“Why does he still get to me? It’s so fucking irritating!”
“Maybe because you haven’t dated anyone else?”
“I don’t want to date anyone. I like my life how it is!”
“Well, then, I don’t know!” she yelled back. “Maybe it’s because he did you dirty! Maybe it’s because you have a kid that’s reminded you of his existence every day for the past year and a half! Maybe it’s because he was good in bed! How the fuck am I supposed to know why you can’t forget him? Don’t yell at me!”
“I’m sorry,” I ground out. “I was yelling at the universe, not you.”
“I don’t think the universe is listening,” she said simply, leaning against the hood of my car. “It’s over. You saw him. He saw you. Reb saw him. It’s over.”
“Did you see her face?” I hissed, bursting into tears. “Jesus Christ, did you see Reb’s face?”
“Yeah, girl. I did,” she replied softly. “But listen, she’s not yelling anymore.”
We both looked in the front windshield to find Reb sitting silently, looking out her window.
“I probably freaked her out,” I said in defeat, wiping at my face as I moved around the car.
“Nah, she’s tough. She’s heard me scream obscenities plenty of times,” Mel said jokingly, turning to watch me.
I opened Reb’s door and reached in, unbuckling her and pulling her into my arms. For a second, she held her body rigid against me then with a sigh, she relaxed, dropping her head onto my shoulder.
“Will?” she whispered.
“You ready to go to the river?” I asked, swaying slowly from side to side as I ignored her question. “Rocky’s waiting for us there.”
“Rock?” she asked, leaning back to glance at my face. She had tear tracks running down her cheeks, but I didn’t wipe them away. She didn’t like it when people touched her face, only letting me get near it if I was using a washcloth.
“You know it. You ready?”
She smacked the side of her suit and I nodded. “I know. We need to put the floaty things back in. We’ll do that when we get there.”
I got her back in the car and looked over the door at Mel. “Can you drive?”
“No problem,” she murmured, rounding the car and sliding into the driver’s seat.
“Goddammit,” I whispered one more time before opening my door.
* * *
“Dad, I’ve been calling you for hours,” I huffed into the phone as I opened my car door. “I have to work and you’re supposed to be watching Reb. I’m on the way to your house right now, so you better be home.” I pressed my finger hard against the screen of my phone, irritated that I couldn’t slam it shut. Flip phones really had been satisfying when you were pissed at someone.
It was two weeks after I’d seen Will at the gas station, and shit had gone mostly back to normal. We’d had a good day with Rocky and Mel, and by the time we’d gotten home that afternoon, Reb had been too tired to pester me about Will. She’d pretty much just sat on the couch and watched Sesame Street for the few hours before bed.
The next morning, she’d been back with the questions, though. I guess it was just one question, really. All day, every day. “Will?”
There wasn’t any answer she accepted. I could distract her for a while, but it always came back to Will.
I ground my teeth as I headed toward my dad’s house. I was starting my first night shift at the hospital and I was already so tired, I wasn’t sure how I was going to make it. Rebel woke up at four in the morning pretty much every day, so both of us were usually dragging ass by the afternoon. I hadn’t asked for the shift change, but apparently, I didn’t have a choice in the matter. Unfortunately, the daycare we loved that Rebel had attended for years wasn’t open in the evenings. Thankfully, my dad had a room for Reb at his house, and he’d agreed that she could stay the night with him when I was working. I wasn’t sure how other single parents did it.
We pulled slowly up my dad’s driveway as I tried to avoid all of the holes that the winter rains had dug into the gravel. My dad lived on some property outside of town, and every year, he had to have his road re-graded because water had completely decimated it during the rainy season. It drove me nuts that he refused to pave it. It wasn’t like he didn’t have the money.
When we got to the house, there was a car in the driveway that I didn’t recognize, and it irritated me because he knew he was supposed to be watching Rebel. I wasn’t sure if it was a client or a woman, but I didn’t really give a shit. I only had a half an hour to get to work on time, so they were just going to have to deal with a busy three year old running around the house.
