“Thank you,” he murmured as he continued to worship my collarbone. “Thank you for not holding your orgasm back.”
I kind of felt like I should be the one thanking him for that. I was the one who’d benefited the most from it. But he pulled back to grin into my eyes. “So, same time tomorrow night, right?”
The question bothered me. It wasn’t because he assumed I’d want him again, or that he wanted me again. I liked that part and I did want more. But he made it seem as if he were done with me for the day, and I had wanted to keep doing exactly what we were doing. So I guess the question almost felt like a rejection or dismissal or something.
“I have to work tomorrow,” I said. When he opened his mouth, I added, “And the next night too.”
Unease filled his face as if he wasn’t sure if he should ask for more, so I said, “But I have Monday off.”
His lips quirked into a smile. “Monday then.”
“Monday,” I repeated with a little dread and a little excitement. I wasn’t completely on board with the idea of continuing something with him—I mean, where would it lead? Where could it lead?—but ooh, my body sure wanted more. And he’d been right; arguing with him really did make my blood rush with enthusiasm. “Until then.” I yawned as I added, “So…I’m done with you for today.”
There. I’d beat him to the awkward good-bye.
But he arched an eyebrow. “Done with me?” he sniffed. “But earlier you mentioned something about back rubs afterward, so...” He rolled around, exposing his spine to me. “I’m ready for mine now.”
I barked out an incredulous laugh. “As if. Get your pasty pale ass off my bed.” I planted my feet against his warm, taut buttocks and shoved him forward. “I said I was done with you.”
He cursed as he scrambled to catch his footing, but couldn’t in time, and fell off the mattress, crashing to the floor on his hands and knees.
“What the hell?” he cried, popping to his feet so he could gape down at me.
The big grin I’d been giving him wavered and my pulse thundered through my neck. I’d just been teasing, but I knew I’d gone over the line as outrage washed across his face. For a split second, fear raced through me. I realized I wasn’t entirely sure how he’d react to this. Shaun probably would’ve given me a fat lip if I’d ever treated him that way.
But all Colton did was lift an eyebrow and say, “Pasty? Pasty? Oh, baby doll…” He shook his head as he removed his condom and tossed it in the trash. Then he smiled menacingly as he climbed slowly back onto the bed. “Just for that, I’m going to make you cuddle.”
“Cuddle?” My eyes bulged as he crawled closer.
For some reason, cuddling struck more fear inside me than getting slapped or punched. I knew exactly how to respond to those—kick his ass out of my apartment. But with cuddling, I was lost.
I edged away from him, shaking my head, only to yelp out a surprised scream when he snaked out a hand and caught hold of my leg, stilling me.
“Yes, cuddle,” he said. “I like to cuddle.”
My muscles clenched and limbs went tense as he climbed up right into my personal space and wrapped himself around me like a second skin.
“I…I’m not big on cuddling,” I finally admitted, my body board-stiff against him.
“Really?” He sounded surprised by that. “Well, don’t worry, by the time I’m through with you, you’ll love it. Here, maybe you should, yeah, just relax your muscles a little, and breathing is also good. Breathe.” His palm splayed warm and flat against my abdomen, and I purposely inhaled, then a few seconds later, I exhaled.
“Good,” he murmured. “Now roll facing away from me.”
After encouraging me onto my side, he curled up behind me, spooning, his knees fitting up into the backs of mine and his lap holding my bottom snuggly as his chest pressed to my spine. Then his arm looped around and banded me to him at the middle.
“There.” He exhaled and relaxed behind me.
I practiced a few more deep breaths before I realized I was relaxing too, and it felt nice, like two puzzle pieces interlocking. Which only made me more uneasy. Getting this close to Colton when sex wasn’t involved seemed scary.
“Your heart’s racing,” he whispered into my ear, his breath stirring my hair and making me shiver while my nipples hardened.
“But I’m relaxed,” I whispered back. “Isn’t that a start?”
