The cold water did help him take his mind off of Jessica, and he was able to remember why he didn’t want to touch her. Strings, he thought to himself. The woman was definitely desirable, but she came with strings. Besides, she wasn’t the kind of woman a man could bed and leave. She deserved better than that—someone better than he was, he qualified. Why, then, did he get so hot and bothered when he pictured her with another man? He had no right to be possessive, and yet that was exactly what he was.
“Are you going to stay in the water all night?”
The question pulled him out of his dark thoughts. He got out of the water, haphazardly dried himself off, and put on his pants. When he returned to camp, he moved their bedrolls closer to the rock ledge as a precaution in case of rain, restacked the kindling she’d collected, struck a match to light the fire, and then sat down on his bedroll to eat.
Since he knew that Josey had prepared the food, he wasn’t surprised it tasted terrible. Jessica hadn’t complained about the taste, but from the amount of food left over, he knew she hadn’t eaten much.
She did eat most of the peppermints Josey had packed. She was chewing on one while she gathered clean clothes, a towel, and soap. She removed her clothes, got into the water, and used the gently cascading waterfall as a screen to shield her from Cole. It was cold but not unbearable. She lifted her hair away from the nape of her neck and backed into the running water with her legs braced apart, her head back, and her eyes closed. The gentle massage soothed the tension out of her, and in no time at all she was completely relaxed. It was sheer heaven.
He felt as if he were in purgatory, and he had no one to blame but himself. He shouldn’t have been watching her bathe. It was wrong and intrusive. He couldn’t make himself turn away, though, and if that made him a voyeur or a lecher, so be it. She was incredibly lovely. She stood waist high in the water, and her every movement was so sensual and graceful. He watched her lather her neck and arms; then he had to close his eyes while he battled the urge to dive into the water and join her. Maybe strings weren’t so bad after all. He pushed the thought aside and opened his eyes again. The erotic scene was so compelling he could barely breathe. His entire body reacted, and every muscle felt hard and coiled with the need to touch her.
His mind was flooded with one lustful intention after another, and he realized he was going to be in real trouble if he didn’t control his thoughts soon. With a loud groan, he stretched out on his bedroll and stacked his hands behind his head. He was a light sleeper, and if she got into trouble or needed him, all she had to do was call out.
He counted cattle; he counted sheep. Then he started counting the number of ways he wanted to make love to her.
“Cole, are you asleep?”
He didn’t open his eyes when he answered her. “No.”
“Is something wrong? You sound hoarse.”
“I’m fine. What do you want?”
“I wanted to know if it would bother you if I made noise.”
“Doing what?”
“Target practice.”
He sat up and spotted the gun in her lap. “Where did you get that?”
“Tom Norton gave it to me.”
“Put it away.”
“I want to learn to shoot with some degree of accuracy.”
“No, you don’t.”
“I’m going to learn how to protect myself. I don’t particularly like guns, and I had hoped never to own one, but the Blackwater gang changed everything. I’m responsible for taking care of myself and my son, and I’m not going to let anyone hurt us.”
“Dry your hair and go to sleep.”
She pushed a wet strand of hair over her shoulder, then opened the box of bullets Tom had purchased for her, and began to load the gun.
He tried not to get mad as he watched her shoot at an impossible target. She was driving him nuts because she kept making the same mistakes over and over again, and when he simply couldn’t stand it a second longer, he got up.
He came up behind her, wrapped his arm around her waist, and pulled her up against him, then took hold of her hand that held the gun.
“Exactly what are you shooting at?” he demanded.
“The tree straight ahead. What did you think I was shooting at?” she asked.
“The stars. You’re too high, sugar.”
He spent the next twenty minutes teaching her, and, honest to Pete, he hated every second of it. She shouldn’t have to be learning such a skill. She should be in a parlor somewhere sipping tea while Caleb played at her feet. She was a lady, and ladies didn’t carry guns.
He made the mistake of giving her his opinions. She vehemently disagreed. “I’ve admitted I don’t like the idea of carrying a gun, but I’m going to until every one of the Blackwater gang has been captured, and if that means I’m no longer a lady, so be it.”
“You sure are pretty when you’re angry. Your eyes sparkle.”
“A lot of women carry weapons for … What did you say?”
She turned her head to look at him and bumped into his chin. “I said you’re pretty,” he repeated.
He rattled her with the compliment. “Thank you,” she stammered before looking away so that she could concentrate.
“Women who live in the Wild West must carry guns because there are all sorts of… What are you doing?”
He had bent down and was nuzzling her neck. “I’m kissing you, but don’t let me interrupt your tirade. You were saying?”
“There are wild animals … like bears and other predators … and…” She paused to sigh, then tilted her head to one side so he would have more room to explore the side of her neck. The sweet warmth of his breath against her felt wonderful and made her shiver. She knew she should stop him from taking such liberties, and she would do just that, she promised herself, in just a little while.
“Predators?” he asked when she didn’t continue.
“Yes, there are lots of predators.”
“Where?”
