"My mother was there," she finally says, as if that explains it.
I frown. "Who's your mama?"
"Misty Michaels."
Well, shit. I keep my face as clear as I can but inwardly cringe, curse, and kick shit--trying to keep the disgust I'm sure she was waiting to see from her. Well, sweetheart, that isn't gonna happen. There aren't many people's names I could hear and instantly want to curl my lips, but Misty Michaels is one of them. Regardless of what I think of Caroline's mama though, I damn sure won't condemn the woman in front of me just because the woman who birthed her has her nose so high in the air you'd think she could smell the angels passing gas. I could've taken one look at this girl, sweet and shy with just a little fire flickering inside of those brown eyes, and known she wasn't a thing like her mama.
"I take it y'all aren't close?"
She laughs humorlessly. "Well, let's see. . . . If your mama had called you a whore after you had just finished beggin' her to help you, would you continue to be close to her after?"
"My mama ran off because she enjoyed fuckin' cowboys and gettin' high more than she liked her kids, so no, darlin', I wouldn't expect you to be close to someone who doesn't deserve that privilege."
Her eyes go wide and her back jolts straight. I might not recall the younger version of her, but her mama was in Pine Oak long before I was born, so there isn't a chance Caroline hasn't heard at least some rumblings about my mama. There aren't secrets in this town. That doesn't mean I should've laid it out there like that, but I stopped giving my mama the power to upset me a long damn time ago, so the habit is impossible to break now.
"I'm sorry. About your mama," she says in a meek whisper, relaxing her back and looking down at her hands as she worries them on top of the island. "I remember Quinn missin' y'all's mama a whole lot when we were growin' up."
I nod, even though she can't see it. "She's made her peace where our mama's concerned, Caroline. You'll get there too when you're ready."
"Did you? Make your peace, I mean."
What a loaded question that is. "I accepted her place in my life a long time ago, but I was also older than my siblings when she left, so I didn't feel the sadness Quinn did or the hope that she could somehow become the mama she shoulda been, like Maverick did. I held my anger close to my chest, but I stopped allowin' her to hold those strings a few years ago. She played no part in makin' me the man I am now, and I can move on with my life knowin' I'll never abandon the people I love like she did."
"You . . . are y'all . . . is she in your life?"
I shake my head. "Maverick is the only one who keeps a small connection to her, but that's a story for another day."
"You haven't forgiven her," she muses, finally giving me those eyes again.
"No, but the difference is I've forgotten her."
She moves her head in the smallest of nods, shocking me when I expected her to argue the importance of forgiveness like my siblings do. I have a feeling that whatever her mama did to her, she doesn't feel the need to forgive either.
"She doesn't deserve my forgiveness, Caroline, but I didn't spend every Sunday with a sore ass because of the hard pews in church without learning why it's somethin' we should offer. It just isn't somethin' I can give her, so instead I've given her my disregard. I can move on with my life without lettin' what she did continue to fuck me up. We don't pick our parents, but we get to decide what to do with the life they gave us."
"I wish I could push it all aside that easily and that she didn't affect me still."
"What did she do to you back at the baby shower?"
She glances across the room toward the huge bay window behind the kitchen table that overlooks the back pasture, where a few of my horses are enjoying the freedom inside the fenced-in property, amid nothing but God's green earth and blue skies. There's nothing more beautiful than the land I've always been proud to call mine. Well . . . almost nothing.
"She said my name. That's it. She called my name and I didn't even need to see her--just the sound of her voice brought back all the things I never wish to remember again. All those memories I worked so hard to forget."
"Wanna talk about any of that?" I ask, knowing when it's wise to not push for more until she's ready to tell me, but wanting her to know I'll listen when she is.
"Maybe on our second date," she mumbles, more to herself than me. My smile grows when, after realizing what she said, her mouth snaps shut, her cheeks turn pink, and her eyes widen. Goddamn, she's one hell of a breath of fresh air. There isn't a part of her that isn't transparent, and after dealing with the kind of women who wear masks to get you, I find it incredibly alluring to know what I'll get with her.
