“You get shit straightened up with your dad?” I asked quietly, ignoring my throbbing head as I leaned down close.
“Yeah, we’re good,” she whispered back before pulling away.
“We’re gonna go, Pop,” she called to Dragon, who was standing a few feet away talking to Casper.
“How you feeling?” Casper asked as we made our way toward them.
“Not as bad as he is.”
“No doubt.” He chuckled. “He’s lucky you kept your shit together. Got any idea what set him off?”
“No, and I wasn’t gonna go crazy on the kid. He’s family.”
“Gonna have to watch him,” Dragon said darkly. “Don’t have time for this shit.”
“Think he might be juicin’,” I mentioned, feeling like an asshole for saying anything about it.
“Done right, that shit won’t fuck you up,” Dragon said with a shake of his head. “Has to be somethin’ else.”
“Might be doing it wrong,” Casper pointed out. “He’s what—twenty? Who’s he getting it from?”
“No idea—not even sure he’s doin’ it,” I mumbled, reaching out to pull Trix against my side.
“Nah, you’re right. He’s doin’ it,” Dragon said. “Boy’s gotten huge.”
“We done?” I asked tiredly, scratching at the blood that was drying on my face.
“Yeah, get outta here,” Casper said with a sympathetic smile.
“Love you, Papa,” Trix said softly, stepping away from me to give Dragon a hug.
“You, too,” he mumbled back, kissing the top of her head as he glared at me.
I shook my head and turned as Trix moved back to my side and we started walking toward my bike. Goddamn, I was sore.
“What do you want for lunch?” Trix called out as I situated the ice on my face. My jaw had some mottled bruising that I would have ignored, but my girl was all about babying me and I wasn’t going to stop her.
I wondered if I should moan a little so she’d come check on me.
“Don’t have to make me lunch, Bea,” I called back, leaning farther into the couch with a sigh.
Will had gotten some good hits in, but he’d been too sloppy. I knew he’d been taught better, so he had to have been completely out of his mind when he went after me. It drove me nuts, because I couldn’t figure out what had set him off.
He’d been a moody little bitch lately, but I figured it was just his age. We’d all gone thorough that stage—the one where we wanted to be the big man on campus, but were surrounded by much bigger men on a daily basis. You had to just grow out of that shit, eventually find your place in the pecking order and work your way up.
“I can make you soup,” Trix said sweetly as she came back into the living room.
“Baby, I don’t need soup.”
“Applesauce?”
“You’re joking, right?”
“You should have something soft—”
“Steak,” I cut in. “I want steak and mashed potatoes.”
“Your mouth, though—”
I reached out and grabbed a hold of her hips, letting the bag of ice fall onto the couch as I pulled her onto my lap.
“You’re sweet, you know that?”
“Your face looks like it hurts,” she replied, reaching up to run her fingers through the short hair on top of my head.
“It’s fine, Sweetbea,” I reassured her, sliding my hand up her side. “Looks a lot worse than it feels.”
“You still shouldn’t have steak. Your cheeks are cut—”
“Mouth feels fine, too.”
“It was bleeding.”
“Not bleedin’ now.”
“I didn’t like watching that,” she confessed softly. “I know I should find it hot or something, but I didn’t. I knew you would win, but I still hated it.”
“Shouldn’t have had to watch it. Wish your dad had kept you inside.”
“There was no way he could have kept me inside.”
“Doesn’t make a lot of sense,” I teased quietly.
“I didn’t want to see it, but I had to know what was happening.”
“Shit like that doesn’t happen very often,” I said, sliding my hand up her back until I could run my fingers through the ends of her hair. “But you’re gonna have to get used to not knowin’ what’s happenin’.”
“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that.”
“You can handle it. Hell, you were born to handle it.”
“Doesn’t mean I like it,” she replied with a frown.
“Kiss me,” I murmured, ready to change the subject. I reached up to grip the back of her neck.
