‘And here I thought only my brothers had figured out that she was the weak link.’
I guess that explained how they maintained their excellent grade point averages. ‘But not you?’ I asked, even though I already knew the answer.
He shook his head. ‘Just how stupid did you think I was?’ he asked dryly.
I glanced up, hoping he could see the honest regret in my eyes. ‘I thought you were a Mercer. I thought you knew exactly what was going on and that you didn’t care.’
His tone hardened. ‘So I wasn’t stupid, I was a monster.’
‘I was wrong,’ I whispered.
‘Did you ever care?’
I opened my mouth to answer, but he held up his hand. ‘Don’t answer that.’ He took a deep breath and let it out, looking straight ahead, as if lost in his thoughts. ‘I understand why … all the things you’ve done.’ He cleared his throat again, as if the next words were hard to say. ‘I don’t agree with a lot of them and it hurt. Plain and simple, knife-in-the-back hurt.’
I listened. He had a right to say these words and I deserved every one of them.
‘I fell in love with you, and you looked me in the eye and told me I was nothing. You let me believe there was something innately wrong with me and that one day, when the gene showed itself, I could do something terrible to another person. Do you know what that feels like? Thinking you carry something in you that others would call evil?’
I thought of my father, of our genetic link. Of overhearing my mother tell Sam how I was just like him. Yes, I knew what that felt like. ‘I wanted to tell you the truth. So many times,’ I said quietly.
‘But you didn’t. And I think, in some ways, that’s the hardest part. You had your reasons for what you did, but … it’s hard for me to believe that you ever felt anything for me.’
My eyes shot up defensively.
He raised his eyebrows, but his look remained impassive. Disconnected. ‘How could I, when you kept up the façade to the very end?’
I wanted to argue that I’d tried to tell him in the lab. That at first I’d needed to stay the course, and then I was in so deep that I couldn’t.
‘I was scared,’ was all I managed.
‘Scared of what, Maggie?’
I was starting to sweat. I either had to put myself on the line or pretend I didn’t care. The old Maggie would do just that, turn away and deal with the pain in private. But now …
‘I thought about you while I was down there. All the time.’ I shuddered at the recollection of my concrete cell. ‘I wondered what you would say if I ever saw you again and I promised myself that if you wanted to be rid of me, or if you wanted to punish me, then that was okay. But for all those weeks, the hours that took lifetimes, I thought of you and it kept me going. Not because I thought you would forgive me and that we would live happily ever after, but because I thought you might be …’ I took a deep breath. I was starting to shake with the memories.
‘You thought I might be down there,’ Quentin finished for me.
I nodded. ‘And that was on me. I couldn’t take back all the wrong I’d done, but I could keep fighting in case I ever had the chance to try to get you out. So when I did –’
Quentin’s hand covered mine briefly, stopping me. ‘Do you think I didn’t know that, Maggie? Did you think I didn’t know that as soon as you were freed you would come for me?’
My eyes welled up with tears. ‘Then on some level you knew I cared.’
He tilted his head. ‘On some level. And I knew how fixated you could be as well. I knew if you thought you had put me in danger, you would try to save me.’
I could tell the comment wasn’t meant as a compliment.
‘Turned out you didn’t need me though, right? I wasn’t saving you at all. But the question is, why did you save me?’ I looked into his eyes, searching for the answer.
‘They would’ve kept you down there until you died,’ Quentin rasped.
‘So it was out of pity? Or is it that you wanted to deliver the killing blow?’ I wrapped my arms around myself.
Quentin stood up and started to pace back and forth. ‘You say you thought of me when you were down there? Well, you’re all I thought of from the moment we were separated. I have questions and anger, and believe me when I say there is more of that to come. But, damn it, Maggie …’ his fist hit the table, jolting me, ‘our fathers had you locked up and were doing God knows what to you and I couldn’t do a damn thing!’ He paused. ‘You said you were scared. I need to know why.’
