Chapter 46
Carmen
“Carmen, what do you want to be?” I ask myself. The answer doesn’t come. Standing by the pond, which is riddled with leaves, twigs, and rocks, nothing seems to come to me. I thought that meditation was supposed to yield answers. For twenty minutes it has just been me and my mind, and nothing has come of it. Maybe it’s the heat. Deciding that getting heat stroke won’t help me decide on a career path, I sit under a tall willow, the shade providing a much-needed reprieve from the sun. Hoping that using my fine motor skills would do the trick, I pick up a small rock and begin pinching it. Come on, come up with something. An argument that I had used for me going up to the cabin with the others had been some thinking time. Dad acknowledged that it wasn’t relaxed enough in the mansion for me to do some thinking. So he ignored the fact that Jake was coming along and didn’t complain about me being alone with boys. I’m almost nineteen now, and Dad sometimes forgets that. Stop! Thinking of Dad isn’t going to help you come up with a profession. “Carmen, what do you want to be when you grow up?” I softly ask myself. “A princess.” I chuckle.
When I was five, Tia had a Halloween tea party. She had been obsessed with tea even then. Mom wanted me to be a rabbit because she thought that it would be a cool costume. I wasn’t willful back then and agreed. So I went to this party in my costume and was humiliated. At the last minute, Tia decided that everyone had to wear princess dresses. I still remembered Tia, her long black hair and blue eyes that never held any warmth for me. She sauntered up to me in her beautiful green puffy dress and said in front of everyone, “you’re a really ugly princess.” I started to cry. And that’s when Eli tossed a crepe at Tia’s face, ruining her dress. Since day one, Eli had been there to protect me. I guess that’s why her behavior has really thrown me off. I guess people change. I sure did. Who would have thought that I would have fallen madly in love with August Jacob Jones? Who would have thought that when Dom confessed that he really loved me that I wouldn’t scream for joy? No, I had done the opposite because I knew exactly what the real story was. Dom only said those words because he was upset that someone wasn’t loving him anymore. I guess some people really love the attention.
“What are you doing here, Darling?” Jake softly asks as he sits beside me. I look up at him and smile.
“Thinking,” I reply, releasing the rock that I had been playing with.
“About wanting to be a princess?”
“You read my mind?” I ask, confused.
“No, you said a princess, out loud,” Jake responds, and I suddenly feel embarrassed.
“I thought that I was alone,” I tell him.
“You want to be alone?”
“I want answers August. I have no idea what to major in. I…” He places a gentle hand on my cheek, which makes me stop talking. His touch is so wonderful. If only Jake’s woman was a profession.
“And you have to know that right now? I thought that you were taking a year off of school,” he asks kindly.
“I am. But not knowing what I’m supposed to do bugs me, August. I hate not knowing. What am I supposed to study next year? What college am I going to? Is college right for me?”
“I don’t know the answers to any of those questions, and neither does that rock you were squeezing.”
“Jake, how did you decide to be an accountant?” He smiles at me, and for a moment, I just admire his tender gaze.
“I hate people and love numbers.”
“I don’t like snooping,” I confess. “I started doing it because people kept on leaving me out. After a while, it became much easier than asking people questions. Nothing's more nerve-racking than attempting to get close to someone and having them pull away from me.” That’s the truth that I didn’t want to tell Jill in the limo. He leans in and brushes a kiss on my forehead. Then, Jake slowly begins stroking my cheek with his fingers. He wants to kiss me, really badly. Part of me wants to give in and let him. After what I heard him say to Jill, there’s no reason I shouldn’t. But I don’t want to be swept up in the romance and forget my problems. I want to solve them.
“Carmen, you aren’t going to know what you’re going to do for the rest of your life. Not even I know. Being an accountant is stable, but I don’t want to do that forever. I think that you should focus on today. It will come to you. I’m sure of it.” His words soothe me for now. But I still need to have at least one answer.
“Jake, are you still in love with Adriana?” He seems caught off guard by the question so much so that he momentarily stops stroking my cheek.
“No. I don’t think that I ever was.” Can I kiss you now?”
“Yes,” I say, my pulse ratcheting up. I don’t give him time to act. I pounce on the poor guy, which causes him to release my cheek. I wrap my arms and legs around him and cover his mouth with my eager lips. He holds me close to him as he gently responds. My hands are around his neck, me not wanting to take this too far. My mouth parts, he takes full advantage. This is different from any kiss that Jake and I have shared. This time, his tongue meets mine in a sensual slow dance. Our lips aren’t as urgent. It’s like we both understand that this will be happening forever, so there’s no reason to rush. It’s a beautiful thing, knowing that you have found someone that you want to be so close to. A yank on my curls is what ends our kiss. Startled, I fly out of Jake’s lap and let out a shriek. My cousin Tiller stands just beyond the shade, an annoyed expression on his face.
“I called your names a million times,” he grumbles. “It’s time to eat. Everyone’s waiting for the two of you.”
“Thanks,” Jake gruffly says before standing. He reaches out a hand to help me up, and when I take it, he squeezes my hand.
When we walk back to the back yard, everyone is staring at us. Tia, who had gone along for the trip only because Chelsea had allowed her to gives Jake a calculating expression. Why did Chelsea invite her? My guess is that Alec was just too cute to leave behind. It looks like my cousin and Jake’s niece are having a play date. The two of them are chasing one another. Babies are so weird. Tiller outdid himself. Under a tent, rests a table with covered dishes. Hamburgers, hot dogs, ribs, steak, potato salad, Caesar salad, and buns are quickly surrounded by hungry people. My stomach rumbling, I make myself a sandwich consisting of hamburger, cheese, lettuce and a pickle. I of course, squeeze some Heinz ketchup on it and make myself a hotdog and grab some salad. Another tent has been erected for us to sit, thank goodness. I plop beside my boyfriend, who is eating four hot dogs, potato salad, and an apple?
“Where did you get that?” I ask. Jake smirks.
“Tiller set it aside for me. Want a bite?”
“That’s okay,” I tell him. Peter and Chelsea join us with their food, and they both smile at us with approval. It’s so nice to be with the people that I like. I try to wince when Donald sits with us because it means one thing.
“Donald!” Tia exclaims as she sits beside the poor man. She’s been trying to talk to him all day, but I don’t think he wants to discuss anything. Chelsea tells me that whenever his sister goes back to New York, he gets moody. He should at least be grateful that Grace is around, but I guess not.
“So, do you know why the officer was here?” Tia asks Donald.
“Officer?” I nearly shriek. This can’t be good, they know where we are.
“Mind your business, Carmen. Donald and I are having a private conversation.” This is Tia’s way of flirting, being rude. Chelsea raises an eyebrow.
“An officer came to speak to Grace. I’m not sure if he’s told anyone who was here,” Peter tells me. I swear that the guy is a mind reader.
“I didn’t think of that,” Tia says, before letting out a curse. I follow her eyes and see that she’s staring at Alec. Alex, Maggie and her sister Nicky have the two children at their table. Tiller, Mat, Dean, and Malcolm are at what I perceive is the man’s table. The four of them are drinking beer and laughing really loudly. Seeing all of this makes me smile.
It’s nice to see everyone so happy.