“I can’t tonight,” he says. “I’ve got to get my brother to his football game.” He sets his drink down and takes my hand in his. “Do you have any plans tomorrow night?”
“Nope.”
“Can I take you out again? Nothing fancy this time, but I’d like to see you. Maybe a movie, too?”
I look at my parents but answer before getting their approval. “Sure. I’d love that.” Fortunately, both of my parents nod, assenting.
“Is six too early? If I’ve got to have you home by 10:30, I want to get as much time with you as possible.”
“Six is great.”
“Great. I’ll see you then. Jack and Emi, thank you for letting me stop by. Trey, sorry I interrupted your pancake night,” he says to my brother. He lets go of my hand. “Pleasure to meet you, Camille.”
“You, too.” I walk him to the front door and open it for him.
“Thanks for coming over.”
“Thanks for acing that test. I’ve got big plans for tutoring,” he says quietly with a smile. “A rewards system, if you will.”
I walk out onto the porch and close the door behind me. “Awesome.”
“It will be.” He leans down to kiss me. I hold on to him when he tries to pull away. “No, you haven’t earned it yet,” he hints to me.
“Really awesome.”
“See you tomorrow.”
“Okay.”
When I get back into the kitchen, Camille looks smitten. “I want a tutor like him.”
“Me, too,” Matty says, replacing his cider with a glass of red wine. My best friend and I giggle.
“Yeah, Finn’s all brawn.” I tease Camille about her soccer star boyfriend as we head back down to my room.
“He is not.” She laughs, defending him.
“Oh, sweetie,” my uncle says, “yes, he is.”
“Okay, just mostly,” Camille concedes with a smile.
When I get out of class on Tuesday, I wait in the courtyard for Jon to show up. Twenty minutes later he pulls up to the curb in a cab.
“Ready?” he calls to me after rolling down the window.
“Ready.” I grab my backpack and run quickly to the cab.
“126th and Morningside Avenue, please,” he tells the driver.
“How was school?” I ask him, and then realize what he’s just said. “Wait, what library are we going to?”
“There’s a branch of the public library up there.”
“Oh. I just assumed we’d go to the main one.”
“I just assumed we’d go to neither. And school was good, by the way.”
“We aren’t going to the library?”
“My brothers spend Tuesdays with a neighbor while my mother works a double shift.”
“And that means what exactly?”
“It means that we will have a completely distraction-free environment to work in. Aside from your school uniform, that is. That’s definitely a distraction.” I straighten out the plaid skirt and cross my legs at my ankles, embarrassed. It was the first time in years I’d chosen to wear the skirt, typically opting for the dark pants. Although I wore today’s outfit specifically for Jon, I suddenly feel like a little girl in it. I should have changed clothes.
“We’re going to your apartment?”
“Does that scare you?” he asks cautiously. The cab driver looks at me in the rearview mirror.
“No,” I assure him, but I’m completely unprepared for this. “We’re studying?”
“Of course we are.” He looks at me and takes my hand in his. “What are we learning about this week?”
“Chemical reactions.”
“Appropriate.” He laughs.
“I really am having a hard time with this lesson,” I explain, nervous.
“It’s cool, Liv. I’ll break it down for you. I swear, you’ll be ready for your lab by the time we’re done.”
“Okay.”
“If you’d feel more comfortable at a library, we can do that,” he says softly. “I just thought... I don’t know what I thought,” he finally admits. “I just want to be alone with you.”
“Oh.”
“It’s okay, if it’s too soon.”
“Um.” I glance at the rearview mirror and meet the cabbie’s eyes once more. I can tell he’s willing to do whatever I instruct him to do. “No, it’s fine. I mean, we’re studying,” I clarify once more.
“Yes.”
I nod so that the driver sees me. I hadn’t realized he had slowed down considerably, but once he sees my signal, he speeds up. When we reach the corner in Harlem, Jon asks me to wait so he can help me out of the car.
“Are you okay, miss?” the driver asks. “I can take you somewhere else.”
“No, I’m fine.”
“Do you know this man?”
“Of course, yes. He’s my boyfriend.” My cheeks turn pink just as Jon comes around to my side of the cab.
“Thanks.” Jon hands him the fare and closes my door.
The driver motions for me to come to him. When I do, he hands me a card. “In case you need a ride, Miss Holland. Our number is on the back.”
“Oh. Thanks.”
“Be careful.”
“Oh, we’re just studying,” I tell him, rattled by the fact that he knows who I am and could easily tell someone who may tell my dad. “That’s all.”
He nods and pulls away from the curb.
“Okay,” I sigh as Jon takes my hand. “We’re totally studying and nothing else. I think it may be impossible to do anything behind my father’s back. Why do people know me?”
“Because you’re Livvy Holland. Want to go to the library?” he asks.
“I think we should. Today, at least.”
“That’s fine.” We walk a few blocks down the street and head inside the small branch. Jon leads me toward some private study cubicles in the back. I toss my bag on the floor and take a seat. He pulls in a chair from another cubby and sits in it backwards, putting his head on his arms. “Don’t worry about it. We’re not doing anything wrong.”
