Molly Duncan’s eyes went wide as I shouted, then shut as she shook her head.
“Your mother would kick your ass for talking to me like that, William Hawthorne!” she yelled back, startling me. “Now, shut the fuck up and I’ll go see how she’s doing!”
My mouth snapped shut. She was going to help me, thank fuck. I had to know. I had to know how my mom was. I knew Tommy was fine. And Rose was good, too. Mick was—no. I couldn’t think about that. I needed to know about my mom.
“Thank you,” I said around the lump in my throat.
“Of course,” she said, her voice soft again as she reached out to give my forearm a squeeze before leaving the room.
She’d come back a while later and let me know that my mom had made it through surgery. She’d also brought my little brother Tommy with her, and as he stood by the side of the bed, she’d unbuckled the restraints. I guess she’d known that I wouldn’t lose my shit with my baby brother there, looking like he was going to fall over. He’d been wearing a borrowed set of scrubs and he’d still had Mick’s dried blood on his neck and parts of his arms.
She’d never even said a word when she’d come to check on me later and found Tommy next to me in my hospital bed, holding my hand. She’d just gone about her business, taking my blood pressure and shit like there wasn’t a teenage boy lying there, crying in his sleep.
Jesus, maybe being around her wasn’t my best idea. Just seeing her face brought back a host of shit that I never wanted to think about again. I’d never been able to forget the sight of my baby brothers going down, the younger shielding the older, but at least I usually had a handle on that shit. I didn’t think about it. I pressed forward. If I let myself think about the events that led up to the worst day of my entire goddamn life, I lost focus. I took stupid fucking risks, lost control.
My mother couldn’t handle losing another one of her children. She wouldn’t survive it.
Molly mumbled something, and when I glanced down at her, she was smacking her lips and raising her eyebrows. I knew right then that I was already in. It didn’t matter that she was going to fuck everything up.
I fell asleep at some point, with my feet hanging off the end of the couch and my head resting on one of the arms.
Chapter 3
Molly
My first thought when I woke up the next morning was that my mouth tasted like absolute ass.
My second thought was the realization that I was lying on top of Will, and had been doing so all night.
“Mornin’,” he rasped, as I groaned against his pec.
It was a nice pec. Firm. Defined, but not too large. I hated when guys had bigger tits than I did.
“I can’t believe you stayed,” I told his sternum as I tilted my head down as far as I could. My breath was probably rank.
“No shit. My neck is fuckin’ killin’ me. Should’ve taken you to bed,” he grumbled.
I laughed lightly as I moved my left arm, flexing my hand as it tingled. We were wrapped so far around each other on my couch, I wasn’t sure how I could even get up without elbowing or kneeing him somewhere vital. I probably should have cared that I’d just spent the night with Will—even if it had been platonic—but I didn’t. I’d had fun, the kind of fun that I’d almost forgotten in the past few years.
I reached to grab the back of the couch and used one arm to hoist my upper body up, then realized that one of my legs was wedged in between Will’s hip and the back of my couch. I yanked at my leg, but all it accomplished was jerking my hips against Will’s, making him groan. Oh, he was hard. Very hard.
“You do that again, and—”
As he spoke, I yanked at my leg again, and all of a sudden I was upright, bracing one hand on Will’s chest as he sat straight up, jerking my hips forward and making my leg slide free, our lower halves slamming together.
My breath caught, both because he’d startled me, and because his face was really close to mine and no way in hell was I introducing him to the monster that had died in my mouth.
“Oh, shit,” Will grumbled, searching my face. “You’re even pretty in last night’s makeup.”
He leaned in to kiss me, and I jerked my head to the side. I was not kissing him. Did he have no olfactory receptors?
“Fine,” he breathed, one of his hands leaving my hip to tangle in my hair. He jerked gently and my head tipped back.
Then his mouth was at my throat. Sucking.
Holy crap, he was good at that.
I let go of the back of the couch and gripped his head, his smooth black hair sliding through my fingers.
