Tamiko was sitting on the couch in her parent’s home working on making some manipulatives for the lessons she had planned for next week. She had already graded and analyzed yet another math unit assessment, and had finished report cards that were due to be handed in to the principal on Monday. Now she was working on making cards for a word study game she was going to have the kids play in their reading centers. It was basically an onset and rime game where there would be different chunks which students would have to match with an onset to make a word. This was the only part of her work that she actually liked. It was the only part that allowed her to be creative. In addition, the process of cutting and pasting didn’t require as much thinking as the other aspects of her work. She could zone out and think about other things.
Tamiko was still kind of upset over the exchange between Allen and herself at Emily Ann’s last night. At the time she couldn’t believe how mean Allen was, but now in hindsight, she realized that maybe he was right and she should have kept her mouth shut. Hadn’t she brought up the same topic a few months ago when they were all having dinner at Manna’s and gotten a similar rebuff? Tamiko realized that her friends were not ready for a discussion about God on a deeper level. And maybe she wasn’t ready, either. After all, she hadn’t succeeded in convincing Jim or any of the others to believe, and when it was over, she found herself questioning her own faith. Especially given what she was going through at work.
Tamiko had always thought that it was God’s plan for her to be a teacher. But now it seemed as if that plan was falling apart. She was no good at teaching. That’s what they told her, anyway. Tamiko felt horrible. Not just for herself, but for the children she was trying to help. It was her dream to be a positive influence on the lives of the children she encountered, but now she felt like part of the problem that was holding them back. She was just another bad teacher ruining the lives of children. “Did I get the message wrong?” Tamiko wondered to herself. “Did God really mean for me to be a teacher? If He did, then why do I stink at it?” Then she remembered something Tim said last night about a learning curve, and that she would get better as she had more time and experience on the job. Still, she couldn’t forget the fact that there were other first year teachers just like herself that were doing a great job already. Tamiko thought she would be a great teacher because when she was student teaching her mentor teacher absolutely loved her ideas. Even Tamiko herself saw how the children responded to her teaching. But then again, the children she taught as a student teacher were from middle and upper-middle class families and were better prepared for school. Tamiko was now teaching in the inner city and many of these children came to school far less prepared, if at all. They were the test to see if she really had what it takes to be a teacher. Presently, it seemed that she didn’t. But if she didn’t teach, what would she do? She had invested so much time, energy and money in her present career path. As Tamiko was thinking and cutting, her father walked into the room.
“That looks like fun”, said Pastor Bynum.
“I guess”, Tamiko sighed.
“Would you like some help? I’m pretty good at cutting.”
“No thanks, daddy. I’ll be fine.”
“What’s wrong, baby girl? Are you still upset about that meeting?”
“Kind of. I don’t know, daddy.”
Tamiko put down her scissors and faced her father. “It’s just that, I thought that God wanted me to be a teacher, but now I’m not so sure.”
“Why? Because a few people said some negative things?”
“They weren’t random people off the street, daddy. It was the principal, the assistant principal, the literacy coach, everybody. At least everyone who’s important anyway.”
“The only opinion that really matters is God’s.”
“But what if this is a sign from Him that teaching isn’t for me?”
“Miko, sweetheart, I told you before, just because God has something for you to do doesn’t mean it’s always going to be easy or come natural for you.”
“But it’s not just that I stink. If God wanted me to be a teacher why would he allow a racist to be my mentor? How am I supposed to get over that? I always thought that when God has something for you, He blesses everything you do. Even in the Bible, look at Jacob, and Joseph, and David.”
“Whoa, now. Hold on there. What Bible have you been reading? Jacob and David were on the run from people who were trying to kill them before they received their promise.1 And Joseph was lied on and sent to jail.2 These were tests and trials that God put them through to test their faith in Him: to see if they would hold onto the promise. This may be a test that you are going through.”
“But my situation is different.”
“How so?”
“The whole time David had God on his side to help him fight his enemies. I’ve been praying to God and asking Him to show me how to help these children, and what to do about that Steele woman, but so far there’s been nothing. It’s probably because He warned me not to go into this profession somehow, and I missed it and now He’s just letting me suffer for being disobedient.”
“That’s a possibility, but you won’t know unless you hold out and see this thing through to the end. You’ve just started teaching. Even if their criticism is warranted, there is still time to learn and grow. And even if teaching is not what God has for you, that doesn’t mean he can’t take your mistake and make it work out for your good. You won’t know any of that unless you hold on. And don’t give up on praying. God loves you Miko there’s no way he won’t answer you.”
“Alright. I’ll give it to the end of the year. But if things don’t change, I’m gonna quit.”
“Miko, you remind me of Elijah.”
“How so?”
“God has done so much for you, but somebody says something negative to you and you’re ready to go hide in a cave.”3
“I’m not going to hide, daddy! I’m just going to get another job.”
The Pastor laughed. Tamiko couldn’t help but chuckle herself. Then they both heard the phone ring in the distance.
