Chapter 6
Molly was getting better each day. She was steadier on her feet, and seemed to stumble less. Kristin was grateful her friend was healing and would soon be back to herself. She noticed that while the day temperatures were warmer, it got cooler at night, which only reminded her fall and then winter would be coming. Winter was going to be quite the experience on a back country road.
Kristin found herself thinking about the veterinarian more and more, and though it hadn’t been that long since she’d met him, there was definitely something there, whether she wanted to admit it or not. It’s not like she wanted a relationship, or even romance, but she liked being around him.
She really should make him some muffins, just to say thank you for all he’s done. It was the least she could do. Drawing up a list of ingredients, she checked the cabinets to see what she had and what she would need. Heading into town, she gathered up the necessities for the baked goods along with a few other things.
Singing in the kitchen, she mixed the ingredients in a bowl. She somehow felt lighter, happier. Something had changed, almost like an acceptance that she needed to continue living. Turning on the oven, she slid the muffins in to cook, and sat at the table to wait. She’d run them over while they were still warm.
The house smelled delightful, and inhaling the aroma, she smiled. Thinking back to the blueberry pie with Ty, she blushed remembering his hand coming over hers. Something kept drawing them back together.
When the muffins were ready, she wrapped them up carefully, and then headed out to her truck. Molly came along for the ride. She’d drop them off, say a friendly hello, and then be on her way.
She was actually looking forward to seeing him, but hoped dropping by wasn’t an inconvenience. On arriving, he wasn’t there. She was disappointed she wouldn’t get to see him, but left the muffins on the porch. Digging through her glove box, she found a pen and a scrap of paper. Leaving a small note, she placed it inside the bag and left it at the door. She was about to pull away, when she realized leaving food out wasn’t the smartest thing to do out here. Picking up the muffins, she brought them back with her. It was foolish to drop by unannounced anyway.
On driving back toward her house, she was pleasantly surprised to find Ty’s truck in her own driveway, waiting on her.
Getting out she laughed, “I was just over at your place,” she handed him the bag of muffins. “I made you something.”
“How sweet,” he smiled. “I appreciate the thought. I wanted to drop by and let you know I won’t be around for a bit. My father’s not doing well, and I’m going to help out on the farm. Between my own work and his, I won’t have much free time. I’d hoped to see you before I headed out.”
The air crackled between them, a growing attraction beyond their control.
“Can I help?”
Ty laughed, “That’s funny, a Jersey girl on the farm.”
“Hey! We have farms in New Jersey, we are the garden state!”
“I’m sure you do. I just can’t see you working on a farm.”
Kristin blushed, “Maybe I don’t have a lot of experience, but I have two hands and can learn.”
“I appreciate the offer, really I do, but we’ll be fine. Thank you.”
They stood looking at one another, not sure what to say or do. What they wanted to do, they didn’t, knowing it wasn’t their time. It would be eventually. They let it linger in the air between them.
“Do you want to come inside?”
“I should get going,” he said, not wanting to leave. “I need to head to the farm and get settled in. The days start early and go all day. I’ll be in town for my appointments, otherwise there’s work to be done.”
“Right, I won’t keep you.” They stood staring awkwardly. “If you need help,” she offered.
“Thank you.” He wanted to kiss her, to run his fingers through her soft hair, to hold her in his arms, but instead he got into his truck and left.
Kristin watched him pull out of the driveway. She wanted him to kiss her, she wanted him to take her into his arms, and yet she was terrified of how she would feel if he ever did. She washed with guilt and longing, trying to cross to the other side.
She hadn’t even known him that long, had only spent a bit of time with him – and yet she wanted more. She wanted to sit and get to know him better, she wanted to feel his lips on hers, and she wanted to openly admit that she was ready to move forward. She felt a small twinge in her chest, was she ready to move on?