“Now we’re not,” I tell him.
“Listen,” he starts, lifting his head and running his hand through my long hair. “I’m going to leave the apartment as another option. And when you’re ready to go there, we can. I won’t suggest it again. I’m sorry I did today. I didn’t realize it would freak you out.”
“It didn’t freak me out.”
“All of the color drained from your face, Livvy.” He laughs. “I got it. It’s okay.”
“I do want to be alone with you, too,” I explain. “It’s just that you caught me off-guard.”
“You’re so adorable,” he says. “Come here.” He pulls my head toward his and kisses me slowly for what seems like an eternity. When he breaks away, though, finally, it feels like it’s too soon. My nerves are instantly calmed. “So chemical reactions,” he starts, his voice scratchy and sexy.
“Yeah?”
“Get your book out, baby. Let’s get started.”
“I like it when you call me that.”
“Did you like how I called you that in front of your dad?” he laughed. “Did you see his expression?”
“No! I couldn’t look! What did he do?”
“If looks could kill. His whole body tensed up, but your mom locked her arm in his and held his hand. That seemed to calm him down.”
“Mom does that a lot, although my dad’s not historically one to have a temper.”
“I beg to differ,” Jon says. “You didn’t see him in the courtyard.”
“Was it that bad?” I knew it could only be a verbal assault. I’d never known my dad to hurt a fly. My mom, apparently, had some fighting skills back in the day. They never cared to elaborate, but I heard there may have been a broken bone involved.
“It was intense. The conversation definitely made me rethink things.”
“Like what?”
“Like, can I have a normal relationship with this extraordinary girl from this fantastical world? I
wasn’t sure it was really possible at that point.”
“Why?”
“Your dad has some old-fashioned beliefs, Livvy. Unrealistic, in my opinion.”
“The no-sex-until-marriage thing?”
“Well, that’s a given, but I think even he knows that’s unrealistic. He may not want to admit it, but he’s an intelligent man.”
“My cousin Lexi is still a virgin. She’s saving herself, too.”
“Too? As in you’d like to wait?”
I question why I worded it like that. I honestly didn’t think I’d be able to wait. Not after our date the other night, for sure.
“What if I did?” I ask him.
“I’d probably, again, wonder if I can have a normal relationship with you.” He laughs at his own response, but I’m not sure it’s funny.
“Why? Because it wouldn’t be normal without sex?”
“Let’s just say it would change my expectations for our relationship. But I decided the other night that I’m going to have a relationship with you, regardless. I’m going to try to make this work.”
“What,” I say softly, aware of the library patrons around me, “by convincing me to go to your apartment and trying to persuade me to sleep with you?”
“Livvy,” he says seriously. “I promise you I will never invite you to my place again. I didn’t know it would make you that uncomfortable. I mean, after the other night–”
“No, I know.”
“Did I make you uncomfortable then?”
I think back to our date on Saturday night. I’d dressed in another new dress that Anna and Matty helped me pick out, really enjoying how feminine it made me feel, and especially enjoying the attention I knew it garnered from my boyfriend. Dinner went well, and we managed to make it all evening without anyone recognizing me, as far as I knew. The feeling of anonymity grew when we went into the dark movie theater that night. We decided on a drama that was on its last run. We were the only people in the small theater.
Because it was a public place, it didn’t really feel like we were alone. I wasn’t afraid of my time with him like I felt tonight when he told me we were going to his apartment. Halfway through the movie, we realized the armrest that divided us could be moved out of the way. He’d put his arm around me to keep me warm. He kissed the top of my hand, then my shoulder after pushing down the sleeve of the jacket he’d let me borrow. When I glanced over at him to smile, he kissed me, and we didn’t separate until the lights went up at the end of the movie.
When my dad asked how the movie ended, I made something up, thankful that it wasn’t a movie he’d seen–yet. I knew he would, though. He owned pretty much every movie ever made. I didn’t figure he’d go on a fact-finding mission about it now, and decided he’d probably forget about my made-up ending by the time he got his copy.
I’d felt very comfortable with Jon the entire night. It felt right, and I had no regrets when I got home, even though when I looked at myself in the mirror, my makeup was kind of a mess, and my hair was strangely “windblown” on an otherwise calm evening. My parents seemed to overlook it, if they noticed at all.
My guess is they didn’t notice as I’d made a beeline to my bedroom, telling them I was really tired. They’re not typically ones to overlook things.
“No,” I answer Jon. “I thought it was pretty awesome, actually.”
His smile grows. “Yeah, it was.”
“I feel like I belong with you.”
He kisses me again. “We definitely have chemistry,” he says as he slides the book on the desk in front of us. “And chemistry homework.”
“Right,” I nod.
“And by the way, all of this kissing? Completely breaking your dad’s rules.”
“Seriously?”
“Too soon, he says.”
“He’s an idiot.”
“Not an idiot, Livvy. Just a dad. And I don’t want you to think I don’t respect him, but I really do think I love you. Above all else. And I’m not just saying that to get you to agree to go to my apartment.”