She had lost her train of thought. “I don’t know … somewhere.”
He laughed softly. “I’m getting to you, aren’t I?”
He asked the question as he slowly turned her in his arms and lowered his head so that he could give her a proper kiss. His body had other ideas. The second she put her arms around his neck, he roughly pulled her up against him until her breasts were pressed against his chest, and hungrily kissed her. His mouth took complete possession of hers, his tongue penetrated, and for long breathless minutes he made love to her with his mouth. Her body fit his perfectly, as though she had been made just for him. She was so sweet and sensual and loving.
And innocent. The reminder helped him regain his senses. He couldn’t quite make himself let go of her, but he did let her catch her breath. Gently tugging on her lower lip with his teeth so she would open her mouth again, he kissed hard and thoroughly, and then released her.
She wouldn’t let go of him. Trembling with desire, she kissed him with all the pent-up passion and longing inside her. She became the aggressor, imitating the erotic way that he had kissed her, timidly at first and then boldly when he wrapped her in his arms again. He growled low in his throat when her tongue touched his.
God, she was sweet. She tasted like candy. Her abandon shook him, and he knew that if he persisted, he could overwhelm her senses and make love to her. She was too innocent to think about consequences.
One of them had to think about tomorrow, and he knew it was up to him to stop now.
He pulled her arms away from his neck and took a step away from her.
“I shouldn’t have done that,” he said gruffly.
Dazed, she watched him walk away. “I’m glad you did,” she whispered. “I wanted to know what it would feel like…”
He turned back to her. “I’m not an experiment, Jessica.”
She could see the anger in his eyes and in his stance. She took a step toward him, then stopped. “No, you’re not. It’s just that I’ve wanted to kiss you for a long time.”
“Yeah, well, it isn’t going to happen again.”
“Why not?”
He couldn’t believe she had to ask. “You do know what kissing leads to, don’t you?”
She slowly nodded. “I’m pretty sure I do, but since I’ve never…”
He cut her off, for the topic was making him ache with his need to touch her again, and if he did that, he knew he wouldn’t stop.
“We’re just going to have to stay away from each other. You got that?”
She nodded, then shook her head. “How in heaven’s name are we going to be able to do that? We’re traveling together.”
“Just keep your hands to yourself.” After giving her the command, he laughed harshly. Never before had he said those words to a woman, and he couldn’t believe he’d said them to Jessica.
It’s the damned badge, he thought to himself. It had made him noble.
She folded her hands. “If that’s what you want, I shall of course be happy to accommodate you.”
He was suddenly furious with her. “No, that’s not what I want. I want to take your clothes off, toss you down on the ground, and do all the things I’ve been dreaming about.”
Her eyes widened. “You dreamed about me?”
“Let it go, Jessie.”
“I dreamed about you too. Cole, do you want to make love to me?”
“No, not make love,” he corrected. “Have sex. Do you understand the difference? If we had sex, tomorrow morning you would realize the mistake you’d made and you’d live with that regret for the rest of your life.”
She could feel the anger building inside her. “And you? Would you realize it was a mistake?”
“Yeah, I would.”
“Would you also live with regret the rest of your life?”
“I’d regret all right, but not for long. Now do you get it? It wouldn’t mean all that much to me.”
She spotted the empty gun on the ground, picked it up, and marched past Cole.
“Of all the arrogant…”
“I’m being honest, Jessie. Most men would lie to get a woman like you in bed.”
“A woman like me?”
He followed her to the campfire. “Yeah,” he said. “Like you … innocent and pure and sexy as hell. With your fine body, you can’t afford to be naive. It’s dangerous and stupid.”
“So now I’m stupid? Being inexperienced doesn’t mean I’m stupid.”
She dropped the gun in the bedroll and stood there glaring at him. “Answer one question for me, and then we’ll never discuss this topic again.”
“What?”
“What makes you so certain that I would live with the regret the rest of my life? Is it because I’m a woman, or is it because I’m stupid?”
“Are you telling me you wouldn’t regret it?”
She didn’t answer him. “Sure you would,” he decided. “Women want strings.”
“Strings?”
“Commitment,” he explained. “Men don’t.”
“Then all those married men were hog-tied and dragged to the altar?”
He thought the image fit perfectly. “Yeah, they probably were.”
“Was your brother-in-law forced into marrying your sister?”
He’d forgotten he’d told her about his family. “Mary Rose and Harrison?”
Before she could say another word, he shook his head. “Harrison wanted to marry her.”
She sat down and began to untie her shoelaces. He stood there watching her while he tried to figure out how they had gotten into such an intense discussion.
“Look, Jessie, all I’m saying is that…”
“You don’t want strings.”
“Exactly.” He almost shouted the word.
“Brace yourself, Cole. I don’t want strings either,” she whispered. “I don’t want to get married, and I’m never going to,” she added with a nod.
“You’ll get married one of these days,” he predicted, and immediately frowned over the possibility.
“Because life would be easier?”
He stretched out on the bedroll and stared at the stars while he considered his answer.
