Sebastian was sitting outside smoking, and he wasn’t alone. Claire was sitting on a sofa opposite him, her legs resting on top of the coffee table.
‘Look who’s here,’ Sebastian said. ‘It’s the elusive Mr Bartholomew.’
I pulled up a chair and joined them, avoiding sitting next to Claire.
‘Cooper, Cooper,’ Claire giggled. ‘So nice to see you.’
At least she was in a decent mood. She laughed loudly and put her feet back on the ground. As she changed position, I noticed a plastic bag of white powder on the table, and white residue on the dark glass. There were also two empty shot glasses and a bottle of whisky.
Obviously, Sebastian and Claire were planning a big night. I could tell by the glazed look in their eyes that they were already high. If I’d known Claire was there I wouldn’t have come. If I’d known Sebastian was taking speed I wouldn’t have bothered coming either.
‘So what have you been up to?’ I asked Seb.
He didn’t answer. He just stared at me, a weird, unreadable expression on his face.
‘What?’
‘Just trying to remember who you are,’ he said. ‘You look vaguely familiar.’
I ignored his sarcasm. I was happy, determined not to let him ruin my mood. ‘I thought we were going to play pool,’ I said. ‘Still keen?’
‘Oh, of course,’ Sebastian said. His voice sounded friendly enough but he had a mean glint in his eye. ‘Claire, Cooper wants to play pool and naturally his wish is our command. We’d better do exactly what he wants or he’ll disappear.’ He clicked his fingers. ‘Poof! Just like magic. He’ll be gone.’
I rolled my eyes.
Seb made no move to get up. Instead, he picked up the bottle of whisky, and refilled the two shot glasses. He slid one glass towards Claire. ‘Bottoms up,’ he said. He didn’t offer me a drink, which was not like him. He was doing his best to be unwelcoming. As soon as they’d finished their drinks he picked up the bag of speed, tapped some out onto the glass, cut it into two lines. He was clearly trying his best to piss me off.
While they were busy with their drugs, I got my phone out and texted Libby.
Still awake? Can I come over? x
Claire got a mirror out of her bag, checked her face, put something glossy on her lips. She snapped the mirror closed. Turned to face me.
‘Cooper! Oh my god. I totally haven’t even told you . . .’ She started a long and involved story about the night Atticus gave her a lift home from the beach party and something that happened in Year 8. She was so high she was practically bouncing in her seat, her pupils like two tiny little specks in her eyes.
‘Do you think we should actually be grateful or something?’ Sebastian said, interrupting Claire’s monologue. He was staring at me, a concentrated and angry look on his face. ‘Is that what you think? That we should be grateful to see you?’
‘No. Seb. That’s not what I think at all. Why would I? I’m sorry I haven’t been around much. I’ve just been busy.’
‘Busy,’ Seb said. He looked furious. ‘We’re all busy. But some of us know how to treat our friends. And some of us don’t appreciate being ditched.’
‘Ditched? I haven’t ditched you. I’m sitting right here.’ I smiled through my teeth. I wanted him to stop being a shit. I wanted him to forget whatever it was that was bothering him and be a mate. I would have liked to tell him about Libby. I was pretty sure I’d found the best girl in the world. The woman of my dreams. The love of my life. And I knew that if I could just get through to him, make him understand, he’d stop holding it against me.
But it wasn’t a conversation we could have with Claire there. I’d have to save it for some other time.
‘Seb, look,’ I said. ‘I’m sorry, okay? Sorry if I haven’t been around. But I’m here now. Why don’t we have a game of pool or something?’
Claire groaned, covered her mouth with her hand, leaned forward. ‘Oh god,’ she said. ‘I think I’m going to be sick.’
‘Bathroom,’ Sebastian said, pointing. ‘Don’t you dare make a mess out here.’
Claire groaned again and sat back, leaning her head against the chair. She closed her eyes. I went to the bar to get her a drink of water. When I got back she was standing up, collecting her things.
‘I need to go home,’ she said. ‘I’ve totally hit a wall. I need to sleep. Or vomit. Or both.’
