My therapist didn’t agree with my choice I made, saying that it could present itself as a trigger for me to relapse. When I did my final walk-through before signing the papers, I quickly realized that I didn’t belong anywhere else, but there.
I was finally happy to be home.
I couldn’t live anywhere else.
It had been almost a year-and-a-half since I’d moved in there. Lucas’s company remodeled the six-bedroom, four-bathroom house. I added a pool to the huge backyard. My realtor said I was buying it for the family I wanted, and maybe in a way I was. I had people over often. It was rare for me to be alone anymore. I preferred it that way. I spent way too many years being alone.
I opened my tattoo shop back up, and had more clients than I knew what to do with. The place was booming, and I was scheduled out a few months in advance.
I even started sketching again.
I had yet to read Briggs’ book. Our love story. As much I wanted to, I couldn’t bring myself to turn the pages. It sat on my nightstand next to my NA book. I would stare at it for hours, but at the end of the day, I always choose to read the NA book instead. Every time. I had that book memorized, and I still managed to learn something new every time I re-read it.
“I’m going to head out, guys,” I announced, standing up after finishing my plate.
“Come by the restaurant tomorrow,” Lily said. “Jacob is working late and you can have dinner with me and the kids. Riley wants to show her Uncle Austin how she can write her name now.”
I nodded. “Can’t wait,” I said, giving her a wink.
We said our usual goodbyes and I left.
“Austin!” Alex called out, making me look up from my car door.
I closed the door, rounding the corner of the hood, as she came running towards me.
“Did I forget something?” I asked, patting my jeans.
“No, I wanted to give you something.” She handed me a white envelope.
“What’s this?” I looked at her.
“It’s from Lucas’s mom, Savannah.”
I peered up. “What? How?” Jerking back, stunned.
“She gave it to me a few days before she passed away. She said that I couldn’t give it to you until you were ready. Until you were in a good place again. I didn’t understand what she meant by that at the time. I held onto it all these years, hoping that one day it would make sense. To be completely honest, over the last few years I’d forgotten about it. When you were in rehab, I found it in my old art notebook my mom kept. I was looking for my book to come draw with you. I thought you could use some good memories right about then. I was going to give it to you the day you received your six-month chip, but Briggs gave me her book. I realized it wasn’t the right time yet.”
“Why now?”
“You’re happy, Austin. I don’t remember the last time I saw you this happy. You’re in a good place, and I firmly believe in my heart that you’re going to stay there. I’m not saying it’s ever going to get easy for you, but I can see it in your eyes. You’re Austin again. My good ol’ boy is back.”
I brought her in for a big hug. Even though she was a pain in my ass, she always knew the right things to say. I took a deep breath, appreciating everything she had just said.
“I talk to Briggs sometimes. She’s doing great, Austin. She’s touring around the world with her books. Attending signings everywhere. She’s really taken off. She’s happy.”
“Thanks for telling me that, Half-Pint. It’s always good to hear. As long as she’s happy, that’s all that matters to me. All I ever wanted was for her to be happy. I just wish it could have been with me.”
“Life is very unpredictable, as you well know. I ended up with Lucas. Aubrey’s with Dylan. Even Lily ended up with Jacob, and I didn’t think that would ever happen. So crazier things have happened in our lives.”
I nodded.
“I love you, Austin, and I’m so proud of you.”
I kissed her head, giving her a loving smile, and she left. I drove home, listening to “Mad World,” thinking about everything I’d been through in life. I pulled into my driveway, got out, and headed straight for the dock. I slipped my shoes off and sat with my feet in the water like I had countless times before. I lit a cigarette, letting the nicotine work it’s way into my lungs, and opened the letter that I couldn’t stop thinking about the entire drive home. Bringing the cigarette to the corner of my lips, I started reading.
Austin,
My rebel boy.
From the second you could crawl, you never looked back. You were the most independent boy I had ever seen before. You were so quiet; we never knew if you were up to something. Always needing to learn everything on your own. There was no holding you back. Your mom had to put a lock on your window, because you would open it at night and climb up the banister to sit on the roof. You were four. I remember the first time your mom caught you. She almost had a heart attack. The next day she had installed a state-of-the-art lock to keep you from hurting yourself. You saw her lock it one time, and you figured out how to unlock it to continue sneaking out. There was no telling you that you couldn’t do something when you put your mind to it.
That’s just the boy you were. So curious about the world, and every last thing it had to offer. But you were the sweetest boy ever, the most loving of all the good ol’ boys. You didn’t care. You did your own thing, often ending up alone. I worried about you a lot. Your parents worked all the time, and it was hard for them to keep up with you because you were so damn quiet. We all assumed everything was okay, since we never saw otherwise.
I caught you drawing on the dock a few times while I was looking for Lucas. You seemed so lost and alone. Even at that young of an age. The car accident changed you, Austin. It sucked the life right out of you. The guilt and shame came tumbling down on you. You weren’t the same boy. There were days I barely recognized you. It scared all of us.
