****
Tamiko had left her professional development notebook in the conference room and had to wait until lunch before she could go upstairs and pick it up. As she neared the room, she could hear several familiar voices in conversation.
“It was okay, but overall, I wasn’t exactly bowled over. There’s definitely room for improvement. After all, Tamiko is only a first year teacher.”
When Tamiko heard her name it piqued her interest. The voice was that of Steele. It seemed that she and Nettlenerves and Booker were talking about her. Tamiko knew she shouldn’t have been eavesdropping, and she was afraid of what she might hear. She knew the three of them did not think very highly of her as teacher. Then her curiosity got the better of her.
“There were a few positive aspects of her lesson. At least the management was okay, but teaching is more than just management”, opined Nettlenerves.
“True, but I think, she needs to learn that teaching isn’t just what you want to do to or for the children, it’s about working with them so that they can be independent”, said Steele.
Tamiko could expect nothing less from her. She knew she would try to sabotage her at some point.
“And do you really think she’s going to be able to learn these things from PD? I think that this is something you should know, regardless”, added Booker.
“I see what you mean. Some people just aren’t cut out to be teachers”, answered Nettlenerves.
“I’m not sure if I believe that. I like to think good teachers are made through good training”, asserted Steele.
“I think we need to be realistic, Rosalyn. We know where this is going. Mrs. Stone was thinking about just making her formal observation early and just giving her a U rating.”
“But then you know what happens when they get a rating like that early in the year. They give up and then it just gets worse. And you don’t want a loose cannon around when it’s time for the quality review”, said Steele trying to steer Nettlenerves away from such a drastic measure.
“You’re right. How about we just wait until the end of the year, and then let her go. I mean we could do it earlier, but I don’t think we’ll get anyone better this far into the school year on such short notice. I mean even though we have a couple of subs on hand, they’re not very good either”, suggested Nettlenerves.
“What about the union?” asked Booker.
“She’s a first year. She doesn’t have tenure, so we can just get rid of her”, remarked Nettlenerves rather flippantly.
“Are we still going to continue with the professional development in the meantime?” inquired Steele.
“Oh, Of course. We’ve got to cover all the bases. But you know as well as I do, Rosalyn, that all the PD in the world isn’t going to help someone who just doesn’t have the ability”, concluded Nettlenerves.
Tamiko was devastated upon hearing their exchange. It seemed that all of this professional development was just a smokescreen. They didn’t think it would help her anyway. She was going to be fired at the end of the year. There was no way she could go in there to get her notebook now. She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. Tamiko rushed down the hall to the staff toilet. By the time she got inside, rivulets of tears were streaming down her cheeks. Tamiko hated the fact that she always cried when she was upset. When she was younger, everyone called her the crybaby. That was how she felt right now: like a crybaby. Tamiko was going to be fired and she couldn’t do anything about it except cry like a baby.
Despite how she felt, she was not a baby. She was a grown woman and a teacher with students who depended on her. Tamiko realized that she had to stop crying and pull herself together. She went to the sink and splashed some water on her face, and then dried it off with the rough brown paper towels from the dispenser. Then she headed downstairs to her classroom where her friend Joan was waiting for her.
“Did you find your notebook?” chirped Joan upon Tamiko’s entrance.
“No. They were meeting in there, so I just came back down”, Tamiko replied absentmindedly, her mind still in the conference room.
“Are you okay?” inquired Joan who had observed Tamiko’s preoccupation.
“No. It’s nothing. I was just thinking about something.”
“Like what?”
“Nothing important.”
Tamiko was too embarrassed to share what she had heard with Joan. Especially with Joan being so favored by all of the other teachers, and the higher ups like Nettlenerves, Booker, and Principal Stone. Although she didn’t want to admit it, and despite the fact that such feelings ran counter to her Christian upbringing, she was feeling a little jealous right now. The whole thing reminded her of Tim’s situation at work. He too was the black sheep at his place of work.
“O.K. You ready for lunch?”
“I’ve changed my mind. You go ahead, I have to get ready for math centers.”
“I can come back and help you, if you want.”
“No, it’s okay. I’ll be alright.”
Tamiko knew she shouldn’t have been letting her feelings get to her, but she just couldn’t help it. After all, she wasn’t in the best mood and she didn’t want to risk taking out what she was feeling out on her friend. Joan didn’t deserve that. Besides she wanted to be alone to really think about things.
“O.K. I’ll see ya later.”
“Later.”
Tamiko went over to her desk and took out her lunch bag. She brought it over to one of the student tables, and took out a sandwich. As she took a bite, she began to ruminate over the events of the day and the conversation that she had just heard.
“That’s what I get for eavesdropping”, Tamiko thought to herself. But then she thought that maybe God wanted her to hear that particular conversation. Maybe He was giving her a heads up so she could make a plan of action. As it stood, the school’s administration thought she was a horrible teacher who was beyond all hope. On top of that, there was that Steele woman who was openly trying to sabotage her, and the professional development they were going to provide was merely a sham. It was this realization that made Tamiko really angry. Nettlenerves, Booker, Steele and the rest couldn’t even be honest with her. They talked about her as if she was nothing and plotted to fire her behind her back. It was as if Tamiko were a lamb they were planning to slaughter.
“I’m not going out like that”, Tamiko thought angrily. “I’ll quit before I let them fire me.” Tamiko decided that she would stay through the end of next week. She would have left at the end of the day today, but she was helping the children to put on a performance for the school concert and didn’t want to bail on them before the big day, which was going to be next Friday. Yes, she would leave. In a way, her decision liberated her and made her feel better. Soon she would not have to deal with Nettlenerves, Booker, Steele or any of the other people at this school the devil was using to try to destroy her.
Thirty-One