It’s awesome that people support me. It truly is. It motivates me. But it’s also pretty scary. What if I let them down? I let my school down last year when I lost to Roxy at state. What if that happens again? What if that trend continues to the long course meets? What if Roxy gets to go with Levi to Omaha, and I’m stuck in Tennessee watching on TV?
Coach Woods goes on, “I wanted you to know that I figured out how to balance football and having a boyfriend senior year.”
“How?”
“It helped that I was dating a guy on the team”—she pauses to smile—“but I also found that if I dated someone who supported me and understood why I practiced so hard, it made it easier to spend time with him. He was willing to work around my schedule.”
I think about my friends. We always make time for each other on Friday nights.
“It would be nice to meet someone,” I admit.
“I also remember feeling like no one would take me seriously as an athlete if I had a boyfriend.”
“Yeah, I understand that,” I reply, thinking of how Coach Josh got fed up with Susannah when she was dating Lucas. “I worry that people will question my dedication if I were to start spending time with a guy.”
Coach Woods picks up the football on her desk and tosses it to herself. “Well I can solve your first problem right there. Stop worrying what other people think.”
“That’s not so easy. I don’t want to disappoint my parents or my coach.”
“I think you’ll find they want you to be happy, Maggie. You work hard. You practice hard. They won’t mind if you take a little time for yourself.” She stops tossing her ball and cradles it to her chest. “Most people are so busy thinking about themselves they aren’t worried about other people. It’s human to think that everyone is always watching everything we do, but they aren’t.”
“Even when that person might be going to the Olympic trials?” Coach Josh watches us New Wave kids pretty closely. He’s like a CIA agent, keeping dibs on how late I stay up at night and when my muscles are tight. “I don’t know if I agree with that.”
Coach Woods sets her ball down on the desk. “You’re right. It’s not always that simple. But I wanted you to know that I once thought I didn’t have time for guys, but I was able to make it work.”
I smile at her, appreciating she can admit life isn’t black and white.
Mine sure isn’t.
Levi is waiting outside Coach Woods’ classroom to walk me to lunch. When he sees me, he pushes himself off the wall where he’d been leaning and adjusts his backpack and black knit cap.
“Why’d she keep you late?” he asks.
Not wanting to tell him what she said, I make something up: “Because I failed my condom race, and then I tried to eat the banana.”
He lifts an eyebrow. “What?”
I wave a hand to dismiss the conversation.
He says, “I heard you announced in front of the class that you’re never gonna have time for sex, so why bother learning to use a condom.”
I knew I shouldn’t have said that. Good gossip travels fast at this school. “I was joking.”
He holds the door open to the noisy cafeteria, ushering me inside. “This whole hooking up thing is really bothering you.”
I shrug a little. “Sometimes I feel lonely, that’s all.”
“You’ve got me.”
“I know, but I want a little more than friendship.” I want to make out. I want a guy to press his body to mine and kiss me all over. And for crying out loud, what does an orgasm feel like? “I want someone to snuggle with.”
“Snuggling makes me hot.”
“Like hot and bothered?”
“No, like sweaty hot. Too much body heat for me.”
I smile. “You’re hopeless.”
We sit down at our regular table by the windows with Hunter and Georgia. After saying hi, I unpack my lunch of pasta and energy drinks. Hunter’s already halfway through his sub sandwich, and Georgia’s devouring a grilled chicken salad…and some bread and soup. She’s way over the calorie count suggested by the college cheerleading coach, but I think that went in one ear and out the other, which is good. It doesn’t seem healthy to be that restrictive given her workouts. I follow her gaze a few tables away to where David, the guy who likes her, is eating with the Quiz Bowl team.
I nudge her in the side. “He’s looking at you.”
“Shh.” She focuses on her salad. Does she not want Hunter and Levi to know? I guess I can understand why. David is the exact opposite of us. I mean, he runs, but he’s about half the size of Hunter and Levi. She seemed worried about what I’d think of him, so I imagine it’s the same with our guy friends. Probably even more so.
Two sophomores drop by our table to say hi to Levi. One of them lives down the street from him, but I don’t know her name. I do know, however, that she’s grown very pretty as she’s gotten older.
“Hi, ladies,” he says.
I shift in my seat, and focus on twirling pasta around my fork.
“Levi,” the neighbor says. “We got a new puppy!”
“What kind?” he asks.
“A Bernese Mountain Dog!”
Levi folds his hands behind his head and grins up at her. “Aww.”
“His name is Patches. Can I bring him by sometime to meet Pepper?”
“Of course. Anytime.”
I pretend to look at my phone while Levi and the cute neighbor make plans for a doggy date. It’s not as if he’s mine, but the vibe between us feels a little off ever since I kissed him. Hopefully it’s something I’ll get used to, like when you buy a new pair of jeans that feel tight at first, but eventually stretch and mold to your body.
Lucky for me, Shelby Goodwin leaves her table of sophomore friends to come sit on Hunter’s lap, distracting me from the girl flirting with Levi. “Hey, you guys.” They whisper and flirt for a sec, and Hunter pulls her in for a kiss.