When you took off, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t expecting it. You needed to leave. You needed to find yourself. Most importantly you needed to forgive yourself. Love yourself in a way you probably never have before. I know you have gone through more stuff than I could ever imagine, and one of my saddest regrets is that I’m not going to be there to help you find your way.
But I know it wouldn’t matter anyway because you need to find it on our own. It’s who you are. I knew one day it would happen. The demons that haunted you would be at bay, and you’d fight for your life again. If you’re reading this than I know that day has come.
You’re happy.
And I’m smiling down on you. Proud that you made it back home.
I don’t have to tell you to take care of each other, your brothers and your Half-Pint. There’s nothing that could come in between a bond like that, ever. No matter what life throws at you, your family will always be there to catch you when you fall.
I love you, Austin. I’m here if you ever need to talk. I always will be.
Your second Mom,
Savannah
I folded the letter, and placed it back into the envelope. Inhaling a puff of my cigarette, remembering how many times I’d sat on this dock. Feeling as lost as she said I appeared.
I smiled.
Taking one last puff of my cigarette, stubbing it out on the side of the dock. I stood, walking back inside.
Knowing that I wasn’t lost anymore.
Chapter 42
<>Briggs<>
“You ready?” my assistant asked, grabbing the last few things off my table at the signing.
“Yeah, give me a second,” I replied, grabbing my bag from under the table. “Shit. It’s stuck on something. You can go, Avery. I can catch a cab. Thanks so much for all your help today. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Okay. Everything is set with the bookstore, you’re free to go.”
“Awesome. Thanks again.”
She waved, turned, and left. I looked under the table, not seeing what my bag was actually stuck on. I crouched d
own and crawled under the cloth, until I was fully underneath.
“There! You stupid dick of a table leg,” I grunted, pulling as hard as I could to no avail. “Damn it!”
I tried to scoot the leg over, but it was no use, the damn thing was too heavy. I pulled on my bag some more, cussing up a storm, getting pissed it wouldn’t budge. All of the sudden it lifted on it’s own, and I quickly pulled out the strap that was stuck.
“Finally!”
The leg was set back down, and I immediately heard something placed on top of the table above me. I shimmied backwards, trying to get the chair beneath my ass, to sit back up. I ended up hitting my head in the process.
“Shit! Ow!” I yelped, scooting some more to clear the edge of the table. “Motherfucker, that hurt.”
I rubbed the bump on my head, still peering down at my lap as I sat back on the chair. The object that was set on the table caught my eye. It was then that I remembered somebody helped me by lifting the table, so I could get my bag out.
I turned my head slightly. “Thank you so—” I stopped breathing.
Sitting on the table was the original hardback copy of Crave Me. My book. There was only one person that would have that copy. I didn’t have to look up to know who was standing in front of me. My heart pounded out of my chest, and I swear it echoed in the corner of the room.
How after all these years did he still have this effect on me?
I took a few deep breaths, trying to steady my thoughts. I felt him place his hand on top of mine. Soothing the bump on my head that suddenly seemed miniscule, compared to the emotions that were coursing through me.
“You alright?” he said with the same southern drawl that I still dreamt about after all this time.
He haunted my dreams almost every night.
“I don’t know,” I blurted.
He chuckled, moving my hand, and leaning over the table.
“Let me take a look.”
I shut my eyes, feeling the simple touch of his hands on my head. Everywhere. All consuming. He let his hands linger for what felt like forever, but I knew it was only seconds. I instantly missed his touch, his warmth when he backed away.
“You’re going to have a nasty bump. Best if you get some ice on that when you get home.”
I nodded not being able to form words. I was as nervous as I was the first time I met him. For some reason, it felt like I was about to see him for the first time, and that confused the hell out of me. I knew everything about this man.
I had seen him at his best, and at his worst.
I took a deep breath, opening my eyes and locking gazes with him for the first time in over three years. He looked better than I remembered. He was definitely one of those men that got better with age. He was wearing a white tight shirt that emphasized every last muscle on his solid chest and firm arms, like he lived at the gym again. His tattoos only accenting his bad boy facade, I-don’t-give-a-fuck kind of look that only Austin could ever pull off.
“Hey, Daisy,” he greeted, bringing me back to the present.
Taking me in as much as I was taking him in.
His blue eyes that I hadn’t seen in God knows how long were bright and shining. With a hint of mischievousness in them, gazing at my once again vibrant purple hair. With a predatory regard, he eyed me everywhere, as if he couldn’t decide where he wanted to look at me the most.
“You still take my goddamn breath away,” he rasped, barely above a whisper.
I blushed, peering back down at the book. Breaking our heated connection.
“I see you read it,” I spoke, looking at the worn binding and pages.
“I more than read it. I lived it.”
We locked eyes again.
“Seeing it through your eyes though,” he paused, slightly shaking his head, “was like experiencing it for the first time,” he admitted with so much sadness in his tone. My eyes began to fill with tears.
“It was a long time ago, Austin. I’m not that person anymore, and from the looks of it… you’re not either.”
