Read Conundrum Page 18


  Alternative Apocalypse Story

  The central character in this penultimate story is you.

  I am going to put you in a relaxing setting in order for you to receive my information.

  It is early evening and you are lying on a bed inside a yacht, which is bobbing gently upon the water in Folkestone Harbour. There are long windows on either side of you, so that you can observe the pretty landscape, with the small fishing boats tethered to the wall which surrounds the harbour on three sides. The fourth side of the square enclosing the harbour consists of a brick rail viaduct, which runs across the water over a series of arches. Beyond this is the English Channel, and to the left you can see the green, grassy headland with a small, round, stone Martello tower perched at its highest point.

  I have put you in this tranquil setting because you may find what you are about to hear somewhat alarming. There is a large TV screen on the wall in front of you and a remote control on the bedside table to your right. You pick this up and turn on the screen. A man's face appears and he begins to talk to you:

  “Good evening. You may not be aware of this yet, but you are at the end of your life. You have often wondered just what this whole experience is about and why you cannot understand the behaviour of other humans. Today, you will receive your answer.

  The fact is, you are alone in the universe.

  You are the only person able to experience reality.

  Yes, the cosmos is vast, and yes, it is a waste of space to have just one salient being in all of those billions of years that this place has existed, but it's just the way it is. I guess you adopted a similar approach to all the horrors of war and violence that you perceived in your world, concluding that it's just how things are.

  Everybody that you interact with, from your family to your circle of friends, is really just a simulation. Your mind is an advanced piece of computing machinery, and those people are merely other versions of yourself that you are running as an experiment to see what it would be like to be somebody else. Having no other individuals to interact with would make a pretty dull experience, so I guess you would have to create some people. It's a bit like the Adam and Eve story in that book you once read. Adam was on his own, so Eve was created for company.

  Of course it was you who thought up that story, just as it was you who thought up every song you have ever heard, every film or TV programme you have ever seen and every book you have ever read, including this one. All those art forms are just your own thoughts really. You probably don't like some of those thoughts, so it was just as well that they appeared to you on a screen or a page, rather than directly in your consciousness like the dreams you have. Same creative process; different presentation.

  As it is just you here, it was of course you who also thought up every book you haven't read too, as well as every film you've never watched and every song you didn't hear.

  You've dreamt up some pretty disturbing things in your time too, haven't you? I imagine that you have always been incredulous that humans could do the terrible things that they do to other humans. Well, now I expect you are quite relieved to know that you imagined it all. I expect you will feel a lot more happy about the state of things from now on.

  The flip side is that all the kind people and good things you imagined were only in your mind as well. For example, take the doctors who helped you to get well when you were ill. In truth, your body was healing itself all along – it just takes time.

  Perhaps the good and bad cancel each other out anyway, so knowing that there are in fact neither good people or evil people won't really alter your overall mood. You will be no better off and no worse off in knowing that all these people's actions were just your brain's idea of entertainment.

  I imagine that you might be feeling quite lonely now, or should I say 'you imagine'? After all, these are your words, not mine, because I don't exist.

  Perhaps this brings to mind the idea of drifting alone through the vastness of space; with the uncomfortable thought of having lost your tether to the spacecraft during a spacewalk, and floating interminably with no reference points, apart from the unchanging view of stars so distant that you can never reach them. Just look out of the window if you feel uncomfortable. Your world is the same as it ever was. People are still merrily walking backwards and forwards along the harbour wall, buying seafood from the fish stalls and drinking their ale on the benches outside the pubs. All is well.

  Please try to relax.

  'So are there no other conscious beings anywhere?' I hear you ask.

  The answer to that is 'yes' and 'no'. There are none in your particular universe, and as it is scientifically impossible to travel to another universe or communicate with it, the answer for you is basically 'no, there are not.' In fact, you have a very good grasp of science, in spite of what you may think. You seem to know the precise age of the universe, and if you thought you didn't, you are about to tell yourself – it's roughly 13 billion years!

  However, there are other universes too, each with one person in them, observing a form of existence created by his or her mind.

