My eyes fell on the bed, then dropped lower. There wasn’t much room, but it was the best I had. I dropped and wiggled underneath. The frame scraped against my back, but I could fit. I pushed myself back as far as possible and waited.
What seemed like forever passed, and then the room flooded with light. I scrunched back into the shadows, trying to make myself as small as I could. I could see his feet as he entered the room and crossed to the bathroom. The light went on there as well. I heard running water, then the light went out again. He stood in the middle of the room for a moment, then walked back towards the door. The light went out and I sighed in relief. Still, I stayed under the bed.
I might not have been able to see Howard anymore, but I could hear him as he called out for Annie to come back in. I really hoped he wasn’t going to bring her in here for a second round, this time right above me. I wasn’t sure I could handle that. He didn’t, however. Instead, he told her that she would be flying back to New York tonight and she was to take the files to his Manhattan office.
“I want you spending the rest of the weekend giving me a short list of replacement candidates,” he added. “I’ll make the final decision on Monday. And remember, if I can’t find anyone suitable, you’re going to be taking a little trip.”
I heard a sound that I didn’t want to try to identify, and then I heard the door close. I stayed where I was, straining my ears to hear anything that might indicate whether or not Howard had left the room as well. When several minutes passed and I didn’t hear anything, I slid out from under the bed. I brushed off my dress and crept over to the door. I peeked out and didn’t see anything. It was time for me to return to the party. I just hoped I could lie as well as I thought I could. If Gavin suspected I knew the truth, I didn’t know what he’d do.
Chapter 4
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
I grimaced and nodded my head. The concern in Gavin’s voice was tearing me up. How could he pretend to care like that? It was beyond cruel.
From the moment I’d left Howard’s office and headed back down to the party, I’d known that I might be able to smile and make nice, but the moment Gavin had touched me, it had taken everything in me not to recoil. My body was torn, wanting to respond to his touch, to the pleasure I knew he could bring, but I was at the same time repulsed by what I’d discovered. When he asked if I was feeling all right, I’d realized that I had a cover.
The remainder of the weekend, I’d played sick. It had been painful having to watch him hover and act like he wanted to take care of me, but I just reminded myself how much worse it would have been to have followed through with our plans. If I couldn’t stand having him touch me in a nonsexual way, I never could have gotten through a kiss, much less fucking. And that’s what it had been, I reminded myself. No matter how tender he’d pretended to be, how often he’d said he wanted to pleasure me, it had all been a scam. He’d fucked me over as thoroughly as he’d fucked me physically, and I refused to let myself consider that it could be anything else.
The only thing that kept nagging at me was the story about his fiancée and daughter. If I hadn’t seen the article, I would’ve just assumed he’d lied about the whole thing, that the initials and date meant something else. Maybe that he was married or the very least had a girlfriend. But I’d seen the article, and everything he’d told me matched. Sure, there’d been a couple of details he’d left out, but nothing contradicted his story.
It hadn’t been until the early hours of the morning, after he’d fallen asleep in the chair next to the bed, that I’d realized what the truth most likely was. All that Gavin had told me about Camille and his daughter was true up to the reasoning behind why he didn’t have custody of Skylar. I was willing to bet that when Howard had approached him after Camille’s death, he’d given Gavin purpose all right. He’d given him a job where he could make a lot of money and, twisted and bitter as he’d become over Camille’s death, Gavin had chosen that over his daughter. I still hadn’t been able to figure out how a father, especially one of a little girl, could not only allow such horrible things to happen to others’ daughters, but participate in preparing them for it. What made it even worse, I had thought, was that he’d used the story of what had happened on women like me, ones who wanted to see a vulnerable side to the big, strong man. Ones who were stupid enough to fall for his bullshit.
