“I wish it was that easy… believe me, I’ve tried.”
“You have?”
“That’s what I was doing last night… I don’t really need much sleep.”
He teed up his ball and hit another beautiful drive. Giddeon picked up his tee and handed it to me since I couldn’t find one in my pocket. Then, he said, “Apparently, there are some rules that can’t be broken… or, at least that I don’t know how to break, yet.”
I grunted, put my ball upon the little wooden pedestal, and promptly hooked my shot into the trees on the left. “Ain’t that a fine kettle of fish? I hate it when that happens!” I exclaimed.
“Concentrate, young grasshopper. Being in a coma shouldn’t affect your golf game.”
“Sorry… I was thinking of Melody.”
“Want a Mulligan?”
“Life doesn’t give you do-overs, does it?”
“You’d be surprised, you’d be surprised… depends on what you call life.”
The tee I had used lay fractured at my feet, so I didn’t bother collecting it. We began our stroll down the fairway, me carrying my bag, and Giddeon, empty handed. Whatever club was called for at the time simply appeared in his grip just before each shot, and then dissolved back into the atmosphere when he was done. We made our way into the rough, looking for my Callaway.
“There it is.” He was pointing ahead, and I spotted it. Surprisingly, it was sitting up nicely in the thick grass. I pulled out a 3 iron to punch it laterally back out into the fairway. As I was setting up, Giddeon interjected,
“Why don’t you go between those two trees, there? It’s a straight shot.” I looked up and saw him pointing at two young oaks, at least I think that’s what they were… botany’s not my strong point. The nearest one was about 35 yards away.
“Through that little gap? Are you nuts? It can’t be more than 2 feet wide!”
“I can see the flag between them. It would be such a cool shot if you could pull it off.”
I shook my head back and forth. “More likely, I’ll hit one of the trees, and this ball will come straight back at me.”
“You’re already in the hospital… Live la Vida Oaka.”
I assumed he had attempted a pun pertaining to the oak trees… obviously, my percentage of the brain got the sense of humor.
“Oak-kay.” I replied with an equally bad play on words in order to show him just how ridiculous his joke was. Giddeon, however, seemed delighted, and grinned from ear to ear. I shook my head, then repositioned myself and started to line up my shot; he was standing a few feet behind me, watching my setup, and came out with some advice.
“Just ignore the trees and focus on the opening. I’ll tell you a little secret… there’s nothing around the gap you’re aiming for… it just seems like it is.”
“Those trees look pretty solid to me.”
“Don’t worry about them,” said Giddeon. “Think only of your target, which is on the other side of the space… anything else, is a distraction. Distractions are only real if you make them real.”
He then stepped away.
I looked at the small target area, and he could tell I wasn’t sure about such a low percentage endeavor. “Jack Nicklaus would say to play it safe,” I said.
Giddeon smiled. “I’m not Jack Nicklaus. A perfect shot is a perfect shot, and you’ve already hit a couple of those, today… it just looks more difficult when ‘things’ are near the path.”
“I’ll try,” I said, gripping the club a bit too tightly.
“Ahhh… ‘try’ implies doubt. See it as inevitable and your swing as part of that inevitability,” advised my subconscious.
It sounded like hocus pocus, but, I cleared my mind and attempted to picture it. I relaxed my grip just a tad. When ready, I made what felt like a really nice, smooth swing.
The ball jumped from my clubface as if eager to be on its way. I saw it accelerate towards the trees, and, for just a brief moment, I believed that all that Giddeon had said was true.
It felt like everything was in slow motion as I watched the tiny orb tunnel through dappled sunlight. Then, the little sphere just caught the edge of the tree on the right, ricocheted into the tree on the left, and careened off of it straight backwards… directly towards my head. I ducked, and heard it whistle past. Giddeon laughed like a maniac and ran over to pick it up.
“That was awesome!”
“Awesome?! I almost put myself into coma number 2!!”