“Yeah, it would be easier, and it would also be good for Caleb to have a father around.”
“My son and I don’t need a man to make our family complete. Oh, you make me so angry, Cole. You’re like the majority of people I’ve encountered who want to push their expectations and beliefs on me.”
“It’s difficult to be a single mother.”
“I know how difficult it is, but I’m happy … genuinely happy, and if I married someone just to gain respectability, I’d be miserable and would have no one to blame but myself.”
“Respectability? What does that have to do with anything?”
“Never mind.”
“You brought it up. Tell me what you meant.”
“As soon as strangers find out I’m not married and never have been, they assume I had Caleb out of wedlock, and then…”
He prodded her to continue. “Then what?”
“They’re compelled to make sure I know exactly how they feel about it.”
He was watching her closely. “How do they do that? Give me an example.”
She shrugged and tried to pretend that all the hurt she’d suffered had barely mattered to her. “When Grace and I went shopping for supplies, a woman slapped me across the face when she found out I’d never been married. I had Caleb with me, and when she asked who he belonged to, Grace told her he was my son.”
Cole was outraged by the incident. “What did you do?”
“I took Caleb outside.”
“I’m sorry you didn’t punch her.”
She smiled. “I wanted to, but I didn’t give in to my urge because it wouldn’t have been ladylike, and I had Caleb with me. I didn’t want him to see his mother behave in such a manner. Grace took care of her, though,” she added. She put her hand over her mouth and giggled. “It was a sight to see. I watched her through the window.”
He smiled in anticipation of what she was going to tell him. “What did she do?”
“She snatched up a ruler from the counter and backed the woman against the wall. She didn’t hit her, but she blistered her all the same with her lecture, and by the time she was done, the woman was crying. It was ridiculous really. Grace was half the other woman’s size. Later, we laughed about it.”
“But it still hurt, didn’t it?”
She didn’t answer him. “Grace is the first real friend I’ve ever had,” she whispered. “I would do anything for her.”
“And she would do anything for you, wouldn’t she?”
“Yes, she would,” she agreed. “Do you have any close friends?”
“My family,” he answered. “I’m close to my brothers. They drive me crazy sometimes, but I’d kill anyone who tried to hurt them.”
She couldn’t imagine having siblings and pleaded with him to tell her what his life had been like growing up in such a large family. She was clearly astounded to find out that his brothers and sister and mother weren’t blood relatives.
He spent over an hour talking about his growing up years, sharing both humorous and poignant stories with her. The warmth in his eyes and his voice indicated the love he felt for his family, and by the time he finished, she ached with her own loneliness. She yearned to belong … and to be loved.
“We joined together to become a family,” Cole said. “And never once did I think any of them would run out on me. That’s what you think always happens, though, don’t you?”
“Experience has taught me not to trust anyone else.”
“What about your friend Grace?”
“Oh, I trust her implicitly.”
“And Rebecca?”
“I don’t know her well, but I could probably trust her, I suppose. She’s been very kind to Caleb and me.”
“The three of you have been loyal to one another.”
“Neither one of them jumped to the conclusion that Caleb was illegitimate
,” she pointed out. She sat up and stretched her arms over her head to work out the tension.
“I’ve decided that when Grace and I get to Denver, if anyone asks, I’m going to tell them I’m widowed.”
“One lie will only lead to another and another,” he told her. “Look at the mess the three of you have gotten into by lying about being a witness. If all of you had simply stepped forward and told the truth before the reporter made you front-page news, your life would have been far less complicated. The judge wouldn’t have insisted that Daniel and I haul you and Grace and Rebecca to Blackwater. I imagine you and Grace would already be in Denver.”
“I told you I was the witness,” she reminded him. “Grace and Rebecca are going to Blackwater?”
“They’re on their way now.”
She was flabbergasted. “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”
“You were about to leave your son. You had enough to worry about,” he said.
“Why does this judge want all three of us? I told you I was the witness.”
“Yeah, well, so did Grace and Rebecca.”
“But that can’t be,” she nearly shouted.
“All three of you have come forward to tell us that you were there hiding under the desk.”
“No.”
“Yes,” he countered.
“No wonder you didn’t believe me. You wouldn’t let me tell you what happened. I did try.”
“I didn’t want to hear any more lies.”
She took a calming breath and tried not to get angry, for he had every right to doubt her. She had lied to him in the past.
“Why would Grace and Rebecca say they were there?”
“You tell me.”
She thought about it a long while before venturing a guess. “Grace must feel she has to protect me … She knows I’d do the same for her, but I still don’t understand why Rebecca would lie.”
“She didn’t lie, Jessie. She is our witness. Now go to sleep. I’m tired, and I’m not in the mood to argue.”
She lay down and rolled to her side so she could stare at the fire. Her mind was filled with questions. Cole had sounded so certain Rebecca was the witness, and she couldn’t figure out why.
“Cole?”
“Now what?”
“I saw the man on the roof of the building in Rockford Falls…. He killed Mr. York, and I tried to shoot him, but I dropped the gun.”