“I’ll get it!” cried Mother Rose from the kitchen.
“Oh, I meant to ask you, how was dinner last night?”
“The less said the better. I got my head bitten off again. By Allen this time.”
“Be patient with him, Miko. He’s just going through a hard time right now. Still hasn’t found a job yet, I assume?”
“No. And I don’t blame him for getting mad at me. I shouldn’t have opened my big mouth.”
“What did you say to him?”
“It wasn’t really to him directly. We were talking about Obama and the election, and I was just saying that we can’t look to the president to solve our problems, that we had to look to God.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“Tell that to Allen. He’s not really seeing where God has done much for him right now. It’s understandable, I guess.”
“Yes, I know what you mean. I know you were trying to help him out, but when you are trying to give someone the Word, sometimes you have to wait until they are ready, otherwise they are so wrapped up in their problems, they can’t hear the truth you’re telling them.”
“You can say that again.”
“Just wait and let God lead you as to when you should speak. Then let Him speak through you to change their hearts.”
“Miko, there you are dear. You have a phone call. It’s a Tim somebody”, said Mother Rose walking in with the cordless phone from the kitchen. She handed it to Tamiko before sprinting back through the door.
“Tim? Who’s Tim?”
“C’mon, daddy, you remember! The guy from Harvard. You met him at the big graduation party and last night when he dropped me off” she said covering the receiver end so Tim couldn’t hear her father.
“Oh, you mean that high-yaller fella.”
“Daddy! He’s not ‘yaller’! No one says that any more. He’s bi-racial, or bi-cultural. I wonder what
he wants.”
“Me, too.”
“Oh Daddy, not every guy is out for one thing. Tim’s nice. About 80% of the time anyway”, she said before speaking into the phone. “Hey Tim, what’s up?”
“I tried calling your cell, but it was off.”
“Sorry about that. Sometimes I shut it off to save the battery.”
“Are you busy right now?”
“Kind of. Why?”
“I need some help. It’s an emergency. You see my mom’s birthday is next week and I wanted to get her a birthday present, and I could use a woman’s input.”
“You should have asked Callie. She’s the one who’s up on all the trends.”
“True, but you’re taste is more traditional, like my mom’s.”
“I don’t know Tim, I still have a few things left to do.”
“I promise it won’t take all afternoon.”
“Alright.”
“Great. I’ll pick you up in about twenty minutes. Is that okay?”
“Sure. See ya.”
“Well?” said the Pastor expectantly.
“He wants me to help him pick out a present for his mom’s birthday.”
“Um-hmp. He probably spent all morning thinking of that lame excuse to see you.”
“He’s a friend, daddy. Just like Allen and Jim. You don’t get suspicious when they call or want to go out.”
“I’ve known them since they were children. This Tim fellow is a different matter. I don’t know if you should be joyriding around with him alone.”
“Daddy! It’s not like we’ve just met. I’ve known him for years, and he’s given me rides millions of times and he’s never laid a hand on me. He brought me home last night.”
“You mean Allen wasn’t with you all?!”
“No. I left the restaurant after he insulted me, and I went to watch the movie with Tim. Afterward we talked, and then he took me home. End of story. You were there when we came in. Remember?”
“I want to talk to him before you leave.”
“If you like, but it’s not necessary. I better go upstairs and change.”
Yes, Tim was just a friend. But even Tamiko had to admit to herself that they had been pretty chummy lately. Or it was more like he was getting chummy with her. It started after Tim had taken her home that night after that big blow-up at Manna’s. He listened to her try to explain herself with regard to her beliefs about God. At least he listened. He admitted that he didn’t quite understand what she believed, but admitted that her passion “intrigued” him. Whatever that meant. Then last night he was so different. He kept touching her. Taking her hand. Putting his arm around her chair in the movie. Maybe he was…. “Don’t start misinterpreting things!” she said to herself. It wasn’t like he asked her out, or tried to kiss her. After the movie, all they did was talk about the problems both of them were facing at work. He was supportive and gave her advice, just like Allen or Jim or any of their other friends, with the exception of Callie, who resented her ever since they met. No, Tim was just a friend.
In fact, Tamiko had never ever really thought of him in that way. She remembered when they had first met. It was spring break of Allen’s first year at Harvard and he had decided to stay on campus to catch up on some work. Tamiko had felt sorry for Allen, so she decided to pay him a visit. Allen picked her up at the train early and they had breakfast together at a local diner near the campus that was famous with the undergraduates. Then Allen showed Tamiko around the campus and gave her a tour of the dorm he lived in. It was a two-bedroom suite that he shared with three other guys. It was gorgeously furnished with modern appliances. They had their own kitchen, living room, and bathroom. When Tamiko stepped inside she immediately noticed that one half of the room looked very different from the other. On one side there were clothes everywhere, clutter on the desk, a hat hanging on a lamp, and books all over. That was obviously Allen’s side. The other half had to have been inhabited by a serial killer. It was so neat and orderly it was scary.
