“Why would I apologize to Piper?”
“For blowing her off yesterday.”
“I have no idea what the hell you’re talking about,” I say. “I didn’t blow her off.”
“She thinks you did, so just say you’re sorry; otherwise, she’s going to dump your sorry ass and look for something better.” He grins as he points at himself. “Someone like me.”
I open my mouth to fire back a comeback, but Luna and Ari pass by us, and my attention travels from Logan to Luna. Her eyes pop wide the second she sees me. Then she grasps Ari’s sleeve and hurries toward the school.
I swing around from Logan and chase after her.
“What the hell are you doing?” Logan yells. “You’ve freakin’ lost your mind!”
I blow him off and continue jogging after Luna.
“Luna! I need to talk to you.”
Ari glances over his shoulder at me with his brows dipped before he looks back at Luna and whispers something to her. The two of them keep power-walking toward the school as she says something back to him, and he responds with a stern look. Huffing with frustration, she slows to a stop and waits for me to catch up.
“Hey,” I say as I reach her.
“Hey,” she replies, still clutching Ari’s arm.
“Hey,” I tell Ari as I slide the strap of my backpack that my mom fixed last night higher on my shoulder.
Ari looks from her to me then shifts his weight. “Um, hey.”
Silence stretches between us until Luna finally cracks a tiny smile.
“That was a lot of awkward heys in ten seconds time,” she says amusedly.
I smile. “It kind of was, wasn’t it?”
Ari snorts a laugh. “I think we might’ve broken a record.”
“Well, we are good at being super awkward.” She playfully nudges her shoulder against his.
“We were gifted with the awkward gene,” he replies, grinning at her.
Again, I find myself both intimidated and jealous of Luna and her friends and how comfortable they are together. I briefly felt a momentary comfortableness yesterday when we talked, and I wish I could experience it all over again. And again. And again.
“Can I talk to you for a second?” I ask Luna, sounding more nervous than I normally do.
“About what?” She seems equally as nervous.
“About what happened yesterday . . .” And I want to apologize to you, but not in front of Ari. I want to be alone so I can make sure to do it right, to say everything I need to say.
Luna fiddles with a bracelet on her wrist. “I don’t know if there’s really anything to talk about.”
“I think there is.” I inch toward her and lower my voice. “I think we need to talk about a lot of stuff.”
Ari clears his throat. “I have to stop by Mr. Belsteron’s classroom this morning,” he tells Luna. “I’ll catch up with you later, okay?”
Luna tenses as he backs away from her. “Can’t you wait, like, five minutes?”
“You’ll be okay.” He casts a glance in my direction, and I detect the faintest bit of a warning in his eyes. “You better be, anyway.”
Ari is a timid guy who’s never gotten into any fights that I know of, not even verbal ones, so I’m shocked he has the balls to threaten me. I think I might respect him for it, too.
Luna watches him go until he vanishes into the school. Her shoulders rise and fall as she inhales and exhales before she turns and faces me. “Before you say anything, I just want to say that I’m sorry.”
Wasn’t that my line?
“Sorry for what?”
“For running off . . . for not thanking you for helping me get home in time . . . for blowing the tutoring thing off . . .” She slips her hands into the front pocket of her hoodie. “For lying to you and letting you think I was poor and that I needed all that stuff I took from Benny’s.”
“You don’t need to apologize. I’m sure you have your reasons for why you did what you did. And I’m the one who should be saying sorry, anyway.”
Confusion swirls in her eyes. “For what?”
“For reacting the way I did in the forest,” I explain. “I think you misunderstood my silence. I want to talk to you about what happened and about other stuff, too. About—”
“Hey, shit face.” Logan appears by my side. “Piper’s looking for you. She needs to talk to you, like, right now.”
“That’s fucking fantastic,” I say through gritted teeth, “but I’m talking to Luna right now.”