“Should get a fuckin’ medal,” he murmured against my neck as the hand not currently holding my head slid around my hip and gripped my ass hard. “Won’t even let me kiss you after I kept my cock in my jeans all fuckin’ night.”
I laughed a little and he froze.
“Kept your cock in your jeans?” I murmured into his ear. “Who says cock?”
“You givin’ me shit?” he asked, biting down gently.
“If you don’t know, I’m not doing it right.”
“I’ll show you doin’ it right,” he growled, making me shriek as he flipped us over.
I laughed as he growled and nipped at my neck, his fingers digging into my sides.
“Stop!” I ordered, my stomach starting to ache as I laughed.
“The hell are you doin’ to me?” he asked against my skin, kissing my neck lightly as his hands went still.
“What do you mean?” I ran my hand over the back of his head as his entire body relaxed into mine.
Just as he was starting to push himself up, someone started knocking on my door and then we heard a key turning the deadbolt.
“Shit!” I hissed, pushing at Will’s shoulders as I scrambled out from under him. “Get up!”
I was standing in the middle of the living room and Will had barely sat up when my dad walked through the door carrying my little princess.
She was clapping her hands, eyes on me, as my dad froze.
“What the hell are you doing here?” my dad snapped, making the baby jerk in surprise.
“Dad!” I scolded, moving toward him. He handed me the baby as I reached for her, but his eyes never left Will’s.
“This is Will Haw—”
“I know who he is. What’s he doing in your house?” he cut me off, his glare moving to me.
“None of your goddamn business,” I hissed back.
“Duncan,” Will finally said, lifting his chin a bit in greeting. “How’s it hangin’?”
“Good grief,” I murmured under my breath as my dad’s shoulders tightened. Will was purposely trying to piss him off, and it was working.
“This is why I took my granddaughter last night? So you could bring an Ace home?” Dad’s voice was full of derision, and it was so vile that I felt a little face press into my neck as small fingers pinched at the skin of my arm.
“Watch your fuckin’ mouth,” Will ordered, stepping forward.
I lifted my hand in his direction, making him stop.
“Get out of my house,” I ordered quietly, my voice shaking.
“Are you kidding me?” Dad huffed, looking at me like I had two heads.
“You’re the one who’s being an asshole,” I replied. “You’re the one who gets to leave.”
“I’m not keeping her again so you can go out screwing bikers,” my dad warned as he stepped backward.
I didn’t bother to reply as he slammed out of the trailer. He was being a jerk, and in a couple of hours he’d realize it and apologize. There had only been a few times in my life that my dad had spoken to me in that tone of voice, and each time he’d felt like shit afterward.
“Hey,” I murmured. “You want to meet my friend Will?”
I looked up to see Will watching me intently. He’d moved closer without me realizing it, and was only a foot away when our eyes met.
I was embarrassed, but I hid it as I gave him a sheepish smile.
“Re
bel,” I said as my daughter’s face came away from my neck. “This is my friend Will. Will, this is Rebel.”
As Reb turned to face Will fully, his face didn’t change expression at all. He didn’t show even the smallest hint of surprise, so I knew that he was guarding his reaction.
Rebel’s hand went toward her forehead then slowly moved away, as she shyly signed hello.
“That’s hello,” I told Will proudly, swallowing the lump in my throat.
“Hello, Rebel,” he said sweetly, bending a little at the waist so he could meet her eyes. He glanced up at me. “Can she hear?”
“Yeah. Yes,” I said, clearing my throat. “She hears fine—she’s just not verbal yet.”
Rebel’s hand reached up to scratch at the side of her head above her ear, knocking her little purple glasses askew.
“No, baby,” I reminded her. “You have to keep those on so you can see.”
She huffed and glared at me, making Will smile. Then she kicked her legs in the universal sign for let me down right this second.
I set her on her feet and watched as she toddled toward her room.
