“I heard that! I get it!” She slammed her purse on the kitchen table. “You said you loved me, but that didn’t stop you from cheating on me!” She didn’t care that Brad and Joel would hear the blowup. “You said you loved the boys, but that didn’t stop you!” She counted off on her fingers emphasizing each point. “You said you loved God, but that didn’t stop you! Not even your fixation with your image stopped you! Nothing that you ever claimed to mean anything to you made you think twice about committing adultery, Chuck! Nothing!”
“Things are different now.”
She pushed past Chuck to the stairs. “Brad! Joel! I brought dinner!”
“What about all those things you said about not fighting and trusting God?”
“What about Phil saying to leave me alone? Your five minutes is up.”
“This is not over,” Chuck said, as he turned to leave.
“Yes, it is.”
CHAPTER 24 RESTORATION
Bobbi left the boys eating in the kitchen and thanked God they didn’t mention the argument. They pretended to believe her story about having a lot of paperwork to catch up on for school, leaving her alone in the study. She slumped into the desk chair, leaned her head back, and closed her eyes.
Phil said they’d been through everything. He couldn’t add anything else, so it rested with her. She had to decide. Forget the affair, or divorce him. Some choice.
She reached for her Bible and notebook, and flipped open to the notes she made on Hosea. God did everything for Israel, and still they rejected Him. Even worse, Israel chose false gods, incapable of loving in return. Didn’t Chuck choose a false wife who would never love him?
In chapter three, God said for Hosea to ‘go again and love,’ just like He did with Israel. That’s what He expected her to do. I can’t do it, God. I can’t love the way You do. He hurt me too much, and I’m too afraid to trust him again.
Dr. Craig said she had a pattern of absorbing hurts, but she told herself months ago only a fool would absorb this. Chuck Molinsky would not make a fool out of her again.
With tears dropping on the pages of her notebook, she chose a third option. She’d have Chuck draw up formal separation papers. She couldn’t divorce him, but she couldn’t live with him as his wife, either. At least with a separation, there would be some resolution. Everybody would know where they stood, and maybe sometime later, much later, they could try counseling again. Sealing the decision in her own mind, she slid her wedding band and engagement ring off, and dropped them in a side pocket of her purse.
Thankfully, they hadn’t closed on the house on Danbury Court yet. Kara and John could wait a little longer before taking ownership of this house, long enough for Rita to find a place for her and the boys in her price range.
As Bobbi stuck her notebook back in her Bible, her eyes fell on some verses in chapter eleven of Hosea that she had marked years earlier.
“How can I give you up, Ephraim?
How can I hand you over, Israel?
My heart churns within Me;
My sympathy is stirred.
I will not execute the fierceness of My anger;
I will not again destroy Ephraim.
For I am God, and not man,
The Holy One in your midst;
And I will not come with terror.”
T
hursday, January 26
Bobbi sat at the kitchen table, sipping her second cup of coffee, pondering how she would tell Chuck her decision, when the phone rang. Startled by the early call, she answered before the second ring.
“Bobbi,” Rita said, her voice weak. “Gavin just got a phone call. Phil Shannon had a massive stroke this morning. He’s . . . he’s dead.”
“What?” Bobbi whispered. She heard the words, but they made no sense.
“Yeah, I guess a blood clot made it to his brain, and caused the stroke.”
“I just, we just saw him yesterday afternoon. How . . .? I’m . . . I’m stunned.” Her vision blurred as tears welled up. Phil couldn’t . . . “Phil? Phil Shannon? You’re sure?”
“Are you going to be all right? I can come over if you need me to.”
“What?”
“Are you going to be okay?”
“I just need a few minutes.” Her knees threatened to buckle under her, so she slid into the nearest chair. “A stroke, you said?”
“Yes.”
“Did he have any symptoms?”
“I don’t know. David told Gavin he was gone before the paramedics got there.”
“Oh, poor Donna.”
“Listen, I won’t keep you on the phone. Gavin has some more calls to make. My schedule is clear today if you need me.”
“Thanks, thanks for calling, for letting me know.” Bobbi hung up the receiver. Phil Shannon couldn’t be . . . He married them. He baptized her boys. Baptized Chuck. If she and Chuck couldn’t reconcile with Phil’s help, what hope was there now? What was God doing?