My leg bounced up and down beneath the table, but when my eyes met his, a calm spread over me. ‘I was scared that … What I’d done …’ I shook my head, and a tear slipped down my cheek. ‘I couldn’t even forgive myself, how could I ever expect you to understand? Yes, I loved you, but I didn’t want to. I told myself it wasn’t real, time and time again, until it became impossible to deny. And then things were so good, I just kept holding on. Even though I knew that eventually you’d see me for the monster I’d become.’
Quentin stood stock-still. ‘Well, I guess we failed each other. You left me in my own personal hell, while I stood back and watched them drag you into yours.’ He exhaled deeply. ‘As much as you hurt me, I can only imagine how much hatred you have for me after my father locked you away and left you to …’ His breath hitched. ‘I failed time and time again to come up with a plan to get you out of there. I don’t know where we go from here. If there is anywhere to go.’ His words were controlled. His expression gave nothing away. I didn’t know what he wanted from me – if he wanted to hurt me or leave me or just twist the knife. And I knew that was how he wanted it.
I stood now too, needing to level the playing field. I lifted my eyes from my feet and felt my shoulders move back. ‘I’m taking them down, Quin. I’m going after all of them and doing what I should’ve done in the first place.’
Quentin took a step towards me and shook his head. ‘You’re changing the subject.’
I held my ground. ‘Yes, but you should know this. And you should also know I’m going back down there. I’m going to show the world the truth. And there’s an extremely high likelihood that I’ll be dead very soon.’
Quentin took another step, agitation now showing in his eyes. ‘You’re not going up against them alone.’ His voice was hard.
‘If you want your revenge, you can have it, I promise you. I live with my stupid decisions every day, and if I make it through the next few weeks alive, you can do whatever you want to me, but I’m begging you to let me do what’s right first.’ I was rambling, and he was getting too close.
Quentin took a final step and grabbed my upper arms. ‘Is this all that matters to you?’ he growled. ‘Is this all you want to say to me?’
The façade had slipped and his eyes gleamed with such overwhelming emotion I felt my legs weaken. But his grip held tight, holding me in place.
Barely breathing, I closed my eyes and whispered, ‘I don’t deserve to say the things I want to say.’
We were so close I could feel his chest rise and fall with each breath. His scent enveloped me and I gave in. To him. Our match. Our love.
But Quentin didn’t move. He stared at me like I was a puzzle he needed to solve. And I suddenly became acutely aware that he hadn’t said anything to me to indicate that any of his feelings remained. All of his words had been about what he’d felt in the past. Apart from that, it had all been me.
I blushed, immediately uncomfortable under his scrutiny. But he was gripping my shoulders and I’d been backed into the wall with nowhere to go.
When I couldn’t take it anymore, I whispered, ‘What are you looking for?’
The intensity in Quentin’s eyes didn’t let up, but my words at least seemed to break him from whatever thoughts were controlling him. He blinked, but remained focused on my eyes as he tilted his head slightly.
‘The lies, Maggie,’ he whispered. ‘I’m looking for the lies.’
I flinched. A bucket of cold wa
ter would have done less. But somehow I held my ground and blinked back the sudden sting in my eyes so that I could hold his gaze. ‘And have you found them?’
Suddenly his hand was tangled in my hair, pulling me to him, and his lips slammed against mine. My body fell into his, even as my mind staggered to catch up.
His other arm, wrapped around my waist, pulled me even closer until there was no space between us. He tightened his hold on my hair, deepening the kiss that was jolting my entire nervous system back to life.
I wasn’t sure whose grip was more desperate, but we clung to each other as if we both knew just how fragile our hope was.
Eventually the fear resurfaced. He meant everything to me, but after all I had done, I couldn’t deny him his right to hate me; I couldn’t hide from it. Somehow I managed to rip myself out of heaven and away from him. ‘If this is a game … please,’ I stuttered, ‘I can’t!’
I was trembling all over, my earlier bravado fading away. But Quentin was instantly there, his arms holding me together, keeping me up.
He brushed the hair back from my face and tilted my chin until my eyes met his.
He flashed a sad grin. ‘I hate you.’