‘I’ll give you a lift,’ Sebastian said. ‘If you promise not to spew in my car.’
‘Mate.’ I laughed. ‘You can’t drive.’
‘Why the hell not?’
‘I’ve just watched you snort a line and scull a whisky. You were already wasted when I got here. They’d put you in gaol and throw away the key. Don’t be a dick.’
‘He’s right, Seb,’ Claire said. ‘Let Cooper do it. If you get busted you’ll be in deep shit. And I’m totally not fucking worth it.’
Claire and I drove the first half of the trip in silence. When we got to the edge of town she reached into her bag and pulled out a packet of cigarettes.
‘Mind if I smoke?’
I glanced across at her. ‘I thought you were sick?’
She shrugged. ‘Comes in waves.’
‘You can wait. You’ll be home in a minute.’
She sighed, put the cigarettes back in her bag. ‘I’m sorry for crashing your party the other week,’ she said.
‘Forget it.’
‘But that thing about your mum – the thing I mentioned at the party – I wasn’t kidding about that. I wasn’t just drunk.’
‘Leave it, Claire. I’m not interested.’ I was abrupt. I didn’t want to give her an opening to start talking shit. I was trapped in the car with her until I got her home.
‘You would be interested. If you’d just listen.’
‘Maybe you should save these kinds of conversations for when you’re sober. Maybe then I would be more inclined to listen.’
‘Fuck, Cooper, you can be a real arse!’
‘Hey, Claire. You know what? I’m pretty happy at the moment. Feeling pretty good. I don’t need you to spoil it for me.’
‘Me? Spoil it? Why would I spoil it?’
I took a deep breath. I told myself she was wasted. Not worth arguing with.
‘It’s your mum, Cooper. Aren’t you interested in knowing the truth?’
‘Nope. Not really.’
‘Cooper.’ She put her hand on my knee, adopted a wheedling tone. ‘Why can’t you ever take me seriously? Give me the benefit of the doubt?’
I pushed her hand away. ‘If it was important enough I’m sure someone would have told me. Okay? Just drop it.’
‘But it is important and I’m trying to tell you.’
‘That’s too bad,’ I said. ‘Because I’m not interested in hearing it right now. Whatever it is. Especially not from you.’
She was quiet for a moment and then she laughed. It was an ugly, knowing noise and I had a sudden cold sense of dread. I knew she wouldn’t drop it until she’d told me. She had some dirt on my mother – at least, she thought she did – and she planned to rub my face in it.
I wished I’d left her at Seb’s. In fact, I wished I’d never gone to Seb’s in the first place.
‘Stop the car,’ she said. ‘Let me out. I can get a cab.’
‘Why would you do that? All you have to do is sit and be quiet for a few minutes. Even for you, Claire, that shouldn’t be too hard.’
‘Stop the fucking car, Cooper,’ she shouted. ‘I hate you and I refuse to sit here with you. Stop the car and let me out right now or I’ll start screaming. I’ll open the door and jump. I swear to god I will.’
When Claire was angry and hysterical she was likely to do anything. Particularly stupid self-destructive things like jumping out of a moving car. I pulled over and she was out of the car in an instant. I would have liked to drive away, leave her there, but it was a dodgy part of town and she was wasted and it was late.
I swore, turned the engine off, got out and f
ollowed her.
She was marching along the road, in the gutter. It was an idiotic thing to do. She was wearing black and was difficult to see in the dark. She could easily get run over. I ran to catch up. I grabbed her arm and heaved her onto the footpath.
‘Let go of me!’ she screamed. ‘Leave me alone!’
‘Get in the car.’
‘No! Piss off. I’m walking.’
‘Claire. Fuck. For once in your stupid life, don’t make trouble. For once, don’t make the wrong choice. Just shut up and get in the car. Stop being an idiot.’
She swung around to face me, her eyes wild. ‘You know what, Cooper? You think you’re so high and fucking mighty. You think you’re so much better than me. But guess what? Your mum was a skanky slut. She had an affair with Leonard. Ask Seb. He knows the truth. Go on, ring him now. Ask him.’