“You’ll always be my Daisy. My girl with the tattoos and purple hair,” he said, reaching for a lose strand, twirling it around.
I smiled. I couldn’t help it.
“You look good.”
“You look beautiful.”
I chuckled, smiling wider. He immediately caught my expression in the air and placed it near his heart. Causing my stomach to flutter.
“Why are you here, Austin?”
“For you,” he simply stated.
I swallowed hard. Trying like hell to govern my breathing.
“I’d love for you to sign my book. In fact, it would mean the world to me.”
I grinned, grabbing a pen from my bag. He handed me the book, holding onto it for a second longer, grinning.
I opened it up to the title page and signed, “Your best friend, Daisy.”
He laughed as I handed it back to him.
“Can I buy you lunch?”
I hesitated, and he noticed.
“We’re best friends, remember?”
I scoffed out a laugh. “Only if I get to choose the place.”
“Baby, I’d follow you anywhere.”
“Still quite the charmer I see.”
“Only with you.” He grabbed the heavy bag off my shoulder. “Lead the way.”
“I actually came with my assistant. I was going to take a cab home. I don’t live far from here.”
“You’re in Oak Island,” he stated, confused.
I nodded, not elaborating.
“Well then I guess I’ll be driving, Miss Daisy.”
I laughed again. Damn I missed him. I hadn’t laughed or smiled this much in years. He always brought out the best in me.
We drove in silence on the way to the restaurant up the road. Music played just above a whisper. It was a small diner but it was on the beach, and I loved going there with my computer to write. Something about the sound of the waves and the ocean breeze, took me away to another place and time.
I could sense that Austin wanted to reach over and grab my hand like he used to every time we were in the car together. His thumb tapped on the steering wheel instead, while a cigarette was placed in his other hand that was hanging out the window.
His eyes remained on the road ahead, blowing out the smoke from his lungs through the corner of his mouth. The furthest away from me.
Making me smile from the memory of it all.
Him.
Before I knew it we were being seated out on the beach patio of the restaurant. The sun was shining bright, highlighting the red in Austin’s hair.
“Thank you,” I told the waitress after ordering my food.
She nodded and left.
“How have you been?” He was the first to break the silence.
“Really good, Austin. The best I’ve been in a long time, actually.”
He sadly smiled, looking out toward the water.
Not faltering, he stated, “I’m glad Esteban makes you so happy, Briggs. Even if it’s at my expense. You deserve all the happiness in the world. To be treated the way you always deserved.”
It broke my heart a little to hear him say that.
I cleared my throat, bringing his sudden solemn expression back to me.
“I’m not with Esteban.”
His eyebrows rose, taking in what I just shared.
“I haven’t been with him in almost a year-and-a-half. We’re still good friends. It was a mutual decision. It seemed like a good idea in theory, you know trying something else. After Esteban and I ran into each other, I changed my hair back to its original color. I covered my tattoos with clothing I would have never worn before. A part of me wanted to try to be the girl I was before my parents died. The Daisy I thought I was supposed to be. I thought I was happy, and in a way I was. But being comfortable isn’t being happy. I confused the two. He was good to me, and I knew him. I was hurting, and he was the perfect distraction. As much as I hate to admit it, I didn??
?t want to be alone.”
“Did you love him?” he asked, his stare not wavering from mine.
“No, Austin. Don’t get me wrong, I love him, but I was never in love with him. He knew it. It’s probably why he traveled so much. It was easier that way. He will find the right girl one day. It’s just not me. We sold the house after we broke up, and I started traveling all over for signings. I lived in and out of hotels for a good year, finding my independence for the first time in my life. It was good for me, to find myself. I dyed my hair back, and started dressing like I always had. This is who I am. This is the real Daisy. I bought a house in Oak Island a few months ago. It’s my home. You’re home has always felt like my home. I couldn’t imagine living anywhere else.”
I couldn’t believe I just shared all of that with him, but Austin always had a way of making me feel comfortable in my own skin. It was easy to pour my heart out to him. He always made me feel like it was okay to share my thoughts and emotions with him like we had known each other for several lifetimes. Even then, after everything we had been through, it felt normal to tell him all that as if no time had passed between us at all.
No sad stories.
At least not anymore.
<>Austin<>
I took in every word she said, trying to keep my emotions in check. When all I wanted to do was reach across the fucking table, and pull her into my arms. Hold her for as long as I could. Never letting her go.
She was single.
She was still mine.
“How about you? Hmmm? You seeing anyone?” she questioned, biting on her lip like she did when she was nervous.
I didn’t hesitate. “I haven’t been with anyone since you, baby.” I told her the honest-to-God truth, needing her to know that there was no one else for me, but her. “I had every intention of reading ‘our story’ when Alex gave it to me. It was the same day I received my six-month sobriety chip. I tried to read it every day since then, but I wasn’t ready to relive the past, when my future was finally full of possibilities. Up until three months ago, the book sat on my nightstand. When I finally decided to read it, I devoured the entire thing in one sitting. Staying up all night until I’d finished it. After that day, I read it again and again and again. You are so fucking talented.”