“You didn’t say anything,” Will said, pulling my attention back to him. “With you all night and you didn’t say a goddamn word.”
“Why would I?” I asked seriously, looking at him in confusion.
“Are you shitting me?”
“You knew I had a daughter.”
“I didn’t know you had a—”
“Be very careful what you say right now,” I warned, my voice vibrating with anger.
Will’s head jerked back in surprise before he scowled at me, taking a step forward. “I was gonna say a special needs child,” he said, shaking his head. “Jesus Christ.”
“Why is that your business?”
“Oh, I don’t know!” Will’s voice rose before his words cut off and he clenched his jaw. “So you didn’t fuckin’ blindside me. Was this a motherfuckin’ test?”
“Oh, my God,” I blurted, throwing up my hands. “You’ve got a very high opinion of yourself.”
I crossed my arms over my chest as he silently stared at me.
“No, it wasn’t a test. You came home with me from a bar. I didn’t even think you’d ever meet her!”
“Oh, yeah? You take a lot of men home from the bar? Make ’em watch TV and sleep on your couch then kick them out before your kid gets home?”
“This is ridiculous,” I mumbled as Rebel came rushing back down the hallway, carrying a stuffed giraffe my dad bought her at the San Diego Zoo the year before. “I didn’t talk about Rebel at all last night. It’s not like I was freaking hiding her.”
I bent down to fix Rebel’s glasses as she reached my side. She must have run into the bedroom and took them off to scratch at where they rubbed against the sides of her head. My little sneak. Too bad for her, she’d put them back on upside down. “Don’t take off your glasses, Reb,” I told her for the eighteen millionth time. “You need them to see.”
She held up her giraffe and smiled sunnily. “Yeah, I see your giraffe, kiddo. Don’t take off your glasses.”
I turned back to Will. “My daughter has Down syndrome. That’s her truth. It’s not something I hide. It’s not something I use to test people. It’s just her life. Our life.”
Will gave me a terse nod, then crouched down. “It was nice to meet you, Rebel.”
Reb smiled brightly and held out her giraffe, pulling it quickly back to her chest when Will looked like he was going to take it. Her expression morphed into the non-verbal equivalent of I’m just showing you, dude. Hands to yourself.
“Cool giraffe,” Will said softly, dropping his hands. “Is that your favorite?”
Rebel gave a short nod, watching him with shy eyes.
“I like alligators. Do you like alligators?”
She tilted her head to the side. I wasn’t sure if we’d ever talked about alligators.
They watched each other for a long moment before Rebel turned away without warning, running back down the hall in her weird, little person gait.
“I’ll see you around,” Will said tonelessly as he stood back up.
I was frozen as he stepped into his boots and left the house without tying the laces.
Like he couldn’t leave fast enough.
The door closed behind him and I heard his bike start up just as Rebel came meandering back down the hallway, carrying a duck, a bunny and two bears in her arms.
I wondered if she thought one of them was an alligator.
* * *
“Auntie Mel is here!” my best friend announced a few hours later as she came through my front door. “And I brought Rebel a taco!”
“She’s not supposed to be eating that crap!” I called back as I rinsed out our soup dishes and glanced at Reb, who was sitting in her high chair clapping her hands merrily.
“Hey—no junk food is your deal, not mine,” Mel argued, setting a paper-wrapped soft taco on Reb’s messy tray. “I also brought c-a-n-d-y.”
“At least she’s in her high chair and not on my couch this time,” I mumbled, turning away as Reb reached inside the paper and pulled out some shredded lettuce with her fingers.
“Exactly,” Mel countered, moving over to my side and leaning against the cupboard. “I got it with no cheese—since you’re not doing dairy anymore.”
“I’ve got a half-gallon of milk in the fridge if you want it,” I said quietly, glancing over my shoulder. “I’m going to have to throw it out.”
“Is cutting out dairy actually helping?” she asked, laughing as Reb started pulling apart her tortilla.