“Come on, Reb,” I said, climbing out of the car. She was busy on the Kindle she’d gotten last Christmas, and didn’t even bother acknowledging me as I moved around to her side of the car and unbuckled her from her seat belt.
I carried her toward the front porch, practically dragging her overnight bag behind us. The thing was packed full of her pajamas, three pairs of clean socks, her blanket, four stuffed animals, a change of clothes for the next day, and the ratty old towel that Will had put her to bed with when she was little and she couldn’t sleep without. My dad’s door was closed, and he didn’t answer when I kicked it repeatedly with my foot. I reached out and flung it open, glad it wasn’t locked so I didn’t have to go back to the car for my keys.
“Dad, you better be decent!” I yelled as I closed the door behind me. “You said you’d watch Reb tonight!”
I moved into the house, and only after I’d gotten like six feet from the front door did I notice how unnaturally quiet the place was. The hair on the back of my neck prickled, but before I could turn around, it was too late.
“Come in,” an accented voice called from the kitchen, making my head snap up.
There were two men standing there, one older and fat, the other tall and bulky. The short one had his arms crossed and was relaxing against the countertop, and the big one was standing with his legs braced wide, his hands loose at his sides.
My dad was tied to a chair in the middle of the kitchen, and his face was almost unrecognizable.
I made a noise in the back of my throat, and for a split second, I wanted to run toward him. But then Rebel shifted a little in my arms and I immediately took a step backward as some character on her Kindle giggled.
“Uh uh,” the short one murmured in amusement, making me break out in a cold sweat. “Come closer.”
I contemplated running for less than a second, but I knew I wouldn’t get far. Rebel was close to forty pounds. There was no way I could carry her out of the house with any sort of speed.
I didn’t move closer like he’d asked. Instead, I planted my feet and dropped Reb’s bag to the floor. I needed to make sure I had at least one arm free, though I wasn’t really sure what I could do with it.
“You shouldn’t have come,” my dad mumbled through swollen lips, making the big guy punch him in the side of the head. I jerked, and pulled Reb closer.
“Your father and I were just discussing some business,” the short one said calmly. “You’re Molly, yes? When someone doesn’t answer your calls, that usually means they are unavailable.”
I shuddered as the man picked my dad’s cell phone off the counter and dropped it to the floor so he could stomp on it.
“Cat got your tongue?”
“I’ll just go,” I said hoarsely, taking another step back.
“Now that you are here,” the short guy said, shaking his head and lifting his hands up in a what can you do? gesture.
I took another step back, and hit something. When I glanced behind me, a scream got trapped in my throat. There was a third man.
“Mr. Duncan, this worked out not so well for you,” the short one said jovially as the man behind me shoved me forward. I looked down at Reb to see her staring at her Kindle, and I was grateful for the first time ever that she’d checked out. She was in her own world at the moment.
“Let her go
,” my dad breathed, his voice barely audible.
“Come on,” short man called, waving me forward. “Hold your granddaughter, Duncan.”
The big guy cut the ropes from my dad’s wrists, and his hands fell limply to his sides. I pulled Rebel even tighter against me as we got closer. My hands were shaking so badly that I wasn’t even sure how I was still holding her.
Who were these men? What the hell had my dad gotten into? There was no way for me to call for help. My dad’s cell phone was in pieces on the floor, and I’d left mine in the cup holder in my car. I briefly thought about the hospital noticing my absence, but knew instinctively that they’d just assume I’d been a flake. If I didn’t show up by the end of my shift, they’d wonder why I wasn’t there, but it’s not like they’d file a missing person’s report.
There was no one looking for us. No one to realize that we weren’t where we were supposed to be.
“Give the child to Duncan, or I will,” the short man ordered. He didn’t raise his voice or do anything outwardly intimidating, but the calm way he’d spoken was almost worse.
I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment, and shook my head. I didn’t know what the fuck they were going to do, but they wouldn’t touch my kid as long as I was still breathing. I locked eyes with the short man, and his lips quirked up just a fraction.
