“You are hurting me.” That phrase was becoming uncomfortably familiar. Tears welled up in my eyes. The waterworks were more from embarrassment than pain.
His grip relaxed a little. “Go to your room until I come to you this evening. Make sure you read material befitting a lady or nothing at all next time you decide to spend time in the library.” He gave me a little shove. “Occasionally I long for a time when all women were illiterate and obedient.”
I opened my mouth to argue before immediately closing it again. To my right, I stole a glance at Antonio with the book still in hand. He gave a disappointed shake of his head as well. Nicolo and Laura were watching me, too. If I could have, I would have crawled into a hole and died.
“You are right, sir. I will make sure my behavior is adjusted and appropriate for a woman blessed enough to be allowed to live at your side.” I gave a brief curtsey with lowered eyes before heading off to sulk in my room. As sure as I had been of what I’d seen, the others had convinced me it was all in my mind.
***
After being ridiculed and reprimanded, my behavior adjusted. I kept anything I saw, or thought I saw, to myself. Antonio stayed away from me and when I did see him, I avoided him like the plague. Dante spoiled me with dresses, exquisite food, and trips to exciting locations. To be truthful, my life should have made me happy. But, despair filled my waking hours and the man I could not have ruled my dreams.
In my time as a respected courtesan, I was able to be myself. With Dante, not so much. He required a perfection that was difficult to maintain. Unfaltering devotion to a man I could not love took its toll. Each day I professed my admiration of him. Those lies made me more of a glorified whore than I had ever been as courtesan to the many men of Venice.
I had been staring out my window one evening, pondering all these terrible thoughts, when Dante entered my room silently. Not one footstep alerted me to his presence. Only his warm breath on the back of my neck told me he stood inches from me. This unexpected visit did not cause me to jump or scream. After months, I had grown accustomed to the strange acts.
“What are you thinking, my dear?” He whispered softly, placing a kiss on my cheek.
“I was taking a moment to appreciate how wonderful my life is with you.” I lied.
Dante smiled. “You have made me a lucky old man.”
He took a seat beside me and I turned my head slightly to look at him. “You are not that old, Dante.” In appearance, even with the pure white hair, he couldn’t have been much older than forty.
“If you only knew the life I have lived.” He said in a rare moment of vulnerability that surprised me.
“Tell me.” I said. Give me a reason to love you.
Taking my hand in his, he simply held it. “A man does not show his woman weakness. Know this, you make the trials I have long endured begin to fade and I adore you for that.”
I leaned in and kissed his lips softly. “I’m glad.”
“What I wanted to tell you is that I am leaving for a few weeks on some important business.”
“I am not going with you this time?”
“No, this is not the type of business for a lady such as you. I would be too focused on your safety.” He gave my hand a small squeeze.
“Should I be worried?” I asked, with genuine concern. Though I was not in love with Dante, I cared strongly for the man. After enough time, my hope was to actually fall for him. If Antonio hadn’t been around, it would have been easier.
Dante shook his head, that mane of hair flowing softly. “Of course not. I can take care of myself. We’ve been invited to dinner at a friend’s tonight and then I have a quick bit of business to attend to before I leave tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow? That is so soon.”
“Worry not. You have Giulia and Antonio to watch over you. They will keep you entertained.” He lifted my chin and kissed me again.
“Why would you leave your bodyguard behind?” The thought of being alone in the house with Antonio sent my heart racing.
“These are issues that are none of your concern, Evelina.” Dante said firmly.
I lowered my eyes. “My apologies. I was only speaking out of my worry for your safety.”
He studied me for a moment before his expression softened. “I will miss you. Your concern touches my cold heart. Antonio is staying behind because he caused trouble with my associate on a previous occasion and I am not looking for a repeat of the situation.”
“Oh. I understand.”
“Good. I shall send a servant up to help you get ready to go out.” He stood and stroked his hand through my hair, affectionately, treating me more like a pet than a mate. “When I return from my trip, we will finish the preparations for the marriage.”
“It will be the best day of my life.” What was one more lie to add to the others? I didn’t move from my seat near the window when Dante left me.
***
The dinner with Dante’s friends would have been a welcome change from the extravagant parties if Antonio had not been invited. Every second that passed, I struggled to keep my eyes off the object of not only my desire, but unrequited love. Who invites a bodyguard to sit down and eat with the rest of the guests? I wondered.
I made it through the relatively uneventful dinner quite skillfully. I laughed and smiled at the right moments. Even complimented the lady of the house and the décor several times.
Goodbyes were said and we were on our way once more. I’d forgotten about Dante mentioning he had a short detour to make. With Antonio acting as gondolier, we swiftly arrived at our destination.
“Stay here, Evelina. Antonio will remain by your side. I will not be long. This is another of those meetings not suited for ladies.” Dante kissed my cheek and exited the boat. He disappeared into the dark doorway without looking back at me.
Antonio seated himself beside me. I knew he was there, but failed to see the movement that had brought him to my side. I had been trying to avoid looking at him.
“You did not speak or look at me throughout most of the evening.” He said.
