I still hadn't decided on that yet. Part of me wanted to go into Colman's office and tell him that Bron had compromised the case by behaving in an inappropriate manner and that I wanted him assigned to another agent. But I knew if I did that, Colman would want to know specifics, and I doubted I'd be able to get away with not telling him about everything that happened, including the very public kiss, if the other agents hadn’t already done so. I supposed I should've counted myself lucky that some paparazzi hadn't snapped a picture of it.
I kept telling myself that not wanting to have to explain was the main reason I didn't want to get Colman involved, but I knew that was a lie. It was part of the reason, but the bigger part was that I didn't really want Bron to go. Even if Colman put Benita in charge of Bron, it would change things between us, and as much as I knew I should want that change, I didn't. I wanted him close by.
The thoughts chased each other round and round through the entire commute so that by the time I sat down at my desk, my head was starting to pound.
Without looking at Bron, I began pouring over notes and tabloids, looking for an estate or party that might still be used to draw Leconte out if he hadn't moved on already. Bron sat back in the chair in front of my desk and sipped his coffee, looking disinclined to do any actual work. Not surprising since I hadn't yet told him whether or not I was going to follow through with my threat to get him switched to another agent. Not that I could tell him since I had no clue myself.
Benita strolled in with her coffee sometime later. “So, how was the party?” she asked as she sat down at her desk. After a few seconds passed without us answering, she looked from me to Bron and back again. “Someone else die?”
I shot her a look that said I didn't want to talk about it.
In true Benita fashion, she ignored it. “Okay, it’s obviously worse than that. Spill.”
I glared at her, earning only a grin in return.
“Guess we’ll talk about it later.”
As I turned back to the computer, I caught a glimpse of Bron's smug expression out of the corner of my eye. I scowled and focused on my computer screen. She wasn't going to let this go. Once Benita got something in her head, she stuck with it.
“So I take it Leconte didn’t show,” Benita said.
I didn’t respond, hoping she'd talk herself into an answer that satisfied her curiosity.
“Looks like you’ve started searching for new names to check.” She kept going. “I’ll make a few more phone calls today then. Maybe just by looking for him we’ll flush him out. Close the noose on him and all that.”
Bron chuckled, apparently amused by Benita's plan, and I looked up. Benita was generally an easy-going person, but when someone pushed her buttons...look out.
Her eyes narrowed. “And what are you doing to help, exactly?”
“Oh, I’m just here for fun since I don't know if my deal still stands. No point in doing any work if I'm not getting anything out of it.” His voice was light, mocking.
Nice to know that my prior assessment of him as someone who only cared about himself was accurate.
“Oh shit, really?” She turned her chair to face him. “What the hell happened Saturday night?”
“Ask your partner. It’s not my place to tell.” He got up from his chair. “I’m going to the restroom. But I'm sure you'll figure that out when you check my tracker to make sure I'm telling the truth.”
As he walked out, Benita moved over to my desk. She put a hand on my shoulder, a concerned expression on her face. “Is everything okay, Rookie? What the hell went down at the party?”
“Perp didn’t show. Other than that, I don’t want to talk about it,” I said firmly.
I knew she suspected that I was struggling with feelings for Bron, but there was a big difference between guessing and having those suspicions confirmed. I didn't want to put her in a position where she'd have to lie for me. We'd already gotten too close to that line for my comfort.
“Are you sure?” She frowned as she continued. “I mean, talk about tension thick enough to cut with a knife. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say it looks like you two had some sort of lovers’ quarrel.” Her eyes narrowed. “You are keeping everything professional, right?” Her eyes narrowed even more. “Right?”
I still didn’t answer. I hated lying to her, and I wasn't any good at it. She could always see right through me when she tried.
She leaned closer, pitching her voice low enough that no one would be able to overhear us. “Talk to me, Karis.”
I looked at her, fingers curling into fists. I could feel my palms sweating.
“That’s better. Is everything okay? Is there anything you need to tell me?”
I opened my mouth to answer, but nothing came out. I couldn't do it. I couldn't lie to her, but I couldn't tell her the truth. Aside from the position it would put her in, I was embarrassed by what I'd done. I knew she'd be disappointed in me, and that hurt worse than any professional censure I'd receive if this got out.
“I’ve got to go,” I told her. “I’m going to grab some coffee or something. I’ll be back.”
I brushed past Bron as I hurried out of the office.
“Where’s she going?” I heard him ask behind me.
“I don’t know, but what the hell did you do?” I could already tell she was going to give him hell while I was gone.
Part of me was grateful that he'd get it from someone else. Maybe it'd finally get through to him. Though what, exactly, I wanted him to understand I wasn't sure.
The October air was crisp as I stepped outside and I shivered, grateful for the bite. There was something about that crisp autumn air that always made me feel better. I let myself enjoy the walk to the coffee shop down the block. The exercise and caffeine, I hoped, would help me clear my head.