“Not yet, but this is the last step before I have to cut out gluten. You know what a pain in the ass that’ll be? Pray that cutting dairy works.”
Mel nodded.
Reb was healthy. She didn’t have the heart problems that a lot of people with Down syndrome dealt with, and we were lucky that we’d caught her eyesight problems early. But she had eczema on her torso and thighs that just wouldn’t go away, no matter what we tried. It was scaly and rough and it itched, and trying to stop an almost two year old from scratching when something itched was practically impossible. Rebel would scratch at her skin until it bled, leaving her open to infection.
Doctors were finding that sometimes eczema was a symptom of a food allergy, so we’d been going down a list, cutting things out for a while to see if it helped. Milk was the current item on the list.
“So what happened last night after I left?” Mel asked, grabbing a rag and wiping down the counter.
“Oh, you mean after you abandoned me?”
“Come on, you were fine with Will.”
“Yeah, I was. He brought me home and stayed the night.”
“What!” Mel yelled, her head whipping toward me.
“We didn’t do anything,” I grumbled. “We watched a movie and fell asleep.”
“Good grief,” Mel grumbled. “You had that hot guy here all night and you didn’t bang him?”
“No, I didn’t bang him,” I hissed, glancing over at Reb. “We were on our way to . . . something this morning, but then my dad showed up with Rebel.”
“What did Will do?”
“He was cool.” I finished rinsing the dishes and dried my hands. “But he took off right after. How was your night?”
“Rocky is nuts in bed,” Mel said, waggling her eyebrows up and down. “I think I had like five orgasms.”
“Nuh uh,” I argued.
“Oh, yeah. Dude knows exactly what he’s doing. I’m lucky I can walk.”
“Are you going to see him again?” I asked, watching as her lips quirked up in a small smile.
“Probably not,” she answered, shaking her head. “We didn’t even exchange phone numbers.”
“What? Seriously?” I went to Rebel, who was no longer eating, but smearing her taco into the soup left at the edges of her tray.
“It’s fine,” she assured me. “We both knew what it was going in—I’ve got no complaints.??
?
“You’re nuts. I couldn’t do that.”
“Obviously, since Will was here all night and you didn’t do anything. Did you exchange numbers?”
“No,” I replied, realizing it as soon as she mentioned it. We hadn’t exchanged numbers or even mentioned seeing each other again. I lifted Reb from her seat and carried her toward the bathroom. “Come on, she needs a bath.”
I set Reb in the tub, stripped her down and turned on the water as Mel came to stand in the doorway.
“He seemed really into you,” she said, fiddling with the lotions and creams on the countertop.
“I don’t know,” I replied, shaking my head. “We’re a lot to take on, you know? It’s not just me.”
“If that’s his issue, he’s a douchecanoe.”
“You can’t really blame him. We’re twenty-one. Most people our age don’t have any kids.”
“But a lot of them do,” Mel argued, coming in to sit on the closed toilet seat.
“It’s fine,” I said, reaching out to gently take Reb’s glasses off. She was disoriented for a minute until she figured out why her world was so blurry once again.
“Well, it was fun while it lasted, right?” Mel asked, leaning down to brace her elbows on her knees and her chin on her hands.
“Yeah, it was.” We made eye contact and giggled. Even though Will had been a complete asshole before he’d left, it had been fun while it lasted. “Will smells really good,” I said quietly. “And I rode on his murdercycle.”
“Fun, right? It was a good thing that the guys were there last night, ’cause I wouldn’t have been able to drive. Rocky drove us home on his bike and then took me to my car this morning.”
“We should do it again,” I said with a smirk.
“Yeah?”
“But probably not until like . . . next month. My dad was pissed that Will was here, so he’s not going to babysit for a long ass time.”
“Your dad has a stick up his ass.”
“He just worries.”
“He worries that he has a giant stick up his ass.”
I snorted just as Reb squealed, smacking her hands into the rising tub water, soaking me and Mel.