Chapter Seventeen
Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.
Matthew 5:4
“Would you like another cup of coffee Mr. Kiax… Kevin?”
“Please.”
It had only been four and a half hours since Susie’s life had changed forever, sitting on her ex-husbands back porch watching her two children play catch with their father. She and Jonathan had put their differences aside a year ago and decided that once every six months the whole family would spend the week together, for the boys’ sake, but they both knew that a reconciliation was eminent. Ever since Jonathan had begun going to church both knew the day would come when they took their vows for the second and final time. She could barely pinpoint why their marriage had failed in the first place, no not failed; ended. A marriage only fails when both give up completely erasing the other from their life, mind, and heart. To her it seemed as if their lives had just gone in two different directions and their feelings sort of went cold. The fire and the passion was gone, they had grown apart as they grew older neither one resembling the person the other had first fallen in love with. Now that Susanne looked back though the fire, the love, the passion wasn’t gone at all. It was just hidden in the deepest chasm of their hearts that were so stuck on the past that they refused to even see the person in front of them, let alone get to know them and fall in love all over again. Of course, if she was to be totally honest she loved him more now than ever, and she loved the man he had become, regretting not taking the time while she had the chance to see him.
Once she had told him that she still loved him and that he would always be in her heart, but that she was no longer “in love” with him anymore, but that too was not true. They were both still in love they had just stopped telling each other, their hugs were no longer embraces, but pats on the back, and their kisses had shrunk to pecks here and there. They both got so wrapped up in themselves they shut the other person out of their life and their heart. It was always “their” work, “their” kids, “their” parents and other family, and “their” personal time. They had made their marriage the last priority when it should have been first, and so it received the least attention, then withered away into a divorce, their story was over.
Yet her heart still pounded a little faster when she heard his voice, when she saw his car pull into the drive to pick up the kids, and when he smiled. She still thought about him often, and certain songs, movies, smells, and days brought back tender memories. Susanne realized the day she signed the divorce papers that they had become shy of each other; she stopped telling him of her dreams, fantasies, hopes, fears, desires, and most of all her love. They both had, if even one of them had mustered the courage and opened up revealing the depths of their heart, the other would have eventually as well and then their marriage would have succeeded even her expectations.
What she didn’t know was that her not so estranged Jonathan felt the same as she did, and nestled in his top dresser drawer, between his socks and his boxers, was a small black velvet box with a modest diamond ring engraved with the words, “I’ll never stop loving you.”
Then it happened, she had gone into the house to refill her lemonade when the phone began to chirp. She reached for the cordless on the kitchen table, but hesitated, fearing that the voice on the other end would be another woman that would smash her heart to pieces. Susie peered out the window at her ex rolling around on the ground while their two boys tackled him… ring two. She couldn’t pull him away… ring three. Her heart pounded as she reached out, picking up the phone, the next ring the voice mail would pick up and she would never know, but she had to. She had to know now before she made a fool of herself with him, so she pressed the talk button and said hello. It was indeed another woman with a soft voice, but this woman was asking for her instead of Jonathan.
“Hi, I’m sorry to bother you, but I’m looking for Susanne Marshall. Is she there?”
Susie’s sigh of relief was cut off, realizing that no one but her brother had this number and he never used it. “This is she.”
“Susanne, this is Grace Workman from the Epson Police Department, I’m sorry to have to call you at… there, but there’s been an incident.”
“What kind of incident is everything okay? Where’s Frank? Why didn’t he call?”
“That’s what I’m calling about. I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, but your brother’s dead.”
“Dead… how?”
“I can’t say Ms. Marshall. Perhaps…”
“What do you mean you can’t say? Don’t you know? When did this happen? Was it an accident? What? Tell me!”
“Ms. Marshall… I don’t know what to say. I only know what they told me to tell you… I can’t…. I could have one of the other officers call you…”
“Don’t bother. I’m coming back, just have someone there to give me some answers when I get there!” She hung up without saying goodbye then ran to pack. That’s where Jonathan found her, throwing things haphazardly into her bag. She hadn’t thought much about it then, she hadn’t thought much about anything but Frank since the call, but Jonathan, dumping everything in Georgia just to drive her back was more than she could have asked. He was being so supportive, taking care of the kids, and helping her to stay calm… she had almost forgotten how wonderful he could be. If she ever got the chance, after all this mess was over with, she’d tell him how she really felt, and if they ever walked down the aisle again this time she would take his name as her own and use it with pride.
The thought of a reconciliation with her ex brought a soothing smile to her face in a time of great sorrow.
“Susanne… are you alright? I can call someone if you like? Gary really wanted to be here, but he’s real busy trying to find out what mu… what’s happened.” Kevin Kiax blushed, knowing that he should in no way have mentioned even partially the mutilation of his boss and her brother. The situation scared him enough and Frank was only a friend and mentor to him, he couldn’t imagine what Susie must be going through. Though he had to hand it to her, she wasn’t the basket case he was expecting, and other than a few tears that managed to slither down her cheeks now and then, she held herself together quite well. For that he was relieved, he just couldn’t stand to see a woman cry, he always felt so helpless and confused. Quickly he tried to change the subject, hoping to avoid any outpour of tears. “Where’s your husband… Jonathan?”
Sensing Kevin’s embarrassment and unease she pretended not to hear his little faux-pah as she was pulled from her reverie. “He’s with the boys playing video games, or should I say being beat by them. They don’t know what’s happened yet and he’s trying to keep them from knowing until I feel it’s the right time to tell them. I don’t want to scare them; they’ve been through enough over the past few years with the divorce. I know they’d feel safer with their father here, but until this thing is caught…” her words died off as quickly as her brother had, before redirecting the conversation, “Calling anyone won’t be necessary, I can’t deal with a whole lot of people right now. Actually I’m grateful for this curfew, it gives me time to think about things before everyone shows up telling me how sorry they are for my loss and asking me if there is anything they can do. I know they mean well, but it all seems… I don’t know… empty somehow.”
“The curfew should keep people from knocking on your door, and very few know you’re back, but we both know it won’t take long here for it to get around that you’re home. After a couple of hours your phone will most likely be ringing off the hook.”
“It probably already is. I turned the ringer off on both of the phones before I left and have just been letting the voice mail get everything. I’ll probably leave it like that until tomorrow, no sense ruing what’s left of a night’s sleep.
“Have you thought about going back to Georgia for now? Until things get… settled down?”
She knew what he was trying to say and the thought had crossed her mind more than once. Come the morn
ing she may very well pack her boys up and send them right back to the safety of their father’s, but for tonight they were stuck.