“No. I mean, yes, he walked away, but nothing was left unsettled. Everything has been said that needs to be said. We’re broken up.”
“And what about Nicole?” Christy asked.
“I don’t know what’s going to happen there. But, you guys, you have to promise me you won’t say anything to Rick about Nicole. I mean, if there’s some possibility for them to get together, I’m thinking it will find its way to the surface.”
Katie sat back and held her glass of ice water to her forehead. “I’m really done with all the drama. You know what I’m saying? When I look back over the last ten years of my life, I’m embarrassed at how impulsively I act.”
“You mean like driving to River Rock Clinic and pouncing on us when we stepped out into the waiting room?” Todd asked with a grin. “I’m glad your impulsive days are over.”
“That was different. Someone, who shall remain unnamed, hung up before sharing the simple details that his wife was having a mole removed from her back. My imagination went a little wild.”
“It wasn’t that big of a deal, Katie,” Christy said.
The waiter placed a large platter of fish tacos in front of Todd and a cheese enchilada plate in front of Christy. The monstrous chimichanga went to Katie. She took a big bite and let the warm cheese and shredded beef minister to her spent emotions. She realized all she had eaten that day was half a bagel with strawberry jam that morning. The rest of the day she had been going nonstop. Food was a wonderful thing.
“The part I missed,” Todd said, “was why you decided to break up with Rick. What happened Saturday night?”
“I don’t know. I was lying there, and all of a sudden, I just knew we were done. I couldn’t go any further in my relationship with Rick. I think it hit me when I realized how you and Christy sleep together.”
Todd sat up a little straighter and looked at Christy with a half-amused, half-bashful look. “What have you been telling her?”
“Nothing personal.” Christy’s face had turned red.
“Don’t worry, Todd. All your secrets are safe with her. I don’t mean that kind of sleep together. What I was thinking about Saturday night was how your hearts are knit together. You go home to each other every night, but then you truly are at home when you’re in each other’s arms. You know what I mean? You fit. Every part of your relationship fits together.”
Christy gave Todd a warm, you’re-my-beloved sort of smile.
Todd kissed his wife and grinned tenderly.
“You guys are cute. Did I ever tell you that?”
Christy gave her a contented smile, and Katie felt a sharp sadness over the reality that she and Rick were really, truly broken up.
“I can’t let this get me down,” Katie said as much to herself as to Christy and Todd. “It’s over. Rick and I are through. And I’m really done, you know? Now I need to focus my energy on school. I’m running out of time. I’m so behind in my classes. All I need to do for the next five weeks is finish college.”
Just as Katie took another bite, Todd said, “And then what?”
She shrugged and kept chewing, using the food as a good excuse not to answer.
“We might have an opening at the bookstore,” Christy said. “I don’t know if you would want to work there, but one of the guys said he wasn’t going to stay on after school ends.”
Katie had no interest in working at the Ark, even though it would be fun to be with Christy every day. Thoughts of the Ark reminded her of what Rick’s mom said when Katie called earlier, looking for Christy.
“That brings me to another dilemma. Rick’s mom is planning a big graduation shindig for the three of us.”
“The three of us?” Todd asked.
“Nicole, Eli, and me. The three of us who are graduating. I’m sure she will cancel as soon as Rick tells her we broke up.”
“What if she doesn’t? What if she still wants to have the party?” Christy asked.
“It would be a little awkward, don’t you think?”
“Not necessarily. Not with Rick’s mom. Katie, try looking at the big picture. If she still wants to host this party for all of you, think of your friendship with Nicole and Eli and even with Rick. Don’t make a decision only in light of what happened this week.”
Christy pressed the side of her fork into one of the enchiladas and cut a ladylike bite. Before she put it in her mouth, she said, “You’re a woman of options. You can do whatever you want.”
Katie bit into her chimichanga. It seemed surreal that the three of them were sitting there, discussing her life in terms of the big picture and how she was a woman of options. She didn’t know if she had expected Todd and Christy to be more surprised about the breakup, but something seemed off. Neither of them seemed as concerned as she thought they would be.
Moving her plate aside, Katie looked at Christy and then at Todd. “Did you guys know Rick and I were going to break up?”
“No,” Christy said.
“Neither of you seemed very surprised.” Katie reached for her water and took a long swig while her friends exchanged glances. They didn’t say anything.
“What’s the deal? Were the two of you holding secret prayer meetings with Eli, praying Rick and I would break up?”
“Of course not,” Todd said.
“So what do you guys think about all this? Give me some feedback here. I’m having a hard time reading you.”
Todd looked at Katie with kindness in his silver blue eyes. “I think you’re listening to the Lord and going with whatever you believe he’s telling you to do. That’s the path of life, Katie. Keep listening and keep following wherever he leads.”
“Is that what you think too?” Katie asked Christy.
“Yes. And Katie, I am sad that you and Rick broke up. It might not seem like it, but I do feel for you.” She reached across the table and gave Katie’s arm a squeeze. “I think you’re handling all this extremely well.”
“Thank you.”
“I want you to end up with a guy who sees the real you, the real Katie. Someone who gives you plenty of space for that free spirit of yours and at the same time encourages you to stay centered in Christ.”