"Fuck, you're cute," I tease sincerely, hoping to put her out of her misery. "Second date it is, Caroline Michaels." My smile grows and I shake my head with a laugh. I can't remember the last time I felt this lighthearted, especially considering that never happens when my mama was just in the forefront of my thoughts.
"How are you single?" she blurts in a rush, not looking the least bit shy now that her tongue is loosening up. Or maybe she's getting more comfortable with me, God willing, and no longer feels unsure about me wanting her here.
"Honestly?" She nods. "Spent a while screwed up because of my mama, but after I got past that, I was burned pretty damn bad and I haven't found a woman worth lettin' myself get vulnerable for again."
"That sounds like a doozy of a story."
"You want my ugly now? Or should I tell you about it on date three?"
She giggles softly at my teasing, but the sound still carries, hitting my ears and causing a rush of pleasure to burst through my body, knowing I made it happen. It's hard to believe she has such a hold on me, but there's no denying the powerful chemistry between us. Who knows if it's our bodies remembering each other or something deeper, but we're damn sure gonna find out.
"Who says there'll even be a date three?" she smarts off with a tiny smirk.
"Said I was still single because I haven't found one in the past . . . not that I haven't found someone since."
She sputters and I feel my cheeks get tight as my smile grows. She straightens in her seat before speaking. "I think I'll take that story now, if you don't mind, and then maybe we can figure out if date two and three are goin' to happen."
"Fair enough, darlin'."
I walk to the fridge and grab a beer, looking over my shoulder and holding the bottle up to silently ask if she'd like one as well. Her dark brown hair moves around her face like a sleek curtain when she gives a tiny nod. I reach in the fridge to grab another one before walking back to my spot. I keep my eyes on hers as I twist the top off, placing the open bottle between us for her to take. When she reaches for it, I keep my hand in her way long enough for hers to graze mine, wanting to know if I feel the sparking burn of awareness I felt back in Mav and Leigh's barn. She licks her lips at the same time that sensation lights a fire across my fingertips, and I know I'm not the only one who feels it. She takes a small sip before placing her bottle softly in front of her and folding her hands on top of each other to wait. I make quick work of opening my own before taking a deep pull.
It probably isn't wise to tell the woman I'm hoping to get to know better about my past relationships. Especially when the one she's asking about is the very reason I've sworn never to get close to a woman again. I probably would've kept living like I have been until the day I died, too, had I not run into Caroline today.
"Five or, hell, maybe closer to six years ago, I was datin' someone seriously enough that we had that discussion most couples have at some point about their future. She wanted my ring on her finger and didn't have any problems lettin' me know it. You can imagine it wasn't pleasant when she heard how I felt about gettin' hitched. I explained that I didn't want the same things she did and likely never would." I take another large swallow of beer, and she keeps staring at me with open interest.
"My future was here on the ranch. I had responsibilities bigger than sh
e understood and plans to make this place somethin' different than my father had. My pops was still around then, and I hadn't taken full control yet. He wasn't the hard man he had been my whole life at that point, seein' as his health was gettin' worse, but he wasn't willin' to give up his control over the ranch. He didn't agree with my vision for things and I knew better than to argue with Buford Davis. But I knew one day I'd be in charge and until then, I was goin' to focus on makin' sure this place was the best it could be. On top of workin' from sunup to sundown, I was also still runnin' the books for the auto shop. My plate was full and my plans didn't include addin' a wife while I was spread so thin, and, to be honest, it was gonna take someone a lot different from her to change my views on marriage. I made clear that I wasn't gonna give her a ring anytime soon--if at all."
"But you stayed with her even though you couldn't see that for y'all's future?"
