“How old are you again?”
“I’m old enough to know what you had to go through. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, and one day, it’ll be my turn to take care of you. I want to be ready for when that day comes. I want you to be proud of me, like I am of you.”
Claire’s eyes reddened. She remained quiet for a long time before she spoke again. “How was your day?” That was a safe zone for her, but not for me.
“It was really, really boring,” I lied.
Dinner ended with me volunteering to do the dishes. Afterward, I sat at the kitchen table watching the digits on the microwave clock change. I thought about asking Claire for the car so that I could pay an unannounced visit to the Ebony Estate. But it was close to ten o’clock, and I knew she’d say no since it was a school night.
I dialed David’s number while climbing the stairs. Once again, it went to voicemail. Either his phone was turned off, or he was ignoring my calls. I gave up for the night and went to bed.
***
My phone rang at around two in the morning.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Hi,” Gabriel said.
Irritated, I hung up. I turned to my side and the phone rang again.
“What?”
“I need to talk to you.”
“Forget it.” I hung up again.
Again, my phone rang.
“Ugh!” I turned the phone to vibrate and watched it tremble on the nightstand as the calls kept coming in, one after another.
I don’t think it took me that long to fall back asleep. I was almost to the dream state when Claire shook my arm to awaken me. The cordless phone was in one hand and the other hand on her hip. She was furious.
“It’s Gabriel. I told him you were asleep, but he keeps calling. If I didn’t know him, I’d say he was drunk. Tell him I said this better be the last time he calls at this hour.”
I glared at the phone in my hand and jumped a little when I heard the door to Claire’s room slam shut.
“Why the hell are you calling my house this late?”
“Isis, I need to talk to you. I miss you. I don’t want to be without you anymore.”
“How many times do I have to tell you that I don’t want that? Haven’t I made myself clear enough?”
“You’re just upset that I messed up what we had going. It was a good thing, baby. I… hang on.” I heard him cover the phone speaker as though he was talking to someone in the room with him. His words were indistinct and muffled, but I couldn’t hear anyone answering him.
“I have to go,” he said.
“Who were you talking to?”
“My friends. I have to go. I’ll call you later.”
“N…” Gabriel hung up before I could finish.
I exhaled, grinding my teeth together. I searched for the off switch on the cordless phone and threw it to my feet. Then I remembered the kitchen phone was still on. I tiptoed down the staircase and into the kitchen. I unplugged the phone outlet. I hoped to wake up before Claire in the morning or she would wring my neck for turning off both phones.
***
I didn’t sleep well that night. I was worried that someone would call from the retirement community where Eva lived and not be able to reach us. I checked the cordless phone’s caller ID screen over and over. No calls. Not even from Gabe.
After switching the phones back on, I got ready for school. I wondered if David would be there today, or if he’d show up at my front door this morning after seeing how many times I had called him.
Should I call him again? I thought to myself.
“What the hell,” I said out loud, dialing his number. No answer. My chest felt a sharp pain, the kind that’s associated with rejection. I pushed the pain away and finished fixing myself up.
I spent twenty minutes pacing on my porch, hoping to see the black car drive up my street even though we had agreed that he wouldn’t drive me to school until this Gabriel thing was over. I should’ve sat down because he never showed. The day was humid, breezy, and cloudy. No sunshine glistened on the water droplets left from the previous night’s light showers.
I power-walked to school, afraid of being late for class, all the way thinking that maybe, just maybe he’d be there so I could clear this whole mess up.
I was out of breath when I got there, but I wasn’t late.
The desk behind me was empty. David wasn’t in class. I kept watching the door… waiting. The bell rang, and David never entered the room. I kept my eye on the door for several minutes after the tardy bell rang, but still nothing.
Before second period, I peeked inside his calculus class, but he wasn’t there. I decided to call him one more time before I walked into my own class. This would be the last time I’d call. He probably thought I was a stalker by now. Not that he had been any different with me. I dropped my head in defeat as the line rang several times, and then the voicemail kicked in. I hung up and went to class.
From the edge of the steps that led down to the cafeteria area, I saw that our table was empty except for Andy and Bill.
I thought it odd that none of the three brothers had shown up to school. What if they had all left? I started to panic.
“The twins didn’t show either?” I asked.
“Nope,” Bill answered with his mouth full.
“Bill and Galen have second period together. Galen was absent today,” Andy explained. “And I haven’t seen Eryx either.”
I exhaled.
“I brought an extra sandwich for you.” Andy tossed me a paper bag.
“Thanks, but I’m not hungry.”
***
That afternoon, I decided that I would ask Claire for the car after school to go to the estate. I had to know if they had left.
Bill was nice enough to drop me off at the county courthouse after school was out. Judge Daniels greeted me with a cup of coffee in his hand.
“Hi, Isis. What brings you by?”
“Is my mom in?” I asked.
“Uh… she took the day off.” He looked at me quizzically.
“That’s right. I forgot.” I walked backwards toward the door, excusing myself.
Where was my mind? I wasn’t thinking clearly. Now I had to walk home in this humid weather. To top it off, it was drizzling. I was going to smell like a wet dog when I got home.