I’d still been berating myself for being so gullible when I’d fallen asleep. I’d kept up the charade all through the next day and was doing it now even on the plane. Gavin had kept asking me if I needed to go to the emergency room, but I’d managed to keep finding excuses as to why I didn’t need to go. Now, as we were heading home, his hovering was getting worse. I was pretty sure he’d thought it was either something I’d eaten or a stomach bug, but it had been more than twenty-four hours and I was still telling him that I wasn’t feeling well and that I didn’t want to be touched. I knew I was going to have to come up with something better.
“I really think I’m on the upside of this.” I gave him a weak smile. “If I’m not better by morning, I swear, I’ll have Krissy take me to the doctor.”
He leaned over me and I avoided looking at his eyes. It was bad enough that he could lie with his face and his body. The fact that his eyes had fooled me made everything so much worse. His hand brushed over my forehead and I closed my eyes, hoping he’d think it was because I wanted his touch rather than because I couldn’t lie with my eyes like he could. The sick thing was, part of me still did crave his touch.
Tears burned at my eyelids and I fought to keep them back. If he saw me crying, he’d know it was something more than just me feeling sick. I’d made it this far. We were only a few minutes out. Once we landed, a car would take me home and then I’d be safe.
One of the other things I’d been thinking about while I’d feigned my illness had been how much to tell Krissy. The heartbroken girl inside wanted to fall into her best friend’s arms and sob out the entire story, but the harder me, the one forged by this betrayal, wanted to keep it all to myself. I told myself it was because I didn’t want Krissy to get hurt, but if I was being completely honest, I knew it was because I wasn’t sure that I wanted justice over revenge, and I didn’t know what side of that argument Krissy would take.
I’d finally decided on something halfway between. I would continue the lie I was telling Gavin, and tell Krissy that I wasn’t feeling well. I’d then spend the rest of the evening in my bedroom, pretending to rest. I’d get up before her and leave a note saying that I had to stop by Howard’s office to pick up some files for Mimi. I didn’t want to get her involved by telling her what was going on, but I also wasn’t going to be dumb enough to walk into the lion’s den without a bit of insurance. If things went smoothly, she’d never know what had happened until it was all over. If things didn’t go smoothly... well, I was counting on Krissy to worry and tell someone where I’d gone.
With my plan firmly in place, I gathered my strength and waited for the moment I was alone to finally succumb to the tears that had wanted to come since the moment I’d learned the truth.
Chapter 5
I didn’t have any problem getting up before Krissy because I hadn’t really slept at all in the first place. I’d thought that maybe I could cry myself to sleep, let the toll of the last couple days take over. I’d had times in my past where emotional exhaustion had let me sleep when nothing else could. This time, however, I couldn’t get my brain to shut down enough to doze for more than a quarter of an hour or so at a time. Then I’d wake up, the same old thoughts repeating over and over in my head. Finally, when my clock said that it was five o’clock, I decided it wasn’t worth it to keep lying there, waiting for the five-thirty alarm.
I got up and headed for the bathroom. I’d showered the night before, but ever since I’d heard Howard say that Gavin was grooming me, I hadn’t been able to shower enough. I felt like there was a film of filth covering my skin and, no matter how hard I scrubbed, I couldn’t
get rid of it.
I dressed for work, but in one of my old boring outfits. Since I’d started seeing Gavin, Krissy had been able to convince me to put a bit more color and sex appeal into my work attire, but I didn’t want that today. I wanted to go back to the way I’d been before I’d met him. So, a plain skirt that stopped just above my knees and a tailored, but not sexy, white blouse. I’d gotten rid of the pantyhose because Krissy had said there was no good reason to keep them, so thigh-high stockings were the only option I had other than bare legs. I pulled my hair back and pinned it into place. No make-up other than what I needed to cover the bags under my eyes. And, finally, sensible shoes. A modest heel that made me look professional but not enough of a heel to draw attention to my legs.