“You’re right. It is. You’re doing great.” His hand squeezed encouragingly around my hip. “Want to know a secret?”
When I hummed out my assent, letting him know I did, he said, “I really like your dream catchers.” His fingers drifted over my tattoo with the softest caress. “When I was little, I had someone try to help me get over my nightmares too. But she didn’t give me a dream catcher.”
I sighed, content, as one of his fingers traced the feather that came around my ribcage toward my front. “What’d she give you?”
He chuckled softly. “A rabbit’s foot and a little bottle of breath spray.”
My eyebrows perked. “The rabbit’s foot and breath spray you have on your keychain?” The very pair he’d held in his sleep all night on my couch?
“Yeah. Those.” His fingers paused at the very tip of my feather before moving on toward the underside of my breasts.
Closing my eyes as he circled my chest with a lazy, swooping fingertip, I said, “I understand the rabbit’s foot, to give you luck, but...breath spray?”
He chuckled again, a little more ruefully this time. “She called it monster repellent, and said if I ever got scared, I could spray it on the monster to scare it away.”
I laughed, a languid, happy giggle. “That’s priceless. I love it. It’s a perfect story for a little boy too. And I guess you used it if you’ve run out.”
“Well, I used it as breath spray too. And I’ve had it nearly ten years so...of course I’ve used it all by now.”
“Makes sense.” A couple of quiet moments passed before I skimmed my hand up the arm that was wrapped around my waist and squeezed his bicep warmly. “Want to know a secret from me?”
Even as I asked, my stomach muscles clenched, making me wonder why I was opening up to him.
But then he said, “Of course,” and I had to admit the truth.
“I’m really not a cuddler, but this...this I like.”
“Hell yes, you do,” he agreed with a hungry kind of growl as he tugged me tighter against him. “Because you’re cuddling with me.”
“Oh, Jesus.” I rolled my eyes but grinned as I did. “We really need to work on your ego, you know that?”
“Nah, I actually don’t think all that highly of myself. I’m pretty realistic about who and what I am. All the hoopla I put on is mostly a ruse, just to have some fun. The truth is, I’m not all that. I’ve let down some of the people closest to me in the worst ways possible.”
He sounded so sad about that. Sad and Colton should never be used in the same sentence. I rubbed his arm, trying to think up something wise and comforting to say.
But then he sighed.
“It really eats at you, you know,” he admitted quietly, “when someone you love suffers because of you. But fuck, what’re you supposed to do when they recover and forgive you? Get all depressed and turn emo because of it? Or pick your damn self back up, laugh it off, and try to make their sacrifice worth something?”
I shook my head, surprised he was spilling all this to me, but kind of really touched by it too. “Okay, you can’t just vague bomb me like that and not expect me not to want to know what you’re talking about.”
“Fine, here’s one example. When I was nine, my family went to this park to have a picnic. My sister, Caroline, and her husband, Ten, took me down this condemned walking trail to see a waterfall. But the place was condemned because of really bad ground erosion around the river. Well...I got too close to the side and began to fall in, but Ten jumped forward and pulled me back, only to fall in himself.”
I sucked in
a breath. “Did he…?”
“He lived,” Colton reassured me. “But he got a pretty good bash on his head that put him in a coma for a while. Then when he woke, he’d lost his memory. It took Caroline to help him get that back. Today, he’s fine except for a nasty scar on his face, which reminds me every time I see it that I’m responsible for it.”
I turned around to face him and cupped his beautiful flawless face in my hands. I knew as I stared into his eyes that he wished he could’ve taken on the coma, memory loss and scarring his brother-in-law had suffered himself.
“Maybe you should see it as a reminder of how much you’re loved,” I said.
He studied my face right back, and I could tell he wanted to disagree. But he murmured, “Yeah, maybe you’re right.” Then he grinned. “All the same, it’s just as well you and I are only fucking here. I mean, if we’d actually attempted some kind of relationship or something, I’d probably just end up failing you too.”