He came back excitedly with the ball and positioned it exactly as it was.
“You almost put yourself into a superposition of states! The ball was traveling like a wave… remember the double slit experiment?”
“There’s only one slit between those trees!”
“Don’t get hung up in numbers!” he exclaimed. “Think of the trees as slits, too. The problem was you tried to observe the path. You crashed the system. Make the same swing, only this time don’t look. When your right shoulder brings your head up, close your eyes at that moment! Practice it a few times, first.”
“If I wasn’t looking, I would have been hit in the head!”
“If you weren’t looking, the ball would be on the green.”
I gave an exasperated grunt, looked at him with distrust, and finally took a practice swing. I forgot to close my eyes on the follow through, so I did it again. It felt very unnatural, so I did it, yet, again. After four or five more times, it seemed more fluid.
Giddeon said, “I think you’re getting it. Do that a few more times.”
“If I get hit by the ball, I’m holding you personally responsible.” I continued with the drill.
“I have liability insurance.”
“No you don’t… you’re me, remember?”
“Then I guess it’s lie-ability, huh?” I could tell he was grinning at his joke, even when I closed my eyes. After I had taken two more practice swings he said, “I think you’re ready.”
I addressed the ball, looked at the gap one final time, inhaled, and then let my breath slowly escape on its own. At the beginning of the next inhalation, I started my backswing. I could tell that at the top of my swing that the club head was in a perfect position; the beginning descent seemed to be on track, and I held my breath while the forged blade entered the bottom of the arc in order to strike the low punch shot.
Impact was again in slow motion, and I could see blades of grass shearing off just in front of where the ball had been microseconds before. As my right shoulder started to carry my chin forward, I closed my eyes and could see only red blackness behind my lids. I opened them after a couple of seconds, but was disoriented and couldn’t find the Callaway in flight. Then, I saw it settle down, roll up over the fringe and onto the edge of the green… 180 yards away.
“It worked!” I shouted, excitedly.
“Of course it did.”
“It really worked!! I can’t believe it… that was amazing!”
After a few seconds of jubilation and a high five from Giddeon, a thought occurred to me.
“Wait a minute… you did it, didn’t you?”
“I’m you, remember?”
“You know what I mean… it wasn’t really me.”
“That was your 10 percent, or so… at least, I think it was,” said my coach.
“You wouldn’t lie to me, again, would you?”
“A lie is just the truth on vacation in Bermuda shorts.”
“You’re like the worst philosopher in the world.”
He grinned. “We don’t have a degree like someone we know, now, do we? Whose fault is that?”
“Humph.” I made my way towards the green, thinking of Melody. Giddeon whistled something that vaguely resembled ‘The Impossible Dream’ all of the way there.
Chapter 15
I shot a 79 that day, thanks to the Mulligan between the trees. Not a personal best, but still good for me. Giddeon had a 53… 17 consecutive birdies and an eagle on number 18 just for good measure. We were in the parking lot, and I wa
s putting my clubs and golf shoes into the trunk of my Ford Focus.
“Why didn’t you just eagle every hole?” I asked.
“I like to keep it real.”
I changed back into my flip flops, closed the trunk and made my way around to the driver’s side. Giddeon waited by the passenger door until I clicked it open with the remote.
“Where do we go, now?”
He plopped down in his seat, closed the door, strapped himself in and answered,
“Melody’s place.”
“Really? I don’t know where she lives.”
“I don’t either, but I know the complex… Collwood Point Condos on Montezuma Avenue.”
“How do you know that?” I asked.
“It was on a sticker in her car window… a parking pass. You’d have noticed it, too, if you had more blood in your upstairs brain than your downstairs brain at the time.”
“Don’t lecture me… I’m doing the best I can with my 10 percent.”
“Actually, it’s 5.6 percent, but, who’s counting?”
“5.6…! For real?” I started the car.
“That’s not so bad.”