“And you didn’t see that happening when I was with Rick?”
“Sometimes,” Todd said. With a grin he added, “You guys certainly had your moments.”
Katie’s emotions turned wistful. “Yes, we did.”
She cast a weary glance at her half-eaten food. “I can’t believe this, but I’m full. I was planning to eat this whole thing.”
“You and Eli are the only two people I know who consider it a personal victory if they can down an entire one of those,” Todd said.
“I’ve seen you eat a whole one,” Christy said to Todd.
“But I don’t set it up as a challenge. I just like to eat.”
For some reason, Todd’s comment linking her with Eli got to Katie. She didn’t know why, but she felt as if the tightly wound strings inside her were about to snap. If she stayed there one more minute, what she did next wouldn’t be pretty.
“You know what? I have to go.” Katie tossed her portion of the check on the table. “Don’t take this personally, but I’m fried. I’ll talk to you guys later.”
“Are you okay?” Christy asked.
“No, I’m not. But I will be. I hope.”
Katie slid out of the booth and caught Todd’s eye.
His expression was calm and strangely reassuring. With his trademark chin-up gesture, he said, “Later, Katie.”
“Later.”
Fueled just enough by her seven bites of the Casa de Pedro giant chimichanga and by the need to release the intensity of her emotions, Katie drove straight up the hill to Rancho Corona. She parked her car, strode into Crown Hall, went directly to Nicole’s closed door, and knocked.
No answer. She knocked again.
“Nicole, it’s Katie.”
The door opened, and Nicole offered Katie a tight smile and casually said, “What’s up?”
/>
“I need to talk to you.”
“Oh. Well, I’m actually trying to finish a — ”
“I know; me too. But I need to talk to you now.”
Nicole stood to the side, let Katie in, closed the door, and then went over to her bed and picked up her cell phone. “I’ll have to call you back… Sure… Okay, I will. You too. ’Bye.”
Nicole sat on her bed as Katie settled in the side chair where she often sat for long, leisurely conversations. Tonight she was determined to make this conversation short.
“Here’s the thing,” Katie started in. “I didn’t mean to, but I was outside Julia’s room earlier today, and I heard what you were telling her.”
Nicole’s face went gray. Her lips parted, but no words came out.
“Don’t say anything, please. Just hear me out. I know this isn’t a very good way to communicate, but it seems to be the only way I’ve been able to express my true feelings this week. Nicole, you are a great friend. You’ve been nothing but a great friend. I’ve never felt as if you were trying to steal Rick away from me, so don’t feel you need to explain any of that. I know what it’s like to love him. I’ve known what that’s like for a long time. And I’m guessing I will keep feeling that way for an even longer time.”
Nicole was crying silently.
Katie kept going, not knowing if this was a wise route or not. All she knew was that she would snap if she had to live on the same floor with Nicole and not be able to address this issue.
“So here’s the other part you may or may not know. I broke up with Rick.”
Nicole’s hand flew to her mouth. “Katie!”
“It wasn’t because of you. I broke up with him Saturday night. It didn’t fully stick, I guess, so Rick broke up with me this afternoon. We’re broken up. For real. Yes, I’m a bit of a mess, but I’m okay. I think Rick is okay too. Or at least he will be. He doesn’t know how you feel about him. Well, maybe he knows, just in the way that guys know those sorts of things about girls, but they act like they don’t know, you know?”
Nicole reached for a tissue. She looked like an emotional mess.
“That’s it. I don’t know what happens now, but you have my blessing. I’m not going to say anything to Rick. You don’t ever have to say anything to me about this conversation if you don’t want to. I’m exhausted. If anyone needs me for official floor business, I’ll be in my room trying to figure out a way to accomplish the impossible and finish everything before graduation.”
Katie rose and headed for the door. She paused before leaving. “Do you want to know the biggest surprise in all this? Truth can be pretty raw sometimes. And here’s a truth I learned. It’s possible to love someone, and I mean really love him, and not end up spending the rest of your life with him. Isn’t that strange? It’s like the antithesis of every fairy tale we’ve ever heard. But it’s true.”
A clarifying thought came over her. “You know, I guess I now know in a tiny way how God feels. Wow, this is a horrible feeling.”
With one more last thought, Katie offered Nicole a sympathetic expression. “Sorry I delivered all that without much couth. You’re going to be okay, though. You will. No matter what happens.”
Nicole sat unmoving on her bed, blinking through a flood of tears. She offered a nod, and Katie let herself out.
Three women stopped Katie as she made her way to her room at the end of the hall. Two of them wanted details on the Spring Fling, the all-dorm social that was scheduled for the second-to-last week of April. One of them just wanted to talk.
Katie listened absentmindedly for about four minutes and then said, “Can we finish this conversation a little later? I really have to go to the bathroom.”
It was the truth. But as soon as Katie sequestered herself in the bathroom stall, she didn’t want to leave. She didn’t want to face anyone on the floor. She didn’t want to write any papers, nor did she want to go to class Monday and ask for another week on one of her projects that was already overdue. No way could she finish everything. She was exhausted. Mind, body, soul. Exhausted.