I nod. "I did. I'm not exactly proud of the fact, but despite how I felt about marryin' her, I was still immature enough to enjoy what she did give me. Not too long after that talk, she brought it up again, only this time she mentioned babies. I think she knew after that she was tryin' for somethin' I wasn't ever gonna give her."
"Marriage or babies?" Caroline asks, tilting her head slightly.
"Both, I reckon. I wasn't ignorant to the negatives of both in my life at that point. I hadn't ever had any good examples of relationships enough to see marriage as somethin' worth havin'. The second I found out how much she wanted babies, though, I knew we were drivin' on two separate roads that would never meet."
"Because you don't like kids?" she asks with a frown.
This is the most unconventional first-date conversation, I'm sure, but nothing about how I met this woman has been ordinary, so I shouldn't be surprised. And, if I'm honest with myself, she should know about my history with Jess before someone in town fills her in, especially if we're gonna continue exploring this thing between us. Seeing that I plan on continuing, I want her to hear it from me. There's no doubt, with her mama bein' who she is, that she'll find out sooner rather than later, and I want her knowing my side of it before the bullshit rumors hit.
"Long story short, I found her sittin' on the floor in my room one day not long after that with a pile of condoms in her lap and my bedside drawer wide open. Who knows how long she'd been pokin' holes in those condoms, somethin' I probably never would've known about if I hadn't come home to change the pants I tore open on some barbed wire. Lady Luck did me a favor. We had words. She tried to lie her way through the impossible until she changed tactics and broke down. Tried to explain herself and her actions, but how the hell can you justify that kind of shit? She went on and on with that bullshit until she finally dropped the act and got pissed instead. One second she was cryin' all over me, the next she was rantin' and ravin' about how she had been flushin' her pills for months, but when that didn't work--because I wouldn't ever fuck her bare--she started the condom shit. I don't think she ever cared enough about me to respect what I had told her I wanted, or maybe she didn't give a shit about me at all and only wanted what bein' a Davis gave her. She craved my name and the money that came with it more than she wanted my baby, but figured gettin' one was her ticket to try hookin' both those things at once."
"Wow," Caroline breathes the second I stop speaking. "That's some crazy stuff, but I'm sorry that happened to you. No one should force you to do somethin' you don't want to do."
And she just continues to shock me. I expected her to push me on why I had felt so strongly against marriage and children--that's what everyone else does when they find out why Jess and I split--but she heard my story and accepted my words with nothing but support and understanding. If this isn't just more proof she's someone worth . . . more, I don't know what is. If we come to be something more than two people exploring each other, I'll have to give her that, but it feels damn good to have her accept and support my feelings with no further explanation needed.
"We all have ugly in our past, sweetness. You just have to realize it was really life teachin' you a lesson. When you find something that finally proves all that ugly was worth survivin', it doesn't look so bad when you see what kinda reward you get in the end."
"You don't even know me," she gasps with wide eyes, correctly reading between the lines. I'd go through that bullshit again just to have one more taste of her. I have a feeling that after she lets those walls down and really lets me see her, I'm not going to feel any different.
"And you don't know me. What I do know, though, is how I feel when I'm around you. I know what you feel like when you're comin' undone. How you curl into my side when you're exhausted, your body trustin' me without thought. I know you hate your feet bein' under the covers while you're sleepin'. And that I've never felt like I was comin' and goin' at the same damn time and not been pissed I couldn't control the chaos of it." I walk around the island and brush my fingertips across her neck until I'm cupping her head delicately and tipping her face up to look at me. "One night of being bad with you, Caroline, and I felt more with you in the darkness than I've ever felt with anyone else in the light. We might not know every little thing that makes the other tick, but you can't deny our chemistry alone is enough to make explorin' the rest worth it. I feel the pull to you like someone lassoed me around chest and yanked."
"Just because we're compatible in bed doesn't mean we'll be the same out of it." Her argument is weak, since she's staring up at me with hooded eyes and flushed cheeks that I know have nothing to do with her being embarrassed or shy. She feels it, that same yank right in the middle of the chest that is impossible to ignore anymore.
