholy countenances.
The Colonel told her he should send a servant to her uncle Antony's forsome papers he had left there; and asked if she had any commands thatway.
She thought not, she said, speaking more inwardly than she did the daybefore. She had indeed a letter ready to be sent to her good Norton; andthere was a request intimated in it. But it was time enough, if therequest were signified to those whom it concerned when all was over.--However, it might be sent them by the servant who was going that way.And she caused it to be given to the Colonel for that purpose.
Her breath being very short, she desired another pillow. Having twobefore, this made her in a manner sit up in her bed; and she spoke thenwith more distinctness; and, seeing us greatly concerned, forgot her ownsufferings to comfort us; and a charming lecture she gave us, though abrief one, upon the happiness of a timely preparation, and upon thehazards of a late repentance, when the mind, as she observed, was so muchweakened, as well as the body, as to render a poor soul hardly able tocontend with its natural infirmities.
I beseech ye, my good friends, proceeded she, mourn not for one whomourns not, nor has cause to mourn, for herself. On the contrary,rejoice with me, that all my worldly troubles are so near to their end.Believe me, Sirs, that I would not, if I might, choose to live, althoughthe pleasantest part of my life were to come over again: and yet eighteenyears of it, out of nineteen, have been very pleasant. To be so muchexposed to temptation, and to be so liable to fail in the trial, whowould not rejoice that all her dangers are over?--All I wished was pardonand blessing from my dear parents. Easy as my departure seems promisedto be, it would have been still easier, had I that pleasure. BUT GODALMIGHTY WOULD NOT LET ME DEPEND FOR COMFORT UPON ANY BUT HIMSELF.
She then repeated her request, in the most earnest manner, to her cousin,that he would not heighten her fault, by seeking to avenge her death; tome, that I would endeavour to make up all breaches, and use the power Ihad with my friend, to prevent all future mischiefs from him, as well asthat which this trust might give me to prevent any to him.
She made some excuses to her cousin, for not having been able to alterher will, to join him in the executorship with me; and to me, for thetrouble she had given, and yet should give me.
She had fatigued herself so much, (growing sensibly weaker) that she sunkher head upon her pillows, ready to faint; and we withdrew to the window,looking upon one another; but could not tell what to say; and yet bothseemed inclinable to speak: but the motion passed over in silence. Oureyes only spoke; and that in a manner neither's were used to--mine, atleast, not till I knew this admirable creature.
The Colonel withdrew to dismiss his messenger, and send away the letterto Mrs. Norton. I took the opportunity to retire likewise; and to writethus far. And Joel returning to take it, I now close here.
ELEVEN O'CLOCK.