Chapter 29
By the time Carrie got back from school he had taken a short run, pushing as hard as he could to rid himself of the overwhelming tension from the encounter with Katherine. Even if she wouldn't accept what he said, there wasn't much she could do, was there? It takes two to tango. He shoved the thought from his mind that he could be wrong about that.
At the hospital they'd put him in one of those ridiculous gowns with a gap in back. He didn't know why he had to be half naked if they were just going to look at his head. But the first thing they did was give him a complete physical, banged at his knees with their little hammer again, drew blood, and then hooked him up to an electroencephalograph and for the grand finale, ran him through an imaging machine where he had to lie completely still as the padded bed inched its way through a whirring donut. It felt like hours in there. Finally they let him get dressed again. He sat in the waiting room with Carrie, both of them flipping nervously through the magazines. Carrie had brought a folder of student papers with her, but she was long through with them by the time he had been released from the torture chamber. During all that time no one told him anything.
It was almost four by the time the neurologist came to the door of the waiting room. Until now Brian had only seen technicians. The doctor was tall and spare, and even though he looked to be younger than fifty, he walked with a decided stoop. He carried a clipboard, and since they were the only people left in the waiting room, he came straight to them.
"Mr. Edwards, Mrs. Edwards? I'm Dr. Ellsworth, your neurologist. Let's go down to my office." Carrie looked at Brian with a question and he nodded.
"Please, yes." He wanted her with him, wanted her to hear first hand whatever the doctor had to tell them. Now for the first time he was anxious about the outcome. What if he did have a brain tumor? What if he was dying, just when he was hoping he had something to live for?
Dr. Ellsworth motioned them to chairs in front of his desk and sat down behind it. He took a pair of wire-rimmed glasses from the pocket of his white coat and examined the papers on his clipboard, sliding his glasses down his nose to peer at Brian from time to time as he did so. Finally he sat back in his chair and removed the glasses.
"So far I don't see anything here that indicates a brain abnormality. If there were a tumor, for example, we almost certainly would have spotted it. There are further tests we can do to be sure, and I'll need to consult with the radiologist. But for now, I think you can be optimistic."
Brian let his stiff shoulders fall. He looked at Carrie and saw her wipe a finger at the corner of her eye. So she had been afraid too. She had behaved so matter-of-factly all day. Maybe that was just how Carrie managed herself.
"Thank you. I felt like I was okay, but it's a relief to have it in writing."
"We will want to check a little further, and I can schedule a few more tests for later in the week." He consulted the computer screen on his desk. "I'll have my nurse call you after I've had a chance to speak with the radiologist. But this looks good." He nodded in the direction of the clipboard. "Looks good."
He leaned back in his chair, which squeaked as he did so, and studied Brian.
"Now, if you can answer a few questions for me? So we can get an idea of where to go from here?" Dr. Ellsworth took him through the past few days, beginning with Brian's first memory of finding himself in the park, nodding his head and watching Brian intently.
"How about your current memory? Have you had any problem with memory lapses since Thursday morning?"
Brian looked at Carrie, and said, "Not that I've noticed. Carrie?"
"No, I don't think so."
Dr. Ellsworth pulled a pad of paper and a pen towards him on the desk and scribbled something, and ripped the sheet free, slid it across the desk.
"I'd like you to see someone else." Brian picked up the paper and read, or could almost read, a name and phone number.
"Is this Barnes? Dr. Barnes?"
"Yes, Patricia Barnes. She's the psychiatrist I'd recommend. If there's nothing organic, then she might be able to help you. She has a specialty in hypnosis as well. I'll give her a call and tell her I'm sending you, and you can call her to make an appointment. I'll ask her to try to fit you in as soon as possible."
A psychiatrist. Of course, that made sense. For some reason he'd been thinking that he was on his own. Now he realized how helpless and alone he'd been feeling. He was in such a pickle, really, not understanding what had been happening between him and Carrie, afraid to ask her about his home in the guest room, the why of it, and the complication of the relationship with Katherine. The guilt and the loneliness of it, with no one to talk to. A psychiatrist was supposed to be non-judgmental. He could let his hair down. And he needed to understand what to expect. Maybe she could tell him that. Could this forgetting be permanent? He looked at Carrie, her hand on the bulge of their baby. He hadn't even been able to ask her anything about it, not even when it was due. Why was that? He felt so tentative with her, and it seemed that the baby was hers alone, and her own private business. That it would be an invasion somehow to talk about it.
The doctor looked at his watch. "Her office hours might be over by now. Why don't you call her first thing in the morning?"
"I will. Thank you. Thank you for everything." Carrie thanked him too, and the doctor saw them to the door.
As they walked down the hospital corridor, Brian said, "I'd better call the office. I told Lou I'd report back after the tests, and it's late." He didn't have his cell phone with him-that stayed hidden in his underwear drawer. He went to a pay phone and pulled his card from his wallet.
"Lou, this is Brian. I'm just leaving the hospital now." He didn't feel like asking how the contract discussions had gone, because he didn't want to hear that his amnesia had botched them.
"So how did it go?" Lou sounded genuinely concerned.
"So far so good. They didn't find anything out of order in my head."
"Good. Good. So can you come in, in the morning? Andrea's back and she wants to see you. Pronto. I told her you were having tests today."
"Of course. About 9:00?"
"Nine is good. Prepare yourself. Andrea is not pleased. And you know Andrea when she's upset. Or do you? Maybe you have that to look forward to." He chuckled as if he couldn't wait.
"I guess I'll find out. Is she going to fire me?"
"That depends, buddy. That depends on whether or not you've forgotten your legendary charm. I'll see you tomorrow."
When Brian hung up, he realized he was looking forward to the encounter. He wanted to meet the woman who had hit him in the head. He wanted to meet Lou, too, because he sounded like an entertaining fellow. Now that he knew his brain was probably intact, he was ready for more challenges, at least the ones that didn't involve Katherine.
On the way home, Carrie let out a big sigh. "That's a relief. I guess I was afraid that brain surgery was next."
"I wasn't afraid until it was over. I think maybe that's what they call denial. You didn't act worried. You've been so calm."
She smiled over at him. "I'm a liar. I haven't been calm at all."
Brian felt a warmth spread over him. Carrie's apparent equanimity had been reassuring, had anchored him in his sea of confusion, but he was elated to know that underneath she'd been worrying about him. It must mean she still felt something to match the way he felt about her. Something to build on. And something to protect from Katherine, and maybe his own flawed character.