A malicious look flashes across his face before he puts all of his attention on Luna. “Oh, hey, Luna, I didn’t see you there,” he says, scrutinizing her clothes. “I don’t know how I missed you, though, with that godawful outfit you’re wearing. Tell me, is it like a split personality thing?”
“Is what a split personality thing?” Luna asks with a guarded expression.
“The whole dressing like a freak one second and dressing like a cock tease the next.” When Luna blinks at him in shock, his grin broadens. “I saw you at that party, the one the cops broke up. You were wearing that slutty, black dress that barely covered your ass.” He reaches toward her like he’s going to grab her ass.
I smack his hand away and slam my hands against him, jostling him back. “Don’t fucking touch her.”
“Or what?” Logan crosses his arms with a stupid smirk on his face. “Tell me, what’re you going to do if I put my hands on Luna? Yell at me? Hurt me? Get jealous?”
“I’ll beat your ass,” I warn. “Which we both know I can do.”
His smile falters, more than likely remembering the drunken fight we got into at the beginning of the summer when I gave him a black eye and almost broke his nose.
“Dude, why are you being such a dick? Luna knows I was just messing with her.” He turns to Luna. “Right?”
She rolls her eyes. “Sure.”
“She’s only saying that because she’s nice,” I say to Logan in an icy tone. “She knows you’re being a jerk.”
“It’s fine,” Luna says to me as she backs away. “I have to get to class. I’ll see you later, maybe.”
Before I can work up a protest, she whirls around and runs for the school, putting her headphones in. Logan laughs at her, muttering something about going to change into her alter ego. I start to chew him out, but Piper saunters up to me with three of her friends.
“You look hot today,” she says, hauling me in for a kiss.
I hate when she does this—puts on a show for everyone.
When she steps back, she runs her finger along her lips, fixing her lipstick. “I have to go paint some banners for the pep rally on Friday, but I need to talk to you later. Maybe, after school, we can hang out.”
“I have some stuff to do after school,” I tell her, and two of her friends trade a look before narrowing their eyes at me. “Can’t you just tell me now?”
“Look, I know you’ve been super stressed ever since your dad died.” Piper skates her hands up my chest, loops them around my neck, and stands on her tiptoes to whisper in my ear. “But I think it might be time to move on, you know. I’ve been trying to ignore how much you’ve been ignoring me, but it’s starting to get old, and I’m not sure how much longer I can put up with this shit. You blow me off all the time, and it’s getting old. And you refuse to get a new phone, so I can never even text you, which is so goddamn annoying.”
“This isn’t about being stressed,” I growl through clenched teeth. “I really do have shit to do after school.”
“Then take me to lunch.” She presses her tits against my chest and grazes her teeth along my earlobe. “I just want to talk about the dance. I promise it’ll be worth it, though.” She steps back and puts on a phony grin. “I’ll meet you at your truck.” She blows me a kiss, and then she and her friends walk away.
“Guess you haven’t told her you don’t have your truck anymore,” Logan comments with a grin.
I stare at Piper over by the benches, laughing with her friend
s about something. The dance? When did I agree to go to the dance?
It doesn’t matter. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t pretend these shallow, meaningless conversations are enough, can’t pretend I don’t want more. It’s time to end things with her. Yeah, shit may hit the fan, but I’ll deal with that if I have to because I can’t do this anymore.
I turn my back on Logan and leave.
“Eventually, people are going to get tired of your shit, Grey,” he yells after me. “And then what are you going to do?”
I don’t know. I really don’t.
I guess I’ll find out soon, though.
I’m fidgety, restless, nervous. At least, that’s how I feel whenever I’m at home. All I want to do is go to the nearest store and rid the anxiety smothering my chest, but my parents are always watching me.
When I’m at school, I’m not as anxious, even though Logan has made it his mission to torment me. It’s like sophomore year all over again; only, this time Grey isn’t joining in with him. He’s actually trying to get him to stop, but Logan’s having no part of it.