He closed his eyes as if he were going to fall asleep on me but it was only late afternoon, so he had to be faking it to avoid more conversation.
But I leaned toward him anyway and murmured, “Somehow, I kind of doubt that.” Then I placed a light kiss to the middle of his forehead.
His lips quirked in a pleased grin, and his arms tightened securely around me as he made a comforted sound from his throat.
A long breath eased from his lungs and his body relaxed against mine. When I realized he really was falling asleep, I decided a little nap might not be so bad. This cuddling business really was awesome. Anything to prolong it sounded good. So I settled my cheek against his chest, wrapped my arm around his waist and closed my eyes.
When I woke again over an hour later, he was gone.
My heart short-circuited with disappointment until I noticed the note by my pillow.
I creased the letter how he’d had it folded in the first place and pressed it to my chest before grinning madly.
Monday couldn’t come soon enough.
COLTON’S CHAPTER | 19
I felt weird the next day. I wanted to text Julianna, call her, go see her, spend the entire day inside her. I knew she said she had to work today, but that wouldn’t be until this evening. She probably had all morning and early afternoon free. If I’d played my cards right, I could’ve spent that entire time in her bed.
But, no. It kind of freaked me out how badly I wanted to be with her. So I refrained from all contact.
Okay, mostly all contact. I’d had to send her one message first thing this morning.
You know, just so she wouldn’t forget she’d made an arrangement with me and wouldn’t try to schedule something else Monday night. It was just a reminder, not any kind of hi-how-are-you-I-miss-you-I-want-back-inside-you bullshit. No. Definitely not.
But my heart still skipped into overdrive when I saw that she’d read the message and was typing out a reply.
When only two numbers popped onto my screen, I laughed out loud.
Across the room, the sheets on Beau’s bed rustled as he came awake. Shit. I’d woken the kid.
Oh well. It was worth it. Julianna had responded and made me smile.
Grinning madly, I typed:
She sent back the middle finger emoji, so I sent back the face blowing a kiss.
And my day was made.
It being Saturday, I had no classes, nor did Noel have to teach or get the kiddos to their sitter. This either meant Aspen was going to be overwhelmed and grow irritated with us all for being home together all day, or she’d be happier because she wasn’t stuck alone yet again while we were gone.
Preparing for the worst but hoping for the best, I walked Beau from our room and down the hall toward the kitchen. We both fell to a surprised halt when we reached the doorway to find Aspen out of her room and pacing the floor with Lucy Olivia in her arms.
“Mama!” Beau cried ecstatically and surged forward. I reached forward to stop him, but he slipped right through my fingers. “Do you feel better? You’re not sick anymore?” He threw his arms around her legs and hugged her tight.
From the counter where he was preparing a bottle, Noel whirled around to gape in horror at his son. “Whoa, buddy. Let’s give Mom a little space while she’s holding the baby, okay? Help me make this bottle, will you?”
Lucy O made a whiny grumble, and I’m sure Noel froze and held his breath just as much as I did while we waited for Aspen’s reaction. But she merely started jiggling the infant soothingly and making shh sounds. I exhaled, and Noel encouraged his son to help him with the bottle.
My brother and I were both overly tense at breakfast. I helped get food on the table without talking much, afraid anything I said would upset the moment. But Aspen joining us in the kitchen was just…this was new. I don’t think either Noel or I could trust it as a good thing, though. I kept worrying that Beau bringing up her “sickness” would set her off again, or Lucy O would cry and she’d lose it. But none of that happened.
Noel trying to be too helpful was what actually pissed her off.
“Want me to hold her while you eat?” he offered, already reaching out his arms to take the baby.
Aspen scowled and snapped, “Will you just relax already? I think I can hold my own baby.” And she stood up from her chair and stormed from the room with Lucy O in her arms.
Noel’s shoulders sank. Beau darted glances between me and his dad, and I just sighed.
“What do you need me to do?” I asked quietly.
He glanced meaningfully at his son. I nodded.