“But, your mouth—”
“You don’t kiss me right now, I’m gonna be usin’ my mouth for other things in about three seconds.”
“Is that supposed to be a deterrent?” she asked laughingly, leaning forward to press her lips gently against mine.
“Such a badass,” I said into her mouth, licking her bottom lip. “I get in a fight and you don’t get pissed or hysterical, you just wait until it’s over and then baby me.”
“Was I supposed to be hysterical?” she asked, smiling.
“Well, I wouldn’t have objected to a few tears,” I murmured back jokingly.
“Sorry I couldn’t be the swooning maiden to your conquering hero.” She sighed and rolled her eyes, leaning back. “What are we doing here, Cam?”
“Well, I was tryin’ to kiss ya. Not sure what you’re doin’.”
“Do you want—are we together? Is this a thing?”
“A thing?” I asked incredulously, trying to figure out what she was getting at. We weren’t a thing—we were us.
“I just want to know where we stand—alright? Stop getting pissy.”
“Not getting pissy, just wonderin’ where this is comin’ from.”
“I want to know what you’re doing! I want to know if this is—do you just want to have sex? Is that what this is about? I know about the ban on sluts at the club.”
“You’re kiddin,’ right?”
“No.”
I laughed humorlessly and pushed her off my lap so I could stand up. I was fucking insulted. After all the shit I’d done for her when we were kids, after all the shit we’d been through and the fact that she’d ignored me for almost five years because I wouldn’t fuck her—and she thought I just wanted sex?
And then what? We’d just go back to being strangers? I didn’t even know how that would be possible.
“Yeah, Trix. I was thinkin’ we’d just fuck while I was stayin’ here. Convenient, ya know?” I shook my head and grabbed my cut off the back of the couch as I headed toward the front door.
“Where are you going?” she asked, jumping to her feet.
“Be back later,” I called over my shoulder, not stopping as she tried to follow me.
I slammed the door behind me as I got outside, then stomped toward my bike. I froze just as I was about to climb on. I was taking off like a fucking pussy just because she’d hurt my feelings.
I’d almost just left her, when keeping her safe—not getting my dick wet—was the whole reason I was there. Sure, she was probably safe inside her apartment in broad fucking daylight, but that didn’t mean I should run away like a bitch.
I ran my hands restlessly over my head, then turned back toward the apartment building.
Trix was standing on the landing, barefoot, with her arms wrapped around her chest. Watching me.
“Get back inside,” I said, walking toward the stairs. When I reached the top of them, she was still standing in the same spot. “I said to get back inside,” I ordered, pushing her gently toward her apartment.
“Where were you going? Were you going to fuck someone else?” she asked quietly as I opened her door.
“Jesus. You’ve got a real high opinion of me.”
“You fuck anything that moves.” She wrinkled her nose.
“Not quite—I like pussy, not dick,” I said with a smile. I could hear the words c
oming out of my mouth, but I couldn’t seem to stop them, even though I could feel her pulling away from me. What did she expect? She was acting like I was disgusting—did she think I’d just lie down and take it?
She thought I was dirty? Fine. No skin off my back.
“I just wanted to know if we were exclusive, and you freaked—”
“No,” I cut her off, locking the door before turning to face her. “You wanted to know if I was gonna fuck around on you.”
“Well, I just—”
“When have I ever done anythin’ to hurt you, Bellatrix? Huh? Yeah, you were pissed when you were younger because I wouldn’t put my hands on ya—but that was for your benefit, not mine. I’ve done nothin’ but take care of ya our entire lives. So, why the hell would I fuck someone else knowing that shit would bother ya?”
“You’ve been fucking club skanks for years! You think that didn’t hurt to watch?”
“You shittin’ me right now? You were a kid, Bellatrix! You sayin’ I shoulda been a fuckin’ monk? We were friends. You were sleepin’ with scrawny high school kids. Jesus, what planet are you livin’ on?”