"How about we just figure out the rest together?"
"And I'm supposed to just . . . what? Trust a man I don't know blindly?"
"You know me, Linney. Your body already trusts me," I murmur as she jerks her head from my hold when she realizes she's been leaning into me. "You feel that trust. You know my family and you know more about my past than even they do."
She snorts, the sound cute as hell. "If we're being honest, then yeah, I reckon I do know you. I know what you feel like between my legs and in my mouth. Other than what you told me tonight, I don't know much more about you than how amazin' it feels when you fuck me."
I cough on the swallow I had just taken. I don't know what was more of a shock, what she said, or that she used the word fuck. I knew that feisty princess was in there.
"Well, aren't you a little whiskey in a teacup, darlin'? The most delicate thing you've ever held in your hand, but on the inside, there's a fire just waitin' to burn right through you. Tell me, Linney, tell me just how amazin' does it feel when I fuck you?"
"I don't know where that came from," she squeaks, a mixture of mortification and disbelief in those big round eyes. As the silence settles around us, she makes another tiny peep through her parted lips before looking away from me.
With a smile, I reach out with a gentle touch and take her fidgeting hands out of her lap and guide her to stand in front of me. She continues to give me the top of her head until finally, looking up with no encouragement from me other than the soft circles my thumbs are making on the top of each hand, she looks me straight in the eyes.
"I enjoy the hell out of seein' your skin turnin' pink because you say somethin' cute, Linney, so no more of that backpedalin' because you think I'm not gonna like it when you speak your mind and sass me." I bend, her eyes widening as I move. "Just so there's no mistake, I find it sexy as fuck when you speak freely."
She bites her lip while contemplating me. "I'm not used to bein' able to say what's on my mind, Clayton," she whispers, the way she says my name--my whole name--hitting me in the gut before makin' it roll with flutters. Jesus. "I never been with a man who allowed that."
Once it stops feeling like the ground under me is shaking and I mull her words over enough to read between the lines, the pieces start to click together. And when I start arranging the things I do know, I don't like what I see.
; A small accepting frown tugs at her mouth and she nods, seeing understanding starting to bloom in me. "I don't want to talk about what I'm sure is goin' through your mind right now, but I can admit that you aren't the only one who feels the pull, and if you really want to keep gettin' to know each other, I promise I'll tell you everything you're wonderin' about another day. Might not be on date two, five, or even ten, but if things start becomin' more between us, I promise I'll give you all of my ugly."
Tucking a piece of her dark hair behind her ear, I nod. "You keep givin' me the fire that burns inside that teacup, I'm gonna be fine waitin' for you to be ready to give me more, darlin'."
She slowly leans into my hand, still hovering at the side of her face, and this time the move isn't something done subconsciously. "I don't understand the connection I have to you at all, but I like how you make me feel."
"And how's that?"
She shrugs and smiles a small, sweet-as-fuck smile that makes me fight the urge to wrap her up in my arms and never let go. What the hell is this woman doing to me? I might not have the answers to explain it, but when she opens her mouth to answer me, I vow right then and there that I'm not going to let my past be a reason to cloud my future anymore.
"Safe. You make me feel safe, Clayton Davis."
10
CAROLINE
"All on Me" by Devin Dawson
"What's the latest on the insurance stuff, Caro?" Lucy asks around a mouthful of fries.
"Yeah, Carrie, they seem to be takin' their sweet-ass time," Luke joins in, reaching across the table to nab one of my two pickles while he talks. I slap his hand away when he comes back for the other.
"Caroline," I scold, saying my name slowly while looking between the two of them. "We've been best dang friends since I shared a dorm with you, Lucy, but still years later, you two refuse to stop callin' me childish nicknames. Caroline. C-A-R-O-L-I-N-E. One is mature, elegant even, while those nicknames make me sound like a badly pronounced Spanish dish or a five-year-old."