“I’m sorry,” I said as soon as I had two feet on the ground again and started taking off my helmet. “I’m being an asshole.”
“Nah, you’re fine,” he said carelessly. “Been a shit night for you. I get it.”
“Yeah, and you made it a hundred times better. Thanks for the ride.”
Just as I handed him the helmet, my dad called out from the front porch, making me cringe in embarrassment.
“The fuck? Givin’ you a ride?”
“On his motorcycle!” I yelled back, my face on fire.
“Jesus,” Leo mumbled quietly. “Point made, yeah?”
I snorted and laughed. “Yeah, I guess so.”
“Chin up, Dandelion,” Leo said, as I heard my dad’s footsteps come close. “That kid ain’t got no idea what he missed out on.”
“Why aren’t you at the dance?” my dad asked. “And why the fuck are you on this joker’s bike?”
“My date never picked me up,” I replied with a shrug as my dad’s familiar scent wrapped around me.
“That little fucker.”
“Gave her a ride home from Tommy’s,” Leo said. “Came back here, but no one was home and I didn’t want to leave her here alone, so we went for a ride.”
“She’s sixteen,” my dad replied flatly.
“I’m aware.”
“Thanks, Leo,” I said, cutting off the conversation that had suddenly become tense. “Come on, Dad, I want to go inside.”
I heard Leo’s bike fire up as we made our way onto the porch. Smiling a little, I braced myself. My mother was going to lose her shit the minute she knew what happened.
“Why are you home already?” Mom said as we walked into the kitchen. “Where’s Rose?”
“Her goddamn date never showed and she spent all night with Leo,” my dad growled.
“What?”
“It wasn’t all night! And, yeah, my date never showed,” I replied, sitting down in one of the stools at the counter. “He never even texted to say he wasn’t coming.”
“What a fucknut!”
“Truth. I had to force Rose to leave without me.”
“I can’t believe she actually went,” my dad said. “Want a soda?”
“Sure.” I waited until he’d set the can down in front of me, then kept talking. “I had to threaten to have her killed.”
“Naturally,” my mom said.
“It was so freaking embarrassing. Her date was just standing there for like an hour, waiting for Brent to show up.”
“Eh, he probably didn’t give two fucks,” my dad said calmly. “Boy’s waitin’ on a girl that’s all dressed up for him? He doesn’t give a shit about anythin’ else.”
“Yeah, well, a few minutes after they left, Tommy and Leo showed up and Leo offered to give me a ride home.”
“See? You should have gotten ready here,” my mom said for the thousandth time. “I could have helped do something with your hair.”
“I wanted my hair like this.”
“Probably not exactly how it is now, it’s sticking up all over the place. I assume you wore a helmet?”
“Of course.”
“Of course,” my dad scoffed, walking out of the room. “Fuckin’ better have worn a helmet.”
“Alright,” my mom said quietly. “Now that he’s gone, tell me the rest of it.”
“Nothing much to tell,” I replied, resting my chin on my hand. “We got all ready and Brent never showed. Jayden showed up on time, though. He brought Rose a corsage.”
“I’m sure she loved that.”
“Oh, yeah. He was practically tongue tied when he saw her. It was cute.”
“Tongue tied? He won’t last long if he can’t keep up with Rosie.”
“That’s the exact same thing that Hawk said.”
“Poor kid,” my mom said with a chuckle. “So what’s up with Leo?”
“Nothing.”
“Don’t lie to me, kid. I know every single one of your expressions, and you’re currently wearing the Leo-did-something-sweet-for-me one.”
She sat down beside me and shoved her toes under my thigh. I swear, my mom’s feet were always cold, and she was always trying to warm them. I could remember her making me lay on them when I was six.
“He said he’d take me home, but no one was here when we got here, so we went for a ride to the river.”
“The river, hmm?”
“Oh, whatever,” I mumbled. “He pretty much told me that I’m awesome, but no way in hell are we ever going to hang out because he’s too old and Dad would kill him.”