What would her friends or family say? Would they think she mourned long enough? Would they tell her to live again, to feel things again, to love again, or would they call her a whore for wanting more, wanting another man so soon. It shouldn’t matter what others thought…why did it matter? The inner turmoil tore her to shreds. It was ridiculous that she even cared how others might judge her – and yet she did care.
On not seeing Ty for a few weeks, the pull wasn’t as strong. Maybe it was a sign. Maybe there wasn’t magic between them after all. Kristin buried herself in writing, knocking out the first few chapters of the book she was working on. She’d have to pull it apart on edits, and would scribble notes, figuring out what worked and what didn’t. There was no path, she’d never done it before, but it was clearing her head, keeping her distracted.
She wasn’t expecting the knock on the door, and got up to answer it. There was a piece of her that hoped it was him. It’s not like she knew many others around the area.
On opening it, she was surprised to see a sheriff.
“Good day,” he said. “We’re just notifying you that there’s been a cougar spotted in the area on the prowl. It took out a dog a few miles down the road. Watch your pets, and keep your eyes open. They usually don’t stick around this area too long and move on. Wildlife official are aware and are looking to draw him back into a less populated area.”
“Thank you,” she said, realizing how much she hated Wyoming in the wild. It was scary. She was used to animals at the zoo, not ones that could openly roam on your property and threaten your life. The most she dealt with in New Jersey were deer, raccoons, and squirrels. Out here, she’d already had a run in with a wolf, and now there was a cougar.
“Good day,” he said, heading back to his car.
Kristin locked her door, and worried about putting Molly out. She should quick put her out, and then she’d be set for a while. She hated how she was afraid to even open the door, thinking the cougar was waiting to pounce. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door and let her dog out.
Kristin heard a crackle of a branch in the distance and jumped. Was it a deer, was it the cougar, or was it simply her imagination?
Rushing Molly back inside, she locked her door, grateful to have the safety of four walls around her.
She couldn’t live here full time, at least not this remotely. If she stayed in Wyoming, she’d have to move to the safety of a development, a suburb with more homes around her. This wasn’t who she was. It might have been Ty’s world, but it wasn’t hers. The idea of being in the middle of nowhere was one thing, but living out here was quite another. She wasn’t prepared for these kinds of things. She pictured sitting on the porch swing, listening to the birds, not worrying about large wild cats.
There was no point in trying to fit into Ty’s world, she belonged in New Jersey. She wasn’t even sure she’d last the full year. It was a novel idea, but reality was different. She missed her street lights, missed her paved roads, and missed her backyard that saw little more than a bird, a squirrel, or maybe a neighborhood tomcat passing through it - small cats, domesticated cats, and not big, scary ones.
Pacing, she realized it bothered her more than she expected. This was probably part of life out here, and maybe you got used to it, but she wasn’t sure it was something she’d ever get used to. She double checked the lock on the door, making sure it was secure.
Nothing ever came of it, and after a week of not seeing anything, she relaxed a l
ittle more. Was that what life would be like here, all year. Would she love it one minute and hate it the next, fear taking her over, realizing how alone she was, forced to rely on herself?
She finally got to the point where she could walk out to her truck without constantly glancing over her shoulder fifty times. The cat hadn’t bothered her home, hadn’t attacked Molly, and hadn’t knocked on her door looking for dinner.
With fear behind her once again, she headed into town. She didn’t expect to see Ty’s truck at the market, and was surprised how much she wanted to see him.
He was walking out, as she was walking in. “Hey,” he smiled on seeing her.
Kristin couldn’t hide her grin. “What are you doing here? I thought you were at the farm.”
“I have appointments today. I’ll head back over tonight. My dad’s starting to feel better, so I’ll only be there for about another week or so. Do you want to grab a bite to eat, before I go back tonight? We could do dinner.”
“That would be nice,” she said. “Why don’t you come to my place, and I’ll cook.”
“Sounds like a plan. Does six o’clock work for you? My last appointment is at 4:30.”
“Sure, six o’clock. Do you have any requests? I’m about to go shopping.”