“Hey, you’re back pretty early this time,” the young man behind the counter said as he looked up.
“Yeah, I just need a little more pick-me-up this morning.” I tried to force a smile.
“One of those days, huh? You get the tall black, dark brew, right?”
He was a cheerful guy, one of those shiny happy people who could probably find something positive in anything. Usually, I didn't mind, but it grated on my nerves today. I didn't let it show though. It wasn't his fault I felt like shit today.
“You got it.” I pulled a bill from my pocket.
He leaned forward and whispered, “I’m only going to charge you for a small. You look like you could use a break this morning.”
His courteous gesture won an honest smile from me. “Thank you.”
He winked. “No problem.” He handed me my change and turned from the counter, humming.
I wondered if he was a music major. He looked the right age for college. I didn't ask though. Apparently, I could be professional with people when I put my mind to it.
A few moments later, I had my coffee.
I sat at one of the tall tables next to the window to sip my drink. I should have taken it back to the office and gotten to work again, but I needed a few minutes to myself. Benita, I knew, wanted to understand what was going on. Bron wanted to know about his deal. If Colman showed up too, I was afraid I'd snap.
I imagined myself as a tight rope walker in the circus, except I was operating without a net. At one end of the rope was my job. At the other was Bron. The safest place was to walk toward my career and leave Bron behind. Not quite as safe, but still better than on the rope, was being with Bron. Instead, I kept myself in the middle, trying to have both, and I knew that if I wasn't careful, I'd end up falling.
I sipped my coffee. It was stronger than normal today, and the warmth filled me with comfort. My nose was still cold from outside, and I used the chill to justify staying here for a bit. Yet another lie.
I needed to understand what Bron was thinking if I was going to make a decision about his deal. Neither he nor Uaine had said anything to indicate that the two of them were still in touch. Bron had flat-out stated that
he hadn't liked the way Uaine did business, but I wasn't sure if that alone was enough for Bron to turn on his mentor. I didn't think the two of them were in any of this together, but there was always the possibility that Bron was using Leconte to stay out of jail as long as he could until he had an escape plan.
The rope beneath me swayed as my uncertainty grew. If I turned Bron back over to Colman, then I'd lose Bron completely. And even if my misconduct wasn't brought to light, it'd look bad for me that I couldn't handle a source on my own. My career would definitely survive that hit, but it would be humiliating and would definitely hinder my rise in the ranks.
But if I could keep things professional with Bron and get Uaine, it would look really good for my career. Benita's too, and she'd put her neck on the line for me when this had all started. I owed her.
The question was, did the reward outweigh the risk that came with not going to Colman?
I knew that answer before I finished my coffee, and I knew what I was going to do by the time I threw away my cup and headed back outside.
Now, I just needed to make sure Bron understood where things stood between us. I was confident that if I made it clear that his deal would now also hinge on his ability to behave himself, we would be able to get through this, and we'd both get what we wanted.
Or, at least, most of what we wanted.
Chapter Ten
Karis
When I walked back into the office, Bron sat by himself in front of my desk. I caught a glimpse of Benita further down the hallway, talking to Colman and I ducked inside before either of them could see me. This was perfect. I didn't want to have to explain to Benita why I needed to talk to Bron alone.
“We need to talk,” I said. “But not here.”
I gestured for him to follow me, half-wondering if he'd actually do it. Surprisingly, he did, without argument.
As we left the office, I allowed myself to wonder briefly if he’d just confessed everything to Benita while I was at the coffee shop, but then I realized that if he had, Benita would've been waiting for me instead of talking to Colman. Even if she knew how bad I screwed up, she still would've come to me first.
The sound of his footsteps followed me down one hall, then another, until I reached a part of the building seldom ever used. I looked around, then opened the door at the end of the hall and stepped inside the supply closet. I felt like a bit of an idiot as he followed me, but it was pretty much the only place I could think of where we could talk in total privacy.
His eyebrows went up. “In here? Really?”
“Yes,” I snapped. “In here. We need to talk, and this is as good a place as any.”
“Then, talk,” he said.
I took a deep breath, steadied my nerves, and got ready to tell him that I wasn't going to talk to Colman. That I was going to continue being his agent and he was going to get his deal.
Except I couldn't find the words. All I could think about was how close we were standing and how good he smelled. And that was the whole damn problem wasn't it? I had a hard time thinking straight when I was around him.
“What is it, Karis?” he asked without looking at me. His voice had that hard, smarmy sound that reminded me exactly of who he was. “Oh, sorry, Agent Melendez. Did you need to talk to me about who my new handler is? Maybe when I'm going to jail now that you've screwed me over–”
“Fuck off, Bron!” I snapped.
That got his attention.
He stared at me, eyes wide. “What?”
“Why do you have to be such an asshole?” I asked. “Seriously, Bron. Do you have any idea how hard this is for me?”
In the dim light, I could see his eyes darken. “Hard for you? For you?” He sounded angry, but there was something else under the words. “It's my life on the line, and this is hard for you?”