“Hang out or hang out?”
“Friends, Mom. Jesus.”
“Well! You have to put that shit in context.”
“He was cool, just like he’s always cool. That’s all it was.”
“It goes without saying, but you probably shouldn’t say anything to your sister about it,” my mom said with a sigh. “I wish things were different with her, but I’m not even sure what to do about it.”
“Did you know that they haven’t been together in a long time?” I asked. “Like, years, Mom.”
“What? That can’t be right.”
“I don’t think Leo would lie about it. He said they hang out in a group with all the kids, but they haven’t been dating in a long ass time.”
“That’s weird. I wonder if your Dad knows.”
Just as she spoke the last words, a loud crash came from the front of the house, and before I knew what was happening, I was on the floor and being shoved beneath our kitchen table.
“Don’t fucking move, Lily,” Mom hissed, before she left me.
My entire body shook as I pulled my knees against my chest and shut my eyes tightly. When they were closed, I could pretend that it was my choice that I had no idea what was happening around me.
I was curled into a ball for less than a minute when I heard my dad yelling from the entryway, his voice angrier than it had been in a very long time. “Are you fuckin’ kiddin’ me, Cecilia?”
I couldn’t hear my sister’s reply, but I climbed out from under the table anyway. Clearly, there wasn’t an emergency, or my dad’s tone would be completely different.
I’d heard his voice when shit hit the fan—tonight wasn’t that.
“Your baby sister is sleeping, shut the fuck up,” my mom ground out as I made my way into the entryway.
“Oh, whatever,” Cecilia slurred, her volume not changing at all. By the sound of it, my sister was completely blitzed. She must have crashed into something as she came in the house, but I had no idea how much damage she’d done.
“How the fuck did you get home? Where you been?” my dad asked flatly.
“Out with Leo.”
“Bullshit,” my dad replied. “Leo was takin’ care of your sister tonight.”
“Charlie?” Ceecee asked in confusion. “When did Leo start babysitting?”
“No, Lily,” my dad snapped.
“Of course,” Ceecee said derisively. “Of course he was.”
“My prom date stood me up,” I said, joining the conversation. “Leo just gave me a ride home from Tommy’s.”
“Tommy couldn’t drive you?”
“He didn’t offer,” I replied with a shrug. I wasn’t sure what she wanted from me.
“I’m done, Cecilia,” my mom said tiredly. “I’m so fuckin’ done with this. Me and your dad don’t ask for much, ya know? Clean up your own shit and don’t be an asshole and you get to live here rent free.”
“I’m twenty-one years old,” Ceecee retorted.
“Exactly,” Mom snapped.
“Ladybug, don’t say anything you can’t take back, baby,” my dad warned softly.
“This is fucking ridiculous,” my mom continued. “I’m cleaning up your shit all the time, you’re comin’ in late all the time, which is whatever, but half the time you’re forgettin’ your key and one of us has to let you in before you wake everyone up. And newsflash, Cecilia, you come into the house late, your dad and I are a
wake anyhow, because no way are we sleepin’ through that shit. You do whatever the fuck you want and you don’t give a shit who you inconvenience or that your dad is up at two in the fuckin’ morning when you come in, and then getting’ up four hours later to head to the garage!”
“Jesus, I’ll remember my key next time! It isn’t even that late!”
“Holy fuck,” my mom muttered. “She’s not hearing a word I say.”
“Fine, you want me to leave?” Ceecee replied nastily. “I’ll go.”
She stomped away and I could hear her heavy steps all the way up the carpeted stairs.
“Where the fuck is she gonna go?” my mom asked my dad with a huff. “Your sister sure as shit isn’t going to let her stay there.”
“Leo’s?” my dad asked.
“Not fuckin’ likely,” my mom replied with a laugh.
They weren’t talking to me, so I moved silently toward the stairs and straight to my sister’s room. Her door wasn’t shut, probably because she wanted to make a big show of packing up her stuff. That was Cecilia. She’d leave, but she wouldn’t do it quietly.