‘I know that part,’ I said quickly.
His eyes penetrated my soul and I hoped and prayed he’d find something there. ‘The tech says we belong together, but how can we be when I don’t know if I can trust you?’
I stared, waiting for what might come next.
‘Maggie?’ he asked, his eyes full of conflicting emotions. ‘Don’t lie to me again.’
I swallowed and nodded.
‘Ever,’ he added.
‘Never,’ I promised.
His hand wrapped around the back of my neck and he moved closer, his breath brushing my face. ‘I forgot how damn beautiful you are.’
I bit my lip to hold back my tears. Mostly because the things he was saying about me weren’t necessarily compliments and we both knew it. Lies and beauty were a troublesome combination and he’d once been my prey. I was sure that my eyes revealed my shame even as Quentin’s showed his hesitation.
‘Oh God, it’s too early for this shit. I’ll have you know these walls are paper-thin, Mr Is-This-All-That-Matters-To-You!’ Gus – who had just walked out of his bedroom – scoffed. Quentin gently pulled away from me in time for Gus to stare at me pointedly. ‘And you’re no better, Miss If-This-Is-A-Game-Please-I-Can’t!’ His interpretation of my voice was entirely inaccurate.
Gus looked ridiculous standing there in his Spiderman pyjama bottoms and too-tight Incredible Hulk T-shirt as he flapped his hands in the air between us. ‘I’ve given you two long enough to sort out your crap, so either take it to the bedroom and do something interesting, or change it up from dry humping and groaning to making me coffee and planning how we are all not going to die very, very soon.’
With that, he started towards the kitchen before turning to me with a look of genuine agitation. ‘I much preferred you when you hated the world and everyone in it.’
‘You’re just cranky because you can’t find Kelsey!’ I snapped.
‘Yep!’ he called back.
Quentin kept his eyes on Gus until he disappeared into the kitchen and then glanced at his watch. ‘I’ve only got a few more minutes, so we should probably catch up on whatever it is you two have been planning.’ He furrowed his brow and I found myself staring even as I nodded. I was still struggling to process that he was here, and there was still so much more to say. Sure, we had kissed, but I had no idea what he wanted and if any of those wants included me. And something about that kiss had felt as much like a punishment as anything else.
Then again, I thought as I followed Quentin into the kitchen, maybe not knowing was for the best. Heartache is easier to ignore when it hasn’t delivered its final blow.
Gus started to fix the coffees only to notice the plates on the table. ‘Oh, well, this is nice. I suppose you forgot to make me some, did you?’
I rolled my eyes. He really was in a sour mood, even for him. Quentin nodded to a plate covered in foil by the stove.
‘Oh,’ said Gus. ‘Thanks for that.’
Then we were all at the table drinking coffee while Gus inhaled his breakfast and we filled in Quentin on the plan.
‘So let me get this straight,’ Quentin said, his hands fisted on the table. ‘You’re going to meet with the Pre-Evo’s and offer to give them all of your intel if they help you go into the tunnels again and break out an entire hub of negs?’
‘Yes.’
‘And you plan on going in alone?’
‘Yes.’
‘And why is that?’ Quentin asked, his tone short.
I felt myself slipping into a more familiar version of myself. The Maggie who was able to separate need from reason and stay focused on the job at hand. I knew full well that this was the Maggie I needed to be to get these things done.
‘I know my way around down there. I’ll have people waiting on the outside, and Gus is devising a way to get the negs to safety.’ I ignored the sarcastic noise that erupted from Gus’s end of the table. ‘The Pre-Evo’s will then have everything they need, along with all of my files, to go public and show the world the truth about M-Corp.’
‘And what about you? I haven’t heard the part where you get out of the tunnels.’
I was silent as I considered my words. Finally I met Quentin’s eyes. ‘I’ve sent Mom and Sam away. Hopefully they have GPS hazers by now and are safe. If they don’t hear from me within a month, they’re going off the grid for good.’ Quentin’s eyes went wide at the thought that I’d gone as far as to contemplate M-Chip removal. ‘I’m doing this. Of course I’ll do everything I can to get out of there alive, but we both know I can’t promise that.’