I laughed. I couldn’t help myself. She sounded so pathetic, so childishly vindictive.
‘Good one, Claire,’ I said. ‘Very nice. I hope you feel better now.’
‘It’s the truth.’
‘No, it’s not,’ I said. I felt vicious myself now. ‘You’re a liar, Claire. And you’re a fucking mess. You’re always a mess. I’m ashamed I ever went out with you. Look at you – you can’t even stand up properly.’
She flinched as if I’d hit her. Then she ran at me. She swung out and punched me with her fist, getting me in the arm.
‘I hate you,’ she screamed, swinging again, but missing. ‘I fucking hate you!’
I took a step away but she kept coming. ‘I saw it,’ she screamed. ‘I saw it with my own eyes.’
She pushed me, both hands against my chest. I stumbled backwards, then got up and wiped my grazed palms on my jeans. I looked down at her. ‘You’re disgusting,’ I said. I turned away and walked back to my car.
Claire started crying, calling out to me, making excuses, but I blocked her out. She wasn’t my problem anymore. I just didn’t care.
NOW
61
LiBBy
I drive straight home from Sebastian’s. I’m glad Mum is out, relieved that I can be alone for the afternoon. I need time and space to think, to sift through the jumble of thoughts that are crowding my head.
I go straight to the kitchen and open the fridge. I find a bottle of Mum’s chardonnay and pour myself a huge glassful. I take it to the bathroom and run a deep hot bath, dumping far too much bath oil in. I stand there and watch the water turn a dark shade of pink and drink the entire glass of wine while I’m waiting for the bath to fill. I go to the kitchen and pour another one. Back in the bathroom I pull my clothes off, tie my hair up and step into the hot water.
I’m soon dizzy from the combination of steam and wine, but it’s a nice, mellow sensation, almost a relief after the intensity of the past few days. I close my eyes, lean my head against the back of the bath. For a while I concentrate only on the feel of the water against my skin and the weightlessness of my limbs. I breathe the foggy, fragrant air, taste the wine in my mouth.
When the water gets tepid I climb out. It’s not even two p.m., but I put my pyjamas on, wrap my fleecy dressing-gown over the top – I’m not planning to go anywhere or see anyone. I go to the kitchen and consider getting myself another glass of wine, but decide against it. I’m already feeling tipsy enough and will need to go to bed if I have any more. I put the kettle on for tea and make toast, which I spread with a thick layer of peanut butter. I eat standing in the kitchen.
When I’m rinsing my plate off my phone rings. My heart flutters in my chest – it’s completely illogical, but every time it rings I have this very faint hope that it’s Cooper. He’s calling to tell me that there’s been a huge mistake. A terrible mix-up. Only it’s not terrible at all, it’s the best thing in the world.
I see Atticus’s name and my heart sinks a little. I let it go to voicemail, but within a minute he’s ringing again.
I pick up. ‘Hello, Atticus.’
‘Hey. How are you?’
‘I’m okay.’
‘Any news?’ he asks.
‘What do you mean?’
‘I mean, have you had any more thoughts? On the whole Cooper thing.’
I’ve had far too many thoughts, I want to tell him. My head is overflowing with thoughts. Thoughts that I can’t untangle or make sense of, thoughts that tie me in knots, thoughts that won’t let me rest.
‘You think I’m crazy, don’t you?’ I say. ‘You think I should just drop it. Concentrate on something else.’
‘No. I don’t think you’re crazy at all. And neither do Hari and Cate and I know that for a fact. And I was thinking about it last night and I decided that if I died in an unexpected way I’d definitely want my friends to . . . I don’t know . . . ask a few questions. It’s a noble thing to do. A good thing. And it can’t do any harm.’
‘Really? You really think that?’ His words make me want to cry. Not with joy, exactly, but with something like relief.
‘Yep. I do,’ he says. ‘So have you found anything out? Anything new?’
‘Nothing concrete. But I did go and see Sebastian.’
I tell him what Sebastian said. How he swore he didn’t and would never have hurt Cooper. I explain his reasons for lying about seeing Cooper. The drugs he took that night. Their argument.