“Your life is the damn problem here, Bron!” I struggled to keep my voice down. “The life you chose could ruin my career.”
He sneered down at me. “Can't blame it all on me, sweetheart. You're a big girl. You made your own decisions.”
“Bad decisions,” I spoke through gritted teeth. “Clearly some very bad decisions.”
He took a step toward me, closing the last of the distance between us. “Just because you're too scared to take what you want...”
“I'm not scared.” I glared up at him, trying desperately not to think about the heat of his body, the memory of what he looked like underneath those clothes.
He chuckled, the sound low and dark. It went straight through me, twisting all of those low primal things that he always managed to twist.
“Oh, honey, you've always been scared when it comes to me.” He reached up, brushed his fingers across my cheek, sending fire racing across my skin. “Admit it, what you feel for me scares the hell out of you.”
I wanted to move away from him, but the space was too small. I had nowhere to go and no one to blame but myself. “You don't know what you're talking about,” I said, hating how soft my voice sounded, how unsure.
“Of course I do.” He smiled, a hint of bitterness in his eyes. “I know, because you have the same effect on me. You make me so furious that I want to scream sometimes.”
I knew the feeling.
“But,” his voice dropped, “at the same time, I want you more than I've ever wanted anyone in my life.”
Shit.
“You don’t have to say anything, Karis. I know you feel the same way. I know it in my gut. I just don't know how to make this work.” He chuckled, but there was no humor in the sound. “You know, that’s what I do for a living. I figure out how to get what I want, and I take it, but I don't want to take it from you. I want you to choose to be with me.”
“Now you’re just full of it.” I shook my head, not wanting to think too deeply about what he was saying. “You've been playing me.”
His smile saddened, and he twisted one of my curls around his finger. “I wish I was.”
“Are you serious?” I couldn't believe him, but god I wanted to.
“Hear me out,” he said, his voice earnest. “I wish it was all a game because that would mean there was nothing here, nothing between us. That this would all be business and nothing more.” He dropped his hand. “And you wish it was like that too.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Really?”
He gave me his goofy, boyish grin, but it didn't reach his eyes. “Come on, Karis, you know as well as I do that things would be so much easier if this was purely business.”
He was right. I didn't want him to be right, but he was.
“It would be,” I forced myself to admit. He deserved at least that. “But it isn't that simple, and I have to live with that.”
“What does that mean?” he asked, his tone cautious.
“I'm not going to ask Colman to move you to a different agent,” I said. “And I'm not going back on your deal. But that means whatever this is, has to stay professional. No more dancing, no more kissing.”
He gave me a searching look, like he was trying to figure something out.
“What is it?” I asked.
“I know how conflicted you are, so I’m not going to make any more advances on you,” he said. “I won't try to force this thing between us. I'll behave myself. Keep my hands to myself. If we kiss again, it'll be your choice.”
I wanted to tell him that it would never happen, that I'd made my decision. I wasn't going to break my word to Bron, but I wasn't going to risk my career over something that wouldn't last. And I knew anything with Bron would end, mostly likely badly.
He wanted me. I believed that.
But it wasn't anything more than that.
I didn't tell him any of that, because we were still standing way too close for comfort. And he was still looking at me.
Oh, hell.
He was still looking at me and my heart melted. His eyes. The soft curve of his smile.
“And if I choose to kiss you?” I whispered. My heart skipped a beat.
He exhal
ed sharply, as if the breath had been punched from him. “You set the tone,” he said, his eyes searching mine. “No more than you're willing to give.”
I stared at him for a moment and then made a decision, eating every word I’d said within the past five minutes. I grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him down into a harsh kiss.
The closet was a really bad idea.
Chapter Eleven
Bron
She kissed me, was still kissing me.
My body responded before my brain caught up, so by the time I remembered that this wasn't supposed to be happening, my arms were around her waist, and my cock was half-hard against her hip. I slid a hand up her spine to bury it in her hair. The scent of her surrounded me, and all I could feel was her body against mine.
She broke the kiss, and I waited for her to tell me that it'd been a mistake, to push me away and say that was the last kiss we'd ever share. Hell, I wouldn't have even been surprised if she slapped me again.
And then she went down on her knees.
Fuck me.
Neither one of us said a word, as if we both knew that even the slightest sound would break whatever it was that'd prompted Karis to kiss me.
She kept her eyes on me as she undid my pants and reached inside to wrap her fingers around my cock. She worked it with hard, quick jerks that had me curling my hands into fists. When her lips wrapped around the tip, my eyes closed. I kept them shut as she took my cock in her mouth, letting myself enjoy the sensations coursing through me.
Where the hell did she learn how to work her tongue like that?
I buried my hand in her hair, relishing the feel of those silky curls between my fingers almost as much as I was reveling in the wet heat of her mouth. When she finally let my cock slip from between her lips, I had the momentary, wild thought that she was just going to leave me like that.