“Did you not tell me to leave you alone?” I asked, staring out over the water of the canal. The man infuriated me to no end.
For a moment, he didn’t speak. “You are beautiful when you are mad.” It felt like less of a compliment and more of a frustrated statement.
When I didn’t answer or turn my head to look at him, he spoke again. “You still love me.” Another blunt statement, not a question.
“Why are we speaking? Perhaps you are the one in love with me.” This time, I faced him.
Then, the rain came. At first, there were only a few cool drops occasionally landing on my angry, hot face. Water did little to lessen my rage. The shower changed in a flash to a heavy downpour. Antonio and I sat there, getting soaked, but eyes on each other in a knowing way. I hadn’t denied his accusation of love and he hadn’t said he didn’t love me either.
“Let us get out of the rain. Master Sanuto would not approve of me letting you get ill from the weather.”
Antonio grasped my hand in his and led me into the small cabin, a felze, on the gondola. I laughed to keep from screaming because of the torment Antonio was putting me through. My mood bordered on psychotic. Side by side, we seated ourselves once more. My heart beat so loudly that I was sure he could hear it. The pulse of my blood was no doubt causing the vampire to struggle with his control. I had no idea at the time.
“I do love you.” He said suddenly. “I have been with the greatest beauties you can imagine. Seen the most romantic spots in the world. None of them compare to you, and I can no longer lie to myself. Every day I watch and every time I see you, you are lovelier than when I last looked upon your face.”
The revelation could not have been better imagined in my many dreams. In the fantasies, I had the ability to respond with the skill of a poet. Not so in reality. With mouth slightly agape, I simple shook my head and looked down at my hands. Antonio lifted my chin and caressed my li
ps with his. He tasted of the fine wine we’d had at dinner.
“Tell me the words I begged you to forget.” He whispered between brushes of his mouth against mine.
“No.” I said without conviction. “You will break my heart because you are afraid of Dante. I refuse to let you hurt me again.”
Antonio’s fingers were moving with skill and precision as he worked to lift my dress. “I promise to love you in secret like you proposed before. He will never know.” His arm went around me and his palm rested against my back as he pulled me against him.
“Can we run away?” I asked. A secret love affair I would take, but I wanted out of my life with Dante if possible.
“We do this my way or not at all. It is your choice.” He waited, surveying my face, anxious for an answer.
I was a hopelessly in love girl that would do anything he wished, so I nodded. “I love you,” was my answer and he accepted my response by slipping his length into my heat and filling me over and over with the perfect movements of his hips. The gondola rocked side to side as he made love to me. To this day, when I’m on the water or it’s raining, Antonio crosses my mind.
His large body sweetly smothered me in the tiny shelter. Maybe I should have resisted, but once I told him that I still loved him, he had little intent on asking permission to take me. Luckily, torturous months spent wanting him had left me in the same state of mind.
Whenever my voice grew too heated, too loud, he’d hold his hand over my mouth or seal in my delightful noises with his lips and thrust that much harder. He was a man possessed, released, growling. Once his resistance had broken, any semblance of restraint vanished. Dante may have been called “Master,” but Antonio and I both knew who owned me by the time we had finished.
Antonio nuzzled into my hair, panting heavily, wanting to take me again. He kissed my bottom lip, once… twice, and then reluctantly put a little space between us as he lowered my skirt and smooth the silk to cover my legs. With one palm on each of my knees, he pushed them together.
“I,” he cleared his throat and rubbed his brow with the back of his hand, “I am not sure what came over me. When you said those words, I lost control.”
His eyes lowered and I feared he regretted taking me. “You should lose control more often.” I panted, putting my fingers in my hair and shaking out the locks. The rain had left it a mess even before the sex.
“I am too dangerous when that happens.” He took both my hands in his and fell to one knee, kissing the tops of my fingers on each. “I swear to never hurt you physically.”
“I know.” I eyed him, confused why he would worry about harming me and why he would make such vows.
Little did I realize, giving myself to Antonio with reckless abandon that night would seal my fate. Dante had been able to hear our hushed voices, our professions and promises, and our moans of ecstasy from a balcony window. Sanuto was not a vampire to be crossed and I would learn the hard way how ruthless he could be.
***
When Dante returned from his meeting, I almost vomited because I was that scared of being caught. Antonio and I had tried to take care of any evidence of our illicit encounter. I had remained in the shelter, while Antonio had stepped outside into the rain.
“I hope you took good care of Evelina.” I heard Dante say almost too calmly.
“The rain came on quickly. She is a bit wet, but fine.” Antonio answered.
“Take us home, then. I must leave early in the morning.” He poked his head into the cabin to check on me.
What if he can smell the scent of sex in the air? I drew in several slow, deep breaths. I could.
Forcing on a smile to hide my fear, I greeted Dante. “Such unpredictable weather.”
“Yes.” He said simply, looked me over and then turned away.
Without so much as a goodbye, Dante and I parted ways with Antonio when we arrived at the mansion on the Grand Canal. I had started to relax a little. Dante didn’t appear to have any idea of what had transpired. He’d led me to my room which surprised me. I had expected to spend the night with him since he was leaving on business.