“Nice sweater,” he says the moment I step foot into the busy hallway. “Did you used to be fat or something? Is that why all your clothes are too big?”
I ignore him, shove in my headphones, and hurry to Wynter’s locker to get some clothes from her. But the same thing happens every morning for the next three days. Only, Logan becomes crueler.
“That’s why you dress like this, isn’t it? Because you’re a closet slut,” he accuses one day when I’m wearing a dress. “I’m surprised I can’t see the nasty scars, though.”
Piper busts up laughing from beside her locker, and her group of friends join in. “Logan, don’t tell me you’re thinking about touching that.”
Logan’s eyes darken as his gaze drinks me in from head to toe. “I don’t know. It might be interesting to see what she’s got hiding under there.” He reaches for the bottom of my dress.
I slap his hand away. “Don’t ever touch me.” I sidestep around him and dash down the hallway with the sound of their laughter hitting my back.
I don’t get it at all. My dress isn’t even short, but it’s like he wants me to feel ashamed of myself. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I think maybe my mom and dad are right, that I shouldn’t be dressing like this. But then I look in the mirror, and for the briefest moment, I recognize myself.
Grey has tried to talk to me a couple of times, but I’ve been standoffish. I feel bad for my behavior, but I’m worried he’ll ask me more about my confession in the forest. And I’ll have no choice except to lie to him or tell him about the messed up inner workings of my mind, tell him I have no control over myself. If I don’t steal stuff, I feel like an addict jonesing for their next fix.
I stir in that guilt every time I see Grey, every time I walk into class, and he attempts to catch my eye. I sit down as far away from him as I can, though mostly to avoid Logan.
And during the therapy sessions we attend, my parents make sure to drop me off right on time and pick me up the second it’s over, so that only leaves time for hellos and good-byes. I don’t see him at lunch throughout the week at all, either.
On Thursday, my avoiding-the-truth routine takes an unexpected turn when I show up to class before Grey does.
When he runs in right as the bell rings, he drops in the desk beside mine. “Hey,” he says, a little out of breath. “How are things going? I haven’t really gotten to talk to you much since the other day.”
I dare a glance across the room at Logan and find him watching the two of us like hawks.
“I’ve been really busy. Sorry.”
“It’s okay. I get it.” He sweeps strands of his brown hair out of his eyes as he leans across the aisle and whispers, “How are things at home?”
I anxiously peer around the classroom, noticing how many people are watching us.
“You know what, never mind,” he says, reclining back in his chair.
The room grows quiet as the teacher begins class. I’m jotting down notes when a piece of folded up paper lands on my desk. I pick it up, look at Grey, and he smiles at me.
Confused, I unfold the paper.
I wanted to make sure everything was okay, but I can tell you’re nervous to talk about it aloud, so I thought I’d just write you.
I press the tip of the pen to the paper and write:
Everything’s fine. I’m still grounded, and I’m only allowed to leave the house for school and our sessions, but that’s okay. It’s not the first time I’ve been in trouble like this. Quick change of the topic question, but do you still not have a phone? Or do you just like to do things old school? ;)
When I fold up the note and hand it to him, our fingers brush, and my skin tingles from the contact.
His lips quirk as he reads the letter. Then he picks up the pen, scribbles something down, and hands the paper back to me.
I haven’t gotten around to buying one yet. It’s a long story that would take too much time to write down. It sucks that your parents won’t let you out of the house. If you ever need someone to bust you out, let me know. I make a good getaway driver.
A smile tickles at my lips as I respond:
I bet you do. I promise I’ll be okay, though. Besides, if my mom caught me sneaking out with a guy, she’d lock me in my room and throw away the key.
I hand him back the note, and this time, he frowns as he jots down something before giving it back.
I hate that it’s like that for you. I mean, I get that parents sometimes need to punish their kids and everything, but there’s a fine line between punishing and being a warden.