I contemplated the idea of calling Claire to pick me up, but I didn’t want to bother her today. She was in need of some alone time, and I didn’t have a good enough reason—or lie, rather—for going to David’s house just now. I could tell her I was going over to Andy’s house. That wouldn’t invite further questions. I felt sort of guilty for having to lie about where I was going. I had never had to do that before with Claire. But this was different. If she knew what was going on, she’d have a cop car patrolling our neighborhood in a snap of two fingers. I could hear my mom now, going on and on about crimes of passion.
The Toyota wasn’t parked in front of the house when I got home, though. There went my plan. I wondered what time Claire would be home. She never went anywhere alone. I didn’t want her to hurry home on my count, so I didn’t call her.
***
It was nearing sundown, and I still hadn’t heard from Claire.
I climbed out my bedroom window and sat on the porch roof with my legs curled up against me. The sun decided to make a cameo appearance, and I watched as the last of its rays became just a thin line over the horizon. Night fell over me as I waited—alone and in despair.
I ignored a dozen calls from Gabriel as I sat there in the darkness. It felt ironic that I was doing to Gabriel, what David was doing to me. Grandma Eva always told me, “What goes around comes around.” I guess she was right.
It was past ten when a pair of headlights came to a stop in the driveway. I watched as Claire retrieved a few bags from the back seat of the car and walked to the front door.
“Isis!” she hollered.
“Coming!” I yelled, climbing over the
window ledge.
Claire had brought home Chinese food. I ate some noodles and soup and struck up conversation since Claire wasn’t talkative again.
“So what’d you do today?” I maneuvered the chopsticks between my fingers. I wasn’t very good at eating with them.
“I went to visit Nana and the granddads,” she said. “And Dad.”
“Oh,” I said, picking up a fork. “Is that all?”
“I went to see Grandma Eva, too. She sends kisses and hugs. Then I went to have a late lunch with Lucila and Bethany. They send their regards.”
“Did you have fun with the girls?” Lucila and Bethany were my mom’s best friends. I tried not to sound concerned with the fact that she had gone to the cemetery to vent. I was right here—alive and kicking. Why couldn’t she tell me what she was so distressed about?
“I did have fun,” she smiled. “Those two are a real hoot. I’ve missed them.”
“Did Grands have anything new to talk about?”
“Same ‘ol, same ‘ol… ailments and gossip about the neighbors. That Eva…” She shook her head.
“Hey, Mom, you don’t have to pretend you’re okay. Tell me what’s going on with you.”
Claire took a deep breath and twisted a strand of my hair between her fingers. “I will, but when the time is right. Not tonight, hon. Don’t you give me that face, young lady.” She wrapped her arm around me. “I promise to tell you, just not today. But soon, honey. I promise.”
“‘Kay.”
I waited for Claire to go to her room before I unplugged the kitchen phone from its jack, then I went to her room. While she was taking a bath, I grabbed the cordless phone and took it to my room. I flipped the ringer switch to “off”. I didn’t want a repeat of last night’s events with Gabriel taking place tonight. My phone was set to vibrate, as well.
I had another plan in mind since I couldn’t visit the estate. I would go to Somnium tonight in my sleep and search for David there. David had made me promise never to return, but I needed to see him, and that was the only other place besides his home I could think of looking. I prayed that I wouldn’t be discovered by any of the things he said existed there.
I turned the lamp table off. I was nervous about going back to Somnium. What was I supposed to tell David? How was I supposed to explain that I didn’t love Gabriel in that way anymore? I shoved the covers off me, turned the light on and grabbed my journal.
***
March 10, 11:53 P.M.
You’ve left me. I feel lost. I never meant to cause you pain. I never meant to make you break. I have one wish for us, but it’s unreachable and unthinkable.
Untamable, as you are, you’d agree to it in an instant, but what’s the price? Death or eternal banishment. I don’t dare be the catalyst to either.
I can’t be certain that I can hold my heart in silence for much longer. It implores me to scream three words that I both fear and need to hear.
Come back to me…
***
I was scared. I had just confessed something to myself that couldn’t happen. I couldn’t go to Somnium now. I would wait until morning and ask my mother for the car. I would visit David, and I would tell him… tell him what? Nothing. I would apologize, and that would be it. I would ask him to come back to school and hope he had no conditions to do so.
I turned off the light and slipped back into bed. I drifted to sleep nervous about the next day’s plans.
As I opened my eyes, I saw the Infinity tree in front of me. I picked one of its leaves and brushed it on my face. All of a sudden, I realized where I was. I had crossed over to Somnium. Without thinking, I drew myself away, landing hard on my back and on my bed. The dream was so vivid that I felt the mattress springs dig into my spine.
I turned my bedside lamp on, and sat on the bed. My pillows were scattered across the floor. On top of one of them, lay a leaf. I picked it up and examined it. It couldn’t be the same one I had picked off the Infinity tree, could it? That was impossible. I wrote it off as coincidence.
***
The next day was Friday. I went to school, lived through the day, and ignored more of Gabriel’s incoming calls. By afternoon, I had managed to talk myself out of going to the Ebony Estate. I turned off the house phones and went to bed early.