“That’s like…”
“I think they say mentally challenged, nowadays,” interjected Giddeon.
“Is that what I am?” I asked, beginning to get concerned.
He adjusted the vents to the air conditioner and pointed cool currents in his direction. “I think maybe you have more capacity than most, so, the relative percentage is less.”
I felt somewhat better. “Is that what you really think?”
“Let’s just say I do.”
I found his answer less than satisfying. I reached down, put the car in reverse, and backed out of my spot.
“Just tell me where to go… talk slow, so I’ll understand.” I shifted into drive.
“Okay… first, though, let’s swing by MooTime and get some smoothies. I’m thirsty. Mooooo-Tiiiiime.” He dragged it out slowly for my benefit.
“You want to walk?”
Giddeon smiled and held his tongue. ‘Pretty Woman’ came on the radio when he reached over and punched the knob.
__________
We entered MooTime between the nearly life-sized plastic Elvis and the big, plastic, black and white dairy cow.
I looked over the menu and decided on a MangoMooMania. Giddeon went for a Rockin’MooBerry. Of course, the guy behind the counter couldn’t see us and neither could the patrons, who consisted of a couple of soccer moms and their progeny, so we went to the front of the line. The smoothies appeared in our hands, so suddenly that I almost dropped mine. Giddeon laughed at my surprised fumbling, and then, we walked back towards our car.
“Why did we have to come here? You could’ve just zapped us up a couple of drinks at the golf course.”
“I wanted to see if they had anything new on the menu. They didn’t, so I went with an old favorite. I see you’re living on the edge… you’ve never had one of those, before. How is it?”
I had just taken a taste. It was surprisingly delicious… I’m sure being thirsty accented the experience. “Good. Getting out of my comfort zone.”
“Just like you did with Melody?”
“Guess so.” I unlocked the car doors with the remote, again. We climbed in; I started the engine and then pulled out onto Orange Avenue.
“Collwood Condos are over by the college, right?”
“Yep… you’ve driven by there dozens of times. They used to be apartments and were converted to condos a while back.”
“How do you know she’ll be there?”
“I don’t… just playing the odds. It’s a weekend and she has a test on Monday.”
“Oh yeah… she did mention that.”
“Pays to listen, Greg. Go up 15 and get off on Adams. Take Aldine down to Fairmont, and then take that onto Montezuma.”
In a minute or so, we merged with traffic onto the Coronado Bridge and took the graceful, curving structure high up over the bay. The water glistened below us, and in my rear view mirror the island looked for all the world like an emerald embedded in the azure of its embrace.
Chapter 16
We came to the gate of the condos. There was a keypad with numbers on it, so I looked over to Giddeon.
“What, now?”
“Try 1-2-3-4.”
I punched in the numbers, and to my surprise, the gate rumbled open.
“How did you know?”
“Lucky guess.”
I grunted, thinking to myself about frames of reference. After making it through the opening, I scooted into one of the visitor spots. A few cars down was Melody’s silver Accord.
“Looks like you were right… there’s her car.”
“Yep.” Giddeon unbuckled his seat belt. “Let’s just hang here for a minute.”
I undid my shoulder harness, also, and complied.
It was actually more like five minutes, but then, I saw her. She was in a multicolored sun dress; her honey-blonde hair hung loose around her shoulders and down her back. Sunglasses were on the top of her head, and upon emerging from the shadow of the foyer, she slipped them over her eyes. On her feet were those sandals with the Greek-looking straps that go up over the ankles and almost to the calves… the total effect was as if a supermodel had come to life and stepped off the glossy cover of a magazine. My heart skipped a beat. I wondered if it did the same thing in the hospital, too.
Giddeon let out a low whistle. “Wow! Even better than I remember.”
Melody got into her automobile, cranked it up, and backed out of her slot. I watched as she put the car in gear and went behind us in what seemed like slow motion; my brain recorded every detail of her profile in the rear view mirror. There was silence in the interior of my Focus for fully 15 seconds as that vision of her receded into the past. Then,
“Let’s go check out her place,” said Giddeon, opening his door.
