The following evening, Kalisha picked Suki, Dana and I up in her silver BMW and we rolled into town buzzing with a mixture of nerves and excitement. We soon arrived in the car park of The George and Dragon pub and made our way to the bar area, which was all dark wood and red patterned carpet. It smelt very strongly of cooking and beer.
Two barmaids stood behind the bar chatting with their arms folded. One was a pretty, middle-aged lady with purple hair swept back into a high ponytail. The other looked to be around thirty with curly blonde shoulder-length hair and sharp features. As soon as they noticed us, they stopped chatting and smiled.
“Hi Kalisha!” said the purple-haired beauty. “Ready for the big event?”
“Yep!” Kalisha said with a noticeable quiver in her voice. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”
Kalisha bought us a round of drinks. Ten minutes later, Elaine - a striking, heavy-boned, fifty-something blonde lady arrived with Rose. Both ladies looked horribly nervous.
I feared Elaine might not be able to go through with it, but then Kalisha gave her a little pep talk. “You can do this - you’re doing it for Rose, remember?”
Elaine took several deep breaths and relaxed a little.
Then Rose, who had been looking out the window, rushed back to our group looking pale as a ghost. “He’s arrived!” she said nervously. “He’s parking the car.”
We wished Elaine luck as she made her way to the dining area. Then Rose and Kalisha went and hid in the ladies toilet and Suki, Dana and I turned our backs on the entrance door and sipped our drinks as Tony entered the pub and walked past us.
The dining area was separated from the bar by two heavy, panelled, wooden screens the top half of which was inset with frosted glass. Elaine sat herself down at a table just behind the screen, so we would be able to hear every word of the conversation between the two dating site members.
My heart revved up when we heard Tony’s broad Yorkshire accent. “Elaine?”
“Yes,” Elaine replied. “Please do sit down.”
At this point, Dana rushed into the ladies to fetch Rose and Kalisha. Suki and I exchanged anxious glances. Rose’s nervous demeanour had been replaced by fury and Kalisha looked cool and confident.
“They do a nice bit of food here,” we heard Tony say. “May I recommend the steak?”
“I’ve been a vegetarian since I was three,” Elaine replied.
Tony coughed nervously. “I do apologise. I think they do a nice vegetable lasagne.”
“I’ll study the menu,” Elaine said. “I love your accent. Which part of Yorkshire are you from?”
“Pontefract,” Tony replied. “Nice little market town. Do you know it?”
“I know of it. Never been there though.”
“Sweet little place. My family moved away when I was sixteen - work related.”
Then we heard nothing for a couple of minutes as Elaine and Tony studied their menus.
The silence was broken by Tony’s voice. “Made your mind up?”
“Yes,” Elaine replied. “I think I’ll have the chestnut and mushroom wellington.”
“Very nice choice,” Tony said. “And I’ll have the steak - I hope you don’t mind.”
“Go ahead,” Elaine said.
The waiter arrived and took their orders, then winked at us through the gap between screens. Kalisha looked anxious - the waiter’s wink wasn’t very discreet.
“So,” Tony said. “I see you’re an administrator.”
“Correct - I work for a wine company,” Elaine lied.
“Very nice. I have my own business - we print t-shirts and mugs and the like. Very lucrative - although the economy isn’t what it used to be.”
“Very true,” Elaine replied. “I take it you’re single.”
“As good as,” Tony said. “The marriage is on the rocks. My wife doesn’t understand me.”
Rose was fuming. She made a threatening fist and went to punch the wooden screen, but drew her hand back at the last millisecond.
“Do you have any hobbies?” Elaine asked. “There were none listed on the site.”
“Too busy working,” Tony said. “I watch a bit of telly and this and that.”
“I see. I like my gardening and detective novels. Oh - and I love the theatre. Perhaps I’ll take you sometime - I see they’re showing A Christmas Carol at The Two Masks. I’d love to see that - perhaps we could go there for a second date?”
“I’m not really into theatre,” Tony said, his voice faltering a little as he said the word theatre. “I don’t like sitting still for too long.”
“You’d love it!” Elaine said brightly. “You’d absolutely love it - I just know you would.”
“Well, I expect they’re booked up.”
“That’s no problem for me!” Elaine exclaimed manically. “My friend works in the Two Masks box office.”
Then we heard a clunking sound.
“Silly me!” Tony said, breathing heavily. “The wine’s gone all over my trousers. Waiter! May I have a cloth please?”
“Certainly!” the waiter said, rushing forwards with a roll of paper towel.
“Thank you!” Tony said. “Sorry to cause you this trouble - very clumsy of me.”
“No problem!” the waiter laughed.
“Now, where was I?” Elaine said, sounding angry. “Oh yes - my friend can get us tickets. Rose will only be too happy to help, won’t you Rose?”
“Certainly will!” Rose screamed, rushing through the gap between the screens.
Kalisha, Dana, Suki and I swiftly followed her. Tony gasped in shock as Rose tipped a jug of iced water over him then hit him over the head with her handbag. The rest of us threw the remains of our drinks at him and called him a bastard. Then Rose chased him out of the pub, hurling a string of x-rated expletives at him, as shocked diners looked on.
We all went home feeling very pleased with ourselves that evening, hoping Rose would begin divorce proceedings as quickly as possible.