***
“How many times have I told you about the phones?”
I had slept in, waking up after Claire. She sat watching TV with a bowl of cereal held up to her chin.
“Don’t do it again.” She peered at me over her shoulder.
“Okay,” I said.
I was surprised I had gotten off that easy. The only other time I had done it was when I was in middle school and not allowed to have a cell phone. She really gave it to me that time. She grounded me for two days, and I had to tell all my friends my phone curfew was eight o’clock. And if I didn’t, she would tell them for me.
I waited to see if Claire was in a bad mood. I didn’t want to ask for the car and have her say no. I planned on visiting the Chios’ house that afternoon.
I did two loads of laundry and cleaned my room before I got up the courage to ask for the car. It wasn’t that I was scared of Claire being upset; it was that I wasn’t sure what I was going to say to David when I saw him. I had so many mixed emotions that I couldn’t harness. My brain and my heart were divided.
“Where are you going, and who are you going with?” Claire asked, scrubbing the oven walls with her yellow rubber gloves on.
“Over to Andy’s. We don’t know what to do just yet, but I’ll let you know if we go anywhere.”
“Well, be careful.”
“Thanks,” I said and turned to walk away.
“Oh wait!” She moved the hair out of her eyes with the back of her hand. “I have a thing to go to this afternoon, but I don’t need the car. One of the girls from work is picking me up, so I’ll probably leave before you do. If you call me and I don’t answer, leave me a message or text me.”
“Okay,” I said, and then whisked up the stairs to wash my hair.
Claire left around two thirty. I kept making up excuses not to leave until the anxiety was so great that I just rushed out the door before I chickened out again. I circled the block a few times, until I decided I was doing this. I practiced what I was going to say as I drove five miles below the speed limit.
I stopped the car at the entrance to the green path and saw a half-hidden sign that said “The Ebony Preserve”. My stomach swirled with nerves.
I stopped the car and shifted it to reverse. I couldn’t do it. Then I shifted back into drive. I had to. But I couldn’t lift my foot off the brake pedal, so I shifted to the park gear and tried to calm myself down.
“I can do this,” I said out loud. “What’s the big deal?”
I shifted gears and drove at a snail’s pace along the paved drive. I reached an open space where the path ended and the driveway began. David’s car was parked under an ebony tree. My hands started to sweat. I didn’t know what would happen when I saw him. It felt like weeks since I last saw his beautiful smile and face.
The twins’ truck, Nyx’s car, and two other cars I didn’t recognize were also in the driveway. I hesitated. I didn’t want to inconvenience them if they had visitors, but then again, I was already here.
I stepped out of the car and rang the doorbell. Nyx answered the door wearing a beautiful red spring dress.
“Well, hello!” She kissed my cheeks. “How are you?”
“I’m well, thank you. How are you?”
“I was wondering when your next visit would be.”
“I’m sorry I showed up unannounced. I’m looking for David.”
“David and his brothers had to leave town for a few days to set some matters in order, but they should be back by tomorrow or Monday, if all goes well.”
“Oh. I saw his car outside, and I thought he’d be here.”
“Will you excuse me for just a minute while I fetch something?” Nyx said
, already walking away from me.
I could hear chatter coming from deeper in the house. Several people were talking and laughing.
It wasn’t long before I heard the sound of descending footsteps. Nyx walked down the staircase with something in her hand. She held out a piece of paper to me.
“David has asked me to deliver this to you.” Her eyes glistened. “But, before I give it to you, promise to guard it with your life.”
“Yes, of course.”
I took the paper and unrolled it. Within it, there lay a golden six-pointed star. It seemed to glow in the palm of my hand. The note held another of David’s poems:
***
“A tearing thrusts this vacant heart
Brutal agony does prevail.
Incessantly battling for Victory’s love,
Its resolute intents to no avail…
But this singular army will not retreat,
It is obligated by penance—
Ravenous for Her emotional defeat.”
***
It was clear by his own word that David was not letting go of me. A burst of happiness filled me, and then I noticed that Nyx was using her empathic skills to scrutinize me. She pulled off a leather string from the bracelet she wore on her wrist.
“Here.” She took the star and made a simple necklace with the string. She placed the necklace in my hand.
“You must guard it. Carry it with you at all times.”
“I promise.” I held on to the paper and the charm.
Nyx looked at herself in the foyer mirror and wiped under her eyes, clearing black makeup smudges away. Whatever this tiny star was, I could tell it was important.
“I’m having a small tea party, dear. I’d love it if you’d join us.”
“I really shouldn’t. I feel like I’m imposing already.”
“Please, stay.” Nyx took a hold of my hand. “It would mean the world to me if you did. I don’t know anyone in that other room. Stay at least a few minutes.”
“Sure,” I nodded. “I’ll stay.”
We walked into a room I hadn’t been in before. The room was lined with windows that overlooked the beautiful white pavilion and tropical landscaping. Three women sat on oversized white wicker chairs. Claire was one of them.
“Oh, snap,” I muttered.
“Isis? What are you doing here?”
Nyx’s eyes widened.