My head started to hurt. I didn't want this, any of it. I didn't want to be torn up over a girl. I didn't want to be forced into doing something illegal and stupid. I didn't want to worry about getting evicted if I couldn't come up with enough money.
But even as I listed all the things I didn't want, I knew there was one thing I needed more than anything else.
I needed to see Bryne. Needed to know if she would be worth risking everything for. If seeing her would give me the courage I needed to refuse Booker and the money he was offering. Most of all though, I just needed her. I couldn't explain it, didn't want to even think about it, but it was the truth. No matter what I kept telling myself, I knew that, for good or bad, we'd been connected from the moment she stepped into this shop.
Chapter Eight
Bryne
I might've been the lead female role in Collide, but I was also the youngest. Actually, I was the youngest in the entire cast. Not that there were a lot of us. Collide had a cast of only five. Todd, me, August Dumont, Ofelia Makula, and Eolan Iwa. It was essentially a love story at its core, but it wasn't some sweet, feel-good sort of thing, which I loved. The five of us played a cast of characters brought together by tragedy. Todd and I were the couple who fell in love despite the circumstances. August played a professional athlete whose career was ruined. Ofelia's character lost her fiancé, and Eolan was the one trying to make it all better.
On the surface, it seemed fairly simplistic, but the writer had a beautiful, subtle style that drew out all sorts of nuances in the characters...if we were good enough to bring them to life.
“You're brilliant as Gretchen,” Todd said for the second time in the last five minutes.
“I'm just worried I won’t be able to do her character justice.” I sat down with a sigh.
We'd done a basic blocking this morning, then broken for lunch. Before we left, the director announced that we'd be doing a full rehearsal when we got back, and it was then that I started freaking out.
“This is the first time you've done original material, isn't it?” Todd asked. “The stuff you did in DC was all like Shakespeare and Tennessee Williams and all that, right?”
I nodded as I rubbed my temples. I was starting to wonder if I could handle the pressure that came with this sort of life. I could take being on stage, the pressure that came with memorizing, and having people watching me. All of that was fine. It was the pressure of such a small cast and such a complex character. Of knowing that the writer would be watching, and I couldn’t let them down.
That wasn't something one had to worry about when doing Much Ado About Nothing.
And that wasn't even taking into account all of the shit going on in my personal life.
A pair of strong hands came to rest on my shoulders, then Todd dug his fingers in as he began to massage my shoulders and neck.
“Damn, Bryne. These are some serious knots.”
“Be honest, Todd,” I said. “Do you really think I can do this?”
“Yes,” he answered without hesitation. “And remember, it's not just you. There are five of us, and we'll make Collide so good that it'll make the move to Broadway with all of us.”
I laughed, feeling that take as much of the tension out of me as Todd's massage was doing. “You really don't lack for confidence, do you?”
“Nope.”
I moaned as his fingers pressed against a particularly tender spot in my neck. “You're really good at that. Does Hiram know how lucky he is?”
“I think so,” Todd said. “But you should probably make a point of telling him anyway.”
I smiled and closed my eyes, letting myself relax. It was odd how easily I trusted Todd. I'd known him for less than a month, and I had no problem being alone with him in the men's dressing room, my eyes closed, his hands kneading my tight muscles. Part of it, I knew, was because I didn't feel any romantic pressure from him, but that wasn't all of it. I doubted I would've trusted a woman this quickly.
I wasn't aware that I was falling asleep until just before I slipped into a dream, and then I was too far gone to stop.
I stretched out on my stomach, eyes closed. The sun was warm on my body, but not as warm as the hands moving across my skin. I knew his touch so well, knew him so well. I could practically see him etched on the backs of my eyelids. I knew every line of his face, the exact shade of cobalt his eyes were. We'd spent years exploring each other's bodies, learning every dip and curve, but even now his touch made every inch of me throb and pulse with desire.
I rolled over onto my back, and his hands skimmed over my bare breasts, rough palms to sensitive nipples. I moaned, arching my back up into his touch. He chuckled, and I opened my eyes. The heat and passion that I met in his gaze sent a flood of arousal through me.
He pushed my breasts together and lowered his head, flicking his tongue back and forth across my nipples until they hardened. I reached up and buried my hands in his hair, letting myself enjoy the soft, silky strands between my fingers. I held his head against me, gasping as his teeth scraped my sensitive skin.
“Dax.” I squirmed under him, his hard body a welcome weight. “Dax, please.”
“Please, what?” His fingers skimmed across my stomach.
“Dax.” I nearly whined the word.
He made a chiding noise, then shifted so that he gripped both of my wrists in one of his hands. He pulled my arms above my head, pinning them there. His other hand danced over my breasts, between them, down to my bellybutton.
“Please what, Bryne?”
How I loved the sound of my name on his tongue. The way he spoke those words, pushing me to say what I wanted from him. He was my first lover, my only lover, and he continued to inspire and excite me. He encouraged me to explore, to talk about the things I wanted. Nothing was off-limits, nothing too intense.