“Mom, what’s wrong? What happened?” Brad asked, and Bobbi realized she never heard him come in the room.
“Where’s Joel?”
“He was right behind me.” Brad walked to the back stairs and yelled, “Joel! Downstairs now!”
Joel tromped down the stairs. “Brad! You’re . . . Mom, what’s wrong?”
“Guys, Phil . . . Pastor Phil . . . He died this morning. He had a stroke.”
“I didn’t even know he’d been sick,” Joel murmured.
“Honey, strokes happen all of the sudden. You don’t get a lot of warning.”
Brad crossed his arms and slumped against the kitchen counter. “He’s . . . Pastor Phil’s the only pastor we’ve ever had. It’s gonna be weird at church without him.”
“Yeah, I can’t . . . I can’t imagine . . .” She squeezed a sob back down her throat.
“Mom, are you and Dad going to be okay?” Joel asked. “Pastor Phil’s counseling you and everything, and things didn’t sound so good last night.”
“I’m sorry you heard all that. We’ll . . . Dad and I . . . we’ll be fine. We’ll work something out.” Bobbi sipped from her coffee cup and glanced at the microwave clock. Twenty after seven. She had twenty-five minutes to pull herself together.
The morning drive passed in near silence. Should she call Chuck? No, he’d want to talk, and that’s the last thing she wanted from him right now. At school, she shepherded her students through the morning routine. A week off playground duty meant a few precious moments of peace and quiet during morning recess. She got her cell phone and made a quick call.
“Dr. Craig’s office,” the receptionist said.
“This is Bobbi Molinsky. Is there any way on earth I can see Dr. Craig today?”
“He had a twelve-thirty cancellation. Would that work for you?”
“That would be perfect. Thank you.” Her students went to lunch at twelve-fifteen, then straight to P.E. She’d just have to find someone to get her kids after lunch and escort them to the gym.
Chuck stared at a set of incorporation papers, resorting to following each word with his finger to try to stay focused. All night he told himself Bobbi only meant the conversation was over, the conversation, and not their marriage. He’d feel better hearing her say that, though. Four times already, he’d picked up the phone, but chickened out before he got the number dialed.
“Chuck, can I see you for a moment before you get started this morning?” Walter Davis stood in the doorway. He never came to anyone’s office. This was a bad sign.
“Sure,” Chuck said, and followed Walter to his office.
“Go ahead and close the door and have a seat,” Walter said, glancing into the lobby. Another bad sign. “Chuck, I’m seventy-two years old, and I’ve worked for almost sixty of those years. I want to enjoy what time I have left in this world.” He folded his hands on the desk in front of him, then looked straight at Chuck. “What I’m saying is, it’s time for me to step down. I’m retiring, and I want you to take over the firm.”
?
??This is kind of sudden,” Chuck said.
“Not really. I wanted to retire last year, but I wasn’t sure you had the mettle to run things here. I have no doubts now.”
“I don’t know.”
“It’s what your dad would have wanted. It’s what Jim Benton would have wanted, and it’s what I want. You’ve earned it.”
“What kind of timetable are you looking at?” He couldn’t deal with any of this until things were settled with Bobbi.
“Oh, let’s say March first. I think that will be plenty of time to get you up to speed on the management end of things.”
“How can I say no?”
“You can’t,” Walter said with a smile. He stood up and shook Chuck’s hand across his desk.
“Thank you, Walter. I appreciate the vote of confidence. It came at a good time.” Chuck nodded to Christine on his way back to his own office, but she waved him over to the desk.
“Mr. Molinsky, Mr. Gavin Heatley is on the line.” She handed him the phone.
Chuck frowned and took the receiver from her. “Gavin, what’s up?”
“We just got some terrible news.”
Immediately, Chuck’s stomach tightened. God, please, not Bobbi.
“Phil Shannon had a stroke this morning. He didn’t. . . It . . . It was fatal.”
“Oh, no.” Chuck grasped the corner of the reception desk, weak in the knees. “What happened?”
“I don’t have a lot of details. I didn’t want to keep David on the phone. He said Phil had a blood clot that broke loose, and went to his brain. Phil probably never knew what hit him.”