“What in the world? Who sleeps here? Hannibal Lecter?”
“No, that’s this guy John’s side.”
“Is that the guy you’re always talking about? The brother that hooks you up.”
“No, that’s Tim. He’s a junior. He lives in one of the dorms over in Cabot House.”
Then as they were talking, there was a knock at the door. Allen excused himself and went to answer it. In walked what seemed to be a tall white guy with short brown wavy hair that was combed back and gelled. He was very stylishly dressed in a blue oxford shirt with a navy v-neck sweater, khakis, and burgundy boat shoes. He had an athletic build that showed through the clothes he was wearing. And Tamiko would never forget those piercing hazel eyes.
“Hey, Allen…Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt anything…” he said upon noticing Tamiko.
“No way, come in. I actually wanted you two to meet anyway.”
Allen turned to Tamiko, who looked rather shocked. “Tamiko, this is Tim Russell. Tim, this is Tamiko Bynum.”
“Nice to meet you, Tamiko”, said Tim extending his hand for a shake.
“Same here”, said Tamiko who was absorbed in examining Tim’s countenance. Maybe she had misunderstood Allen when he had spoken of Tim earlier. “There’s no way this guy could be a ‘brother’. Right?” she puzzled to herself.
“I believe Allen’s spoken of you before. Are you the one that’s going to nursing school?”
“No, that’s our friend Callie”, said Allen correcting him.
“Oh…wait a minute, you must be the ‘PK’” Tim said a smirk crossing his face.
“What’s a ‘PK’?” Tamiko asked naively.
“You know, a “preacher’s kid”, he said slyly.
“Yeah, but her dad’s the real deal. He’s a real man of God. And Tamiko is just like him.”
“I bet. And you go to….”
“Spelman.”
“Really? I thought Allen said you were really smart.”
“Excuse you?!”
“She is....” said Allen trying to save the conversation.
“So why would you want to go to Spelman? Didn’t you get accepted into any of the Ivies?”
“As a matter of fact, I got accepted into Harvard, Columbia, and Cornell, Mr. Russell. I turned them down.”
“To go to Spelman?” Tim laughed. “O.K. That’s rational.”
“Spelman happens to be one of the best colleges in the country!”
“If you say so”, he said skeptically.
“C’mon Tim, didn’t you say your mom went to Spelman?”
“Yeah, but that was a long time ago. Before our people were given access to better options.”
“Your mom went to Spelman?” asked Tamiko in disbelief.
“Yes. Why are you looking at me like that?”
“It’s just that…I didn’t think…never mind.”
“Oh, I see. I’ll just answer the question I know you’re wondering. Yes! I am a product of the infamous “swirl”. My mother is black and my father is white. Do you feel better now that you know?”
“It makes no difference to me.”
“Yeah, sure”, Tim said rolling his eyes at her dismissively before turning away. “Anyway, Al, I just wanted to let you know that this is your last chance to get away. We’re leaving in an hour. Just enough time for you to pack a few things in a bag and change the greeting on your voice mail.”
“Nah, man. I told you. I’ve got too much work to do here. You go ahead. Just fill me in on all the details when you get back.”
“Are you sure? This is Florida we’re talking about. Warm weather. Beautiful women.”
“No, really, it’s okay man.”
“Okay, but don’t say you weren’t invited.”
“Stay safe, man.”
“I will. See you around, dude.” Then he turned to Tamiko “Good luck at Spellman, Tamika.”
“That’s Tamiko.”
“Whatever.”
Their first encounter left Tamiko with an unfavorable impression at best. Tim seemed arrogant, condescending, and a bit of an Uncle Tom. Tamiko couldn’t understand how someone as nice and easy going as Allen could be a friend to someone like Tim. Over time things mellowed out between her and Tim as she got to know him better, but she never really thought of him in a romantic way. That was not to say that she didn’t find him somewhat attractive. Tamiko usually favored guys with darker complexions, but Tim was handsome and he did have a very nice build, although recently it seemed he had lost some weight. Even so, he was toned and muscular, but not too muscular. She never did like those guys who looked like they could be on steroids. Yes, he was quite tempting. Especially when he wore his hair curly rather than gelled back into waves. “Keep your head on Tamiko!” she told herself. When it came to romance, Tamiko always tried to put reason before emotions and feelings. She had seen too many young women whose hearts had led them to trouble. Although Allen tended to keep quiet, Tamiko had observed enough of Tim’s womanizing ways over the years to make her wary of ever pursuing a relationship with him. Besides as a young Christian woman, she was not going to let romance come before God or the life that He had planned for her. God was going to be her first love; His will for her life would be her main prerogative, and if a potential suitor couldn’t accept that then he’d have to step aside. And Tamiko had made many step aside.
Tamiko changed into an outfit that she thought would convey the platonic nature of the excursion. She wore her baggy purple and navy striped rugby with a dark-rinsed denim skirt and sneakers. If Tim was interested, she was going to send him a clear message that she wasn’t.