Quentin shook his head and looked at Gus. ‘You agree that this is crazy, right?’
Gus nodded. ‘Certifiably.’
‘Maggie, you can’t take on an entire hub. How will you even know how many guards are in there? What are you going to do – taser them all? Kill them and activate their death alerts? And what about the negs? Have you even stopped to consider how unpredictable they’ll be?’
I looked at my hands, not sure how to explain to Quentin that, yes, I had considered all of these things, but it did not change anything.
‘From the way you’re refusing to look at me, I assume you plan to ignore my warnings,’ Quentin pushed. When met with silence again, he said, ‘You need help, at least.’
My head shot up. ‘You’re not coming. No way.’
He smiled sadly. ‘You don’t get to make that decision for me. But that’s not what I meant anyway. I’m stuck on the inside trying to find out what the hell is going on in there. Even aside from the fact that I might find out something that could help you, I can’t leave yet.’
‘I never expected you to leave your family, Quin,’ I replied softly.
He shook his head. ‘They aren’t my family anymore. But … I need to be sure. I know Dad and Zachery are definitely knee-deep and I’ve heard Mom talking with security and making plans so I’m pretty certain about her, but …’
‘You need to be sure.’
He nodded. ‘Sebastian and I were always … Granted, I haven’t seen as much of him over the past couple of years; he runs PR for the company and he’s been travelling more than ever as the face of M-Corp internationally, but I haven’t figured out if he’s part of it all yet, and I need to be sure.’
‘I understand that,’ I said, not mentioning that I dreaded the disappointment that lay ahead for him if he was forced to make the same conclusion about Sebastian as the rest of his family. ‘It must be hard being there.’
He nodded sharply and I could tell he was fighting back his emotions. ‘I won’t know if I can get away and come with you until the last minute. It was difficult enough doing what I had to do to be here now.’
The way he said it triggered my curiosity. ‘How did you get here?’
Quentin glanced at Gus. ‘You
didn’t tell her?’
Gus shrugged. ‘Didn’t know if you would make it work and saw no point getting her hopes up.’
Quentin nodded uneasily and I shot Gus a look that he ignored.
‘Tell me,’ I demanded. Obviously I wasn’t going to like it.
Gus was suddenly fascinated by his empty plate while Quentin rubbed the back of his neck, looking anywhere but at me.
‘I was in the club last night. Gus set me up with Joy, the bar manager who usually lives up here. She helped me sneak away.’ Joy, the bar manager, who owed Gus a number of favours it seemed.
‘How exactly?’ But really, I didn’t need to ask.
‘We danced for a while, made sure we were seen together. My brothers were there and when they were ready to leave I told them I was staying with Joy.’
‘And apparently you and Joy had been convincing enough that they accepted this?’
His look held a challenge. ‘Apparently.’
‘How convincing?’ I asked, my voice flat as I crossed my arms.
Quentin continued to hold my gaze. ‘My brothers wouldn’t have believed me if I hadn’t made it good.’
‘And I’m sure it was very good,’ I said softly.
‘Are you angry with me?’ he asked, raising his eyebrows.
I shook my head. ‘No. You did what you had to do. I know what that’s like.’ Besides, I had no claim on him. He was free to do what he wanted.
He half laughed and the bitterness hung in the air around me. It had possibly been a bad choice of words.
‘None of this changes the fact that you need help, Maggie.’ Quentin stood up. His eyes stayed on me for an extra beat and I wanted to believe what I thought I was seeing. But before I could be sure, he blinked and looked away.
‘I have to go before I lead them here, but you two need to sort this out. Your entire plan is going to fail if you don’t find some backup, and you know it.’ With that, he headed for the door, giving me the distinct impression that I had just been dismissed. ‘I’ve got some money put away that no one knows about. If I try to get to the money and then to you …’ He grimaced. ‘It’s too risky. When Morris contacts you, follow his instructions.’