“Gavin, I was in his office yesterday . . . He was fine. He seemed fine.” He leaned over the desk and tried to take in a long slow breath. Suddenly, his brain jumped back six years. He could hear his mother’s voice, and he remembered every syllable. Chuck . . . your dad . . . I’m . . . It was peaceful. He’s not in any more pain. But with his dad, they knew. They had time to prepare. It didn’t sucker-punch him this way.
“Does Bobbi know?” He couldn’t muster more than a whisper. Could Bobbi even handle the news after yesterday? Was it just yesterday?
“Rita called her.”
“Was she okay?”
“I think she was still going to school.”
“We had it out yesterday in Phil’s office. She was so angry with me . . . I don’t know how we can put this back together without Phil.”
“You finally hit on why, didn’t you?”
“Yeah. She hinted at divorce, said I’d already left her. Like the last six months never happened.”
“Give her a few days.”
“That’s, uh, that’s what Phil said.” He pushed a hand back through his hair. “Gavin, this is like losing my dad again.”
“You wanna grab a cup of coffee or something?”
“Thanks anyway. I’m gonna head back to my office. I need to sit down.”
“You sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah. Thanks. Thanks for calling.” Chuck set the receiver back on its cradle, and blew out a deep breath.
“I’m so sorry, Mr. Molinsky,” Christine said gently.
“Thank you. Would you hold the rest of my calls today? You know, unless it’s family or something.”
“Sure thing.”
He walked slowly back to his office. God, this doesn’t make any sense. Why Phil? Why now?
“I kind of expected to see you today, Bobbi,” Dr. Craig said as he closed his office door.
“You heard, then . . . about Phil.” It didn’t sound any more real to her than when Rita called.
“Yes, a mutual friend called this morning right after I got in the office. It was quite a shock.” He took a seat and looked Bobbi in the eyes. “So, what do you want to talk about today?”
She closed her eyes and shook her head slowly. She practiced on the drive over here, but the words refused to come unless they dragged tears with them.
“Take your time,” Dr. Craig said. “I understand.”
“I don’t . . .” She swallowed and raised her eyes to the ceiling in a vain attempt to prevent tears from streaming down her cheeks. “I don’t understand.”
“I doubt anyone does. When did you see Phil last?”
“Yesterday. Yesterday afternoon. We, uh, . . . Chuck finally told me why he committed adultery. He tried to tell me.”
“Did you get angry?”
“Yes, but that’s beside the point.”
“Did you express that anger?”
“I think Chuck is afraid I’m going to divorce him now. He got the message.”
“Good.” Dr. Craig nodded. “Not that your husband thinks you want a divorce, but that you weren’t afraid to express a justified emotion.” He blinked slowly and nodded. “But this was beside the point.”
“We need Phil now more than ever. We’re just beginning the hard part of reconciliation.”
“So you’re reconciling?”
“Maybe.”
“You weren’t wearing your rings. I wasn’t sure.”
“You noticed that?”
“It’s part of my job to notice little things, little changes,” he said. “So maybe you’re reconciling.” He waved his hand, passing the conversation back to her.
“All the ugliness has been brought to light, and now maybe we can start to put things back together. Well . . . we could have.” Bobbi shook her head. “I don’t understand why God would take Phil from us. And that doesn’t even begin to touch on how much Donna and the rest of his family and the church still need him.”
“Apparently, you don’t need him,” Dr. Craig said.
“Excuse me?”
“I don’t want to sound cavalier about it, but if God took Phil home while he still had a lot of work to do, then God would have a big mistake to answer for, right?” Bobbi had to agree. “And we know that’s not the case.”
“So, what is?”
“Look at it from a different angle for just a moment. Was Phil a good and faithful servant of God?”
“Of course.”
“Doesn’t he deserve to hear that from God, and receive his reward?” Bobbi nodded slowly. Phil deserved the best God had to offer him.
“It could also be that God took Phil to save him and Donna from greater suffering. What if Phil’s stroke had been debilitating rather than fatal, and he lived for years, unable to speak or take care of himself? Would that really be easier on him or his loved ones?”
“That’s hard to say.”
“It is, but I’ve found in dealing with death, that simplistic explanations are useless. People’s lives are too complex, too interconnected, to say with confidence why someone died when they did.”
“But I trusted Phil . . .”