“What? Isn’t that like breaking and entering?”
“Not for ghosts.”
“We’re not… ghosts… are we? Did I die!?” I was suddenly alarmed.
“No, you’re fine… if you consider being in a coma fine. It’s just the best way to describe us that I could think of on short notice.”
“Think of something else.”
“Inter-dimensional tourists?”
“Okay… I can live with that.”
“So, get your IDT butt out of the car and let’s go before the trail grows cold!”
Unsure of what else to do, I opened my door and exited the vehicle. Giddeon was already on his way over to the area from where Melody had come out of the building.
I caught up as he went through an open gate and down a little hallway which spilled into an expansive area that contained a swimming pool and a hot-tub. It was open above us, and the blue sky was cut into a large rectangle by the outline of the three story structure. The other 94.4 percent of my brain was in front of me with his head tilted backwards at an unusual angle; he appeared to be sniffing the air as he made his way over to a stairway.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“Smelling for her perfume… she came from up there.” He pointed, and started up the stairs.
“You can track like a dog?” I followed close behind him.
“So could you if you used a bit more of your frontal and temporal lobes. This way.” He turned to the right, and continued on with his nose in the air. He rounded a corner and stopped in front of a door. “This is it.”
I reached out and tried the knob… of course, it was locked. After releasing it, Giddeon put his hand forward and I saw that unsettling flicker, again; the wooden plane swung open. We crossed the threshold and Giddeon closed the door behind us. For the first time I could just barely make out the scent of her perfume as we walked past the small kitchen into the living area.
__________
There, on a couch, was a medium-sized, white cat with long, silky fur. The feline looked at us with curiosity, but no fear. I wal
ked over to the animal and held out my hand. She sniffed my fingers, and then looked to me as if for an explanation about the lack of odor. On its neck was a pink collar with a little heart that said, ‘Samantha’. She had two differently colored eyes… one blue, and one gold. I ‘scratched’ her head, and then let my hand pass through her.
She seemed to understand, and lay down on her side. The feline began to purr… audible contentment softly radiated into space.
“Cats love the undead,” said Giddeon.
“Even ghosts beats that… stick with inter-dimensional tourists.”
He seemed to contemplate for a moment. Then, “Hmmm… I know! How about coma-chameleons?” Gideon then enthusiastically launched into a bad parody of the old Boy George song:
“Coma, coma, coma, coma, coma chamel-e-ons!”
I groaned as he walked over to a Yamaha keyboard situated on a stand by the wall, turned it on, and picked out the tune. After that, he treated me to another round of the lyrics, this time with full blown accompaniment.
“Coma, coma, coma, coma, coma chamel-e-ons… we come and go…… we come and goo-o-o-oh!”
“Oh, God… please stop… even the cat’s about to vomit.” That wasn’t true. Samantha seemed to almost be smiling at his antics.
“Probably just a hairball,” Giddeon said as he played out some more of the song with his right hand.
“More like a goof-ball… is this really the rest of my brain in action?”
“Afraid so…” He shut off the instrument, and then walked over towards the window. “Hey, check this out.”
At least he had left the keyboard. Giddeon was standing in front of a canvas on which there was a partially finished painting. I could tell from his demeanor that something unique had focused his attention.
__________
The scene on the easel was familiar. It was done in an impressionistic style, but, still, I recognized the table and the patio where she and I had eaten our lunch two days before; I couldn’t be sure, but it looked like Melody had recently been putting our images into the chairs that were across from each other.
We stood there in silence, taking in the work.
After several seconds, the world unexpectedly seemed to move under my feet; I could feel blood rushing in my ears and all around the vasculature of my phantom brain. The full reality of my situation finally came crashing down on me for the very first time: I was in a coma, and the woman of my dreams was waiting for my call… a call I was totally unable to make.