We both loved that Aspen was out of her room, but neither of us wanted to overwhelm her with too much at once. And when it came to Beau, he was an all or nothing kind of kid. He’d want to climb all over her, and talk to her, and probably scare her right back into hiding.
So as soon as breakfast was over and the place was cleaned up, I texted my sister.
Sweet. That was just what I wanted to hear, so the kid and I knocked on her front door within the hour.
Ten opened it with an overeager Teagan wiggling in his arms. That split second of seeing the scars on his face hit me with the usual regret before Julianna’s words rang through my head.
Maybe you should see it as a reminder of how much you’re loved.
And that actually helped. Instead of more guilt and shame for causing it, I let the idea that he’d gone through all that because he liked me seep into my bones.
“Bo Bo,” Teagan screamed, jerking me back to the present, right before she launched herself at her cousin as soon as Ten set her on the ground. “Come play with me.”
She grabbed Beau’s hand, and the two scampered off down the hall, almost trampling Caroline who was entering the front room.
“Watch out,” she laughed, darting out of the way so the two ankle-biters could dash by her to their destination. Then she turned to her husband. “I’m going to grab my camera and laptop, and give you a moment to let loose and curse with Colton like I know you really want to, before I snag him away for Vine duty, okay?”
Ten snorted, pretending innocence. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, baby. I don’t feel the need to curse.”
She’d put up a rule that he had to watch his language around Teagan after the two-and-a-half-year-old ripped out an expletive in the middle of the grocery store about a month back. And since potty-mouth was Ten’s native language, he was probably itching to drop a couple f-bombs right about now.
Caroline smiled knowingly. “Yeah right. I’ll let you two to it now.” She lifted up onto her toes to press her lips briefly to his. They both ignored me when I pretended to gag. Ten went as far as to growl hungrily in his throat and wrap an arm around her waist, pulling her closer.
“I know what I do feel the need to do,” he answered against her mouth when she started to pull away and then reached for her when she stepped back.
Laughing, she danced out of his hold and sent him a suggestive smile, mouthing the word later before disappearing from the r
oom.
He watched her go hungrily.
So I jabbed him in the gut. “Stop staring at my sister’s ass, you fucking perv.”
He continued to stare long after she was gone and slapped back at me blindly. “Stop touching me, fuck face. You make my dick limp like no one else.”
I cringed. “That’s sick. You’re such a sick motherfucker. I don’t know what person in their right mind ever thought it was okay to let a sick psycho fucker like you around me when I was little.”
He finally grinned my way. “Someone who thought you needed to grow up awesome, I’d say. Too bad it didn’t stick. You turned out to be a fucking little fucker, for fuck’s sake.”
I rolled my eyes. “What the fuck ever. You wouldn’t recognize awesome if it came up and licked you in the asshole.”
Ten snickered. “You really need to stop this obsession you have with my asshole, asshole. That belongs to your sister. And speaking of licking, who’s been licking yours? You’re fucking glowing like you just got your cherry popped.”
When my mouth fell open and I could only gape at him, he lifted his eyebrows in surprise. “Really?” he said, sounding shocked. “Well, congratulations, buddy.” He slapped me companionably on the back. “I mean, it’s a little late for you to be losing your v-card because what are you, now, thirty-eight? But it was sweet of some chick to throw you a pity fuck. She must’ve been a real trooper.”
“I wasn’t a virgin, you dick. And that was yesterday. How...?” I shook my head, completely flabbergasted over how he’d been able to figure out so much from just looking at me.
His brow quirked again with another bout of shock. “No shit? All this is from way back to yesterday, huh?” He circled his hand around my face. “And it wasn’t even your first time? Fuck, she must be the one.”
I blinked. “The what?”
“The one,” he repeated, stressing the word this time as if that explained everything. When I only shook my head, clueless, he sighed and rolled his eyes. “You know, the one. The fucking one. Like Caroline is my one. Shakespeare is Gam’s one. Hot Wheels is Butthead’s one.”