“And you should.” Bobbi looked away, on the verge of tears. “Bobbi, what is it?”
“Did . . . Did God do this because I trusted Phil . . . more than I trusted Him?”
“God doesn’t work that way.” He looked away for a moment. “Phil’s death will work God’s purpose in the lives of the hundreds of people that knew him. I can’t presume to know what all those purposes could be, but I know that ultimately God is good, His love is sure, and His timing is perfect according to His purposes.”
“But here’s the other thing,” Bobbi said, wiping her eyes. “The whole time I’ve been dealing with these issues in my marriage, I’ve felt God telling me over and over to trust Him. Trust Him for what? How can I trust Him when He does something like this?”
“I don’t think trust comes with limits or qualifiers.”
“So I should reconcile completely, unequivocally?”
“Do you think that’s what God is telling you?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Tell me about your last devotional or study time, when you felt God speaking to you.”
“I was going back through some notes I’d made on Hosea, but I can’t love Chuck the way God loves Israel. Restoration happened because of a change of heart on Gomer’s p
art and on Israel’s. How can I be sure there has been a change of heart in Chuck?”
Dr. Craig sat for a few moments, staring across the room, then he smiled. “Who brings about a change in the heart of man?”
“God.”
“Who initiated the restoration?”
“God did.”
“What about with Gomer and Hosea?”
“Hosea did. I don’t like where this is headed.”
Dr. Craig smiled. “Could it be that God is encouraging you to trust Him to bring about the necessary changes in Chuck’s heart? Or perhaps to trust that He’s already done it? Or to trust Him enough to initiate reconciliation?” He leaned back and dropped his hands to the arms of the chair. “God, many times, wants us to make a move in faith, then He is right there beside us once we take that first step.”
“You sound like Phil,” Bobbi said.
“I take that as a high compliment.”
Sitting in her car, Bobbi leaned back against the headrest. “You know what this is like, God? This is just like when we went to Florida, to Disney World when Joel was four. Chuck called out to him from the pool. ‘Come on, Joel. Jump. I’ll catch you.’
“He let him go under, God. Chuck caught him, but he intentionally let Joel go underwater. And he was terrified . . . If I jump, I’m afraid You’re going to let me go under.”
She sighed and opened her purse to find her car keys when she saw the letter Phil gave her yesterday afternoon. She opened the envelope and pulled out a sheet written in Phil’s neat block printing.
WITH APOLOGIES TO THE APOSTLE PAUL AND PHILEMON-
PHIL SHANNON, PASTOR OF PRESTON ROAD COMMUNITY CHURCH
AND DONNA, MY BELOVED WIFE AND PARTNER,
TO BOBBI OUR BELOVED FRIEND AND FELLOW LABORER:
GRACE TO YOU AND PEACE FROM GOD OUR FATHER AND THE LORD JESUS CHRIST. I THANK MY GOD, MAKING MENTION OF YOU ALWAYS IN MY PRAYERS, HEARING OF YOUR LOVE AND FAITH, WHICH YOU HAVE TOWARD THE LORD JESUS AND TOWARD ALL OF US. FOR WE HAVE GREAT JOY AND CONSOLATION IN YOUR LOVE, BECAUSE OUR HEARTS HAVE BEEN REFRESHED BY YOU, OUR SISTER.
THEREFORE, THOUGH I MIGHT BE VERY BOLD IN CHRIST TO COMMAND
YOU, YET FOR LOVE’S SAKE I APPEAL TO YOU FOR MY SON, CHUCK, WHOM I HAVE COUNSELED, WHO ONCE WAS HEARTRENDING TO YOU, BUT IS BELOVED TO YOU AND TO ME. I AM SENDING HIM BACK. YOU THEREFORE RECEIVE HIM, THAT IS, MY OWN HEART. BUT I DIDN’T WANT TO DO THIS WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT, THAT YOUR RECONCILIATION MIGHT NOT BE BY COMPULSION, BUT VOLUNTARY. CHUCK DEPARTED FOR A WHILE AND GOD HAS WORKED IN CHUCK’S HEART, SALVAGING GOOD FROM HIS SIN AGAINST YOU, ACCORDING TO HIS DIVINE PURPOSE, THAT YOU MIGHT BE RECONCILED TO HIM FOREVER.