“Hold her,” he snapped at the man behind me.
I jerked when the man’s fingers dug into my biceps, and Rebel’s ear piercing scream rang through the house as the short man snatched her from my arms. I fought like hell, yanking as hard as I could against the hands that held me, but I couldn’t get free. My scrub top ripped as I fought, and I bit my tongue as the guy shook me. As soon as the short man had Rebel, the man behind me pulled my hands behind my back.
Then, in less than ten seconds, it was over. Rebel stopped screaming as soon as the short man set her on my dad’s lap. He held her awkwardly, like the weight of her was painful, but he didn’t let go.
He met my eyes across the room, and I saw everything he was feeling. The fear, the apology, the determination. The love.
“Now that is done,” short man said briskly, wiping his hands on a handkerchief. He nodded to the man behind me and I was shoved forward again, until I was just feet from my dad and Rebel.
“You have high pain tolerance, no?” short man asked my dad, tilting his head to the side. “Daughter have same pain tolerance?”
His words barely registered before his fist hit my belly, knocking the air out of me in a whoosh. I choked, panicking when I couldn’t inhale.
“No!” my dad yelled, startling Reb. I glanced toward them as I sucked in a desperate gasp of air and met my dad’s eyes again, just barely shaking my head.
He had Rebel. He couldn’t draw attention to himself again. It wasn’t worth it. The men were going to do anything they wanted. We couldn’t stop them. I felt a sob climb up the back of my throat, but held it in.
They didn’t seem interested in Rebel. When the short man had taken her, he hadn’t hurt her. He’d been almost gentle. I had to focus on that.
“You make list, yes?” the short man asked my dad, looking at the big guy next to him and gesturing to me. “I would like that list. Simple trade, eh?”
My dad’s swollen jaw twitched and he met my eyes, just as the big guy came forward, punching me in the face. My glasses flew off and an inarticulate sound ripped from my throat as my vision went black for a second, my legs turning to Jell-O beneath me.
“Mama?” Rebel’s voice had my mouth snapping shut as I tried to stand back up. The man behind me was still holding me up, but I was having a really hard time bracing myself. My arms were already throbbing painfully.
“It’s all good, Reb,” I told her, my voice unnaturally high. “Sit with Grampy.”
“You good mother,” the short one said with a nod.
I stared at him uncomprehendingly as he nodded again and I took another fist to the face, the blow knocking my head backward so hard that it clipped the chin of the man behind me, making him grunt.
I didn’t make a sound.
“You have list for me?”
My dad didn’t say a word, and another blow caught me in the stomach, making me heave. I didn’t vomit, but the dry heaves hurt like a motherfucker. I still didn’t make a sound. I looked at Rebel, and the only thing I could see was the back of her head resting on my dad’s chest. He’d turned her away. I was so grateful.
“Still, no answer,” short man said to the man behind me with a shrug, like he couldn’t believe we were being so stubborn.
I had no idea what he wanted. None. My dad seemed to know exactly what the man was talking about, but I didn’t have a clue about the list he was asking for. What kind of list? Was it something my dad knew, or was it an actual list, like on a piece of paper? I knew where the safe was, but even if I showed it to them, I had no idea what the code to unlock it was. Even if I tried to help them, I didn’t have anything they wanted.
As they hit me, I tried to think of any way I could get my dad to give them what they’d asked for, but the minute the blows stopped, I knew deep in my gut that if my dad refused to give it to them, there was a reason. I didn’t understand what was happening, and I understood it even less as the kitchen around me grew hazy, but I knew that if my dad could stop them, he would.
They shuffled me around the kitchen, and I barely registered it as the man behind me let go of one of my wrists, his arm wrapping around my belly as we came to a stop. I could barely hold my head up, and my hair was hanging in my face.
I couldn’t see my dad. I couldn’t see anything but the tile on the floor of the kitchen. I wished I would have put my hair up in a ponytail.