I take the book from him and toss it on the floor. It smacks the tightly woven carpet hard and makes a loud sound. A few people look in our direction, but I decide to ignore them.
“I love you, too.” I press my lips against his for another brief kiss.
“I’ll fight for you,” he adds as his thumbs caress my ears, his eyes warm and intense.
“I will, too.”
“Good to know. So you aren’t going to tell your parents about this?”
“Nope.”
“Good. And I promise I’ll never pressure you to do anything. You just have to tell me when you have any misgivings. Just talk to me. I’m a pretty understanding guy. I think we can work things out together.”
“Me, too.”
“Alright. Let’s start studying so we can keep up these sessions. I could get used to this.”
CHAPTER 8
Over the next couple of months, we have three standing dates a week. Because my grades have been so good, my parents have allowed the Tuesday tutorials to continue every week, and even let us add two hours in the evening so we’d have time to get something to eat while we were working. After that first session, we switched locations to the main branch of the New York Public Library. Jon would typically get me started on a lesson, and then scour the library for things to read about topics that interested him. We’d break at seven-thirty and go to a nearby cafe for food, and then he’d walk me home, quizzing me along the way.
Jon had decided to retake the SAT. He’d changed his strategy, and instead of doing prep-course work, he devoured novels and researched every subject he didn’t feel like he knew enough about. I was amazed with how quickly his brain could absorb the materials.
On Thursdays, he would go back to the library after school, and then meet me at the Art Room to walk me home. After a few weeks of this, my parents began inviting him in, feeding us both a snack and hot beverages. When the weather was clear, my dad would let me practice my driving by taking Jon home. Jon would have to scrunch in the backseat, and he was typically pretty quiet on the ride home, letting my dad give instruction.
If the weather wasn’t clear, Dad would still insist on driving Jon home, and I’d always tag along.
After we would drop Jon off, my dad would have fifteen minutes of time alone with me to try to catch up on my week. He would typically ask about school, if I’d had any tests, and how I did, as well as how my class at the Art Room was going. We would avoid the subject of Jon altogether, but their interactions on Thursdays were becoming more comfortable every week.
Saturdays were my favorite days. We’d done something every Saturday except the one in November when he decided to devote the day to retaking his SAT. He just wanted to eliminate all distractions. I protested at first, but didn’t give him a hard time. When he got home that night, we talked for two hours on the phone, and he was so much more confident in his performance this time around.
What had started out as a Saturday night date turned into an all-day event for us. Some mornings, he’d meet us at my brother’s t-ball games and watch the game with my family. After that, my parents would take us back to Manhattan and drop us off wherever we’d decided to start our day. It was typically at a low-key restaurant for lunch. One week, my family joined us, and Dad treated us to a nice three-course meal on his tab, even though Jon offered to pay for the two of us.
In the evenings, we almost always ended up at the movie theater, watching last-run movies in nearly empty theaters. Things between us never got too out of hand, though. Even though my dad had explicitly told Jon back in October that he thought it was too soon for anything beyond holding hands, we kiss often. I stopped feeling guilty about it at some point when I realized my dad would probably expect it after we’d been seeing each other for a few months.
I’d been invited to have dinner at Jon’s apartment on the Saturday before Christmas break. Although nervous at first about his intentions, he quickly clarif
ied that he wanted me to meet his mother and brothers. My mother had called his mom to thank her for inviting me. I’m pretty sure it was my dad’s suggestion. I’m pretty sure he was making sure that we weren’t lying to him about our plans.
“Livvy, shouldn’t you dress up a little more?” my mom had asked.
“I don’t know. We’re not really going anywhere.”
“But you’re meeting his family. And it sounds like she was going to a lot of trouble to try to impress you. Let’s try to impress her, too.”
“Okay.” I decide on a dark grey wool skirt and a crisp, white button down blouse. Mom lets me borrow a red sweater of hers to make it more festive. With the snow falling steadily all day, I decide to wear my black knee-high boots that have just a slight heel on them.
Even though I’d passed my driving test earlier in the week, my parents didn’t want me driving in the weather that had been predicted to get worse as the evening wore on. My dad gave me money for a cab as I got out of his car in front of Jon’s apartment building, even though he knew Jon would make sure I had a safe ride home anyway.
“This isn’t the best neighborhood, Livvy, so be aware of your surroundings.”
“It’s fine, Dad.”
“I’ll wait until you’re inside.”
“Alright. Night.”
“I love you, Contessa.”
“Love you, too,” I say as I close the door. When I reach the building, I ring the buzzer to his apartment.
“I’m coming down,” he says through the speaker. He comes to meet me on the porch a minute later, but asks me to wait for a second, waving to my dad at the curb. “I’ll be right back.”
My dad rolls down the window, and they have a brief exchange that ends with them shaking hands.
“What was that all about?” I ask as he escorts me into the building.
“I was just assuring him I’d have you home by ten-thirty.”
“Oh,” I comment, following him up the stairs of his building.
“And then he told me to just make sure you were there by midnight.” He turns around, smiling broadly, as we reach his unit.
“Midnight?”
“Yep.” Even he can’t contain his surprise and excitement.