“Can I come in?” I asked, stepping into the room before she’d answered.
“Whatever,” she snapped. Then her voice changed, just a little. “There’s laundry on the floor. High-step it so you don’t trip.”
I nodded, and did what she ordered until I’d made it to her bed. Sitting down, I reached out, finding her open suitcase beside me.
“Where are you going to go?” I asked as she moved around the room.
“Anywhere,” she mumbled. “Probably California.”
“California?” I asked in surprise, my jaw dropping. “What the fuck are you going to do there?”
“I went to beauty school,” she replied. “I can get a job cutting hair down there.”
“But you don’t know anyone down there.”
“Exactly.”
“Come on, Ceecee. How the fuck will you even get there?”
“Drive,” she answered. “I’ve got plenty of cash saved up. It’ll be fine.”
“Come on, sissy,” I said softly. “Think this through.”
“I have,” she said, startling me with a kiss on my forehead. “I’ve got no friends here, Lil. Mom and Dad are sick of my shit. Hell, I’m sick of my shit. I need a new reality.”
“You’re still gonna be the same you,” I pointed out as she zipped up her suitcase. “It doesn’t matter where you go.”
“Maybe not,” she said. “Maybe I’ll be able to get my shit together down there.”
Ceecee sat down with me on the bed then pulled me down to lie beside her.
“You remember when you used to crawl into bed with me at night?”
“Yeah. You always threw a fit until Mom made me get back into my own bed.”
“And then you’d just wait until I was asleep and crawl back in,” she said with a soft laugh.
“You never noticed until morning,” I said with a shrug.
“I’m going to miss you.”
“Then don’t go,” I said. My throat grew tight at the thought of her taking off to California all by herself. My sister was a huge pain in the ass, but she was still my sister.
“I won’t yet,” she replied. “I can’t drive at the moment, anyway. Too much Jose.”
“Ew. Tequila? You’re going to feel like shit tomorrow.”
“Truth.” She scooted over and I could feel her pulling on the blankets beneath me. “Come on, climb in.”
I kicked off my shoes and crawled under the covers beside her, the events of the day catching up with me. It had been so weird. First, getting ready for prom and being stood up, then Leo, and now Ceecee was telling me that she was leaving the state. Just like that.
I was pretty sure her decision wasn’t a new one, though. Cecilia might be headstrong and self-centered, but she wasn’t spontaneous. If she was leaving for California after a fight with our parents, she’d been planning on it for a while. The fight had just been the deciding factor.
“Your date stood you up?” she asked once we were situated under the blankets.
“Yeah. He didn’t even text with a lame excuse or anything.”
“I guess it beats the alternative. I mean, he could have brought you and then poured pig’s blood over your head and ruined that hot crop top you’re wearing.”
“There is that,” I replied seriously.
“I like that you went with the two piece,” she said, rolling toward me. “That top looks good with your jeans, too, so you can wear it whenever. All of my formal dresses from high school are just taking up closet space now. It’s not like I can wear them to the bar.”
“But just think,” I said with a smile. “In twenty years, they’ll be vintage and you could sell them for a bunch of money.”
“Start a retirement.”
“Pay for Botox.”
“Boob job.”
“Braces for Timmy.”
“Viagra for the hubby.”
“Oh, ew!” I said, pretend gagging. “I hope I never sleep with a guy old enough to need Viagra.”
“You will,” she said with a small laugh. “But you’ll be old, too, so you won’t care.”
“Do you think Poet needs Viagra?” I asked in disgusted fascination.
“That old goat?” my sister snorted. “No way in hell.”
We laughed so hard that we barely made any noise, wheezing as we tried to catch our breath.
“Some day, kid, you’re going to be married with a bunch of kids and I’m going to wonder where the fuck my gap toothed sister went,” Cecilia said softly, running her hand over my hair. “And you have dad’s gorgeous skin, so I’m also going to be completely jealous and petty that you look twenty years younger than me instead of just five.”