“Is something wrong?” I asked. The words were barely audible.
“Nothing. I… hate to leave you alone. Before I leave I will speak to Giulia so you will never be out of her sight.” Dante was agitated, but there was something else as well. Sadness? I could see it. Whether he knew something about my sin or was worried about leaving I couldn’t tell. “Do you love me?” He asked suddenly.
For the second time in one night, a man wanted me to say those loaded words. Maybe I should have told the truth. I wonder if it would have changed the way things happened. “Yes, Dante. How could a girl not love you?” I smiled sweetly.
He flashed a devilish grin that chilled me to the core. “On second thought, let me make sure you don’t forget me for a few days.” In an instant, he was behind me, pushing me toward his quarters. It was one of the most difficult nights of my life. I spent it face down while Dante gave me a gut-wrenching goodbye.
He was gone when I awoke the next day. I could barely walk and had bruises all over my body. Dante wasn’t known for being gentle, but I’d never taken a pounding like that before.
***
Shame found me. I was in my room, looking myself over in the mirror and it unexpectedly gripped me. Hard. A good, honest person would have told Dante the truth no matter what the consequences. That person was not me. I was weak, scared, and concerned only with what I wanted. Integrity had not fit into that equation.
A knock on the door drew me away from the mirror. I tugged on the sleeves of my dress and wore my hair loosely around my neck to hide the numerous marks of evidence from my rough night. Another knock caused me to curse under my breath.
“Yes?” I called out.
“It is Giulia. Antonio has brought up your meal. If you are dressed, I will send him in.”
“I am not hungry, thank you.” I said.
There was faint whispering between the two. I placed my ear against the door to hear what they were discussing. Giulia answered a question.
“No, sir. She must be lovesick. Earlier she would not eat or let a servant attend to her.”
Several more bangs on the door made me jump. “Evelina, open this door right now. You need to eat.” Antonio yelled.
“Go away. You are in no position to give me orders. I am the mistress of this house.” I placed my palms against the wood separating us and bowed my head. There was no way I could face the man I loved, looking the way I did, and after what I’d had to do with Dante.
“She does not know you are more than a bodyguard, does she?” Giulia asked.
“No. Let us keep it that way.” His voice grew hard. “That is an order.”
I could hear the sound of his shoes as he stalked off down the hall away from my room. Guilt and shame were such terrible friends to keep. After walking to the balcony, my favorite place of solace, I wiped the tears from my eyes for them to instantly be replaced by fresh ones. I sat down and idly picked one of the flowers growing in front of me. One by one, I plucked away the petals and let them float lightly down to the water outside. For what must have been hours, I did this as I tried to figure out a way to reach a happy ending. The same thought kept coming to me and it made me hate myself even more. Dante Sanuto needed to die for me to be free.
***
“Open this door right now.” Antonio said with impatience when I didn’t answer for the third time. His tone frightened me almost as much as Dante did. I mean, what did I really know about the man? From day to day, he changed. What he wanted changed.
“Please leave me alone.” I called out.
“You have been in this room for two days and have barely eaten. Grant me entry or I will break this door down.” His voice sounded strained and I envisioned him clenching his teeth.
Hesitantly, I crossed the room and let him inside. He pushed by me, slammed the door, and grabbed me firmly by the shoulders. I turned my head so
I would not have to meet his gaze. This caused my hair to fall to the side, revealing the hectic pattern of fading bruises along my neck. They had never taken so long to disappear before.
“This is….” For a moment, Antonio appeared to be losing his quiet control, “This is more difficult that I imagined it would be.”
No words spilled from my lips because I had none to comfort him. I’d spent every moment since my last night with Dante wallowing in remorse. Antonio’s stare bore into me so severely that I had to turn my back on the man I loved. Pleasing many lovers as a courtesan had been easy. This was different. My heart could not bear it. It was as my mother had warned me.
“Evelina, I should not have been weak. This affair is my mistake. The vibrant, young woman that somehow touched my heart appears lost to me now.” His hands rested on my shoulders from behind before carefully gliding around my waist to embrace me.
“Take me away, Antonio. We will go far away to a place no one will ever find us.” I closed my eyes as his face nuzzled against my hair.
“It is impossible. We would be found. Besides, this… this is my home.”
It was my home, too, but I was willing to leave Venice and never look back again. “I have some money. We can make a new home somewhere. Please. I cannot take another night like that, not with him. Kill him if you must.”
Antonio turned me around to face him, burying my pleas beneath his warm lips. He pulled my body into his, keeping me close. Protected. The shame stayed, but somehow it faded a little when we kissed. My lover accepted what I had to do to maintain the lie. This made me realize, despite how perverse it felt, I would do anything or anyone if it meant I could be with Antonio.
“Do you think he suspects us?” He asked, briefly removing his mouth from mine.
“No.” I whispered, once again avoiding his eyes.
“Look at me.” The words didn’t form a question, but an order. I forced myself to do as he asked. “We have a month, maybe longer, to live and love as we please within this room and any other secret rendezvous spots we find around the city. Forget everything else, but the time we have together right now. Can you do that?”