I looked at myself in the mirror. The young woman I saw peering back at me was familiar, but not the person I’d been seeing over the past few weeks. She looked like the girl I had been before. Confident in the courtroom but timid in life. The girl who’d only talked to the handsome stranger because her friends had pressured her. The girl who’d enjoyed sex but had never really had a problem going without it.
I knew I couldn’t be her again, but I wanted to. I wanted to go back to who I’d been, pretend that none of this had happened. Now that I’d been with Gavin, I knew I could never experience sex the way I had before. He’d played my body like a musician playing a fine instrument. He’d made me feel things I’d never felt before, want things that I hadn’t realized I’d wanted, and now that I knew these things, I couldn’t un-know them.
I closed my eyes against the tears I could feel coming and took a deep breath. No crying. I’d done my crying the night before and I was done. I had a job to do, and it had nothing to do with Howard’s divorce case.
I was going to take the bastard down.
With that thought firmly in my head, I headed out to the living room... and saw Krissy waiting for me. She was seated at our kitchen table, still wearing her cute little bunny pajamas, feet pulled up on the seat and a mug of coffee in her hands. She looked half-asleep, but I knew the caffeine would change that fast.
“Oh, hey.” I tried to keep my voice nonchalant. “I didn’t wake you, did I?”
She shook her head. “I was hoping we could have breakfast together and talk.”
I tensed. Had she figured out that I’d been faking sick?
Then she grinned and I knew it wasn’t about me. “I’ve been wanting to tell you about this insane weekend I had since you got home, but I wanted to let you rest last night.”
I glanced at the clock. I could spare a few minutes. “I don’t have time for a full breakfast, but one cup of coffee won’t make me late. I just have to get some files from Mr. Weiss before work.” I went and poured myself a cup while Krissy began telling me her story.
“So, I figured since you were off on a sex-adventure all weekend...”
I winced at her phrasing, but my back was still to her, so she didn’t see my face.
“...I was going to have a little fun of my own.”
I really hoped she wasn’t going to regale me with tales of her sexual exploits going from one guy to another. Krissy wasn’t a slut, but when she wanted to have a wild weekend, she could get pretty crazy. I’d once seen her make out with three different guys and take a fourth back to our hotel room. Granted, we’d been juniors on spring break at the time, but still.
“I called up Pete to have that cup of coffee you promised him.”
I turned towards her, not trying to hide the surprise on my face. “Detective Pete Connors? The hot geeky guy you didn’t want to see again. The one who lives with his mother and goes to comic book conventions.”
“That’s the one.” Krissy sighed and turned in her seat so she was facing me when I sat down. “You reminded me how gorgeous he was with his golden hair and green eyes. And, of course, that body. He really does take the fitness part of his job seriously.”
Out of all of the guys Krissy had been involved with for longer than a one-night stand, I’d liked Pete the best. He wasn’t like any other guy Krissy had dated, which was, of course, the problem. Krissy tended to gravitate towards rich men who had more money than class. I was honestly surprised she hadn’t liked Howard.
“Anyway, we go out for coffee and the next thing I know, we’re back at his place.”
“His place?” I almost smiled. “With his mom?”
Krissy held up a hand. “Let me tell my story.”
I nodded and began to sip my coffee. I wasn’t hungry and didn’t think I could force myself to eat with these knots in my stomach, but the warmth of the liquid and the rush of caffeine did me good.
“Well, our coffee date turned into me trying to loosen him up by taking him to a bar for something stronger than an espresso. I challenged him to a drinking game, but apparently he can hold his liquor better than I thought. We were both a little buzzed and when we were walking out to catch a cab, I kissed him.”
I raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything.
“It was the alcohol,” she protested. “And he just looked so cute with his hair falling in his eyes and those tight jeans showing off his firm ass. I couldn’t help myself. It had been too long since I’d gotten laid.”
I couldn’t stop a smirk. I had to duck as a balled-up napkin sailed across the table towards me.