“You kissed me! You kissed me and then went right back to them!” She pointed toward the front door like there was a line of women out there waiting on me.
“We seriously discussin’ somethin’ that happened four years ago?” I ran my hands over my head. God, she was so fucking irritating.
“Yes.”
“You were too young, Bea. Still in fuckin’ high school.”
“I wasn’t too young.” She crossed her arms over her chest stubbornly. “And Abbie was in high school!”
“Who the fuck is Abbie?” I asked in confusion.
She growled, and I waited for her to stomp her foot like a fucking two year old.
“You were too young. You think I didn’t want you then? ’Course I did. But you wanted to go to fuckin’ college. Shit, you were seventeen years old! Poet and Dragon would’ve hung me up by my balls. Kissin’ you was a lapse in judgment—” My words cut off when she rocked back like she’d been hit. I softened my voice. “That whole scene was a lapse in judgment, Sweetbea, because if I woulda waited just a bit longer, we coulda been together. But I was fuckin’ crazy jealous thinkin’ about you with some kid. I fuckin’ snapped. Then you got pissed and stopped talkin’ to me, and it’s taken me four fuckin’ years to find a way back in.”
“You just gave up! You walked away and started fucking other people again, and I wasn’t going to be the stupid girl that waited around and watched you do it. I’d already been that girl, remember?” Trix’s eyes filled with frustrated tears.
“You wouldn’t even be in the same room with me, Trix,” I mumbled back tiredly. “After bein’ friends for all those years—you cut me off at the fuckin’ knees.”
“I’m sorry,” she said, dropping her arms to her sides.
I didn’t want her “sorry.” I kicked off my boots, then moved past her toward the hallway. “I’m takin’ a nap. This has been a shitty fuckin’ day and it ain’t even noon.”
She sniffled as I walked away, but didn’t say another word as I left the room.
I didn’t like it that she was crying, but I was done trying to explain myself. I’d never done anything to hurt her—she’d been the bitch. She’d been the one to completely cut me out of her life. She’d been the one to act like I was some kind of whore for fucking other women. What had she expected me to do?
I’d never make comments about the men she’d been with. I hated that she’d had sex with anyone else, and I didn’t want to hear about it or think about it—but I’d never make her feel badly about it, either. I’d known after she left me in the clearing when she was seventeen years old that I’d gone about shit the wrong way—but even when I’d been livid about her having sex, I’d never made her feel bad about it.
Was I pissed back then? Yes. Did I think there was anything wrong with her for wanting to have sex? Hell, no. I just wanted to be the man in her bed.
I peeled off my clothes and climbed gingerly into the guest bed, lying flat on my back as my ribs protested the movement.
I needed to get some sleep so when I saw her again, I didn’t want to pack her ass up and leave her with her parents just to get the fuck away from her.
Chapter 4
Trix
I messed up.
Well, to be honest, I wasn’t sure if I’d messed up or if I’d done myself a huge favor by pissing Cam off. He was right—completely right. I was the one who’d ended our friendship. I just hadn’t been able to watch him with other women, and by the time I was old enough—mature enough—to be with him, I was doing everything I could to avoid him. I’d expected him to be celibate, even though we’d had no relationship whatsoever at that point. Not exactly fair… or realistic.
If I was thinking clearly, I knew he wouldn’t do anything to deliberately hurt me. But when I was with Cam, I wasn’t thinking clearly. I was all twisted up, eager to hold on to the chance of having him, but at the same time, completely afraid of what that would mean.
What if it didn’t work out? How would I be able to handle seeing his parade of club skanks at every birthday party and barbeque? Even worse, he might find someone he wanted to be with for good—and that would kill me.
If things did work out—if we did end up staying together, did that mean I would have to become my mother? She had a degree from the same university I was almost graduated from, but she’d never used it. She’d been a housewife when she was married to my stepdad and had continued staying home once she and my pop got back together. It seemed like all of the women I was close to except my nan stayed home to take care of the kids—and while I didn’t think that was a bad thing, it also wasn’t what I wanted.