“Anything is fine,” he said, “and by the way, those muffins you made, delicious.”
“Thanks,” she blushed. She thought she’d gotten over her attraction on not seeing him, but with him standing before her, she knew it was still there. Only this time there was electricity in the air. She wondered if he felt it too.
They went their separate ways, but Kristin walked a little lighter, happy to have company later in the evening.
She decided to make the basics, steak with potatoes. She could mash them, and add a bit of cheese for a twist.
When Ty knocked, she greeted him with a smile. He’d missed seeing her smile, and was tired from the extra work he’d taken on. He was trying to juggle his own work with his father’s. A nice dinner with a friend was exactly what he needed.
Watching her move around the kitchen, he couldn’t look away. He was drawn to the woman unlike he’d been drawn to anyone in a long time.
“Can I help?”
“Nope, I’ve got everything under control,” she said. Looking over, she didn’t want to look away. Their gaze locked on each other, nobody saying another word.
She’d stopped paying attention, and as the potatoes boiled over, it snapped her back to reality. Ty laughed, running to lift the pot off the stove, as she turned the heat down. Placing the pot back on the burner, he turned to look at Kristin.
They stood, barely a foot apart, their bodies almost touching, and without thinking Ty brought his hand to Kristin’s cheek, gently stroking it. “You’re so beautiful.”
She blushed, turning away, breaking the moment. Her heart was racing, unsure what to do.
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly.
“No, don’t be,” she looked back at him, her blue eyes full of questions.
“Kristin,” he said, unable to get out any other words.
She stepped closer.
Ty brought his hand back to her face, stroking it gently, and then ran his fingers through her hair. Leaning in, he tenderly kissed her forehead. “I know you need to go slowly.”
She gave a small nod, terrified of what she was feeling. She hadn’t wanted to be kissed in so long. His tender warm lips on her forehead made her feel like a child, safe in the comfort of someone who can take care of you.
Looking up into his eyes, she got lost, knowing she was being pulled in, knowing she wanted more.
Breathing slowly, deeply, they stood locked in the moment – both afraid to move, afraid to break the spell.
It was as if time stood still, and nothing else in the world mattered. Ty’s hand came back to her cheek, and slowly his finger came across her lips, tracing them tenderly. “I want to kiss you,” he said, “but I don’t want you to be upset.”
“I want you to kiss me,” she whispered.
Ty leaned forward, letting his lips brush against Kristin’s, his arms wrapping around her.
Pulling back, she tucked her head against his chest, letting him hold her. As emotions washed through her, she let go of her past, and knew she was ready to step into the future. She didn’t know where it would lead, but it felt right.
The timer on the stove caught them off guard. Jumping out of his arms, she turned the oven’s broiler off.
Nothing was spoken, and getting the steaks out of the oven, she plated them up.
“I just need to mash the potatoes,” she said, barely able to speak. Her head was full of thoughts, swirling around, confusing her, but more than anything, staying busy would keep her out of his arms. She wanted to be in his arms, but needed to move slowly, and it would be too easy to rush things.
Talking was awkward at first, but they found their stride once again. Serving dinner, they discussed the jobs that he was doing on the farm, and talked about his parents. She filled him in on the news of the cougar, and how it scared her for a good week, but then she finally made peace with it, well, as much as she could.
“You don’t get cougars in the suburbs?” He smiled, teasing her.
“New Jersey isn’t known for its wild cats,” she grinned.
“What is it known for?”
“We have amazing beaches. We have boardwalks that kids love with amusements on them, and there’s this one place I used to visit a lot called Long Beach Island. It’s eighteen miles of white sandy beaches, and you could sit out in the sunshine, staring out at the ocean, getting lost in the serenity and calmness of the waves.”
“I’ve never seen the ocean,” he said, like it wasn’t a big deal.
“What, like ever?”
“Nope, I’ve seen lakes, ponds, rivers, and streams, but not the ocean.”