  'Are they humans like me?' you are asking.

  The answer is 'I don't know', because of course you don't know yourself, and I am just a figment of your imagination. All I can tell you is what your brain already knows but maybe hasn't translated into thoughts yet.

  The truth is, you can never know what the other beings are like because you can't leave this universe. After all, you don't know for sure that you can even leave this planet. You imagined a bunch of people breaking free from it in space rockets, but just because you can envisage others doing something doesn't mean it is possible. I mean, do you still believe the fairy stories you entertained yourself with as a child?

  All in all, the world you imagine that you are living in is a pretty good approximation of how things really are, inasmuch as there are things that you know and things you could never know.

  Maybe you are wondering what it would be like if it was me having these thoughts and if you were just a figment of my imagination. Perhaps all the people in your virtual reality scenario would have had this notion that they are alone at some stage. Maybe the ones who commit violent acts believe that they are the only conscious person all the time, which is how they can do such horrible things with no pang of guilt.

  The truth is that all you know for sure is that you are real because you can think and experience your life. You can't think or experience anybody else's life.

  Now, there is just one small chance of extending your life. Perhaps I should have mentioned this earlier, but to be honest it is probably a gamble that you will not wish to take.

  At the rear of this yacht is a small room, and in it is a machine that may be capable of teleporting you to another place. Another place of your own creation of course, but nevertheless somewhere where your life can continue.

  What this means is that your body and mind will be annihilated here and will be reconstructed exactly by another teleportation machine in the new location. The person that emerges from that machine will of course be you, having all of your memories, all your personality traits, and so on. The only thing is, there is no way of telling if your consciousness will be transferred or if you will cease to be aware of anything when your body is instantly deconstructed here.

  As I told you before, I can only tell you what you already know, so I do not have the answer to this existential question.

  You have a choice; to get up and go to the room at the back of the boat, close the door and press the red button on the wall, or to lay here and pass away peacefully in the next few moments.

  Well, I have to go now.

  It's been nice talking to you.

  Or should I say 'me?'

  Goodbye.”

  And with that the screen goes blank.

  'What a conundrum!' you think to yourself. You have just received the shock of your life and now you have but a few minutes to make the biggest decision you will ever make.


  On the one hand, you could be instantly transported to another place, in the same way that you suddenly found yourself on a yacht in Folkestone, or you could disappear completely and a replica of yourself will carry on in place of you, inhabiting the universe that your mind created. It would be a bit like a computer simulation of yourself, completely unaware that it is in fact a clone, for it would have all your memories and thoughts and just seamlessly carry on with its life.

  And if you did take the gamble and actually found your consciousness transferred by the machine, how would you feel to carry on living your life knowing that none of it is actually real? Just how long would you have to live the lie for, talking to people who you know don't really exist, playing along with a system that you know is just a work of fiction? And would you cease to care about others, knowing that they are just simulations? Surely then you would cease to be what you understand as 'human?'

  It's 'Catch 22' and 'Hobson's choice' rolled into one and time is ticking away. You can feel your energy fading as you think about it. Better choose fast.

  Happy memories come into your mind.

  Life has had its ups and downs, but overall it has been a good life, compared to many of the other lives you imagined. If you were to carry on in the new place, there is a strong chance that things could be a lot worse. And the longer you stay there, the greater the chance of your mind eventually making your worst nightmares reality.

  Suddenly, the choice seems clear – you want to quit while you are ahead.

  You smile, recalling some pleasant but distant memory. Suddenly all those testing times in the past seem to be in proportion. You feel at peace.

  Just then a train rumbles across the viaduct, sending a flock of seagulls flurrying into the air. Dusk has fallen. You roll over onto your side and observe the world you are leaving for one last time.

  Your yacht still bobs peacefully in the harbour of that Kentish seaside town, the seagulls fill the cool night air with their familiar shrieks, and the last few people are wandering home from along the quayside, content from their evening's vittles.

  You close your eyes and a moment later, they are all no more.

  The dream is over.