“Fuck me, Dax,” I begged. “I need you inside me.”
“What do you need?”
I glared at him, knowing what he wanted me to say. “Your cock. Is that what you want me to say?”
He grinned, the casual ease of his expression making my stomach flip. It had taken time to get him to let down his guard, and it was still only in the most intimate of moments that he was totally open.
“Say it, Bryne.” He reached down to grasp his thick erection, moving his hand in slow, sure strokes up and down. “Tell me what you need.”
I struggled against his grasp, wanting to get my hands on him. Mark his skin with my nails to make sure everyone knew he was mine. My eyes fell on the silver stud through his nipple, and my mouth watered. I loved the feel of the metal in my mouth, loved teasing it with my tongue. I'd once made it a goal to have my mouth all over Dax's gorgeous body, and now I wanted to do it again.
“Bryne.” His voice held a warning note, and a thrill went through me.
I knew what that meant. If I didn't answer his question, there would be consequences. A spanking with his bare hand, perhaps. A flogging where soft leather strips would come down on some of the most sensitive parts of my body. Maybe he'd fuck my mouth, taking his pleasure there and leaving me wanting until he decided I'd had enough. He might decide to take my ass and force me to come without touching my clit. Pinch and twist my nipples until they were swollen and deliciously sore. Take me to the edge so many times that I sobbed with need.
Every punishment sounded better than the last.
I gave him the coy smile I'd discovered as Dax and I had been exploring our sex life. His eyes narrowed as his fingers flexed around my wrists.
“I need to be punished.”
The words had barely left my mouth, and Dax was flipping me onto my stomach. I let out a startled yelp, and that earned me a sharp slap on my ass before Dax yanked my hips up until I was on my knees. The hand between my shoulder blades kept my head down as he pushed my knees far enough apart to leave me completely exposed.
Despite how awkward this position felt, I was soaked, eager for him to do whatever it was he wanted with me. A finger ra
n up my slit, moving from my clit all the way up to my anus. A whimper escaped as Dax pushed his finger into my ass. He hadn't used any lubrication aside from what he'd gathered from me, and it burned. He worked his finger in and out, twisting it until I started to push back.
“Stay!” He emphasized his command with a sharp slap on my ass.
I squeezed my eyes closed and gave myself over to the sensations coursing through me. I shuddered as a second finger joined the first, stretching me before my body was completely ready. I rode the fine line between pain and pleasure, letting Dax control which way I went.
Then, suddenly, his fingers were gone. My body throbbed in anticipation, expecting to feel his cock replacing the emptiness his fingers had left behind. Except it was something else breaching that tight ring of muscle. Hard, ridged, and almost as thick as Dax's cock, I couldn't figure out what he was now working in and out of my ass, only that it wasn't one of our usual toys.
“How about that?” His tone was almost conversational. “Just about anything can be a sex toy.”
“Dax–”
Another smack on my ass, this one hard enough to make me gasp. My whole right cheek was hot and stinging now, and I decided I didn't care what Dax was using. He twisted whatever it was, pushing the unyielding object even deeper, and I groaned.
When the head of his dick brushed my entrance, my eyes flew open. He didn't give me a chance to process before he slammed into me and I screamed. I was too full, stretched too tight. My voice gave out, my throat raw, and I still couldn't stop. He was relentless, his thick shaft opening me wide with each stroke even as my muscles fluttered around the object in my ass. I could feel the orgasm building inside me, and it was bigger than anything I'd ever felt before.
I was so close, ready to tip over the edge–
“Bryne!”
I was shaking, and it wasn't because I'd come. I opened my eyes to see Todd looking down at me, a strange expression on his face.
“You've only got about five minutes to get something to eat, and then we have to head back in.”
I sat up, my body tight and aching. My face was flushed, pussy throbbing. I wasn't sure if it was worse to wake up before I got to come, or if it would've been worse to know that I came in my sleep...in front of my friend.
“Thanks,” I muttered, running a hand through my hair.
Todd started to walk away, but then paused and looked back at me. “You were dreaming about him, weren't you?”
“Bite me.”
Todd laughed, his eyes sparkling. “You know, Bryne, if the sounds you were making are any indication of how Dax is in real life, don't let him get away.”
As Todd left me alone in the room, his words echoed in my head. My dream hadn't been based on anything Dax and I had done, and the ease I'd felt wasn't even close to how we were together now. I wanted to believe that we could have all of that together, but I knew real life rarely lived up to expectations. Dax and I were so different that I was starting to think that the short time we'd been together was longer than we had any right to expect.
I'd never been the sort of person who gave up on what I wanted. I always fought for it.
I just didn't know if Dax was worth fighting for.
Chapter Nine
Bryne
It took more effort than I liked to get back into my character's head for practice, but after the first couple minutes, I felt more like Gretchen than like myself. Considering how well I liked the character, and how much I didn't want to be in my head right then, it was a good thing.