I take a deep breath and write:
I know. All I can do is count down the days until school ends. Then I can go off to college and finally be my own person. That is, if they let me go to college. If they have their way, I’ll stick around until some guy they approve of requests my hand in marriage.
I hand him back the note. He reads what I wrote and then quickly pens something down. As he reaches over to hand it to me, our fingers brush again, and he smiles at me. I have a feeling he did it deliberately, and the idea makes my heart skip a beat.
I unfold the piece of paper.
First of all, what century do your parents think we live in? And second, don’t let them decide any of that for you. Promise me you’ll do what you want to do, that you’ll go to college, and that you definitely won’t marry a guy they pick out for you. You deserve so much better than that.
I press the tip of the pen to the paper, surprised how easily I write, Okay, I promise.
I pass the note to him, and a smile graces his lips as he reads it.
“Grey Sawyer, would you like to share with the class whatever you and Luna seem to find so fascinating?” Mr. Gartying suddenly asks with his eyes locked on us.
“Nah,” Grey replies coolly while my back goes as rigid as a board.
“That wasn’t really a question.” The teacher signals for him to stand up. “Bring me the note.”
My heart sprints at the idea of the teacher reading the note aloud to the class. It’s been sprinting a lot lately. Maybe it’s time to do something about it. Give in. Cut class and go downtown. Alleviate the stress that’s been bearing down on me.
Grey looks from me to Mr. Gartying then stands up. “Sure.” When he reaches the front of the classroom, he tears the note into pieces. “There you go.” He hands the pieces to Mr. Gartying.
“That just earned you lunch detention, Grey.” Mr. Gartying discards the torn up paper into the trashcan. “Now, take a seat, and no more passing notes.” He muses over something. “Huh. I never thought I’d have to say that again.”
Grey calmly walks back to the desk and drops down in his seat. I want to thank him, but I’ll wait until the bell rings to avoid getting us in more trouble.
“Thanks for doing that,” I tell him after the bell rings. I pile my books into my arms, slide out of the chair, and cast a glance out the window, contempla
ting if I still want to ditch. I do feel a bit better now after what Grey did for me. “I’m sorry you got detention over it.”
He tucks his book under his arm. “It was worth getting detention. Just as long as you do something for me.”
I head for the doorway. “And what’s that?”
“Stop shutting me out.” He gives me that adorable half smile I’ve seen him use when he’s flirting. “I miss talking to you.”
I nod, baffled over the smile. Is he flirting with me?
“I have to get to the gym, like, now,” he says, glancing at the clock above the teacher’s desk. “But maybe we can get lunch together tomorrow?”
Is he being serious? He wants to have lunch with me?
“Um . . . sure.”
“Good.” He winks before spinning on his heels and stepping out into the crowded hallway.
I linger in the classroom for a second longer, processing what just happened, before I dazedly step out of the classroom and get swept up in the crowded hallway as I head to my next class.
I’m glad Luna’s talking to me again and even agreed to go to lunch with me tomorrow. I would’ve asked her to go with me today, but there’s something else I have to do, something important.
“What happened to your truck?” Piper asks with her nose crinkled at my car.
I open the door to climb in. “I sold it a while ago.”
She fires her infamous bratty scowl at me from over the chipped roof of the car. “I’m not riding in this piece of shit, Grey. You should know that after dating me for a year now.”
I retrieve my keys from the pocket of my jeans. “Then I guess we’re not going to lunch.”
Invisible daggers shoot from her eyes as she jerks open the door and drops into the passenger seat with a huff.
I exhale in relief. While I’m not thrilled to be going to lunch with her, I need her to come with me so I can break up with her and move on with my life. Over the last couple of days of listening to her ramble about the dance and her encouraging Logan to torment Luna, I know it’s time to let go of everything and get a completely new start. No more hiding behind my old life. No more being afraid of being alone. No more worrying if she’ll ruin my reputation. My reputation wasn’t that great, anyway.