“Want to be my girlfriend?” he asks her, as he does every day.
“Stop,” she giggles, gently pushing his chest. She still won’t commit to him.
Why can none of us seem to have a regular relationship?
Shelby wraps an arm around his neck, and they start kissing again.
“I’m eating here,” I tease.
Hunter breaks apart from Shelby. “Mags, what’s this about you telling Coach Woods you’ll never have time for sex?”
I groan, then start laughing along with my friends.
Unsanctioned Activities
On Friday night, I have to drive myself to Jiffy Burger.
Normally I’d grab a ride with Levi, but he had his Tennessean interview in Nashville, so he said he’d meet me there.
“Dad, can’t you take me? I don’t want to drive.”
My father passes me the keys. “Drive with confidence.”
“Drive with confidence? I don’t even know what that means.”
“Don’t go too slow, don’t go too fast. Drive confidently.”
“You’re no help.”
“Levi and I can’t drive you around forever,” Dad says with a kind smile.
“Maybe I’ll start riding a bike.”
“Coach Josh would kill you. And then steal your bike.”
It’s true. My coach is so afraid I’ll hurt myself doing some unsanctioned activity, he’d probably get mad if I played Monopoly. I could get a hand cramp while counting fake money or something.
“Fine, but if I wreck the car, it is all your fault,” I tell Dad, giving him an evil look and a kiss good-bye. I jingle the keys as I walk to his car, a red Honda Accord. As far as cars go, this is as safe as it gets. It’s not like it’s a tiny, speedy Ferrari or a cumbersome Range Rover. It’s a sedan. I can do this. I take a deep breath. Open the door.
Sliding inside, I adjust the front seat and s
nap on my seat belt. I yank on it a few times to test it. I triple check I’ve put the car in reverse instead of drive so I don’t floor it into the house again.
The speed limit down the four-lane road is forty miles per hour, but that is way too fast. I hover around twenty-five. Cars keep honking at me as they pass. I’m tempted to flip them off, but there is no way I can take my hands off the ten and two position.
Somebody honks to my left. I glance over to see two guys from school making fun of my driving. Both of them have their hands at the nine and three position and are sitting up straight like rods. Jerks.
I pull into the Jiffy Burger lot and try to park between two cars. Turning the steering wheel over and over, I repeatedly hit the wrong angle. Somebody honks their horn at me. I honk back and yell, “Hold your horses!” even though they can’t hear me.
I decide to give up on the spot closer to the entrance. I drive around the back of the building, pull the car into a spot, put it in park, close my eyes, and take a deep breath.
I send Dad a text: I made it, but barely!!!!!!!
Next I send Coach Josh a message: My dad made me drive. Can this be an unsanctioned activity please?
Outside of the car, I discover my parking job is horrendous. I’m straddling a white line, taking up two spaces. I’m surprised I didn’t somehow take up three. Can driver’s licenses be revoked for piss-poor parking jobs?
I pocket my keys and head inside.
My phone buzzes. Coach wrote back: I’ll talk to him.
I smile smugly. Coach Josh takes my swimming career very seriously and wouldn’t want me to do anything to hurt myself or make myself any more stressed than I already am. Ha. Take that, Dad.
When I look up, a man is sitting in our usual booth. He’s wearing dark jeans, a gray Henley, brown boots with the laces undone, and a black knit cap. I haven’t seen his face, but from behind I can tell he has a nice body. And damn, the urges come rushing back. My mind wanders to condoms and bananas. My blood heats up, imagining hooking up with the stranger. I suddenly need to fan myself.
Then the booth interloper looks over his shoulder and waves at me. Levi?
I march up to him. “Why are you wearing jeans and that shirt?”
He scowls down at his clothes. “Oma told Mom I was going to wear my sweats for the interview, and Mom flipped out.”
“Your outfit looks nice. I didn’t recognize you.”
Levi examines my face. “Why are you all flushed?”
“Dad made me drive myself,” I say, and Levi goes, “Ohhh.”
He buys my “driving made me nervous” excuse, but it isn’t exactly true. I can’t say I’m blushing because I was daydreaming about fooling around with a stranger…who turned out to be him. Am I going nuts? Breathing pool fumes has finally caught up with me.
I sit down next to him on our side of the booth, more aware of him than usual: How close his arm is to mine. How I can smell that cedar shampoo. How I’d like to snuggle up against that Henley.
“Maggie,” he says loudly.
I startle. “Yeah?”
“I’ve been trying to get your attention. You want to split some fries?”
“Get your own fries.”
He grins and goes back to reading his menu.
“Why are you even looking at that? Don’t you have it memorized?” I ask.
“I was thinking about getting a strawberry shake instead of a chocolate one.”
I gasp. “Sacrilege. So, tell me about the interview.”
He shrugs. “I thought it was mainly going to be about swimming, but the reporter wanted to talk about my family.”
“What about them?”
“Like, how my mom supported me by taking me to practice early in the morning and stuff… The reporter asked about my dad.”