Things fell into a wonderful rhythm between the five of us as we began to find our characters within ourselves, and how those characters related to each other. It was interesting, I thought, how we could all get along so well as ourselves, and then have such great chemistry playing characters who were so different than we really were.
Pretty much the only thing Gretchen and I had in common was our age. She was a surfer girl from California, from a big, laid-back family. Sweet and shy and innocent. Soft-spoken. She grew over the course of the play into someone with some backbone, but it was a real challenge portraying someone who had to grow into a characteristic that I'd always had.
By the time the director finished giving us our notes on the day, it was late afternoon, heading toward evening, and I was feeling better than I had at the beginning of the day.
“Want to grab something to eat?” I asked Todd as we picked up our things.
“I would,” he said, “but Hiram's supposed to be calling in a half an hour so we can make plans for when he's coming home.”
“It's hard being away from him, isn't it?” I pulled on my coat.
“Harder than I thought it would be,” he admitted. “Hiram and I have been dating for a while, and we're exclusive, but we haven't talked about moving in together or anything like that. We've both always liked having our own space.”
“But now?” I prompted when he fell silent.
A sweet sort of expression came over his face. “Now, all I can think about is seeing him again and how much I hated us being apart.” He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “I don't want us to have to make plans to do things together whenever we can manage it. I want our being together to be the norm, and time apart to be infrequent.”
“I think when he gets back, the two of you need to spend some time talking about that.”
A shadow passed over Todd's face. “I know. I'm just worried that he won’t want the same thing.”
I reached out and squeezed his hand. “He will.”
Todd raised an eyebrow. “And you know this how?”
I smiled. “Because you're totally gorgeous, and one of the kindest, most amazing men I know, and if you were straight, I'd be all over you.”
He laughed and threw his arm around my shoulder. “I didn't think I was your type, sweetheart, gayness aside. Don't you usually go for the bad boys?”
My chest tightened. “I wouldn't know about usually, but that’s been the case since I've been here.”
I pulled out my phone to check on my ride. Ofelia had told us after lunch that it'd started snowing, and the forecast said we should expect a lot more. Snow was beautiful, but I didn't want to be standing around in it. According to the app, the car was just around the corner and would be here in a couple minutes.
“Maybe I should take a page out of your book,” I said. “Find someone more than twenty years older than me.”
He shot me a grin. “And here I thought you meant you were going to switch teams.”
I laughed and shook my head. “Unfortunately, I like dick too much.”
Todd burst out laughing. “Me too, hon.”
The tension in my chest lightened as I joked with my friend. Things with Todd were so easy and pleasant. I wished it could be like that between Dax and me. That I could know where things stood and not spend my time second-guessing and wondering. This was exactly the sort of thing I wanted to avoid. I just thought that by not being in a defined relationship, it would be different. The thing was, I was pretty sure it had less to do with my inability to keep things casual and more to do with the connection Dax and I had. If it'd been any other guy, I doubt that I would’ve had this problem.
Except I didn't want another guy.
“Are you going to go find him?” Todd asked as he held open the door for me. “Get some stress relief going on?”
I rolled my eyes and was just about ready to come back with a smart remark when I saw someone leaning against the car waiting for me. I didn't even need a full look to recognize that tall, lean frame. Merely a glimpse was enough to make my stomach flip.
“Bryne?” Todd sounded puzzled, then followed my gaze. “Oh.”
“Yeah,” I said. “Oh.”
“Hey.” Dax pushed himself off the car and took a couple steps toward me, stopping just before he was close enough to touch.
“Hey.”
An awkward silence hung over the three of us for several seconds before Todd broke it.<
br />
“I'll leave you two alone.” He gave me a quick hug, taking a moment to whisper in my ear, “Follow your heart, Bryne. If he makes you happy, go for it.”
As he walked away, I wanted to tell him that I didn't know if Dax made me happy, but considering Dax was standing right there, it didn't seem like the best time to have that particular conversation.
Dax opened the back door to the car. “Get in.”
My eyebrows went up as I bristled at the command. “Excuse me?”
A muscle in his jaw twitched. “Please.”
I wanted to say that I got into the car because it was cold and I didn't want to be out in the snow, but that was only a small part of the reason. He'd said please. That was something I hadn't expected, not after the strange way we'd left things, and I already had too many questions for him.
I slid into the backseat and kept moving until there was room for Dax too. The driver glanced in his rearview mirror, his expression unchanging when he saw Dax.
“Where to, Miss Bryne?”
I glanced at Dax, who gave me a very unhelpful shrug. “Can you find somewhere to park until I figure out what we're going to do?”
“Yes, miss.”
The window went up without me asking, and I made a mental note to tell Gavin that his driver deserved a bonus. The car began to move, and I turned toward Dax.
“Where have you been?” The question came out harsher than I intended.
“It doesn't matter.” He reached out and twisted a curl around his finger. “I'm here now.”
“It does matter.” I moved his hand away. “I thought we were having a good time, and then this woman comes up, and you're basically blowing me off.”
“It wasn't for Cleo.”
There was something still guarded about his expression, but I could still hear the honesty in his words.