My eyes flew wide as a loud thump filled the kitchen, and I couldn’t stop the scream that burst out of my throat as fire flew up my arm.
“I’ll tell you anything you want!” my dad yelled, his voice breaking. “Anything. Everything.”
My body collapsed against the man behind me as I stared in horror at my broken forearm. It was bent down at a weird angle, and there was a large lump where it was already beginning to swell. I’d seen plenty of fractures as a nurse, but I’d never actually had one. Oddly enough, it was beginning to go numb until the short man gripped it in his hand, making me scream again.
“I’ll tell you,” Dad said again, as Rebel began to screech in short, staccato bursts. “Let them leave and I’ll tell you.”
“But how will I know that you keep your word?”
“I swear it,” my dad promised. “I swear it.”
Rebel stopped screaming and I peeked over to find that she was sitting at my dad’s feet. He must have set her there when she’d started screaming. She hadn’t wanted him to touch her. Even surrounded by those other big men, she hadn’t wanted his comfort.
I felt a calloused hand grip my chin and my head was lifted until I was nose to nose with the short man.
“You go to police, you’re dead,” he said simply, shaking my head a little. “You go to police, father is dead.”
“Okay,” I rasped.
“You say nothing,” he ordered.
“Okay.” I was already imagining how fast I could dial my phone as soon as I got Rebel out of there.
He slapped my cheek. “You say nothing.”
“Okay,” I said again.
The man behind me let go and stepped away, and I stumbled, the kitchen tilting.
“Maybe, I keep you,” the short man mused as I shuffled toward Rebel and my dad.
“I won’t tell you a goddamn thing until they’re gone,” my dad rasped, glaring at the three men.
“Ah, not to worry. I have no use for child. Dirty business, making war with children.”
I reached my dad, and laid my hand lightly on his arm as I called Rebel’s name. The muscles beneath my hand flexed, but he didn’t move as I rubbed my thumb across his skin. He didn’t want to give the men any reason to change their mind.
I wasn’t sure why h
e’d finally broken. I’d been beaten until everywhere above my hips throbbed with every beat of my heart, but suddenly my dad had been willing to talk. A small seed of resentment bloomed as I helped Rebel to her feet. I was bleeding, and I wasn’t even sure where it was coming from, and after the last half an hour of getting the crap kicked out of me, my dad was going to tell them what they wanted to know anyway. It was all for nothing.
“Come on, Rebel,” I whispered, my throat too sore to speak at a normal level. Had they hit me there? I couldn’t remember.
As soon as I had Rebel’s hand in mine, I looked at my dad. “I love you, Dad.”
“You too, princess.”
I stared into his eyes and I knew that was the last time I would. The grief was there, like someone tapping on my shoulder, but I didn’t feel it then. I couldn’t. I had to get my baby out of that house. It was the only thing I could focus on. Not the blood dripping down my neck, not the throbbing arm, not my dad’s mangled face. No, the only thing I could think of was getting Rebel as far away as I possibly could. It was like I had tunnel vision. The only thing I could see was Rebel away from those monsters.
I walked her out of the house as quickly as I could, but it still wasn’t very fast. She moved slow as a snail on a regular day, especially when I wasn’t pulling her along behind me telling her to hurry up a little. We shuffled out the front door and I heard the short man’s voice calling out, but I didn’t stop. Not for one second.
I held Rebel back at the top of the stairs, then used my good arm to lift her when I reached the bottom. I realized somewhat vaguely that she’d dropped her Kindle as I stumbled to the car. Gripping the handle of her door, I moaned as I used the hand on my bad arm to pull it open. My stomach rolled.
“In,” I said frantically, awkwardly shoving Reb into her seat. My hand wasn’t working properly, so it took me three attempts to get her seatbelt buckled.
As I finally slammed her door shut, the big man that had held me came out onto the porch and I yelped as I threw my door open, falling into the seat even as I rushed to close it behind me. A wave of dizziness rolled over me as I turned the key in the ignition.