“Anyway,” Krissy continued as she glared at me. “He has the basement at his mom’s house set up like an apartment. There’s a separate entrance and everything. So we go down there and start making out.” She gave a dramatic sigh. “I don’t know how a comic book geek ever got that good at kissing.”
My smile this time wasn’t about amusement at Krissy’s expense, but just the enjoyment of the moment. I’d almost forgotten how it used to be. Us sitting down to breakfast while she told me about her latest conquest, often while said conquest was wandering around the apartment, half-naked, looking for his pants. It was always me living vicariously through her sex life, wondering what it would be like to have someone make me sound the way Krissy’s partners made her. I wished things had never changed, that I’d never even laid eyes on Gavin that day at Huggins. I wouldn’t be sitting here, hoping I wasn’t going to throw up when I stole files from my firm’s client. I wouldn’t have this pit in my stomach that burned every time I thought about how Gavin had used me.
“Carrie?” Krissy sounded concerned.
I pulled myself back. “Sorry, continue.”
For a moment, I thought she’d see right through me and ask what was really going on, but she didn’t. She just continued with her story.
“Anyway, he’s rambling on about how beautiful I am and I finally have to tell him to shut up and get on with it. And holy shit, does he.” Krissy shivered and I knew it was because she was remembering how good it had felt. “I swear, he’d been good the last time we were together, but this was phenomenal. I came twice just from him going down on me and then when we started fucking... It was amazing. He rubbed on all the right spots and I saw stars.”
My face flushed. I’d forgotten how detailed she liked to be in her retellings.
“We must’ve done it in three different positions and I came every time. I’ve never had that many orgasms that weren’t fake or courtesy of myself. I ended up nearly passing out, and trust me, it wasn’t from the alcohol.” She sighed. “And then it was morning.” Her expression of bliss faded.
I was puzzled, and a little annoyed. Was she seriously going to regret her amazing night with Pete just because he was a bit of a geek? I wanted to tell her that was a stupid reason. Better someone who liked comic books and didn’t have his own place than an asshole like Gavin.
“I woke up to his mother coming downstairs and asking if we wanted breakfast. She was making heart-shaped pancakes.”
I choked on a laugh and Krissy scowled at me.
“It’s not funny, Carrie. I was buck-ass naked, half-lying on top of her equally naked son. His bits were covered but I gave her an eyeful.”
&n
bsp; Now I did laugh, and, after a moment, she joined in. “What did you do?” I asked.
“What do you think I did?” She grinned at me. “I asked if she had strawberries to go on top.”
We laughed even harder and I was surprised by how good it felt. It reminded me of something I’d nearly forgotten. No matter how much damage my heart took, my best friend always had my back, and she would cheer me up, even if she didn’t know she was doing it.
As I got up to put my cup in the sink, I was grateful I’d taken the time to talk to her this morning. I’d needed something positive to get my mind off of what I was about to do. I could tell by the look on Krissy’s face that we were going to have a more serious version of this conversation at a later time, but for now, we were good. I didn’t know exactly what she was thinking, but I had a pretty good guess that she wasn’t sure how she really felt about Pete and wanted my advice. I wasn’t sure I was the best person to ask, but that was another conversation I didn’t have time for now.
I said I’d see her later at the office and then headed downstairs. I took a cab to Howard’s office, again partly out of convenience but also because I wanted a record of where I’d been and where I was going. If Howard reported me stealing from him, my leaving a trail might backfire, but I’d followed enough cases where people disappeared without a trace that I was willing to take the chance. If Patricia had made sure her moves could be easily traced, she might not have disappeared, or at least would’ve been found by now.
When the doors opened on the top floor, I fixed a smile on my face and walked into the reception area in front of Howard’s office. Annie was sitting at her desk. I hadn’t seen her since that incident in Howard’s office. When I looked at her now, all I could picture was how he’d bent her over the desk and used her.
“I’m here to see Mr. Weiss.” I made my voice professional and chose my words carefully. I wanted it to sound like I was here on business.