Chapter 24
Carmen
I feel so weak. All I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry. But I don’t. Seeing Jake with Jill gives me the resolve that I need to continue this conversation. Jake and I won’t work. It’s not just because of him leaving. Dad is planning on pulling away from the Trial. It isn’t like they really need his testimony. There were a lot of victims. Because the Jones family is so loyal, they won’t do so. And besides, if they did, Kate would catch on. Dad suspects that she already knows about Bob and Sandra blackmailing my grandmother. It’s only a matter of time before she strikes again. The woman is insane.
“Carmen, you’ve got this all wrong.”
“Tia had to tell me that you left. You didn’t even say goodbye. Chelsea told me about Jill. You couldn’t even give me a courtesy call.”
“We weren’t official. I…”
“Jake, you should leave. Go back to your date. I need to be left alone. Oh, and tell Grandmother that I’m not feeling well. There’s no way that I’ll be able to be at dinner with you and her.” Jill is too friendly for my taste. In a different world, we would be friends. It’s too bad that Jake is swapping spit with her.
“Carmen, you’re being dramatic,” he says. Figures, Jake doesn’t even show an ounce of emotion. I have no idea what I even saw in him. As of right now, I long for the house in Connecticut. Mom and Dad have to testify for the trial. But I don’t. I’ll be back home with my cousin, Dean and his family. His younger sister Mary is one of my close friends. We’ll have a grand time together. In time, I’ll forget about Jake. I really will. I just need one night away from him, that’s all.
“You’re right.” Maybe, I’ll jump on this train. I can’t lose Jake, and it’s obvious that he isn’t going away.
“What?”
“Jake, you’re right. I am being over dramatic.” He seems annoyed that I’m agreeing with him. But I don’t care. I just keep on going down this path. “I am making a big deal out of nothing. Jake growls.
“That’s not what I meant. I…”
“I think that you and I need some time apart. Maybe, after everything is in the past, we can be friends again.” A flash of hopelessness appears in Jake’s dark eyes before he pinches the bridge of his nose. He straightens and peers at me.
“You want to be friends?” He asks the question as if he can’t believe his good fortune.
“Just friends,” I insist.
“What do you mean?” He’s getting aggravated, that’s for sure. But I steal myself and explain.
“Jake, I don’t want us to have a complicated relationship. So I think that we should set some ground rules.” Jake stands there, contemplating what I have just said.
“Like what?”
“Jake, you can’t kiss me whenever you want. If we’re friends, we will be nothing more. I will date whoever I want to. If you and Jill happen to break up, you can’t rely on me to be your rebound.”
“And what if I disagree with those ground rules?” This is what I was afraid of. Jake hates being told what to do. The room is silent, and it’s making me uncomfortable. Why is it difficult for Jake to agree with my terms? He has a good thing with Jill. I can tell that he’s attracted to her. The rest will come later. If he sticks with his “American Darling” then I’ll be able to move on. In truth, these rules are more of an incentive for me. I can’t just wait around with false hope. I need to move on and explore my other options.
“I don’t know.” Jake shakes his head and rubs the back of his neck. This will be hard, not being friends with him. Okay, so we didn’t exactly run in the same circles before. But now that I know what it’s like to talk to him, I won’t be able to give that up. No, if he doesn’t agree with my rules, I will have to give it up. What happened with Dom will never happen again.
“So, you don’t want to be friends?”
“I want to amend some of the rules,” he says and despite myself, my heart pounds.
“Like what?”
“We won’t date if I break up with Jill. I promise you, you will not be a rebound. Because I wouldn’t treat you that way, it doesn’t need to be a rule,” he argues.
“Yes it does.”
“Some things are too obvious to be Rules.” I shake my head.
“Jake, if it’s so obvious then, why not just accept it as a rule.”
“Because it implies that I’m a user, like Dom, when I’m not. I care about you. I…”
“Stop. Jake, don’t tell me that you care about me. Because if you did, you would be mine right now. Jake closes his eyes, as if he needs all of the strength in the world to talk to me.
“Carmen, I didn’t want to date Jill. I was asked to do so that I could fix a mistake. Why are you taking this so personally?” I clench and unclench my fists. That has got to be the stupidest question ever. Okay, so he doesn’t know that I’m madly in love with him. But still, is Jake really that dense? Why can’t he see what’s in my heart?
“Jake, you kissed me. Don’t you understand? You were my first kiss. You…” I pause, not wanting to tell him that he was also my first love. It stings to admit that I wish that Jake was my only love. I’m not sure how a few kisses made me feel like this. Maybe, these feelings had been there all along, and I hadn’t noticed them. Maybe, I’m clinging to the idea of loving Jake because it feels right. Jake walks over to me and tilts my chin up. His eyes are deep and beautiful. I want to cry because Jill gets to gaze into them as long as she wants.
“Finish your sentence,” he harshly snaps.
“No.” He frowns, as if lost. Apparently, no one has ever said no to him before. Jake can’t ask me to tell him that I love him. I can’t say those words knowing that he belongs to someone else.
“Carmen, finish your damn sentence.” His words are harsh, impatient, and somehow I hear the pleading. But I’m not going to go through with this anymore. Jake missed out. We could have done something about his image. After all, I’m the master hacker. We could have volunteered for a few charity events together. Or maybe, we could have waited for everything to die down. I’m positive that people would have forgotten about the Sharp Michaels incident. Then again, I’m not a good political analyst, so I can’t be certain. Anyways, I hate that this is going on. Life sucks.
“You don’t want to hear it.” My pleading causes him to release my cheek.
“So, you just want to be friends?” He asks.
“Do we have the option to be anything else?” Jake shakes his head. He understands my reasoning well.
“Friends, then,” he mutters before giving me an awkward pat on the back.