“My hair will go gray way before yours, though,” I replied with a yawn as she continued running her fingers through my hair.
“Eh, hair can be touched up,” she said quietly. “I’ll do it for you.”
“I’m thinking of getting bangs,” I murmured, closing my eyes.
“Oh, fuck no,” she replied, giving my hair a tiny yank. “Do not cut bangs. You have a cowlick in the front and they’ll look ridiculous. Plus, how would you style them when you can’t see them? No. No bangs. You’ll hate them and they take forever to grow back out.”
“If you stayed, you could style them for me.”
“I’m not staying to style your hair, no matter how much I love you,” she said, running her fingers through my hair again. “But maybe you can come visit me sometime, you know? We can go to the beach and stuff.”
“Where do you think you’ll end up?”
“San Diego, probably,” she said with a sigh. “I’m thinking that’s a good place to start over.”
I nodded, but her fingers in my hair were lulling me to sleep. I loved my sister. Even when I couldn’t stand her, I loved her. I guess that was the deal with siblings. Even when you thought they were assholes, there was still that part of you that remembered sharing a bed with them when you were little. The part of you that loved when they ran their fingers through your hair. The part of you that knew they loved you with the same fierceness, even if they didn’t show it most of the time.
“I love you, Bumblebee,” I murmured, reaching out to rest my hand on my sister’s thin waist.
“I love you, too, Lilybug.”
I fell asleep within seconds, and it wasn’t until a few hours later that I woke up again, when my sister left the bed.
“What’re you doing?” I asked, my voice scratchy.
“I’m heading out,” Ceecee whispered. “I’ll call you later and let you know where I’m at.”
“Aren’t you going to say goodbye to everyone?” I asked, leaning up on my elbow. I couldn’t tell where she was in the room, and I had no idea how much she had packed or how long I had before she walked out the door.
“No,” she replied. “I’ll call Mom later, but I want to get an early start.” r />
“What time is it?”
“About four,” she said, leaning down on the bed so she could plant a loud kiss on my forehead. “I’m going to go. Don’t wake the ’rents, okay? I’ll call them in a few hours. I promise.”
“I—” my words cut off as I tried to think of something to say. If I didn’t tell my parents that my sister was leaving, they’d be livid. If I did tell them, she was just stubborn enough that she’d leave anyway, and we wouldn’t hear from her for months. “Okay,” I said finally. “I’ll give you a couple hours. But if you haven’t called them by the time we have breakfast, I’m going to punch you in the face.”
“Thanks,” she said. I heard the swishing noises as she put her coat and purse on, and within seconds she was leaving.
“I love you, sissy,” she said, her voice filled with excitement.
“I love you, too,” I replied, falling back down on the pillow below me. “Drive careful, okay?”
“Always.” She paused for a few seconds, and then, because my sister never could seem to help herself, she left her parting shot. “I can smell him on you, you know? His cologne. You might have fooled Mom and Dad, but no way do you smell like that if you were just pressed up against his cut on the back of his bike.”
I opened my mouth to argue, but heard the quiet snick of the door shutting before I could say a word. It was exactly her style. Make an accusation, no matter how unfounded, and then bail before you could defend yourself. She’d been doing it since she was old enough to manipulate people. I shook my head as I scrambled further into the blankets, pulling them up and over my head.
A few minutes later, the door opened again.
“Where was she going?” my mom asked quietly, her voice tentative.
We should have known that my parents would realize the moment she left. If they were waking up every time she came home, it stood to reason that they’d wake up if she was leaving, too.
“California,” I answered, throwing the blankets off my head. “She said she wanted to go to San Diego.”
“Why?”
“I have no idea,” I said honestly. “She said she wanted a new life.”
“Christ. She’ll be back,” my mom muttered. “Get some sleep, kid.”
I heard her step away from the door.