‘And you believe him?’
‘I do, actually. It all made sense in a sad way. And I’m pretty sure he loved Cooper. But now I’m wondering why Claire didn’t mention the fact that Cooper gave her a lift home.’
‘Maybe she forgot?’
‘It’s a pretty big thing to forget. Oh, god, but you know what? Now she’s in hospital. She took an overdose apparently, just yesterday afternoon, after I left—’
‘What?’
‘I’m not sure, but it’s all a bit suspicious, don’t you think?’
‘An overdose?’
‘Yes. It makes me wonder. First she lies and then she has an overdose. She’s really stressing out about something.’
‘Is she okay, Libby?’ Atticus demands. ‘Is Claire going to be okay?’
‘Yes,’ I say. ‘Sorry. Yes. Of course. Seb was pretty sure.’
‘What did she take?’
‘I have no idea.’
Atticus is quiet for so long I start to wonder if he’s hung up.
‘Atticus?’
‘Sorry. I’m here.’
‘Well? Don’t you think it’s strange? It’s such a weird thing to lie about. It just makes her look bad.’
‘Why don’t you ask her? Be completely up-front about it?’
‘I will. As soon as I can. I can’t exactly rock up to the hospital and start interrogating her.’
‘I’m sure there’s an explanation. Probably something completely innocent. Kind of like Sebastian’s reason for lying. Something personal. I mean, the whole town knew she had a thing for Cooper. Maybe she had an argument with him too. If Sebastian was drunk I’m guessing Claire was drunk too. Who knows what happened?’
‘Yeah. I don’t know. Anyway, there’s another very interesting thing. I saw Sebastian’s father,’ I said.
‘And?’
‘He was drunk. Blind. And he was being very odd. He said some very strange things.’
‘Like?’
‘Well, when Cooper came up in the conversation he started talking about not getting away with stuff. He said something about the universe catching up with you when you do wrong. Stuff like that.’
‘Hmmm. That’s definitely a bit weird. Was he talking about the affair, do you think?’
‘I don’t know, but listen, next thing he started falling asleep. And before he completely passed out he was talking to himself, or to me, I’m not even sure. But he started crying and—’
‘Crying? Bloody hell. Intense.’
‘Yeah, but hold on, the really freaky thing is that he started saying how he was sorry, how he didn’t want this to happen, how it was all his fault.’
‘What did he mean? He didn’t want w
hat to happen?’
‘That’s exactly what I want to know.’
‘God, Libby. That’s creepy. Shit. Do you think he—?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘But you intend to find out?’
‘I’m certainly going to try.’
THEN
62
COOPER
I left Claire standing on the footpath and got in my car. I didn’t think about where I was going, I drove on auto-pilot, and it wasn’t until I was turning into her street that I realised I’d driven to Libby’s.
The house was dark, not a single light on. I could see Libby’s bedroom window. A dark rectangular eye staring out from a dark house. Hostile and unwelcoming.
I opened the console, found my phone, checked the screen. She hadn’t responded to my earlier text and though I knew she’d probably be sound asleep by now – it was almost midnight – I sent another one in case.
Libs? You there?
I waited for ten minutes. I badly wanted to go in and wake her. Curl up beside her in bed, wash the grubbiness of the night from my skin with hers.
But she didn’t respond to my text and I didn’t have the heart to wake her up. Not again. She’d be exhausted. Neither of us had got a lot of sleep over the past few days.
The sensible thing was to go home. Talk to Mum and tell her what Claire said. Hear the truth. Wipe Claire’s lies from my mind.
Let Libby sleep.
NOW
63
CLAiRE
When Claire wakes up in hospital she has no idea where she is and no idea what has happened. She’s so lost and dizzy and out of sorts she even wonders for a moment if she’s in gaol. But a nurse approaches and checks her blood pressure and she’s soon put straight.
A drug overdose. What a fucking loser.
She sleeps fitfully, and when she next wakes her parents are there, talking in hushed voices over her bed. Her mother kisses her forehead and cries. Claire groans and turns away, pretends to be asleep through the whole visit.