“Oh, it’s amazing, Ty. It’s soothing and calm, and yet has an untamed quality to it. You can look out at it, and it goes on and on and on, and you only see the horizon, nothing on the other side. You absolutely must see the ocean at some time in your life. It’s truly breathtaking, just like your mountains.”
“Your face lights up when you describe it. I can see it means a lot to you.”
“Yeah, the beach is one of my favorite places to be. I’ve got a lot of good memories there.”
“You’re going back there, aren’t you?” The reality hit him. No matter how much he enjoyed her company, she wasn’t here to stay. She was a temporary resident, and had no intention of making Wyoming her home. Was he foolish to get involved?
“Yeah, I guess I am eventually.” She knew what he was asking her. This wasn’t her home, she wouldn’t be staying.
Silence hung in the air. Could he risk his heart, knowing she’d be walking away, or could he convince her to give up her eastern home and stay out west with him?
The talking grew quiet, the look between them sad. They both knew what it meant. Why grow closer, only to be ripped apart later.
“I’m sorry,” she finally answered, knowing she’d be leaving.
He nodded. “I should be heading back to the farm. I have a few more things to do this week, before heading home.”
“Sure,” she said, understanding it was easier to walk away – easier to face facts – easier to let go before it hurt too much.
“Thanks for dinner,” he said, stopping to pat Molly on the head. “I’ll let myself out.”
Kristin watched him leave, as the future crumbled. She hadn’t felt anything in this past year, nothing had touched her, and yet for a moment, for a second in time she had hope – hope that she would live and love again.
She heard Ty’s truck pull out of her driveway, and went back to clean the dishes. She should have never risked her heart. It was foolish. She wasn’t even planning on staying in Wyoming. Why would she even think about getting involved? It was immature of her, leading him on, letting him believe they stood a c
hance, when she knew she was going back to New Jersey.
Cleaning the dishes, with the water running, she didn’t hear him return. The knock at the door took her by surprise.
Opening it, Ty looked at Kristin. “Please just give us a chance,” he said, standing with his heart on his sleeve. “I haven’t felt this way in way too long, and I hate for it to end before we’ve even given it a chance.”
Kristin caught her breath, “I don’t know what to do,” she said, holding the door open so he could follow her inside. “I’m afraid of getting involved and then what happens when it’s time for me to leave?”
“Nothing says you have to leave.”
“My home isn’t here.”
“It could be,” he said, looking down, “if you wanted it to be.”
She didn’t know what to say. They were still getting to know one another, and he wanted her to consider staying – for good. “I can’t look that far ahead, Ty. I like you, but we’re only getting to know one another.”
“Just give us a chance. If it doesn’t work out, you leave, and if it does, you consider staying. You don’t have to make any decisions now, but I’m not ready to say good-bye.”
Kristin sat on the edge of the sofa, dropping her head in her hands. “I’m not sure what to do.”
Kneeling down before her, he took her hand, “Kristin, I know you feel it too.”
She looked into Ty’s eyes, and felt the familiar warmth go through her, the one that said she wanted him. “We can try,” she said quietly, “but we need to go slowly. I don’t want to be a fool to my heart. I need to use my head.”
Taking her hand, he pulled her up to standing. Wrapping his arms around her, “Thank you,” he whispered, “thank you.” His heart hadn’t felt this full in ages. He didn’t know what it was about this woman, but she filled a void that had been empty within him for far too long.
Looking up into his eyes, he sweetly kissed her forehead. “I should go. I need to get back to the farm, but when I get back next week, maybe we can get together.”
“I’d like that,” she smiled softly.
His lips met Kristin’s, and sharing a small, sweet kiss, they parted. Passion was brewing, but they weren’t in a hurry, and knew it was safer to move slowly. He didn’t want to push her away, when she’d only just opened her arms and heart to him.
Heading back to his truck; this time Ty felt like his entire world had brightened just a little bit.