14
The alarm on Katie’s phone went off at 8:00 Saturday morning, forcing her out of bed after less than five hours of sleep. She stumbled around her messy room looking for something to wear and jammed her toe on the desk chair. Hopping up and down on one foot, she wanted nothing more than to fling herself back into bed and sleep for another week. But Julia had hunted her down last night and insisted that they schedule their long-overdue appointment for this morning. Exhausted and bleary of eye and mind, Katie wasn’t looking forward to all the words she would have to form to catch Julia up on her overturned life.
Pulling on a pair of crumpled jeans, a sweatshirt, and flip-flops, Katie put up her hair in a clip. Her head ached.
“I’d better not be getting sick, that’s all I can say. Please, God, just a few more weeks. Then… well, I don’t know what then, but I’m sure it will be more convenient to be sick.”
Katie stopped at the bathroom on her way down the hall and felt admiration for Christy. How she had managed last year to graduate and get married a week later was beyond Katie’s comprehension. She was sure she hadn’t been sufficiently helpful or sympathetic toward her friend at the time. Now she knew all too well what it was like to be in the final stretch.
Julia was waiting for her in the lobby with a brighter-than-usual smile. “You look like you could use some coffee.”
“Yeah, about twelve cups of the strongest you can find.”
“Do you want to drive, or should I?”
“You better. I didn’t bring my wallet.”
“That was convenient. Good thing I told you I was paying.” Julia opened the door for Katie and followed her out into the bright new day.
“That rain last night really made everything clean and fresh.”
Katie yawned. “Did it rain?”
“You’ve been in a cave, haven’t you?”
“Worse than that. More like a coma. Are you sure you want to try to debrief with me this morning? I already know my final RA score for the year.”
“No you don’t. And yes I do — want to debrief with you, that is. We’ve put it off too long.” Julia opened her car door for Katie. She crawled in and curled up sideways, as if she would go back to sleep.
Julia laughed. “I’ll wake you when we get there, and you can answer my long list of questions. Between here and the coffee shop, all you have to do is listen. I have something to tell you.”
Katie’s eyes were closed for only ten more seconds. What Julia said next made Katie’s eyes snap open.
“I’m getting married.”
Sitting up, Katie spouted, “To whom? Trent?”
Julia pulled back, stunned. “How did you know about Trent?”
“You told me about him a few months ago.”
“I did? What did I tell you?”
“You said you were in love with him when you were a student here at Rancho, but you obviously didn’t end up with him. What you said stayed with me because you told me you still had feelings for him, that love doesn’t go away just because people go away. Something like that. I remembered what you said. I also asked if he married someone else, and you said no.”
Tears had formed in the corner of Julia’s eyes and trickled down her face as she drove down the hill.
“Oh, no. I said the wrong thing, didn’t I?”
“It’s okay. Really. I forgot that I told you about Trent.”
“So you’re not marrying Trent.”
“No, I’m marrying John Ambrose.”
“Why does that name sound familiar?” Katie snapped her fingers and sat up all the way in her seat. “Dr. Ambrose? Are you kidding me? I was in his Old Testament history class a few years ago, right after his wife passed away. He is the coolest man ever. And that voice! I used to love it when he read Scripture to us in class like a benediction. But wait. When did all this happen? When did you find time to fall in love with one of the Rancho Corona profes
sors?”
Julia smiled. “Last year. He gave the closing prayer in chapel for the missions conference, and I just opened my eyes after he said ‘amen,’ and I don’t know, my heart was turned toward him.”
“That’s so beautiful! Then what happened?”
“It took John a little longer to discover me, but once he did, everything went pretty fast. We’re getting married right after school is out. We have just enough time to squeeze in a honeymoon before he has to be back for summer session.”
“Wow! Julia, I’m so happy for you.”
“Thank you. I’m ecstatic. We both are. We chose to keep our relationship quiet for such a long time that now we’re officially engaged, I’m practically giddy.”
“As you should be! This will show that old Trent, huh?”
Julia’s expression went from rosy beams of love to a downcast shadow.
“I did it again, didn’t I? Sorry. I just don’t know when to keep my beak shut.”
Julia seemed to be thinking for a moment before she turned the car into the parking lot of a hardware store.
“Why did you pull in here? Are they selling coffee at hardware stores now?”
“No.” Julia turned off the engine and adjusted her position so she faced Katie. “I want to tell you about Trent.”
“You don’t have to.”
“No, I think I do. None of what I tell you is general information around campus, okay? John knows, of course, and when Craig hired me as a resident director, he knew. Now I want you to know.”
Katie wasn’t prepared to be invited into Julia’s confidence this way. She wished she hadn’t popped off with the comments about Trent and had just let Julia keep her secrets.
“Trent and I got engaged a few months after we finished college. We went on a water-skiing trip at Lake Tahoe with some of our friends that summer, and Trent was injured seriously in an accident with another boat while he was water-skiing. He had to be flown out to a hospital, and he went into a coma.”
Up to that point in the explanation, Julia spoke at a normal pace. When she came to the next part of the story, her voice became low, and her words were stretched out, as if each one were painful to say.