His father is always a rough subject. Levi’s dad left when he was two years old and never came back to Tennessee. And while Levi wants a relationship with his younger half brother and half sister, he truly dislikes his father and has never forgiven him for leaving. Levi’s mom has never dated again because she was so heartbroken over what happened. Levi even had his last name changed to his mother’s maiden name.
“Why did the reporter ask that?”
Levi rips his straw paper into pieces. “Because I’m going to Texas for college. He put two and two together.”
“How’d he know where your dad lives?”
“I guess he did some digging before the interview.”
I elbow him. “Wow, the reporter actually investigated you? I didn’t know you were interesting enough for that,” I say, to ease some of the tension coming from my friend.
“The reporter also asked about you.”
“What about me?”
“Whether I thought you’d get your Olympic trial cut.”
I clutch his wrist. “What did you say?”
He shrugs. “I said you’re the one to beat.”
I throw my arms around him, hugging him close. He makes a fake choking noise, which only makes me hug him harder.
“Am I interrupting something?” Georgia slides into her spot across the booth.
Releasing Levi, I feel my face flushing again. His face is a little red too.
“No, just talking about Levi’s interview,” I say, trying to act naturally. I certainly didn’t tell Hunter and Georgia about last Saturday night’s unsanctioned activities with Levi, and I doubt he did either.
Hunter arrives shortly after Georgia. We order food and start chattering away. All of us except for Georgia, that is.
Georgia unwraps her silverware and places her napkin in her lap, smoothing it. I give her a questioning look. You okay? I mouth at her.
“I have some news,” Georgia says, and Levi and Hunter stop talking about Hunter’s first preseason baseball game that’s coming up next week.
“David Cantor asked me out.”
I break out into a big smile. “Eeee!”
Hunter and Levi give each other looks.
“Don’t make faces,” Georgia pleads.
Levi replies, “I like how he always starts the morning announcements by saying what the cafeteria is serving for lunch.”
As student body president, David does the announcements every day.
“That’s all you have to say about him?” I say. “You like him because he talks about food?”
“Food’s important,” Levi says. He pointedly looks toward the kitchen for his burger and fries.
“Did you say yes?” Hunter asks Georgia.
“I haven’t decided yet. I wanted to know what you guys thought first.”
“Doesn’t matter what we think,” Levi says. “If you like him, you like him.”
“You could do better,” Hunter says, and Georgia’s face turns white.
“Don’t be a dick,” I say.
“Well, she could!” He turns to her. “You’re gorgeous and smart and nice. And David needs, like, two belts to keep his pants up.”
Our waitress arrives, balancing a tray full of food and doling it out to us. Hunter and Levi dig in and then tell the server thank you with their mouths full. Boys.
Georgia does not look happy. I can’t believe Hunter is being so unsupportive. Her self-esteem is already shot thanks to her mother. She doesn’t need that from her friends. Thinking of how excited she was in church last Sunday, I say, “I think David’s cute and confident. You don’t run for student body president if you don’t have cojones.”
“I’m eating here,” Levi says, chewing his burger. “I don’t want to hear about some dude’s balls.”
“Balls, balls, balls,” I say.
Georgia gives me a grateful smile.
Dinner is a little strained after that, and I’m happy when it’s over. After paying our checks, we leave the diner.
Levi
glances around the front parking lot. “Where’s your car?”
“I parked out back.”
“It’s dark. I’ll make sure you get in the car okay.” After waving bye to Hunter and Georgia, I show Levi where Dad’s car is. He takes one look at my horrible parking job and decides I’m not driving again tonight. “I’ll drive you home. C’mon.”
He gently takes my elbow, sending shivers through me.
I haven’t been able to stop thinking about what happened when I arrived at Jiffy Burger a couple hours ago. For a second, I thought he was someone else, and I was very attracted to that someone else. Does that mean I’m attracted to him? He barely touched me just now and my body went off like fireworks.
“You’re being really quiet,” he says. “Are you okay?”
I clear my throat. “Of course.” I try to pretend I wasn’t reminiscing about kissing him last weekend. Thinking of it makes me a little light-headed. I roll my shoulders and stretch my arms.
“You tight?” he asks.
“Yeah.”
“Need some time in the hot tub?”
I know he means it in a therapeutic manner, but I have other ideas in mind. Not that I want to act on them. But I want to be in the same place as him. Maybe in case it happens again? Not that I want to force it. But if he wants to teach me some more lessons…I’d be okay with that. I know he enjoyed kissing me too—I felt him hard against my hip that night. Helping me learn to feel more comfortable in bed is not a hardship. Right?
At his house, Oma and Opa are watching a movie in the den while she knits and he reads the comics section of the newspaper. Levi’s mom still isn’t home from Nashville. I change into my suit I had in my bag in the car, a pretty pink and orange one-piece that Levi said he liked one time, and then I’m in the hot tub with him.
I can’t stop thinking about our kisses. I want more. It’s like craving a soft bed when you’re exhausted.
He stretches his arms on the back of the Jacuzzi and tilts his head to look at the stars. Normally he’s peaceful when we’re together like this, but tonight he keeps shifting his weight, causing water to spill over the side onto the deck. His eyes flicker to my mouth and hold there. That’s never happened before.