I’d worked my ass off for my business degree, and I wanted to use it. I didn’t want to own my own business, but I really wanted to run someone else’s. It didn’t matter what kind of business I ended up in—a tattoo parlor or an advertising firm—I just wanted to put my new skills to good use. I wanted to strategize and implement new ideas, make money and feel the thrill of a job well done. I thrived on that shit.
A part of me loved the idea of settling down with Cam and having a house full of babies, but the other part of me wanted to make my own way, stand on my own two feet. If I got with Cam, I knew that he would take control. Our dynamic from the very beginning had been of a leader and a follower. Because of the age difference, I’d always been the follower, and I’d never questioned it.
But a lot had happened in the last four years. He was no longer the adult—we both were, and I couldn’t be content with following him anymore. I wanted us to be equals.
I paced around the quiet living room, fidgeting and worrying as I tried to figure out what to do. I hated that Cam was pissed at me. I’d never liked fighting with him, not even when we were kids. Frankly, I didn’t like anything that made him unhappy. I’d been able to ignore the gnawing in my stomach every time we’d crossed paths the past four years and I wouldn’t look at him, but that had been pure self-preservation. Even then, it had hurt me to hurt him.
I let Cam sleep for almost an hour before I couldn’t stand it anymore and finally made my decision.
“What’re you doin’?” Cam asked groggily as I slipped into bed beside him.
The sheets were cool against my skin and I shivered, immediately moving toward his body when he reached out an arm to pull me close.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered against his chest.
“Me, too.” He sighed, turning his head to kiss my hair.
My whole body seemed to relax at his words. This was my Cam. He didn’t hold a grudge, and I knew if I never brought up our fight again, he wouldn’t, either.
“I know you wouldn’t hurt me,” I mumbled past the lump in my throat.
“I’m with you, I’m not with anyone else, Bea. Alright? I know a lot of men are cool with that and their women look the other way, but I knew from the moment you busted th
at chick’s face—that would never be us.”
“I’m jealous.”
“Good.”
“I don’t know how to not be jealous. I just—this feels like it came out of nowhere, and I’m—”
“Mighta came outta nowhere for you—but it feels like I’ve been waitin’ forever.”
“You didn’t act like you were waiting,” I said quietly, before snapping my mouth closed.
“Bea,” he scolded softly. “What was I supposed to do, baby? First you were pissed I was fuckin’ around, but at that time, you were seein’ me in a way that I wasn’t seein’ you. Knew you wanted me—didn’t feel the same. So I tried to keep that shit quiet, didn’t want to hurt your feelings. But you kept pullin’ away, no matter what I did, and after that shit went down at the back of the property when I realized—holy fuck, I’ve got a serious hard on for my best friend and I don’t want her with anyone but me—you wanted nothin’ to do with me.”
“That was never true,” I argued softly.
“Sure as hell felt true. I went from talkin’ to you every day to nothin’.”
“I cried myself to sleep for weeks,” I said, making his entire body stiffen. “Though that probably had a lot to do with the birth control pills I’d started taking. It made me crazy.”
Cam pressed his fingers under my chin, making me raise my face to his. “Why didn’t you come to me?”
“I was embarrassed that you turned me down. Angry. And then I started seeing you with women, and I couldn’t watch that.”
“One word from you, Bea,” he said hoarsely, “One word is all it woulda took. Thought you didn’t give a fuck.”
“I wanted you to figure it out on your own,” I said, laying my head back on his chest.
“Jesus, I’m not a mind reader.”
“I wanted you to not want anyone but me.”
Cam groaned as he lifted and dropped the back of his head against the pillow a couple times. “I’m gonna tell you somethin’ about men, Sweetbea.”
“Oh, this should be good,” I grumbled.
“If a man has a thing for a woman and she wants nothin’ to do with him? He’s gonna get his dick wet someplace else.”